SM: Written for Lady Psyche who requested that I write a side story exploring the relationship between Naraku and Kagome in this fic. I've always wanted to write a NarKag. Too bad we already know how this one ends.
Dreaming Side Story
Naraku and Kagome
He hated her. He felt that simmering hate roiling beneath his skin. She was so pure. Her skin was so pale. Her flesh so tender. Her body, virginal. He could literally tear her to pieces. He wanted to. If only he could get close enough. He wanted to feel her soft skin being sliced by his claws. He wanted the feel the bones in her body snap. He wanted to hear her screams. But most of all, he wanted her to look at him with her eyes wide in pain. He wanted her to hurt because he did. He hurt because she did not love him, and somewhere inside, he knew, he had fallen in love with Kagome.
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Power.
It was all he needed. It was all he wanted. He had sacrificed everything, even his human soul, for power. His body had changed as he drew more and more power into his being. He didn't care if he looked like a monster. People feared him. It was all he needed. Their fear would fuel his power. If only those foolish humans and that hanyou would just die! They got in his way, disrupted his plans! He desired nothing more than their total annhilation, especially that of a certain indecently-dressed miko.
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This was it. He would destroy them all here and now, or he would perish. He had felt the energies gathering for weeks. The Shikon was complete. He clenched the corrupted jewel in one fist. It was absolute perfection, swallowed in darkness.
They were coming for him. He let his barrier down. Let them come. He was tired of waiting.
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How dare they. It was unfathomable. In the palm of his hand he held the absolute power. He could have obliterated them with a mere thought, yet they survived, they fought back. It was incomprehensible. Why didn't they just die? They resisted in their futile struggle, against him! He was absolute! He was power!
He watched them fight, their faces twisted in pain. They sustained injury after injury, yet they continued to fight. Why? What was so important to them that they would defy him in such a way. The moment the Shikon had fallen to him, they knew they were doomed. His blackened heart had corrupted the purity of the jewel, feeding him power, and in return he darkened the jewel further with every drop of blood he spilled. The Shikon was an abyss. There was no escape from him, or his darkness, especially not for some hanyou and his human followers. Had the hanyou simply fallen into his own power, chased away the stupid humans who clung to him for protection, then Inuyasha would have gained a power to rival him. Instead, he stayed with the humans, companions, friends. He scoffed. Useless. Power depended on only one person, the one who wielded it. Power needed nothing else.
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His shriek of rage could be heard across the gale of rushing power. Betrayed! He had been betrayed! Those venomous spawn of his had betrayed their creator! He had known full well that they disliked him, but natural logic, their own sense of preservation should have held them by his side. How foolish they were. He crushed their hearts in an instant, but the damage had already been wrought. She had the jewel.
He fumed. It couldn't possibly get any worse. He would just have to kill her here and now, before she had the chance to string that precious bow of hers. He knew that her arrows had been spent, but that she was also terribly resourceful. A mere stick would be a enough of a conduit for her power to deliver a devastating blow to him. He couldn't allow her that chance. He enveloped himself in darkness, gathering his power for one blast. She was close enough. He would die, but if he could take her with her, the agony of her friends would be enough compensation. They deserved to feel pain.
He glared at her, his crimson eyes venomous.
She met his gaze coolly, her face unreadable. She dropped her bow.
He was stunned. Was she giving up? When the battle had turned? After he had already admitted his defeat?
She was running toward him. He scowled. She thought to highly of herself. He turned his grotesque body to meet her. Did she think that she could defeat him by herself?
Suddenly she was on him, her arms twined about his neck. She was so close. He could feel her body against his, her warmth. His expression froze in shock. He scowled, his anger returning. Rage filled him. How dare she! Was she trying to humiliate him, knowing full well that he wouldn't survive to see the next sunrise? She wouldn't get away with it. He would make sure that she died with him! He snarled, raising his claws against her.
"You're not alone." A soft voice whispered into his ear.
