To Live Again 8
A/N- If any readers of Susan Kay's Phantom are reading this, yes, I did intend an irony in Joelle and Dom's last names. Bravo to those who spotted it.
Apologies for the lateness of this chapter, but due to stress and fears of blindness due to dancing eye spots (luckily, well slightly luckily, they only mean that I now get migraines… yay?) I've been to wrung out to write.
To Heather and Adam, my first readers, my best friends, but I'm your biggest fan.
Oh, and this chapter has a title:
The Opera Ghost Called 'Kitty'
Joelle cast a glance back at the manor as she sped away; away from stress, trouble, and the commotion of Dom's upcoming wedding.
Things had been far too chaotic there the past few days, with the looming threat of Rojer, her brother's nerves about the wedding, the way he kept looking over his shoulder. And then there were all the relatives shipped in who had to exclaim about how 'beautiful you've grown up, dear' and 'when will you be getting married, child?' Then there was Raoul, who kept looking at her like a kicked puppy. It was a look that had caused her to cheer him up in the past, but now it annoyed her. She supposed she should feel guilty for putting that look on his face… and that impressive injury (which she was secretly proud of).
She couldn't remember ever being as full of rage as she'd been that day; she'd taken down a larger man, and could have handled more. Looking at her dainty little hand it was hard to believe she'd had such power. She wondered if she could unleash some of that rage on Rojer. For once, if she could fight for herself and not merely be 'protected'. Perhaps be as wild as she seemed.
A smile came across her face.
Yes.
Beating Rojer to a bloody pulp could be fun.
And talk about poetic justice.
She could fight for herself, and severely injure anyone who was cruel to Erik.
She would never let anyone hurt him again; obviously, he had suffered enough in the past.
Erik.
The mere thought of him had her grinning like a fool.
She loved him so much. Their relationship was nearly perfect.
Nearly.
She supposed her small doubts were selfish, but although she forgot them immediately when she was with him, they rose again when they were apart.
The look in his eyes whenever Christine was mentioned hurt her deeply, making her want to cry in jealous frustration.
She consoled herself with the fact that she, Joelle, was his lover, and Christine was unlikely to come back to Erik any time soon. She'd deal with that if it became a real problem.
The way he flinched if she moved too suddenly, or if her hand came too close to his mask worried her, but she dismissed that as a quirk brought on by previous trauma.
As much as it concerned her to think about what could have happened, all she could do for that was make him feel as secure as possible and hope that nothing brought up that bad history too strongly.
Then there was the fact that he became silent whenever she said 'I love you'. She'd said it wouldn't bother her. That she would be delighted if he could ever come to feel that way for her but that she saw no need to press the issue, but it did hurt a little.
Which wasn't to say that she loved him any less for these traits, of course.
It might have been easier if she had, but instead, she continued to love him more with every passing day.
She loved him so much it was physically painful.
It was funny.
She was Joelle Etienne, pursued, desired for her wild spirit as the woman no man could tame, and yet the man she chose out of all was one who might never love her back. The oddest man she'd ever met, in fact!
The irony was unmistakable.
Perhaps in a few years she would find it amusing.
There were too many people back home at the manor: Too much talk and noise and chaos. Four more days until the wedding, but most would probably stay on longer. Everyone was pestering her about when she was getting married, and reminding her about the problem with Rojer, and pointing out that this or that distant in-law from their spouse's family was available/handsome/wealthy. To these she would always reply 'in my own time', 'Yes, I know, and thank you sooo much for reminding me', and, smugly, 'I have someone in mind already, thank you very much.' That usually quieted them.
For now, she was glad to be getting away, particularly when she was going to her man.
Another smile came as she thought of the times with him. Sweet kisses, intelligent conversation, and much snuggling filled their time. All so innocent, but so precious to her.
Erik sighed, looking down at the organ.
He hadn't planned on ever using it again, let alone to play such a sunny, uplifting song, but somehow, inspiration had risen up a lot lately, and filled him near to the bursting point.
This was a new piece, with two interlocking parts. One was deeper, more solemn, downright lonely. That one started alone, sad and almost hesitant. Then it faded a little, quieted as another part entered. This one was vibrant, innocent, soaring and weaving like a bird in flight. The two part played a bit alone, then joined, slowly. Strife rose, with slightly discordant patterns. The first part spun off and dissipated and the first part was again sad, resigned. Then the second, higher part returned, soft and sweet, the sound of a whispered promise. The two parts locked loosely, slightly joined. Another theme entered, strife in another form, like an attack. The second part rose while the first retreated. Then the other theme exited, leaving the two original parts again. The song was soft and calm, then later it rose, soaring, flying, the two parts singing out together euphorically. The song calmed after that passionate interlude, softening into an idyllic harmony, with smaller echoes accompanying, then fading together. The first part dropped out. The second, considerably more sadly, played on, strengthened quickly by the earlier echoes, then faded peacefully. As it faded, the first theme came back, they joined and soared exultantly again until the end.
