Cat-chan: Here is chappie number 16! Wow, I've gotten pretty far with my baby -glomps story- Tsuzuki: We're so proud of you Cat-chan!
Setsuko: Yeah!
Cat-chan: Thank you, I'm proud of you too, you're all so cooperative! -looks at 'Soka- Except you 'Soka-chan.
Hisoka: Hnn, it's a good thing that I don't do as you say or else you'd probably have no plotline whatsoever like all your other one-shots.
All three: -gasp-
Cat-chan: That's not true! I'd make plots!
Hisoka: Tsuzuki and I "professing" our "love" for each other isn't a plot.
Cat-chan: Damn... I still do more than you give me credit for! -hugs 'Soka- And I still love you my little muse!
Tsuzuki: I love you too! -joins the hug- Group hug!
Hisoka: -fuming-

Chapter 16: You still have me

There was a very fine line that one could choose to or not to cross at any given moment in time. This line separated the cheerful mood and the depressed mood that Tsuzuki would occasionally enter or switch back and forth between the two quite randomly. On the outside, both moods were hard to distinguish from the other. His masks did a good job of concealing what he was truly feeling and replaced it with something fake. If he were depressed no one would be able to tell, for his happy-go-lucky smile would drive away all fears and all doubts. When he was truly happy though, he resembled the depressed state. The only way one would be able to tell the difference would be if one was an empath. Luckily, Hisoka was.

He hated the turmoil that stormed and raged within Tsuzuki's fragmented, tortured soul. All the pain and suffering and bad memories; he just wanted to rip them all into little tiny microscopic shreds and watch them blow away into oblivion in the wind. That way they'd never come back. It was rather unfortunate that that was impossible. Even more unfortunate that Hisoka happened to be a hypocrite. The boy wanted Tsuzuki to open up and let him share the burden his partner felt that he was forced to bear. However, that was exactly what the brunette wanted for him, except he made no move to do so in return. He was pretty sure that his partner was pissed at him for that.

"Oh! Hisoka, I almost forgot!" Tsuzuki chose that moment to grin at the empath and shake the bag that dangled in his hands, "I got you something!"

Hisoka merely stared at him, "You got me something?"

"Yeah! I got a little sidetracked with dinner and all so I didn't see the right moment to give this to you. Here, I hope you like it!" the man shoved the bag into his partner's arms, the stood back and waited for the reaction.

The boy arched an inquisitive eyebrow, but said nothing more as he began to open the bag that had been thrust at him. Removing the tissue paper that concealed whatever the present was, emerald eyes widened at the sight that met them. A honey-colored stuffed bear stared up at him with glossy, green marble eyes. It was soft to the touch, for Hisoka was now lifting it out of the bag to get a better look. There was nothing really out of the ordinary with it, but the empath couldn't stop gaping at it. It was a little plump, as most stuffed bears were, and it's head was perfectly round with two pert ears all fluffed up. The paws were white, as was the area around the nose and mouth. The boy's lips had now closed, his teeth actually biting down upon his lower lip.

Tsuzuki had been smiling at first, but it soon turned into a worried glance when he saw that Hisoka was not reacting at all like he'd expected. He thought for sure the boy would chuck the bear at him and yell at him for thinking that he was a child. Then he'd call him an idiot. But it actually looked as if his little partner was about to cry, or explode from trying to quell his anger. Both possibilities were not very good, though he'd take the crying over the exploding anyway. At least when he cried he got to hold him. Guilt attacked him at the thought of actually preferring the boy being in emotional pain than not just because he got to comfort him. If that wasn't cruel and unusual, than Tsuzuki didn't know what was.

""Soka?" he asked softly, edging towards the boy slowly, "Are you okay? I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you upset."

"Baka." Hisoka managed to force out, "Why…?"

Amethyst eyes blinked for a moment, trying to register what exactly Hisoka meant by that. He supposed that the first logical answer would be that he was asking why he had purchased him a teddy bear of all things. Well that answer was blatantly obvious in the brunette's mind.

Tsuzuki tilted his head to the side, not taking his eyes off his partner, "Do you mean to say why I bought it for you?" A hesitant nod from the boy, "Well, it's very simple Hisoka. You may not know this, but when you sleep you like to cuddle. So that's what this is for, when I can't be there for you." When you cry out my name in your sleep. "Besides! It looks so cute like you! The same color and everything!"

Silence enveloped the two as they stood there on the sidewalk and getting covered in snow. Hisoka finally spoke up, "I'm not a child."

"I know." Tsuzuki smiled warmly, then tussled the sun-kissed locks of hair, "I know Hisoka."