Tentacles rose up to tear her apart.
"I'll stay with you. By your side. For as long as you need me." That gentle, melodious voice brushed past his ear like a breeze.
His claws flexed, aching to slice into her soft, vulnerable flesh.
Kagome leaned down, placing a gentle kiss on his temple.
His body stilled. Then he was burning. Fire coursed through his veins. What had that woman done to him! His hands, fingers, claws, all scrabbled to tear her from his person. Her very presence was burning him, eating him alive. He was screaming, his throat raw and torn. His movements panicked, uncontrolled, desperate. Off! OFF! He needed to get her off! He didn't notice his claws, slick with her blood, or how she simply held him closer.
Her hands brushed through his hair. Her head bent down. Her lips by his ear, whispering comforting words.
Blood gurgled from his throat as his vocal cords tore. His body was dissolving. He could feel each piece of himself being consumed by white fire. It hurt. It was agonizing. But he could also feel the darkness of his mind receding. It didn't hurt to look at her. She wasn't painful anymore. And when he did turn his face to meet hers, he could only see unwavering compassion. His hatred faded, leaving him cold and lonely. He broke down in her lap, tears wetting the torn cloth of her own bloodied clothing.
Kagome merely smiled, and stroked his hair, cradling his head in her lap, and wrapping one arm loosely around his shaking shoulders.
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He hadn't known what to expect when he awoke, but he found himself laying on a soft pad in the middle of a room. He wondered what it was that had awoken him. His ears took note of melodic humming. He turned his head and was unsurprised to see Kagome there, reading a book, and humming softly to herself. Her humming paused a moment, and she looked at him, a smile in her eyes and on her lips. She closed the book quietly and stood, moving to the other end of the room. She returned a few moments later and held a cup to his lips. "I imagine you're thirsty." She said, smiling.
Naraku couldn't find it in himself to be suspicious. Instead, a warmth filled his stomach. His throat was dry and mouth parched, so he could do little but part his lips. As she was in almost all things, Kagome was gentle. The water flowed into his mouth in precise, controlled streams. She allowed him only a sip at a time, careful not to spill, and to keep him from drinking too quickly and becoming ill. When he finished the cup, she refilled it and placed it by his head.
"You've been asleep for four days. I was beginning to worry." She said, her lips curling upward. "I'm glad to see that you've finally come to."
He swallowed. "W-why?" He asked thickly, the stutter more of his emotion, than from dehydration.
Her eyes filled with concern, but not pity. "Because you deserved it." She said softly, affirming. "You were always filled with pain, and your soul had darkened. It was chaotic. You had already formed a tenuous semblance of peace in your mind, based on what you believed in. You thought that power would silence the desires and greed in your soul. I did it to offer you a different way to find peace. Everyone needs to find their peace. I'll be here to help you find yours." Her lips curved into that gentle smile he was quickly growing familiar with. She ran a hand through his hair. "You have lovely hair, Naraku. It makes me want to braid it." She said idly.
He looked at her confused. What did that mean?
She shook her head, laughing. "I'll go fetch you some soup. You just lay here and relax." She grinned. "Kaede made it. The soup is one of her revitalizing recipes, so I must warn you, it might be a lot bitter. But don't worry. When she's not looking, I'll slip you something that will taste better. I promise." She flashed him a dazzling smile before waltzing from the room.
Naraku lay still taking stock of himself. He was as weak as a child, barely able to move under his own power. He was human now, his body being the same form as he had last possessed. That didn't matter to him. What puzzled him was how that girl could treat him so easily, as if he were friend, not foe. He had tried to kill her numerously, and here she treated him and joked with him. He didn't understand it.
She returned shortly with a steaming bowl of...soup. Naraku tried to not think of it as anything else. It certainly smelled bitter enough. She carefully spooned some onto a carved utensil and blew on it. "This will...taste awful, but it'll be good for you." She said in her best 'mothering' voice, and placed it at his lips. Tentatively, he allowed the utensil to slide into his mouth and swallowed quickly. He gagged. It tasted like rotten youkai entrails! And he had tasted them before.
