Chapter 17

'Going . Going home. Going home today. I'm finally going home today.'

Justin sat next to Brian thinking. Today he felt good. He was honest with Brian and Ken when he told them that he was achy, but not like yesterday. He was ready to go. Really ready to go. Every detail at the unit went well. Brian had brought the jeep to get him. It was not the little 'fuck mobile' of his youth, but rather, the larger Grand Cherokee version. It was black, like the old one, but this one was Justin's. He used it to haul supplies, and it was great in bad weather. Today they had both. Justin was leaving with more supplies than he thought he needed. He had the wheelchair, which he refused to call 'his' wheelchair, even though Brian had showed up with it about a week ago, and the unit's chair was sent back to supply. There were several different types of canes along with his luggage. It started snowing before the car was packed. Light snow falling at a steady rate, Brian told him it looked like the sky was going to 'shit snow' on them all day long.

Will walked out with them. Brian had the car running and warm under the carport. Justin's doctor had become much more than just 'Dr. Lebowitz' to them. It was as if he was becoming a friend. This was solidified by his acceptance of an invitation to a post Christmas gathering for friends at the West Virginia house. But as Justin's doctor, he had last minute advise.

"Don't forget to check in at the Medical Center. I spoke with the program director at their pain management center, a Dr. Jonathan Daly. He's expecting to hear from you and see you sometime before Christmas. Don't delay getting that set up. He will be important to you. And use the Lofstrand crutches. Ken says they suit you. Don't be afraid to use both if you have to, whatever you need to keep moving Justin, you know that. I'm rambling, sorry, but it's part of my job. You're going home with many aids to help you get around, so don't just be lazy. Amy will be there for you, we will really miss her here, so take good care of her out there in Weirton. Do your therapy, take it slow and steady. Good luck and I'll see you in about three weeks."

He shook hands with both men, and held the door while Brian helped Justin slide into his seat. Brian shut the door and holding the forearm crutch out to Will said, "These are making a big difference. He really seems steady on them, and he doesn't lose the use of his hands when he needs them. This was a great inclusion. Thanks. Thanks for everything."

Will clapped Brian on the shoulder. "Of course. He's still got a long road in front of him. The Lofstrand crutches seemed a good match after the FMS diagnosis. His leg issues are never going to go away, and being an artist, he needs the freedom to use his hands and be upright as much as possible. They are good for that. Take care Brian, take care of Justin and take care of yourself. Drive safe."

So with Will's few words of encouragement they were on their way. The drive to Weirton, West Virginia took about an hour. Their home was actually outside the small town. Best known for its large steel factory, the town was originally started by a Pittsburgh tycoon who bought land out here and developed it. The town was close to the Ohio river, and most people who lived there were blue collar locals. Brian and Justin made their home on the far outskirts of town. Their house was old, built by some other Pittsburgh tycoon who wanted a country retreat for hunting, and sat on fifteen acres of primarily wooded land. Until now they spent very little time in the town itself, except to go to the grocery store and play racquet ball at the community center. Now it seemed they would be there more often. The town had a relatively large medical facility with its own pain management center. Most small towns like Weirton did not have such things, but with Pittsburgh close by, these types of services were more available to residents. Brian was pleased it was close by, and was hopeful that Dr. Daly would be able to help Justin when he needed it.

The snow continued as they drew closer to their destination. Justin seemed wide awake and curious to watch everything out the window when they left, Brian spent the time letting him watch everything while he filled him in on the last minute changes their house had gone through. However, by the time they crossed the Pennsylvania border Justin was asleep.

When they pulled off the road into the drive, he woke up. He yawned and looked at the house coming into view. Not much had changed from the outside, but he was so eager to drink it all in with his eyes. He was finally home. As they pulled under the covered carport, Justin was surprised to see Amy walk out of the house. It was then that he looked at the garage and saw not only Abigail's car but a car he did not recognize that must be Amy's. He had a smile waiting for her when she met him at his door.

"Hey stranger, fancy meeting you here."

"Man Brian, I can't seem to get away from these people. You would think they are moving in here or something."