He had no idea what brought him this idea. Shaking his head, he quickly recorded it for later observation, an action carried out instantly by habit.
He then set it down, and wondered why he suddenly decided to return to music.
Erik shrugged, and began to work on creating a lullaby. This thought he knew the origin of: It would be a gift to Dom and his wife when they had their first child.
He sighed. His one friend (Besides the Persian, but Nadir Khan thought he was dead, and it was much better that way: Less awkward explanations involved, and less uncomfortable reminders of his past.) was getting married, and he couldn't even tell his lady he loved her, or even be sure of his true feelings. Love was a messy matter.
Not that he was complaining. Things might be confusing right now, but he felt alive again.
Maybe Joelle would come today.
That thought brought a smile to his face as he tapped out the keys of the lullaby, testing out the sound.
"Lovely." Said a voice. "You know, I never heard you play before, but now I know why Christine called you the Angel of Music."
It was as if the thought had summoned her!
He smiled, feeling an unaccustomed blush tinge his cheeks. "Hello, Joelle." He said, not bothering to turn around. "I was hoping you'd have time to visit today."
Arms slipped around his shoulders from behind, and he felt a face in his hair, which was loose today. "Don't I always?" Joelle's voice murmured, followed by light kisses on his head.
"Tease." He chided, "Come where I can reach you, you little minx!"
She obediently released him and settled lightly in his lap. "Better?" she asked innocently, with that adorable little mischievous half-smile.
"Much."
"You look very much like a happy cat, with that smirk and those cute golden eyes." She remarked.
He raised an eyebrow, "A cat, eh? That's a new one." He liked cats. Ayesha, his cat, still showed up occasionally. This was certainly one of his more favorable comparisons.
She winked and twirled a loose lock of his hair around her finger.
He chuckled, "And you think I'm cute? I must confess, that's pretty new as well."
"Get used to it, kitty."
"I certainly hope you intend to keep that nickname private."
She giggled, "I might."
He threw up a hand in mock-frustration, "Joelle, dear! Now who would be intimidated by the formidable Opera Ghost if he was to be called 'kitty'?"
"I thought you weren't a ghost anymore?"
He waved that off, "Beside the point, dear." He feigned frustration. "I do miss scaring the pants off of those silly little managers, though." His smirk deepened, "The larger man shrieks like a little girl when he thinks he's in trouble."
"Such a naughty boy you've been." She murmured. "Would it be dreadful of me to find it intriguing?"
"Terribly." He shook his head, "No respectable man would associate with such a wild woman. Looks like you're stuck with me. I'm afraid I'm not at all respectable."
"Oh well." She shrugged, "Normally I'd put up a fight, but, you see, I'm quite happy with my naughty, disreputable, perfect man. Much less boring than the tame little 'respectable' boys."
A satisfying answer. He loved the lively little banter they so often shared. It was similar to that which he had witnessed between Joelle and her brother, but with different intent and undercurrents of tantalizing innuendo.
She kissed him. "I love you so much."
He tried to say something, but the words escaped him. Silently, he pulled her closer. She nestled her head beneath his chin.
Erik felt guilty. Even when he failed her, still she yeilded to his touch, still she relaxed in his arms, still she fit so perfectly in his embrace, which Christine, as much as he'd always loved her, never had. Joelle was more delicately built, about an inch and a half shorter and willowy, with less wide-set shoulders. Cute, freckled shoulders. Even now, even after all the time together, even when Christine had said not a word to him, he was still so unwilling, so unable, to give his heart to this woman.
Even when he must be hurting her, hurting her as he had never hurt Christine, she stayed. Christine had left when he gave her everything, Joelle stayed when he gave her so little.
"…I got my dress, dear." Joelle said.
Even now she protected him from his own guilt, changing the subject to spare his feelings.
"What color?" He asked, acquiescing.
"Light blue. It's really pretty."
"And perfect for your eyes. Try not to outshine the bride."
She practically glowed when he said that. Feeling guilty again, he realized that it was the first real compliment he'd ever given her.
"Aw, you're sweet. I wish you were coming to the wedding. I'll miss you." She pouted.
"You know I don't like crowds."
"I'd be with you."
No response. He thought.
"Besides, you'll be having too much fun to think of me."
"I always think of you, when we're apart." She said softly.
'Ouch.' Her honesty was shaming.