"So… so don't get any ideas." he continued, allowing the contact that the man was making.

The brunette nodded, "Don't worry, I won't. Now, how about we head home? It's getting colder."

Hisoka nodded, shoving the bear back into the bag and following his partner through the mobs of people crowding the streets. Stray thoughts were being picked up, much to his displeasure, so he was relieved when they turned the corner and it was nearly deserted. The boy now had time and space to sort through his own chaotic mess of thoughts. How did he know? Hisoka glared at the ground, How did he know that when I was little I had a bear like that? And I used it for the same reasons; comfort. But then… they took it from me and tore it up right in front of me. I remember screaming and crying as they did that, their hatred and disgust seeping into me until I became full of self-loathing. I had almost forgotten that toy, my only toy, I was what? Seven when it went away? And now… a new one to replace it. Why though? Why would he spend hismoney on me?

To absorbed in his thoughts, he didn't even notice the pair of silver eyes watching his every movement. Hisoka merely stuck close to Tsuzuki, approaching an alley where it would be safe to teleport back to Meifu. The eyes continued to follow him, this time he turned around. There was nothing there. He frowned, but thought of it as paranoia and shrugged it off.

"Something wrong Hisoka?" Tsuzuki inquired, looking back at the boy.

Hisoka shook his head, "No, nothing."

With that said, the pair of shinigami shimmered and then vanished from human sight. A chuckle sounded from the owner of the silver eyes, stepping out into the moonlight and easily seen in all white. A devilish gleam shone in those eyes as Muraki continued to chuckle.

"Very soon, my doll. Very soon." he looked skywards, "You really like that boy, don't you Tsuzuki-san? I will be very sorry for your loss, but it is necessary. He would only get in the way. Enjoy your last days of freedom bouya, they're numbered."

Meanwhile, back at JuOhCho…

"Ne, Tatsumi? We never did have that meeting about chibi, did we?" Watari placed a finger to his chin as he randomly poured some chemicals into a solution, 003 hovering over his shoulders.

Tatsumi frowned, "You're right."

"Oh well! Too late now!" the scientist sang out, a black smoke coming up from the mixture.

Cobalt optics glared at the man, then became suspicious of the smoke, "Watari-san-"

The loud 'Boom' cut the secretary off, a big puff of blackened air hitting them. Watari coughed enthusiastically, while Tatsumi just waved the smoke away. Golden eyes shone brilliantly once the smoke cleared, then took on an apologetic look once they met Tatsumi's glare of doom. 003 hooted wildly, fluttered about and pecking at her master's head. The secretary tapped his foot impatiently, causing both to freeze and look increasingly nervous, if that was possible for an owl.

"Watari-san. My office. Now." was all Tatsumi said before he stalked out.

Watari looked to 003 for reassurance, "Heh, well looks like we're in for a scolding, ne 003-chan?" The owl cooed in affirmation, "At least he didn't drag me out of here like last time-"

The poor scientist had spoken too soon, for moments later he found himself being dragged down the hall by the neck of his lab coat. Tatsumi was going to show no mercy. 003 sighed at her master's genki behavior and how it always seemed to result in him getting dragged to the secretary's office. Although… that could be why he did it in the first place.

"Kaa-sama?"

A woman with long, dark hair turned around and smiled. A little boy of four was timidly approaching her, straightening his back and holding his head up just as she would do. In his arms he held a dark brown bear, his prized possession. Once he was directly beside her, she leaned down and pet the soft, blonde locks on her son's head. His large green eyes shone up at her, a wide smile on his lips.

"I found you Kaa-sama!" he giggled, pointing at her.

She laughed too, "Yes you did, Hisoka-chan. Did you need me?"

"No, I just wanted to see you." Hisoka latched onto her by grabbing her hand in one of his. "I missed you."

"You were only in training for three hours, Hisoka-chan. That's not very long." she lightly chided.

He pouted, "But it's so boring and long without you!"

"Well, sometimes you have to do boring and long things. But! Right now is not one of those times, how about we go get some crepes in the park?" she smiled at her son.

"Hai! Thank you Kaa-sama!" Hisoka wrapped his tiny arms around her legs before allowing her to lead him out of the garden.

"Hisoka?"

"Hmm?" The boy blinked out of his reverie sluggishly, his eyes clouded over, "What is it?"

Tsuzuki frowned, a hand was on his partner's shoulder as if to steady him, "You went far away again. You've been doing that a lot. Are you okay?"

"Hai, I'm fine." Hisoka replied, shrugging the hand off his shoulder.

