I woke what I assumed was days later. Lasarina sat on the edge of my bed, twiddling her thumbs nervously, and staring out the window, distracted. I sat up slowly. My head began reeling, and then slowly it stopped. Despite my aching head I felt as though my soul had been returned to me. My magic was back. Then I remembered the Queen.
I started to pull back the covers. Lasarina started.
"Oh, you're awake!" she exclaimed.
I was on my feet, a little unsteady, but on my feet all the same. I rushed over to the bureau as quickly as my aching legs would bring me. I began shifting through the dresses, looking for one I could throw on quickly.
Lasarina jumped off the bed and hurried over to me.
"Wait, "she cried, as dresses flipped in front of her face."Lady, what are you doing? You should be resting, regaining your strength." She protested uselessly.
"I feel fine." I mumbled annoyed.
"Really, you should lie down—" she was cut off as I turned angrily and looked at her.
"The Queen is ill, I MUST attend to her." I answered furiously. Lasarina's face changed, and she grew quiet. She backed away from me, mixed feelings of alarm, sympathy and fear flitting across her face.
Satisfied she would bother me no longer, I began dressing.
"The Queen is dead." She whispered.
I stopped dead. Forgetting the skirt that was drawn half way up my legs, I collapsed.
Lasarina rushed over to me, worried. I was in a daze. The queen was dead. Why was the Queen dead? Why wasn't I able to help her? I was crushed by my failure, and even more by the worry of the King and his daughter. What had I done?
Lasarina held me reassuringly. I leaned against her and began sobbing, tears coursing down my cheeks, soaking the shoulder of Lasarina's black gown.
Black gown. The realization of the mourning color echoed in the back of my mind. The funeral! Did I miss that too? The royal family will never forgive me!
A drop of water hit my bare shoulder. I looked up, and realized Lasarina was crying too. I pulled back slightly and looked Lasarina in the tear rimmed eye.
"When was the funeral?' I asked quietly, afraid my voice would break.
Lasarina wiped the tears from her eyes. "Today." She whispered. "She died last night."
The irony. I woke up the day after she died. The day after I could have saved her.
"I suppose- I suppose I should go to the funeral." I said. Suddenly I was filled with dread. What would they do if I showed up at the funeral, at the funeral of someone I was supposed to be healing?
Lasarina nodded mutely. I went back to my closet, and pulled out a plain black gown. Silently I dressed, while Lasarina stood in the corner. Over my brown hair I wore a black chiffon veil.
I turned and headed towards the door, taking care not to look Lasarina in the eye, less I begin crying again.
Wordlessly we walked down the red carpeted hallway, and down the stairs, our footsteps echoing emptily. A few servants stood, seemingly confused.
Lasarina guided me towards the door, where outside a black carriage stood waiting. We got in the carriage, and began the ride towards the church.
We arrived just as the mass had begun. Quickly we took our seats in the back, careful not to be noticed by anyone. Luckily, no one did.
"A fine woman passed away last night, in the dreary cold and blackness." The minister began speaking. "She was surrounded by those she loved, and by those who will never forget her." The minister continued, speaking of how the Queen would be redeemed in heaven, where she would dine with the son and the father, and watch us as we continue our lives. I began to block out his sermon, of how everyone must pledge themselves to God and accept man's fate of mortality.
After what seemed like an eternity, the mass ended. Everyone crowed around the King and Eirwen, offering their condolences and sympathy. I avoided the gaze of the King, which I knew was on me. When I did look at him, Eirwen's gaze shocked me.
Her face was full of hatred, a pure abhorrence of me. I understood how she could feel that way towards me. After all I was supposed to heal her mother. Yet her unending glare of loathing disquieted me.
Lasarina came up to me, her cheeks shining with tears. "Come," she said. I nodded and began following her.
As we left the church, I realized I had not seen Maeve anywhere. I wondered why she had not come to the funeral. At the same time, I didn't.
Lasarina and I went back to the palace. Once in my room, I began cleaning up. Lasarina looked at me in surprise.
"Lady, what are you doing?" she asked puzzled.
"I'm packing." I looked up at her. "I can't stay, not with the guilt weighing down on me like this."
"It wasn't your fault!" Lasarina cried. "Please don't leave. You were the only one who fully accepted me." This statement surprised me.
"Everyone loves you." I replied simply. She shook her head.
"No, they don't." the tears had begun again. "They don't accept me, because I am from a peasant family. They tolerate me, but they do not love me, or understand me the way you do. Please."
The look on her face broke my heart, but I knew that the look on Eirwen's face would rip my heart to shreds.
"I'm sorry." I whispered. I hugged her. "Tell them I've gone home. Tell them I'm sorry I couldn't do anything." I let go, but she clung to me. I pried her off carefully. "I'm sorry."
I kissed her on the cheek, and then rushed out of the door and down the stairs.
Once out of the palace, I called a carriage. It was the same carriage driver who had brought me to the palace.
"Take me home please." I said. The driver nodded, and the footman opened the door.
As I pulled out from the palace, it began to drizzle. The sky turned grey, and I could hear the horse's hooves on the wet cobblestones. I watched as the palace slowly grew smaller and faded into the mist.