"Marco," I said softly into the payphone.

"Ellie?" he responded. "Where are you?"

I shook my head, even though he couldn't see me. "Not important. Look, can you meet me after school someplace? I really need to talk to someone."

"O…kay. How about the Dot?" he asked me. "Is everything alright?"

I sighed. "Yeah, I'm okay. Do you think we could go someplace a bit more…"

I knew he would figure out that the situation required a talk that couldn't be achieved at a popular teen hangout. "Ellie? You haven't been cutting again, have you?" he asked me.

Again? As if I'd stopped. I was experiencing irony, and I hadn't even stayed for English. "No," I lied. "It's something else. I don't know how to tell you, but I need to get it out."

"Where do you want to meet me?" Marco asked. "Your place? My place?"

"How about the park?" I suggested.

"Where at the park?" Marco asked.

I explained.

Great. Returning me to the scene of one of my many make out sessions with Manny. Wow. Symbolism and irony. I should have become a teacher.

I set the phone back on the hook, and waited for school to end. Waiting for school to be over was strange when I wasn't attending. It was like waiting to lose Manny, when I had never really had her. How could I have gone that far with her? Even if she had been a guy, it still would have been wrong. I shook my head. When did I become an icon of morality? Perhaps I shouldn't have gone that far with someone like Manny, but how much better was it to cut? At this point, I couldn't really worry about maintaining my purity.

When the time finally came, and Marco found me, an extreme sense of awkwardness filled my body. I was about to tell my ex-boyfriend; in the exact spot where I had kissed Manny that he wasn't the only one who switched sides. "Hey, Elle," he asked coolly. "Is everything okay?"

"Let's walk," I suggested.

Marco didn't seem reluctant to oblige. He seemed so casual and open, that it shouldn't have been hard to talk to him. But somehow, it was the most difficult thing I had ever done.

"I don't know how you're going to take this, and I don't blame you if you completely hate me," I began.

"If you're that nervous about telling me, obviously it's something you need to talk about," Marco reasoned. "You're my friend, Elle. I'm not going to judge you. And, believe me. Whatever it is, I'm sure I've heard worse."

I laughed lightly. "Once I tell you, we'll see if that's still true."

"Go ahead," Marco said gently.

"Remember when you told me that Manny had been with a few girls on the side?" I asked him.

Marco nodded. "Yeah," he said, with a slight tremor in his voice.

"Well, you see…" I hesitated. "I'm one of them," I said, almost inaudibly.

"What?" Marco asked, stopping in his tracks.

God, no! Don't make me say it again! "One of those girls was me," I repeated.

"You…you're kidding," Marco gasped. "I mean…no, don't think…how did it happen?"

Great, I thought. Even my gay best friend doesn't understand. Now what? "She got drunk at a party and kissed me," I admitted, bowing my head in shame. "Then she kept calling me and telling me this stuff about how we needed each other, because the world had given up on both of us, or something like that. Basically, she told me whatever I needed to hear, got what she wanted from me, and now can care less if I live or die."

"Oh," Marco winced. "Does Spin know?"

I turned to face him directly. "She left me for Spinner. Not the other way around," I said hotly.

"Oh," Marco repeated.

"Yeah. And she told me they were over, and then…"

I became a bit frustrated, but tried not to let it show. There was more at stake than Spinner's relationship.

"Geez…I'm sorry, Elle. You don't need her," Marco insisted. "And I'm not just saying that because I don't like her."

"I'm sorry too," I sighed. "The whole thing started before she started picking on you, and after…it was like…I didn't know what to do. I mean, she had her issues, but everything she told me was true. I really did need someone, I suppose."

"Everything except the part about leaving Spinner," Marco informed me.

I drew in a sharp breath. "What?" I demanded.

"Oh, God," Marco sighed. "Ellie. I'm sorry."

"No," I said, stretching my rubber band as far as I could before releasing it. "It's okay."

"No it's not," Marco insisted. "You could have talked to me about this, you know. I wouldn't have let her manipulate you like that."

"Yeah," I said sarcastically. "If you were a chick, and Manny was your secret lesbian lover, would you ask your friends for advice?"

Marco considered this. "I would call Ashley," he joked.

"Exactly," I said flatly.

Marco laughed lightly, but the conversation soon took another turn. "So…do you think you're gay?" Marco asked.

"I don't know," I admitted. "I mean, I really did like you, and I really liked Sean, but I also really liked Manny."

"Maybe you're bi," Marco suggested.

I shrugged. "It's just…I don't see myself as part of that, you know? I mean…I'm straight…but sometimes…"

"You like girls," Marco offered.

"Yeah."

"There's a meeting at that LGBTQ place I was talking about tomorrow from six to eight. Maybe you could come with me," Marco suggested.

I didn't know what to say. "But… I don't really know what I am," I told him. "Or if I even belong there."

"That's what the Q stands for," he said simply. "You don't have to come with me tomorrow," he said. "You can wait as long as you need to. Don't rush yourself, okay?"

I nodded, and snapped the rubber band again. "Thanks for not judging me," I told him.

"Since I just despise gay people," Marco said, his voice dripping with cynicism.

"And can you promise me you won't tell Spin?" I pleaded. "I know he's your friend, but…"

"If he doesn't know that Manny cheats by now, I don't think anything I say will make much difference," Marco said matter-of-factly.

Marco had a point.