"Hisoka…" there seemed to be some kind of exasperation in the man's tone.

The empath's eyes narrowed, "I said I'm fine. I don't need you hovering over me anyway."

Wrong thing to say. he immediately noted, watching as his partner winced and backed away. The emotions that assaulted him for a brief second were disturbing and immediately pushed back with heavy mental shields. Tsuzuki muttered some kind of an apology. The brunette looked really uncomfortable at that particular moment. Hisoka sighed, irritated with both himself and Tsuzuki at the moment.

"I can leave then, if you want." violet eyes stared at the opposite wall, "I mean, if you don't want me hovering over you… I can understand if you want your space…"

The boy shook his head, "Tsuzuki, no, wait I-"

"No, no. Don't just say that because you feel sorry for me, Hisoka." Tsuzuki turned his gaze onto his younger partner.

Hisoka tried to look as if he had authority, but failed miserably, "No, I want you to stay."

"Really? You sure?"

"Baka. You'd think I'd say that if I wasn't sure?"

"Maybe…"

"Well I wouldn't."

Tsuzuki sighed and raked a free hand through his chestnut locks, "You're right. Gomen."

"What are you apologizing for?" Hisoka groaned, arching an eyebrow at his partner.

The man shrugged, eyes very distant. A shudder passed through Hisoka as he recalled that the look in his eyes resembled how they appeared when Kyoto happened. He still hasn't gotten over that. he mused, And neither have I. Stupid idiot Tsuzuki. The boy leaned back so that he was slouched in his seat, arms folded across his chest and eyes set on the man in front of him. Hypocrite. He brings me out of daydreaming, then he goes and does it himself.

The pair had arrived at Hisoka's apartment not that long ago, deciding to sit down to have some tea and watch whatever was appealing on TV before retiring to bed. So, now Tsuzuki was on the couch and Hisoka was on the chair some ways away from him. Neither had been paying much attention to the program; and it didn't look as if Tsuzuki would acquire any interest from it any time soon. Grunting softly, the boy took hold of the remote clicked off the TV. The sudden lack of noise and light brought Tsuzuki from within his mind. Amethyst eyes blinked up at his partner, following the boy as he crossed the room.

"Ah, Hisoka?" he inquired, rising as well.

The empath didn't turn around as he responded, "I'm going to get ready for bed. You can stay up a little longer if you want."

Tsuzuki frowned as he looked to his watch, "But it's only nine o'clock. Isn't that a little early?"

"I'm going to need all the sleep I can get." was all he got as a reply, Hisoka turning down the hall and disappearing into the bedroom.

Silence enveloped the room. Tsuzuki sat there, completely still and a little dazed. All night he had been thinking about his existence. It had come back to mind on his way to work that morning, sticking with him throughout the entire day. That was one of the reasons he had kept up his banter with Hisoka. If the silence fell, he'd be trapped within his mind and unconsciously lower his shields. Then the boy would know about what he was thinking, know and be disgusted with him. That was the last thing the man wanted. Yet, it seemed to have happened anyway. Hisoka did not look too happy with him when he left. He's probably mad because I won't let him in… Tsuzuki mused, rising from his seat.

The door was still shut, so he knocked lightly. Even if his partner had invited him to stay in his room, it was still only polite to knock before entering one's room. He made out a muffled 'come in'. Sighing in resignation, the brunette quickly checked and made sure his shields were functioning properly. Then he took a deep breath and entered the bedroom. ((dun dun dun))

It was pitch black in the boy's room, Tsuzuki had to squint and wait for his eyes to get used to the darkness. Once they did, he could faintly make out a lump under the covers of his partner's bed. Hisoka was curled up in a small ball, his back turned towards the brunette. The little bear was poking it's head out from it's place in his arms, it made Tsuzuki smile at the cuteness. Hisoka shifted, rolling over so that his illuminated emerald eyes bored into corresponding amethyst.

"Hisoka, I'm sorry." the man stated, stepping further into the room.

He shrugged, "Nothing to be sorry for."

"I've been shutting you out though, and I'm sorry for that. I don't mean to… it just sort of happens. Also, I don't think I'm ready to talk to anyone about it yet. So don't take it personally. Okay?" Tsuzuki looked at him hopefully.

Hisoka nodded, "Okay."

He walked over to the edge of Hisoka's bed, but the boy got smaller and shook his head. Tsuzuki paused, looking at the boy for an answer, but all he did was pull the covers around him closer. Green eyes attempted to glare at him, but it didn't send the man away.

"Hisoka, what's wrong?" he inquired, concerned and feeling a little hurt.