Kagome coughed, stifling her laughter. "It doesn't taste so great now, but when you get better, so will the food. Trust me." She smiled, and encouraged him to finish. He found it strange that he was complying. In the past, he would have gutted her where she stood had she tried to act so companionable with him, but now, he couldn't summon the emotion. He couldn't even remember how it felt, the raw hatred and self-loathing he had once possessed. He was lulled by her comforting presence, and wished that she wouldn't leave. It felt, calming, peaceful. Obediently, he finished the foul tasting concoction, if only to bask in her warm presence longer.
She left him to rest again. He closed his eyes, and dreamed of gentle arms, soft hands, and a warm embrace.
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A few days later, he regained the strength to stand, but found himself uninterested in going anywhere Kagome wasn't. So, he stayed in the room allotted to him, and waited for her daily visits. He often trailed after her as she went out on miscellaneous tasks, retrieving water from the river, or collecting herbs for Kaede. If he was not by her side, he would most often be found, curled by the window in his room, watching the world go by. The village was so interesting. There was no fire, no screams. The parents treated their children kindly, and though it was not a rich village, it was not poor by any means. They were self-sufficient, and denied their children no food or water. The children were safe from harm, from abuse. He watched them avidly. They were so different from the village of his memories, from Onigumo's childhood.
On numerous occasions, he was present for her friends' insistent questions, focusing on either him or her 'home' when they thought he could not overhear them. They worried over her spending too much time with him, they wanted to know if it was safe. She assure them that he was harmless, and he believed her. He could not summon the hate or violence to cause destruction. And the thought of the blood of the villagers on his hands made him sick. But, they asked about him and her 'home' so often, that he was becoming quite curious. Where was her home, if not here at the village? He wanted to ask her. He feared that if her home was indeed not the village, she would leave him. He had become so accustomed to her presence in such a short time, that the prospect of her leaving frightened him.
He wanted to ask her not to leave him, but he couldn't find the words to express it. Coming from him, it would sound strange, he knew. He had been, after all, Naraku.
But Kagome's empathy was acute, and she picked up on his distress. She came to him one night while he was dozing and sat by his bedside. She waited patiently for his eyes to open, and for him to acknowledge her. She smiled, covering his hand with hers. "I won't leave," she said quietly, "until you wish it of me." Then she placed a feather-light kiss on his forehead and left. He watched her silently, comforted by her words. He knew then, he had become too dependent on her, but couldn't find it in himself to care. The love he had harbored for her as Naraku, had never left him, only growing stronger in her constant company and his pure emotions.
He wanted to tell her that he loved her.
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In the coming weeks, Naraku was surrounded by village children. They were entranced by his strange looks, even if Inuyasha and Shippou were a constant in the village. They knew him only as Nara-nii-san, something he was sure Kagome had encouraged them to call him. He didn't refute the title, and found himself responding more easily to it than his former title. Even if his face was stoic, the children still found amusement with him.
Though he had regained some of his strength, he was still quite weak, even by human standards, and found himself in a constant need of rest. He was prone to taking several naps during the course of the day. Once he had sat down against a tree near the forest, and awoke with his hair entangled in numerous strange thick weaves. Kagome had apparently taught some of the village girls how to braid hair. Unsure how to remove the new style himself without entangling his hair further into the sloppy mess, he simply walked back into the village with the braids, seeking Kagome for help to undo it. Inuyasha's face had been priceless as he gawked at the man and his new hair-style. His own expression was kept carefully neutral. He didn't wish to share with them how embarrassed he truly was by it.
The villagers still eyed him warily, their actions not hostile, only at Kagome's bid. The young girl had vouched for his character, and on the basis of their trust in her, they kept to themselves. Slowly though, beginning with their children, the attitudes of the villagers began to change, and though they did not fully trust him, he no longer felt their loathsome glares.