"I miss you too, my Joelle."
What? Where did that come from? Erik was almost as surprised by his admission as she was delighted.
Her blue eyes were as radiant as the noon sky in summer, lit up like perfect stars. She nestled her cheek back against him.
For a long time there was silence, and then he felt something soaking through the front of his shirt. Taking her shoulders gently, he forced her to look him in the eye. She was crying.
Hesitantly, gently, he brushed the tears from her face.
"Why these tears, Jo?"
She closed her eyes, smiling fully. "I'm just so happy." She sniffled.
He shook his head, sighing, "I should have told you. There's so much I should say, but I just can't yet."
"I understand." She said, "But it means so much hearing you say that."
"By the way, dear, how has Dom been? Last time I saw him, he seemed rather antsy." He chuckled, "Said something about wishing 'the damned thing would just happen already. Should have just eloped.' Hasn't come quite that far, has he?"
"Not quite…We had slip him sleeping powder yesterday to keep him from pacing all night muttering things to himelf. My family's been trying to match me with these 'nice young men that happened to have been in the neighborhood for the wedding'…. Asses, the lot of them. Seemed quite put out when I told them I was no longer on the market, so to speak. But… back to Dom… Er… he's been very nervous."
"Young men generally are." He nodded. "Don't worry, he'll calm down: Usually it's the bride that gets cold feet."
"How comforting." She frowned at him. "You are incorrigible, love, you know that, right?"
"I've been told." He shook his head, tapping his wrist, "Bad Erik."
"Smartass."
"As opposed to Raoul, who is a dumbass."
She gave a disgusted face, "Eech. Don't even mention that name."
"I hate to mess things up for you."
"It would have happened eventually." She soothed, "Besides, I'd choose you over that idiot any day." Unlike some people. She didn't say it, but she might as well have. He was always touched by her protective outrage on his behalf.
"Why couldn't I have seen you first, instead of Christine?" He asked regretfully.
She sighed resignedly, "Because, dear, I was in a convent then, and I was not the same person I am now. You wouldn't recognize the girl that my fear had turned me into."
"But still you."
"What's done is done."
Joellesmiled, "Dom still hasn't told me who his best man is."
"I'm sure you two will get along."
"Did you know the Best Man and the Maid Of Honor must share the first dance?"
"Oh? Should I be worried?" He asked smugly
"I'll never stray."
"'Tisn't you I worry about. You know how some of your brother's friends are."
She raised an eyebrow, "Oh, if whoever the man is becomes a problem, I can hold my own. Raoul still bears the mark. Lovely little irony there, isn't it? When he was mocking you, I gave him a mark to be more embarrassed for: Losing a fight to a girl! And he can't say anything because he knows I'd do worse if he put you in danger."
"I never saw this vindictive side before." Intriguing.
"He had it coming."
"Ah. So how is your garden doing?"
"I've added some grapevines and strawberries. The flowers just needed a gentle hand to guide them and the weeds haven't come back since I disposed of them." She fiddled with the locket at her throat. "I've had to replace the fountains, they're hopelessly mucked inside the works, but the brooks were easy enough, once I righted their course. I grew some more daffodils, the white ones, Mama's favorite, and some starflowers. I put in some nicer roses. I'm thinking of crossbreeding certain ones, because I've found one whose color I like, but the petal shape could be better. And I've designed a fountain that I particularly like, it's a harp, and the water flows down from certain spots to form the strings. I think I'll put it near the Irises. I'm also working on a memorial for Mama, where she died."
"Sounds as if you've been busy."
"Being busy, in the garden, or here with you, means I can avoid the more annoying members of my family. Raoul's been following me. He caught me singing in my garden and tried singing along with me, but he sounds rather a lot like a dying weasel."
Erik snickered.
"I just gave him this look of disgust and walked away. Christine forbade him ever to sing again."
He found that very satisfying. As was her next comment.
"She still talks about your voice, you know."
"Someday I'll sing for you." He promised.
Rojer looked over the paper, sneering. Then he saw a story on Dom's wedding. An evil smile came across his face.
"Oh, how lovely. My old friend is still alive and getting married. It would be just rude of me not to drop by to 'congratulate' him. I'm sure Joelle would be happy to see that I'm ok, and I'm sure she'll save a dance. And the best part- no masked freaks to cut in!"
He laughed, "Oh, I'll have to find an outfit!"
Two days before the wedding, Erik was thinking about outfits as well.
"I'd recommend the second one." Said a male voice… Raoul! "The one with the blue satin accents. It will look nicer with Joelle's dress."
Erik tensed up, wheeling around. "What. Do. You. Want?" he growled.