The empath rolled his eyes, "Baka, nothing's wrong."

Tsuzuki didn't look convinced, "Why are you shying away from me then?"

"I'm not." Hisoka assured.

Tsuzuki shook his head, "Yes you are. Stop doing it. Tell me if something's bothering you." Hypocrite.

"Fine…" Hisoka looked uncomfortable, he was blushing as well and thankful for the cover of darkness that hid it, "You sort of interrupted me while I was changing… so I… I didn't want to have you pounding on the door or anything. I came under the covers instead. So I'm not really dressed all the way."

The brunette blushed too, but was exceedingly relieved, "Ah, okay, I-if that's all. I-I'll go and you can finish changing. How far are you along?"

"My pants." he glared at his partner for prying, "I don't have a shirt on."

Tsuzuki started laughing, "Oh that's all? I thought you were naked or missing your pants at least!"

"Baka! It's not funny! And why did you think I was naked? Hentai!" Hisoka accused from his blanket cocoon.

He ruffled the boy's hair, "C'mon 'Soka! We're both guys, it's no big deal! I mean, guys walk around with no shirts on all the time. You're being way too sensitive. Now come on out."

"No." the youth spat back defiantly.

"Come on!" he poked his partner's side playfully, "Cooome ooon!"

Hisoka buried his head in his pillow, "I said no! I don't want to!"

Something clicked in Tsuzuki's mind and he ceased his teasing, "Hisoka, are you ashamed of your body?"

"What? Why the hell would I be?" he growled, lifting his head again.

"Hisoka you don't need to worry. There's nothing wrong with having stopped growing at a young age. I won't make fun of you, I promise." Tsuzuki placed a hand over his heart.

Hisoka wanted to kick him, "I'm not ashamed of my body. I just don't want you to see."

"I just said it's nothing to be ashamed of! If you don't want me to see, that means you're being self-conscious. Are you listening to me?" he asked exasperated.

"No. And I'm not being self-conscious." the empath retorted.

The brunette poked his side again, "Yes you are."

"No I'm not. And stop that." Hisoka batted away his partner's hand on instinct, recoiling it back quickly before Tsuzuki could see anything. But he was too late.

The man had caught sight of something on his arm, grasping the boy's wrist and pulling him towards him. There was something written on his arm, but Tsuzuki couldn't really make it out. Reaching over to flick on the lamp, he merely stared when red characters met his eyes. Hisoka's curse marks were bright crimson and appeared to be burning. They trailed down his arm to his chest, which was what he was attempting to conceal.

"Don't look." Hisoka told his partner softly, but the man didn't oblige.

Tsuzuki traced one of the lines lightly, causing the emerald eyed youth to shiver, "Hisoka… I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault." he allowed the touch, watching the hand warily.

The brunette continued to stare at the lines sadly, "Does it hurt?"

"Not so much anymore." the reply from Hisoka was uneasy, his gaze now on the face of his partner, "It looks worse than it actually is. Don't worry about it."

Tsuzuki shook his head, "I can't do that. You're my partner, I'll always worry about you."

Hisoka frowned, "What if you hated me? Would you still worry?"

"Silly." he smiled at him, "I couldn't hate you."

"I'm just asking what if you did." the boy replied, not wanting to drop the subject.

Tsuzuki nodded, still idly tracing the line, "Hai, of course I would."

"How can you worry about someone you hate?" Hisoka demanded, not satisfied with the answer he received.

"I don't know. That's just how I am." the brunette shrugged, "So, you can't ever make me stop worrying about you kid, you're stuck with me for eternity."

He rolled his eyes, "I can hardly contain my excitement."

"Can I stay with you? Here?" Tsuzuki asked, amethyst eyes pleading.

"I already said you could." the boy answered, confused by this question.

He chuckled, "No, I… I meant here in your room. In your bed?"

Hisoka stared at him for some time, inwardly debating on it. The brunette looked so lost though, and he had no idea why. It wouldn't hurt for just one night. Besides, the bed was big enough for two.

"Fine, just let me put on a shirt first." Hisoka replied, watching as the man let go of his hand.

Tsuzuki smiled warmly, "Okay."

Once he had fully dressed for bed, he crawled back under the covers and nestled into it's warmth. Tsuzuki had gone into the bathroom to change as well, returning in his nightwear to sleep beside the boy. Hisoka watched his partner, waiting for him to get settled before scooting closer to him.

"It's cold." he used as an excuse when the brunette arched an eyebrow.

Tsuzuki grinned, "I know."