"Well, it's the 'or something' for me. I'm here for a bit of getting reacquainted with your house. Brian thought it would be a good idea to have us all go through the house and see what works well, and what may need modified. So here I am."

Justin took the proffered crutch from Brian and slid out of the car. He walked around the vehicle to look into the back yard. Snow was falling, and it was hard to see the stable building and pool house. He took a few steps forward, wanting to get into the falling snow. He took a tentative step out from under roof. He looked up and let the snow fall in his face. It felt good. When Brian came up behind him and wrapped his arms around him, it felt even better.

"What's up, you afraid I'm going to take a nose dive before I even make it in the door?"

"No, I'm just glad we're home. And come to think of it, it would be our stupid luck to have you slip and bust up one of your bionic knees, so why don't we go in now?" Brian kissed the back of Justin's neck and nuzzled into his hair. "Shit, you don't even have a hat on, don't tell your Mom or Deb, they'll kill me. Come on, all your stuff is in the house, let's go."

They turned and went inside where Justin was immediately greeted by Abigail.

"Oh Justin, it's so good to see you." She hugged him lightly, then held him at arms length to look him over. "You need to eat, you've lost weight. But you look good. The trip home must have gone well, you do look just fine." She had nothing but smiles for him. Secretly, she thought how lucky she was that she never had to watch any of her children go through what Justin was going though. He looked pale, more than usual, he was unsteady on his feet, and she thought she felt his hands shaking slightly when she hugged him. A wave of pity hit her hard. But she let it wash out of her mind quickly, this was a man who did not do pity. He was strong and would be fine. "What can I fix you for lunch?"

"Actually a sandwich would be good. Thanks Abigail."

Brian had filled Justin in on Mrs. Kelly's new role and the addition of Mrs. Dytang on the ride home.

"Justin, you want to walk through the house with me, and I'll show you what I've been telling you about for the last month?"

"Yea, I want to see this gym you put in. And I want to see my studio."

"Come on let's go."

So the three of them left the kitchen. They made their way through the house. Justin refused the elevator and took the steps. He spent some time in the gym looking at the equipment Brian had purchased. He nodded at the modifications to their bathroom that included grip rails in the shower and by the toilet. He also nodded blankly when he saw that their walk in closet was now arranged so that everything that was Justin's was at arm's height, nothing higher or lower. He thought to himself that it would make it easier to get his clothes, but it was still a little depressing. They left the bedroom and there it was, the steps to the third floor. The entire floor dedicated to his art. His space. He could see the newly installed elevator to the left of the stairs, but again, he refused them and took the steps. He was getting tired, but refused to use it just yet. After thirteen steps, he was there. He was in his studio. The space was large, all white with dormer windows on both sides. "This space gets sun every hour of the day" Brian had told him so many years ago when he showed him this space. There was the chipped tiles, from when they dropped the large easel when Justin insisted it be moved. There was the section with wooden floors and comfy couches where he paced back and forth for hours while trying to clarify a difficult spot in any one piece of work. He walked to the canvas that was still on his large easel. He had some pencil marks on it where he had made some preliminary strokes, what seemed like years ago. He held his hand out to rest on the canvas surface. His eyes closed as he envisioned himself painting here. It was as if he had never been away. He wanted to begin, he had ideas, it was time to start.

While Justin did this Brian and Amy watched with silent reverence. To Amy, it was a new experience, seeing Justin with such confidence, so strong and driven. To Brian it was an experience he had been eager to see again. Once more Brian came up behind him, but did not touch him. Long ago in their relationship he had learned to respect Justin's work environment by giving value to the process Justin went through when he created.

After about ten minutes, Justin turned to Brian, "I want to paint right now. Please don't argue with me. I'll eat here if I need to eat. But I know that I also need to paint, so don't make me argue with you about it."

"I wouldn't, I knew if you got in here, you wouldn't want to leave. Amy and I can entertain ourselves. And I will bring you food, because you do have to eat. Use the intercom if you need anything. And while I know you won't listen to me, please don't overdo it today. You have all day, every day, from now on."