Raoul lifted his hands in surrender. "I come with peaceful intent. I'm unarmed."
"But why?"
Raoul sighed.
The mark on his face really was awful, Erik admitted privately, and he'd never seen an eye blackened quite so darkly. It was slightly amusing.
Who was he kidding? It was very amusing!
He'd have to remind himself not to incur Joelle's wrath.
Not that she'd ever hit him, he knew, for she seemed fiercely protective, but some other object would certainly be broken.
"Well?" he asked.
"I came to apologize. I was out of line. But I've been such a failure to those I care about… I couldn't let Joelle get hurt again. I wanted to protect her. I know, she's strong, she probably doesn't need it, but…"
Erik nodded guardedly, "She does have that effect on people. After all, you know how we met."
Raoul nodded. "Please forgive my behavior, and my words. I don't like you, but I would like a truce…for Joelle. Maybe she'll speak to me again…"
"I'll accept your apology for her. But you know, she'll be on her guard every time we're in the same room, every time you look at me… She's an admirable woman, and I think you know how protective she is. Like a lioness."
"Ah….yeah…."
"She may never trust you again."
"She was the only person in my family who did anyway. Everyone else thought I was too incapable of anything. Not trust, not intelligence, certainly not talent or artistry. She was the only one not to consider me a disappointment, and even though I have Christine now, I need some of the support I had growing up. Taking over after my brother died is such a challenge, and then there's all the damage control, and her letters were always a comfort. You know, it's more helpful to have someone who expects better from you and treats you like an intelligent person than it is to be indulged as most people did. That was what she did. What good qualities I have, I owe in part to the summers I spent with my cousins and their parents."
Erik nodded, "Dom and Joelle are good people." He thought a moment, "And why did you think I'd need to think about matching Joelle's dress for the wedding?"
"So you are going?"
"Damn. How did you figure it out?"
Raoul shrugged, "I notice things sometimes. Nobody ever told me anything growing up, so I had to find out on my own."
"Oh."
"Does Joelle know you'll be there?"
"It's supposed to be a surprise. Tell her and I'll—"
"Yes, yes, I know, you'll toss me in the lake or something like that." Raoul interrupted, waving dismissively. "I won't tell anyone."
"See that you don't or I really will make sure you become much better acquainted with the Punjab. It hasn't tasted your blood in awhile."
"I'm going to leave before you get violent, Phantom."
"Please do."
"How did it go?" Christine asked.
"Much better than I expected, but I notice one of his hands seemed to be hidden at all times, and I swore I saw the hilt of a knife." Raoul shuddered. "I hope that cousin of mine appreciates that."
"She's reasonable usually… When it doesn't come down to the safety of the man she loves."
"I still don't know what she sees in that mo…man." He shook his head.
"The heart has reasons which reason knows not, mon cher." Christine soothed. "I have to be glad though, that Erik has found someone who appreciates him as I never could. It was never that I didn't love him, only that I loved him as a father or uncle, and so the concept of the sort of relationship he wanted frightened me. You were always the one I wanted as a lover, and you will always be my one and only. Even if your family is insane."
"Hearing you say it like that makes me so happy." Raoul whispered, "And I suppose that I do wish even that beas…person the chance at the sort of heaven I've found."
"I'm glad you can get over the past."
"Somewhat over it." He conceded.
"Come to bed, dear, it's late."
"Not so late."
"Exactly." She purred.
"I thought I'd find you here, Joelle."
She turned around, "Oh, hi Dom."
He looked around, "God, this place is gorgeous. Mom would be so proud."
"It was her garden. I don't know how you two could let it fall to ruin like it was." There was slight reproach in her voice.
"She died here, sis. And we lost you, too, that day. Imagine how hard that was." He slipped his arm around her.
The sun was coming up. Dom sighed, "The wedding is tomorrow…"
Joelle nodded, "Don't worry."
"I'm not. I just wish it would happen. I'm not to see Colette all day now, you know."
"You'll see her tomorrow." She soothed.
"How would you feel if you couldn't see Erik for a whole day?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Disconnected, detached, lonely…" She shuddered at the thought.
"That's how I feel. Colette completes me." Dom said.
"I'm glad you're happy."
"I hope someday you can find such happiness. Marriage and all, I mean."
"I am content." She insisted.
"By the way, I think you will like my Best Man."
Joelle rolled her eyes, "Just because I have to dance with the man doesn't mean I'll like him. I'm a one man woman."
"I think you will!" Dom's eyes twinkled.
"Whatever." Joelle replied, "You know I love only Erik." She kissed his cheek, and left.
Dom sighed, "I know, Joelle, but I hope you don't come to regret it."
That's all for now, folks.