"I don't like the cold." Hisoka was trying to convince both his partner and himself of why he was clinging to the man.

He continued to grin, "I know. Good night 'Soka."

"G'night."

Roses. Bleeding. Cutting the buds. Beautiful roses. But killing them. Killing the roses. So sad. So much blood. Darkness. Blood drenched roses. Stop. No more killing. I don't want anymore death. I don't want anyone else to die. Stop it. Stop it. Stop. It. No more death please. Please. Please make it end. Onee-san? Onee-san! Ruka! No! Please, not Ruka! Not my onee-san! Ruka don't die! Don't… die…! No.. Alone. All alone. No… wait. Wait. A light. Is that? No, not him. Not him! Anyone else, but not him! Don't take him away from me! No! Hisoka!

"Tsuzuki?" amethyst orbs opened tentatively, vision blurred, "Tsuzuki?"

He caught his breath, panting heavily as he gazed up into twin emerald gems wide with confusion and uncertainty. Hisoka looked so beautiful, but so fragile as if he would break at any given second. Tsuzuki found himself lightly brushing his fingertips against the soft skin of his partner's pale cheek. The boy blinked and attempted to pull back, but the brunette's other hand prevented him from doing so and kept him rooted to the spot.

"Tsuzuki…?" Hisoka breathed, "Tsuzuki, what are you doing…?"

"You're okay," he said sadly, continuing to caress his partner's cheek. "You're okay."

"Yeah, I'm okay. Tsuzuki, what's going-"

Tsuzuki hushed him, "Stay with me, please don't leave."

The boy shook his head, "I'm not going anywhere."

"I don't want to lose you. Not ever." he buried his face in the blonde's chest, shoulders shaking.

"You won't." Hisoka reassured him, startled by the bold actions of the brunette.

"I don't want you to die." his voice was muffled against the younger shinigami, "I don't."

Hisoka tentatively set his hand atop Tsuzuki's head, running his fingers through the mop of chestnut locks, "Baka, I'm already dead."

"Don't die." the man repeated, fisting his hands in the boy's shirt, "Don't die."

He sighed, "Alright, I won't die."

"Promise?" Tsuzuki sniffed, red-rimmed eyes looking back up into intense green eyes.

Hisoka uneasily continued stroking his hair, "I can't promise that."

"Please?" the plea was strange to hear from Tsuzuki, but obviously the man was not emotionally stable, "I need to hear you promise that. I need to make sure."

He gently thumbed away the tears that had gathered, "Tsuzuki, I…I… fine, alright. I promise."

"Thank you Hisoka." he hiccupped, then nuzzled his head back into the crook of the boy's neck.

Hisoka swallowed thickly, "Y-you're welcome…"

Tsuzuki's emotions had shifted from fear, unease, and panic to contentment so quickly, that Hisoka had to wonder if the original emotions had been there at all. The form in his arms drifted back to sleep almost instantly, at peace once more. He tried to comfort his partner, just as the man had comforted him when he was in desperate need for it. When the nightmares came. However, the boy wasn't too sure if he'd actually helped any. Wrapping his arms tighter around Tsuzuki, Hisoka buried his face in the dark hair and prayed for sleep to take him as well. But the fates were not so kind to him. The rest of night plagued him with doubts, fears, and uncertainties. Something wasn't right, but it scared Hisoka too much for him to actually dwell on it.

Thank you my adoring reviewers! You make me so happy!
1. ffpanda: Yes, I have an incredible soft spot for fluff. I'm glad you enjoyed those last two chapters, they were really fun to write!
2. Kyokotou: Thank you, and of course I'll keep writing! I'm on a roll! lol.
3. Harriet: Yeah, Wakaba and Terazuma are awesome, but cannot top the dynamic duo. Tsu and 'Soka's quarreling is always so funny and cute, I just love reading and writing those little sequences! I'm glad you like the story! Thanks for reviewing!
4. lunarkitty14: I got the Simon Says idea from an rp I did once a while back, it was fun so I thought I should add that to the story. I can so see Hisoka off in his own little world and unknowingly copying Tsuzuki. So kawaii! Thanks for the reviewing!
5. Hazel-Beka: Haha! Well thank you! I started laughing once I read through the finished copy of the dialogue, the back and forth thing was amusing. I'm so pleased that lots liked it! I'm an obssessed fangirl too, bet you couldn't tell -smiles-, so it's all good. Thank you for the reviews! It means a lot to me that my story is loved.
6. Sam: Yesh well, I can't help making him all cute and lovable (though he does that quite well on his own), though I can understand why you would think he's out of character at some parts. Thank you for the reviews!