The two of them left Justin. He was mixing paint and picking brushes. They walked to the kitchen in silence. Mrs. Kelly had Justin's lunch prepared. She had left the components of his lunch out, so Brian and Amy could eat. After Brian returned from taking Justin his, they each made a sandwich, Brian poured drinks, and they sat at the small kitchen table to eat.

"So I took the liberty of setting up the meeting with Dr. Daly. I hope you don't mind. I figured we could use that meeting as his first session. It will streamline the meeting and his exam if I'm there to help."

"Great, when is it for?"

"Tuesday morning 9AM. That gives Justin all weekend to be at home getting re-acquainted with life here before going in on Tuesday."

"Sounds good, thanks. I told Ted that I'm semi-permanently working from here. I just don't know if I'm ready to leave him alone for the whole day by himself."

"The house seems just fine Brian, I spent a few minutes before you got home looking around. The gym has everything I need, and if there's anything else I would use, I'll bring it myself. I don't think we will be doing any great new things with Justin for awhile. It will all be about maintaining and dealing with tension and pain when he has it. I want the transition from unit to home to be as stress free as possible, so our sessions in the beginning may seem easy to you, don't say anything. We'll work on the harder stuff a bit later, but for now, it's all about maintaining where he is, so he can concentrate on his new life routines. So if there's nothing more, I'm going to cut out Brian. The snow doesn't seem to be letting up, and I want to get home before it gets much worse. I will see you Monday afternoon." Amy cleaned up her dishes and gathered her things. Then she headed out into the storm to make her way home.

As Brian was putting the last of the lunch items away he heard the elevator. It stopped at the second floor. Brian finished cleaning, found Mrs. Kelly and told her to go home for the day. He shut everything up on the main level then walked up the stairs to see what had happened in the last few hours. Justin was laying in bed. He had taken off his shoes, socks, and pants. He was curled up in the middle of their large bed. Brian removed his own shoes, socks, and pants and joined him under the covers. Both men looked at each other.

Justin smiled as he put his arms around Brian. Brian leaned into the embrace. Then he started to cry. "Shit, I'm sorry. You don't need this."

"No this is exactly what I need. I need to comfort someone."

"Justin, this all sucks. I hate that you need those crutches, and that sometimes you'll need the wheelchair, or even that we have to have an elevator. I hate that you are always in pain. I hate what this has done to you, to us. I just hate it. And don't get any stupid ideas in your head. I hate this situation, I do not hate you, I do not pity you. It's just this is so fucking hard." Brian tried to move in closer to Justin.

Justin responded by holding on to Brian tighter. He began to stroke Brian's hair. He looked at the gray at the temples and loved that Brian refused to color it. Brian would always be a 'good looks' queen, but he was aging like a god. He leaned over and kissed the spot on Brian's neck where it joined his collarbone. The hollow spot was sensitive and Brian responded with a mixed moan of lust and sadness. Brian wrapped his hands around Justin's small waist, thinking about how he could still feel his ribs way too easily.

But the thought was pushed out of his mind as Justin continued to seduce him in their bed. He ran his tongue over all of Brian's exposed neck, collar, and shoulders. Brian's breath came in short bursts. Justin moved his leg slightly, right against Brian's erection, almost causing him an instant climax. This all felt so right. Justin was in control, conducting this encounter with all his great skills, it was not some crippled, half assed attempt. Justin was Justin. Whole and empowered, able to bring Brian to a climax in less than five minutes. And that's just what happened. Justin's leg was replaced by his hand which slowly pulsed and petted. He increased the friction and movement until Brian was withering. When he climaxed he came all over Justin's hand, which only added to the lubrication and Brian momentarily lost touch with reality as Justin continued to stroke the head of his cock.

Justin thought to himself, 'This is what I need, to be the strong one. To let Brian be comforted by me. Thank you God, for letting me comfort him. I have the strength to be the strong one and not complain. Thank you." Justin smiled and kissed Brian. The kiss was deep and long, tongues searching for and playing with each other. He nuzzled Brian's head some more, before stopping his slow stroke, and smiled at him.

Brian got up to clean them both up and then returned to his spot right next to Justin.

They fell asleep like that, Justin beaming at the idea of being able to help someone else and not be the one accepting all the help all the time.