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Kagome was silent for days after Inuyasha's departure. She hardly spoke unless spoken to. It had come as a surprise to everyone.
The sudden welling of energy had shocked the people, as they had fallen into the lull of peace. Kagome and her friends had gone into high alert, realizing suddenly that Inuyasha wasn't present. She had gone racing toward the source of the power. Kagome had arrived in time to see the earth crack, Inuyasha and Kikyou standing on the brink. He had wrapped his arms around his dead love, and she had embraced him as well. He whispered words softly to her, and had cast Kagome one last, saddened glance. Then the tragic couple had been swallowed by the parted earth, the portal closing behind them, leaving no trace of the fated lovers behind.
Kagome returned to the village, pale and shaking. She had gone straight into their shared hut. Naraku had been sitting inside, awaiting her return. She sat beside him, wrapped her arms around him, and laid her head on his shoulder. She didn't cry, but she didn't smile either. Over the next few days, her smile was brittle, but still warm. However, she herself had become cold. She had lost someone dear to her, and he wasn't sure how to comfort her. He raised his hand tentatively to her arms, and leaned into her.
Eventually, she began to smile more, losing her solemn attitude, but her friends were not sure if it was because she was healing, or if she was doing it for their sake.
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Within the month, with his energy fully restored to him, he was relocated to a small hut nearest to the border of Inuyasha's Forest. Kagome had moved with him with nary a word, only her sweet smile. He realized soon enough why they had moved though. Even if the villagers had forgiven him, his past deeds wrought upon Inuyasha and his friends were harder to look past. They had tolerated him for Kagome's sake only. She had moved him to ease their worries, and she had chosen to stay with him, in keeping with her promise. He was heartened by it, and at the same time, twisted with guilt. She was forced to bear the pain of separation once more due to his presence.
"You don' t have to stay." He said tonelessly to her one day. "I can take care of myself."
She looked at him with depthless sapphire eyes. She held pain, he could see, but also compassion. "I won't leave you, Naraku. Not until you wish it of me." She said, repeating her words from before.
He couldn't nod, he couldn't reply. Instead, he walked into the next room and sat down. He never wanted her to leave. He couldn't even bring himself to think it.
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Sesshoumaru visited every once in a while. His visits became more frequent after they had moved. Naraku had watched the youkai jealously at first. He hadn't been sure, but he had concluded that the youkai had harbored some deep emotion for Kagome. His visits seemed to be more for Kagome than to make certain that she was unharmed within Naraku's evil clutches. He saw the way that Sesshoumaru watched her. It was with the same eyes that he, himself, watched Kagome with.
But the demon never once made a move. He continued to watch Kagome from afar, and once, Naraku had been content to do the same. But not now.
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He loved her. He couldn't bear to be apart from her. He loved her so much that it became a physical pain to him. He liked living with her, being in her constant presence, but he wanted more. He was afraid to ask, to make mention. He was being greedy. He had already stolen her from his friends, relying on Kagome's unwavering selflessness. He couldn't take more from her. He was so afraid that he would drive her away. He watched her, his emotions intensifying as the days passed.
He sat, curled up against the wall. He couldn't stand it. She was so close to him! And she could never have been so far away. He watched as she paced the room, rearranging their meager possessions. If he only reached out, what would happen? Would she slip through his fingers and disappear? He wouldn't be able to stand it, being alone again. He would go mad, he was sure. He would lose himself in chaotic emotions. He would probably kill himself, he mused. Life without her wouldn't be a life at all. But what if she didn't reject him? He was so afraid.
