You were a hero, Sirius Black
I loved you Sirius Black.
More than a brother loves a brother.
More than a friend loves a friend.
But I never told you how deeply my love for you ran.
Or…perhaps you already knew.
He's gone.
The closest person to me in all my thirty-seven years of life is gone. Fallen. Vanished. Dead…according to wizarding standards. He lays beyond that veil--his face was ashen and shocked when last I saw it. You hung onto your last breath so tragically, and I knew that you could always deal with death. You used to live life to the fullest, and I suppose that motto stuck with you, no matter how melancholy your days became. You were always ready for the end.
I didn't cry. I've cried so much in my life that I think I no longer have tears to shed. But inside I cried. The very structural beams of my soul seemed to come crashing down and behind a composed face beat the heart of a man aching with loss…sadness…and shock.
My three greatest friends of my childhood have been taken away from me--one murdered, on the betrayer, and the last killed by his own blood relative. Feelings have welled up inside of me for so long that I feel at any moment I will break down and go mad. All I ask for is to see him once more; that is the terrible thing about death…you never get to say good-bye.
So suddenly he vanished from my life and so suddenly I feel just as lost as I felt as a child--a child, before I met him. My quill shakes with anger and a billowing regret just now. I try to take his place, to be like him; yet his are shoes that I, or anyone, could never fill.
"We've got to go--Harry's in trouble," were the last words he spoke to me. Even then you thought of others, and not yourself. You were a hero, Sirius Black; and not just my hero. You sacrificed yourself to save your godson--James' son. Are you with Lily and James now? Are you with them behind that veil…that thin line between life and death?
Had I one wish I would wish to have you back here…but I cannot help but think you are in a better place now. I hope beyond hope that you are happy. We were victims of the same war--though every moment I spent with you were contented ones for me, I knew you were not happy living in a house as though you were caged up. You were wild--like a wolf. The irony is strange, is it not?
The words are used so often, Sirius, but there is nothing more I can say: I will remember you forever. If I live for a hundred years more their will never be as great a friend, as true a hero, as fine a man as Sirius Black.
I loved you Sirius Black.
More than a brother loves a brother.
More than a friend loves a friend.
But I never told you how deeply my love for you ran.
Or…perhaps you already knew.