Heart In A Cast
by Katrina Johnston
The night crept through the house, which brought me a sense of relief. A cast molted on my leg made it hard to relax. As I lay on the couch, I glide my eyes over the bedroom doors. At ten o'clock, my wife was sleeping soundly and the two young ones are cuddled in bed.
I propped my foot up on the couch and wrapped the blanket around me. I drew my attention away from the doors and focused on the various lights flashing in front of me. Nothing good is on.
Another light was gleaming from my left eye. Turning, I saw her descending the stairs. The light seemed to grasp onto her and latch to her body. I smile. She smiles back. It has been a while since I've seen her smile. It makes me happy to see her smile.
As she turns to descend the stairs below, I brought my attention back to the gleaming lights. I focused my eyes on them, but my mind wondered back to the past.
The way she smiles fills me with delight. Just to know that a soul could be so lively; but not just her soul, it is partially mine, too. But where does she get her smile? Not from me. Not from this decrepit soul.
She gets her frown from me. I know this for a fact. When I see her frown, I want to hold her in my arms and pull her away from my past. I do not want her to end up as unhappy as I. I do not want her to have as many scars as I. When she cries, I hold her tight and she pours out to me, but all I could do was wait to give her a healing kiss on the head. She knows that that is all I know how to do.
My parents never did talk heart to heart with me; they were always worried about the six other siblings. Now, I have someone to talk to. She listens to me. I love the way I can talk to her, to keep my secrets and I keep hers. But, I always feel like I am burdening her with the horrid secrets of my soul. To despise the actions of the one I vowed to love forever. No matter how much my heart bled out, she was always waiting with a comforting condolence. Why was I burdening her with my past? How could I do such a thing? I need to stop this.
Lost in my thoughts, I hear a noise. Ascending creaks get louder every second, but a trail of quiet hissing were following the rhythmic creaks. Where is the light? The light had slipped away from her. Why did she let it slip away from her? She was so beautiful with the light enveloped around her. As she came closer, I notice a reflection in her eyes. It made a small, distinct line down her face. "What's the matter?", I call to her. She just shook her head and ran upstairs to her bedroom.
Not remembering my pain, I was quickly reminded when I sprang up from the couch to run after her. I yelped in pain, but I can not hold myself back. I need to know what is wrong. I need to know! I ran as fast as I could up the stairs, but the pain itched at my leg. Time was slowing and my breath shortened. I finally reached her room.
I flung the door open and my heart ceased. The moonlight was glistening in. I grazed my eyes over every inch of the room, but she was nowhere to be found. As my eyes crawled across her bed, I came upon a brown, haggard rose. It is so dry. Why is it on her bed? Next to it is a newspaper. My leg fell numb as I crept toward her bed and gaped upon the newspaper neatly folded on her messy bed.
A tear dripped from my eye as I scanned the headline, "Local Teen Girl Found Dead By Her Father". How could this happen? Why did she do this to me? I was looking and stumbling about her room and after I had pounded the walls and tore down her art work, I came across her journal.
My hand trembling, grazing across the front cover, I became frightened to open it. But I need to know the truth! I started scanning the back pages first. They were blank. In fact, the whole journal was blank. All except one page. I read to myself aloud what she had wrote.
Dear Daddy,
By now, you already know that I am no longer on this earth. I wish I could tell you why I killed myself, but I can't. I hope that you understand. I just want you to know that I love you.
As I read her name out loud, a cold chill touched my cheek. A soft voice whispered in my ear, "I'm sorry. I love you Daddy." I turned and her phantom disappeared. I was left stranded in her room staring at the lost rose.