She crossed the room again. His movements were agonizingly slow, each muscle full of fear and trepidation. He reached out, his hand brushing against her elbow. She slowed, stilled. She looked down. He hesitated only a moment, his hand quivered in the air with indecision. Then his fingers clasped around her arm, tugging her toward him. She seemed frozen in shock. He drew her toward him, his heart pounding in his chest. She hadn't moved away yet. She hadn't said 'no'. Every move a gamble, he drew her unresisting form into his lap. He wrapped both his arms securely around her waist, as if afraid she would suddenly vanish, and buried his face into the crook of her neck, encasing himself in the feel of her body, her scent, her warmth.
She still hadn't moved. He felt her twist her neck, as if looking at something. She stayed like that for a few moments. His heart hammered within him. He trembled, afraid of what would happen next. She felt so right with him, she fit against him like a puzzle. If he lost her now, he would feel as if he had been ripped apart. His body was tense as he held onto her, terrified that she would escape him. Then he felt her move again, arms wrapping around his, her head falling back against him. "So, I guess I'm staying for good?" She asked, a wry smile on her lips.
He could only hug her tighter against him. "Forever." He whispered.
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Their first kiss had been tentative. It had been more like a kiss between friends than lovers. Both were afraid of this monumental step. But their fears faded quickly as their emotions deepened. She felt so right in his tight embrace, fitting so perfectly in his arms, against his body. He would love to spend most of his days with her in his arms.
The time he loved best, was the night. They would sleep in the same bed, her tiny body spooned against his. He held her throughout the night, not wanting to sleep for fear that when he awoke, he would find it all to be some dream.
"I love you." He whispered into her ear each night when he was sure she was asleep. He couldn't find the courage to say it during the day, even if he expressed it in his actions. At night, peering into her sleeping face, he felt that nothing could have been more right. He said those words religiously every night, smiling softly into the darkness.
He knew that if he could spend the rest of his life with her, he would die a happy man.
They had decided against marriage and children. It had been a mutual agreement. They knew what they meant to each other, their bond went deeper than a document. At the same time, they had not wanted children. Naraku was still affronted by his past. Kagome had never shared her reasons, but he felt that it had something to do with her family. She never brought up her family, or her home, and he never pried. She was with him here and now, that was what mattered.
He loved her and she loved him back. He had never been so contented in his life.
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He had been out in the forest when it happened. He was checking on a particular patch of herb for Kagome and had wandered deep into the woods. A boy had stumbled out of the brush, an unkempt sword hastily tied to his side. He had looked at Naraku with wide eyes, before his expression had darkened into hatred.
Naraku had almost forgotten what such hatred had looked like. He had been stunned.
"You killed them!" The boy had shrieked. "My whole village! Destroyed! Burned to the ground by your monsters! DEMON!" Tears fell as he gestured wildly, drawing his sword in jerky movements.
Naraku had only watched wordlessly, silent realization on his features. He should have known better than to have expected to live peacefully with Kagome. Not everyone could have forgiven his past sins. This was proof. He had been a monster. Kagome had forgiven him and shown him love, but she had deserved better than him. He still did not know how she could have loved him, but he was glad that she had, and he never once regretted it. He loved her from the bottom of his heart.
His eyes followed the flashing arc, the descent of the surprisingly sharp blade. He closed his eyes.
I am sorry Kagome. I cannot give you a proper farewell, but I just want you to know that this wretch of a man has never been more honored than to be graced with your love. I love you to the ends of the earth and back, and I'm sorry I could never show you love properly. I had never known it until you had shown me.
He didn't even move as the sword cut cleanly through him. His death had been gratefully swift. He only hoped that Kagome could find another love. She deserved nothing less.
Goodbye, Kagome. I won't ever forget you, or the love and mercy you have shared with me.
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End
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SM: Hm...I didn't make it too sad until the very end. This came out more like a documentary. A bit boring, but meh. And about the braiding thing, for any history buff, don't criticize. I don't know the origins of the braid, or when they existed in Japan, so please don't make fun. I just made it up as I wrote it since I found the thought of Naraku with a bunch of bad braids amusing. My friends did it to me once while waiting outside a restaurant. They said I looked like an FF character. I said I looked like a freak.