Wish
Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation…my therapist says it gets easier to say each time, but she's a liar.
Genre: Romance/ Angst
Rated: T if you're not mature enough to deal with shonen-ai, go away
Summary: Ryuichi needs someone, anyone, even someone…heaven sent. (Ryuichi's P.O.V)
Send me an angel
I threw myself down on the squeaky, lumpy hotel mattress which was temporarily my bed. Disregarding the positively hideous bed cover I rolled to my side and tried to ignore the growling and grumbling of my empty stomach.
It was eleven o'clock at night and I hadn't eaten anything all day, except a piece of charred toast at breakfast. Water to keep me hydrated of course, and the occasional piece of fruit, but I was really craving for something outside the four food groups.
K was out doing God knows what; otherwise I'd make him go get me something. He was most likely planning interviews, setting up television appearances and booking me endless nights of concerts. I was really thankful to have him as a manager; K would do anything to make my career a success. Although his irrational and fallacious ways of doing things was sometimes rather frightening, I knew I could always depend on him.
K really was a mysterious person to me. I knew nothing of his former employment or his background. I didn't even know his real name until his wife, Judy, came bustling in a television recording studio screeching and demanding in English to see "Claude". Judy then went on to complain to her husband that he didn't spend enough time with Michael, their son, and if he didn't, "get his ass home and spend more time with his family she would have to have a passionate love affair with her employee, Ark". Her threat certainly did the trick because when K had decided to take me to America the first place he went was to see his wife. It was disappointing that K had taken me to America without the rest of the band. Leaving by myself is still such a blur.
Nittle Grasper was what I'd spent my life working on, it was all I'd ever known, yet here I was re-inventing myself as the solo artist, Ryuichi Sakuma.
I missed Tohma and Noriko, it seemed like such a selfish thing to say, now that they were both grown up and getting married, but I was jealous.
I was happy they were both getting married, I was happy for them, but I also missed being around my only friends. Without them I just felt so lonely. I needed to find someone to love, someone like the two of them had found. They were both so happy looking. Couldn't I get my happy ending?
I scoffed, mentally cursing myself for wallowing so deep in self pity and leaned over and flicked on the radio beside my night table.
A familiar band came on and I found myself humming along to the tune, trying to pick up the lyrics.
"My lover's charms
Are in a box
Beneath my bed
And piece by piece
I'll cherish them
Until the end"
I had become fairly good at picking up the English language, I was by no mean an expert (there were so many rules!) but I could defiantly picture myself presently residing in the States.
I had nothing tying me down in Japan. Not a wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, lover and I'm certain my family would have no objections. Let's not forget that my family was the ones who told me that if I pursued my career as a vocalist, they would not associate themselves with me. They kept their word.
"Send me an angel to love
I need to feel a little piece of heaven
Send me an angel to love
I'm afraid I'll never get to heaven"
Angel. What meaning did that word have to me? When I heard the word 'angel' the first thing I thought of was a heavenly being. A creature with pale white skin and long golden hair and had elegance, grace and intelligence. An angel would be someone who listened, someone who cared. Some one who wouldn't love me for my profession, just someone to love me, for me. Did that kind of love really exist?
"They burn my hand
Scar my face
And blind my eyes
I'll steal your breath
And throw away
What I despise"
Love had to exist. Mika and Tohma loved each other, didn't they? Noriko too. Her husband was more than double her age, yet she had devoted herself solely to him. So I rephrased my original question. Did love really exist, for me?
Maybe this was fate, or destiny coming back to bite me in the ass. My love life was exactly how my mother predicted. She said, "Ryuichi, singing is your gift, but singing is a hobby. It's not a real job. If you go out and become famous, no woman will be with you for who you really are, she will only be with you for your money or your looks."
"Between these walls
And darkened halls
I've done my time
If I should die
Before I wake
Then you'll know why"
Perhaps my mother had been right. Women were conniving, greedy, selfish creatures that stare you straight in the eye as they reach for your wallet. Oh God, now I was sounding like my mom. Maybe I'm gay, that might be my entire reason behind my relationship issues.
Ryuichi Sakuma, gay…I don't know why, but for some reason I don't like the way that sounds. I'm sure that K would use it for publicity one way or another.
Although I've got to say, I'm not too fond of the way American newscasters deal with and report issues that involve the gay community. They almost 'hush' the word, and can never seem to stay on the topic for very long.
I wonder what mom would do if I told her I was gay. If I was gay of which I'm not. I'm sure that if I was gay I wouldn't have a problem with it, but I can honestly say that I have yet to be attracted to another male.
"Send me an angel to love
I need to feel a little piece of heaven
Send me an angel to love
I'm afraid I'll never get to heaven" (piece by piece)
It's nearing the end of the song and I stretch out on my bed, folding my hands and resting them behind my head. I can't remember the last time a song got me so worked up and emotional. The beat was so steady and the lyrics were, for some reason, really personal.
"Send me an angel to love (piece by piece)
I need to feel a little piece of heaven (piece by piece)
Send me an angel to love (piece by piece)
I'm afraid I'll never get to heaven" (piece by piece)
What the hell is with this damn song?
I really…I really need some one…God…are you listening?
"Send me an angel
Send me an angel
Send me an angel
Send me an angel…"
POOF
"LA LI HO!"
TBC!
A/N: Thanks for reading, review please and tell me what you think.
Oh! And I do not own the song "My lover's box" by Garbage, the song got me inspired to read the fic therefore I had to incorporate it into the first chapter.