ESCAPE FROM BARLA KALA - A Terry Sheridan Parody in the form of a well known Christmas poem.
jenthegypsy
(Barla Kala Prison, Kazahkstan)
'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the block
None had prayers of escaping, not through solid rock!
The tasers were hung in the guard shack with care
In hopes that Sheridan would give them a dare.
That pris'ner was locked down all tight in his cell,
While plotting and planning to give the guards hell.
He hung from the ceiling, all sweat and hard muscle,
When out in the hallway he heard quite a tussle.
Loud whistles and catcalls! To his cell they drew near.He stilled in amazement, sensing Laura was here.
Think fast, ya daft Scot! Now's no time to go soft.
The door it creaked open, and there she stood. "Croft."
He dropped from the ceiling, wiped the sweat from his brow,
Paced a small circle, trying to figure out how
He could work his way in to her heart's icy level.
Who was he now? Was he Faust or the Devil?
He looked for a sign; perhaps a wee bit of trust?
Then he saw what he needed – the glimmer of lust!
It flashed in her eyes like a beacon so bright
And it sparked in him hope that things might come out right.
She was dressed all in fur, from her head to her toe,
And Terry thought, Fuck, I'll just give her a go!
She's still lookin' good, and it's been quite a while
Since I've been with a woman…. He gave her a smile.
Green eyes set to dancin', roguish lips formed a smirk.
The old magic was gone – she was just such a jerk!
But that didn't matter. What mattered was how
He could use what he'd seen to get out of here NOW!
She thought she was smarter. She thought she was clever.
But she'd not an idea how the man missed the heather!
He sidled up close, put his lips to her ear
And whispered of pleasures that she trembled to hear.
A bowl full of jelly was to what he'd reduced her.
She, still unaware that the devil'd seduced her!
"Enough o' this playin', my bonnie wee lass,
"I'll be leavin' ya now, wi' ya flat on yer ass.
"I'll be takin' this wi' me." He took all her money.
"I'll be takin' the chopper. Nice knowing ya honey!"
Then, laying a finger alongside her nose,
He knocked her out flat and he stole all her clothes.
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his toe,
And those damn stupid guards, they just watched him go!
The catcalls continued, for the lad sure could sway
His ass when he walked. Then he was safely away!
Away from that prison! Away from that snow!
Away to the Highlands, where he'd let himself go
Up into the craggies, or down fishing the streams,
Rememb'ring his past as a load of bad dreams.
So, Sheridan just vanished into legend, they say;
But for family and friends, he's not far away.
Each Christmas you'll find him with his glass raised aloft,
His eyes all a' twinkle as he simply says, "Croft."
12/07/2005 for the Christmas Challenge at