A/N: AmayzeeDayzee01- I considered using the song you suggested, but I kind of felt like letting this chapter run its course, without using a song. Thanks for the suggestion though
"Ellie," Marco said softly, as I walked out of the bathroom. "Are you okay?"
"Sure," I smiled. "Everything's cool. Why wouldn't I be?'
As soon as the words slipped my mouth, tears began to flood my eyes, pouring out as I blinked.
"Oh, Ellie," Marco said sympathetically. He was probably one of the only guys I had ever met who would pull a girl into his arms, and let her cry onto his shoulder. It didn't help me much to think about how things would have been different if he hadn't come out as gay.
Dylan approached with an awkward expression, unsure of the right thing to do. He glanced briefly at me, considering what advice he would give if he were going to try. His attention shifted to Marco, who looked equally unsure of how to handle my situation. "We should get her outside," Dylan suggested.
Marco and Dylan asked me if I wanted to leave. "You guys are having fun," I objected. "I don't want to spoil that."
Dylan shook his head. "Come on, Ellie. Let's go."
I blinked, and tried to ignore the wet feeling of tears falling down my cheeks. It would have been so easy to let them take me home. The whole way back, they would try to make me feel better, until I could return to my bathroom, behind a locked door, and add a few more scars to my collection. But then I thought about all the time I had tried to make myself cry, just to have a safer release for what I felt inside. Even if Manny had never felt anything for me, I felt an overwhelming sense of relief, despite all the hurting inside me, at the fact that my feelings were real.
"Wait," I said. Marco turned around. He and his boyfriend stood still, waiting for my explanation. "I can't leave yet," I explained. "I'm going to talk to her, and she's not backing out this time."
Marco's eyes widened. "Are you sure that's a good idea. I mean…with Darcy here and everything."
I nodded. "I can't wait until it's convenient," I said, walking past the bewildered couple. "It never is. She's always with someone else. My mother is always too depressed to deal with my problems, on top of her own. Ashley's too busy gushing about Craig to deal with my misery. I can't keep waiting for people to make time for me. I'm going to talk to her."
Without waiting for Marco's opinion, I turned around, and headed in Manny's direction. Marco ran after me, hoping that I would stop. "Ellie…"
"Let me do this," I said sternly, looking him directly in the eye. "If I don't, I'm never going to forgive myself."
He withdrew a bit in defeat, and submitted to giving me some space. Finally, I was alone to face Manny.
Manny stood still, with Darcy standing silent beside her. I wondered if Manny had known that I was going to retaliate, and had prepared herself for whatever I had to say. Either way, I was determined to get her alone.
"Hey," I said sharply. "Can I talk to you for a second?" I asked, glaring steadily at my former girlfriend.
"You already are," Manny said innocently.
"Alone?" I asked, with a bit more force in my voice.
Before Manny could state an opinion, Darcy fled the scene. I probably would have respected her for staying out of our problems if I hadn't just seen her kiss the girl I was still strangely attracted to.
Manny rolled her eyes. "What do you think you're going to accomplish?" she asked me. "We're over, I can do what I want."
The words pushed a stinging sensation through my chest, which seemed to make it beat a few times faster, but I stood my ground. "We're over," I repeated. "But you and Spinner aren't. And you weren't when we had sex either, were you?"
"Will you let it go?" Manny demanded. "My life is my business. Why do you care who I'm cheating on, and who I do it with unless you're trying to get me back?"
"You told me you couldn't like men anymore because you had a bad experience with Craig. You told me that you were with me so it wouldn't be about experimenting and bragging rights and how far you could get. I never expected you to take me to prom, Manny. But I did think that maybe, for as long as we lasted, you could at least tell me the truth. I don't care if you still like me or not, but you owe it to Darcy and to Spinner to tell the truth."
Manny just shrugged, and said, "It's my life," before walking away.
As she walked away, I tried to take one last look at her, for memories sake. But somehow, I couldn't recognize her. It was as if my mind was completely blocking her out, to avoid accepting the fact that the girl who didn't seem to care about anyone she was with, least of all me, was the girl I had been dreaming and fantasizing about for so long. This was the first time I admitted to myself that I missed her.
I was sitting down, in a long, white hallway, hoping to finish the last of my math homework before first period. Ashley had been talking nonstop about Craig the entire time Periodically, I nodded or mumbled "uh huh" or "yeah" to at least pretend that I was listening. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw Manny walking toward me, arguing with Spinner.
"I still can't believe you're breaking up with me to be with a girl!" he shouted. "I know you, Manny, and I know you're not gay."
Manny simply pushed him aside, and walked over to where I was seated. She was wearing a tight blue, button down blouse. Everything about her, her thick makeup, her soft, flowery perfume, and her sweet, almost childlike voice was so distinctly Manny, it was like being reintroduced to the side of her I used to like.
"I'm sorry I hurt you, Ellie," she whispered softly. "I love you."
She reached out a hand to help me up, and I brushed a strand of soft, wavy dark hair out of her face, exposing her eyes, which I had always thought were beautiful. "I love you too," I breathed, as a tear streamed down my face. "I can't stand not being with you.
Without saying another word, Manny pressed her lips against mine in one of her kisses that was overpowering with experience, yet nervous enough to be non-threatening. I kissed back, more passionately than I ever had, and held her for what felt like forever. Finally, when we stopped for oxygen, she said, "I was only with Darcy to make you jealous. But you're the only one I want to be with."
The first few seconds after my eyes opened, I felt light and happy, as if I had been floating. But I then realized that it had only been a dream. Worst of all, I was having romantic fantasies about a relationship that I had constantly been telling myself "didn't count." As much as I hated Manny now, for making me think about being with a girl, and question my already unstable existence, not to mention for leaving me, I still felt a bittersweet elation at the thought of kissing her strawberry flavored lips. I tried to shrug the feeling off, and replace her with Sean or any other guy I knew.
The only other kiss I could remember enjoying even close to as much as Manny's was Marco's. The only two people I could picture myself kissing were the two people I couldn't have.
I must be really sick if I can still even think about enjoying her kisses, I thought dully, staring blankly across my room. It was then that I realized what I needed to do. Hating myself for letting myself sink this low, I picked up the phone and dialed a familiar number.
"Hello."
"Hi, Marco. It's Ellie. I kind of need you to do me a favor."