Andrew: Ok, let's hear them.
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
Celeste: …Maybe.
Smile. It confuses people.
Monica: smiles
Andrew: I'm confused!
All: laugh
My mother told me not to talk to strangers. I never talk to myself anymore.
Adam: Do you talk to yourself anymore, Tess?
Tess: Be quiet, Adam.
If you don't like how I drive, get off the sidewalk.
Rafael: That's how Gloria drives.
Gloria: I know.
Hi. I am probably home. I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.
Andrew: I've done that before.
Monica: To who?
Andrew: …You?
Your village just called, they're missing their idiot.
All: look at Adam and Rafael
Adam and Rafael: What?
Click your heels and say "I need a life, I need a life…"
Gloria: Try it, Andrew.
Andrew: clicks heels I need a life, I need a life…
I'm independent and abusive…stay out of my way.
Monica: That's you, Tess.
Sam: Yes, but she's not independent.
Tess: glares at Sam and Monica
Star light…star bright…where the heck is Mr. Right?
Celeste: Remember? He got lost and looking for directions.
Adam: So true.
If you need space, join NASA baby!
All: laughs
When in doubt, use a stick.
Gloria: So, if I can't figure out which way to hurt Andrew, I use a stick?
Andrew: I don't think that's what they meant.
Gloria: frown
Few women admit their age, fewer men act it.
Monica: So true.
How can I miss you if you don't go away?
Tess: Yeah Sam, how can I miss you?
Sam: glares at Tess
Sometimes I wake up grumpy, sometimes I let him sleep.
Celeste: I should just let Adam sleep. It's more quiet that way.
Adam: Very funny.
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Rafael: It's bottle-proof.
Andrew: Okay…
If idiots could fly, then this place would be an airport.
Monica: Don't we know it.
All: glares at Monica
Dinner is ready when the smoke alarm goes off.
Adam: That's when Gloria cooks.
Gloria: Yes, and proud of it.
All: sigh
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
Tess: Then that question wouldn't exist.
Rafael: True.
What was the best thing since sliced bread?
Andrew: Sam?
Sam: smiles
He's about as exciting as my wall.
Monica: Andrew…
Andrew: Don't even go there, Monica.
A life! Cool! Where can I get one of those?
Celeste: grins At the life store.
Gloria: Spoken from experience?
Celeste: Yes.
We're not lost…we just don't know where we are.
Adam: I know where I'm at.
Tess: …No you don't.
I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out.
Andrew: So that's why I had to close it!
Gloria: You have to have brains before they can fall out.
Andrew: frowns
Don't squat with your spurs on.
Monica: Ouch!
Celeste: Got that right.
It works better if you plug it in.
Rafael: Especially the toaster.
All: stares at Rafael
I'm not as dumb as you look.
Sam: looks at Tess
Tess: I'm not going there!
I'll rise, but I refuse to shine.
Monica: Andrew's motto.
Andrew: Try Adam's.
Adam: Hey!
Last one out of the chat room, please turn off the lights.
Gloria: Is that humanly possible?
Rafael: grins No, but we're not human.
…and your point is?
Tess: So, what is the point?
Sam: I don't have a clue.
Monica: When do you ever a clue?
Sam: Hm…never.
Don't follow me…I don't know where I'm going.
Andrew: Hm…sounds like Celeste.
Celeste: Don't I know it.
Try not to let your mind wander. It is too small to be out by itself.
Adam: Hm…
Gloria: Do you think I would be too mean if I said something about Adam?
Adam: Yes!
If a man stands in the middle of a forest speaking, and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
Women: Yes!
Men: No!
My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.
Andrew: Yeah, Monica, he says you have serious mental problems.
Monica: I'm not the only one.
The only driving you've done is driving me crazy.
Celeste: Well, Rafael has.
Rafael: Hey!
Don't judge what your small mind cannot comprehend.
Tess: looks at Sam No comment.
Sam: glares at Tess
I'm not ignoring you, you're just insignificant.
Adam: Sounds like Monica.
Monica: Oh…did you say something?
I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what I should feed it.
Gloria: Some more bird seed?
Rafael: …Maybe.
7/5th of all people do not understand fractions.
Sam: Isn't it supposed to be 5/7th?
All: sigh
Kitten (kit'n) n: Soft, cute, playful with fangs and claws
Monica: That's the truth.
Rafael: We know.
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman 'where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
Adam: I think I did that once.
Celeste: I'm not surprised.
Tess: Neither am I.
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Sam: Yes.
Monica: It's possible.
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
Rafael: My life.
Celeste: We know.
there can't be a crisis today, my schedule is full.
Adam: I always have a crisis.
Tess: It's usually mental.
Irish I had another drink.
Monica: Not funny.
Andrew: Yes, it is.
Oh Lord, give me patience…NOW!
Gloria: Sounds like Tess.
Sam: It's almost scary.
Tess: glares at Gloria and Sam
A day without sunshine is like…night.
Adam: I really didn't know that.
Celeste: Adam, you don't know a lot of things.
Adam: Don't I know it.
All: sigh
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Andrew: What's with all the logic quotes?
Monica: People must be bored.
Andrew: Obviously.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
Gloria: Rafael goes there all the time.
Rafael: At least I get lost in thought.
Gloria: glares at Rafael
42.7 of all statistics are made up on the spot.
Andrew: I thought it was 17.346.
Sam: No, it's 34.63210764...
All: exchange glances
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Gloria: But if you honk, it's going to be loud.
Adam: That's the point, Gloria.
How do you know if you are out of invisible ink?
Tess: You don't.
Monica: Exactly.
If everything seems to be going well, you've obviously overlooked something.
Andrew: I always forget something.
Rafael: It helps to have more than half a brain.
Andrew: Look who's talking.
Rafael: frowns
What happens when you get scared half to death twice?
Adam: I don't want to know.
Andrew: Me either.
I don't know how clouds form, but they know how to do it, and that's all that matters.
Monica: Yep.
Celeste: I agree.
Do NOT start with me. You will NOT win.
Gloria: Yet again, that sounds like Tess.
Tess: And for once, I agree.
I'm going to find myself. If you see me before I get back, please let me know where I'll be.
Rafael: I'm confused!
Celeste: smirks You should be.
Saturday has a morning?
Adam: It does?
Andrew: Unfortunately, yes.
If you have something to say, raise your hand and place it over your mouth.
Gloria: Take a lesson, Sam.
Sam: Be quiet, Gloria.
When I give a lecture, I accept that people look at their watches, but what I do not tolerate is when they look at it and raise it to their ear to see if it stopped.
Monica: I gotta try that next time Tess lectures.
Andrew: Don't we all.
Tess: glares at Monica and Andrew
I don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house.
Rafael: The joy of being angels.
All: laughs
If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.
All: exchange glances
A black cat crossing your path signifies the animal is going somewhere.
Celeste: Duh!
Gloria: More logic.
All: laughs
Gloria: That's all for now.
All: walk off laughing