Disclaimer: I do not own the Teen Titans. But I do have an iPod.
AN: I've broken my nose once. It is NOT something I would like to repeat.
Until the End of the World
Chapter 4 – Meep! Thwomp!
"Azarath."
"Metrion."
"Zinthos."
"Azarath."
"Metrion."
"Zinthos."
I was in my room trying to meditate and ease the hurt I was feeling inside. And failing.
I hadn't slept much last night, unpleasant dreams breaking my rest. Finally I had given up around three in the morning and had begun to try and meditate. Which was turning out to be a spectacular failure.
Every time I started to clear my mind and relax, Beast Boy's careless words drifted through my head and triggered a wave of mixed emotions. Hatred of the things Terra did to us. Sorrow that she lost her life even as she tried to redeem herself. Anger and jealousy over the fact that she had spent a few precious moments with Beast Boy before my friendship with him could fully bloom. Guilt that I had snapped at Beast Boy. All these negative feelings, combined with the happiness I had felt over being asked out by Beast Boy, were resulting in a toxic mixture that left me feeling restless, irritable and discontent.
"Why am I even trying?" I asked myself in a soft voice. "I thought I wanted to go out with him, then he brings up Terra, and now I don't want to see him. Why does it have to be so damned difficult?"
I looked at the clock again and was surprised to see that nearly half past three in the afternoon. For the past few hours it seemed as though time was moving painfully slowly. I hadn't come out of my room yet, and was afraid that when I did I would run across Beast Boy. And I had no idea what I would do if I when I next saw him. Or even if I wanted to see him again.
"This isn't getting me anywhere," I muttered to myself. Tired of floating cross-legged and failing to meditate, I lowered myself to the ground. I uncrossed my legs and stretched, only to discover that I had allowed my right leg to go to sleep.
Knowing that sitting there until blood flow returned would only be worse than getting up and moving around, I leaned to my left and grabbed the edge of my bed. I pulled myself up onto my left foot, keeping my right leg mostly straight. Very gently, I put my right foot down and tried to stand on it. My efforts were answered by the searing needles of discomfort that come with the restoration of blood flow.
I squeezed my eyes shut and let myself feel the sensations coming from my leg. Before long the pain was replaced by a sense of numb fuzziness in my foot. It felt as though it was much bigger than it really was, and was reluctant to go where I asked it to.
'Just a few minutes here and then I can go to the kitchen…' My thoughts were interrupted by knocking on my door.
Three deep, evenly spaced "Thwumps" were followed by Beast Boy's voice. "Raven, can I come in and talk to you?"
"No!" I called out, my voice an icy monotone. "Now is not a good time."
As I spoke I realized that I had left the door unlocked. Without thinking, I started towards it to throw the deadbolt before Beast Boy could open it. Which seemed to be a good idea until I took my first step.
As my weight shifted over my right foot, the numbness betrayed me. My leg collapsed and pitched me unceremoniously to the floor. Caught off guard, I made a quiet, surprised, "meep," as I fell. I was unable to get my arms in front of me to break my fall effectively and used my face instead, hitting the ground with a heavy "thwomp".
"Raven! Are you okay in there?" Beast Boy called through the door, worry obvious in his voice.
The pain in my face was far worse than the discomfort I had felt from my sleeping leg. Even before I felt the hot, sticky fluid pouring down my face, I knew I had hit my nose fairly hard. I touched my face with my right hand and winced, both at the amount of blood I felt and how badly my nose hurt.
"Raven!" Beast Boy yelled out again from the other side of the door. "What's going on? Answer or I am coming in."
I pushed myself onto my hands and knees, fascinated by the amount of blood running from my nose. Drips were falling steadily from the tip of my nose, and more was running down my face and dripping from my chin. Gingerly, I eased myself back onto my knees. Closing my eyes against the inevitable pain, I placed my right hand to my nose to apply pressure and stop the bleeding. "mMargh!" I cried out as quietly as I could as I felt hat stabbing lances of pain run through my nose.
"That's it, Raven. I'm coming in," Beast boy said.
Even as my door started to slide open, I managed to call out, "No, wait, Beast Boy!" But it was too late.
Beast Boy stood in my doorway, his lean figure silhouetted by the hallway lights. "Raven, are you…" he started. His brows furrowed and I could tell that as bad as my nose felt, I must have looked worse to Beast Boy's eyes. "What happened? Come on, we're getting you to the medical bay." Beast Boy came towards me and knelt down next to me, his eyes wide. "We'll get you fixed right up."
"No, I'll be fine, Beast Boy," I protested as he guided my left arm over his shoulders.
"Yea, and I won't yell at the GameStation. Come on," he said as he placed his right arm around my waist and helped me back to my feet.
I was alone, sitting on one of the white sheeted beds in our white walled, white floored and white ceilinged medical room. I still don't understand why we made that room so damned white.
Beast Boy had called Cyborg on our way there, and Cyborg had come to see how badly my nose was injured. After he had carefully cleaned up most of the drying blood from my nose and face, he had taken a few x-rays.
A few minutes ago, my cybernetic friend had come back to let me know that I hadn't managed to completely break my nose. I had just fractured it. "Nothing to worry about, Raven," Cyborg had said. "The swelling will go down in a week or so." After delivering that stunning bit of "good" news, he had excused himself and slipped back to whatever he had been doing.
"Hey, um, Raven," I heard Beast Boy say as he entered the medical bay again. He had scuttled off quickly once Cyborg had arrived to take over, muttering about "blood" and "queasy". "Cyborg told me that it's just a fracture."
I looked Beast Boy over as he spoke. "What did you want when you came to my room, Beast Boy?" I asked.
He laughed nervously and started to drag a chair over. "Mind if I sit?" he asked.
I nodded curtly at him, unsure of what to say.
"Look, Raven," Beast Boy began, "I know that I can be a pain in the butt sometimes. And I know that I open my mouth without thinking about what I am going to say a lot." Beast Boy paused to take a deep breath. "Last night I opened my mouth without thinking, and, well, I compared you to Terra."
I started to open my mouth to tell him that he was perfectly welcome to leave the medical bay anytime he wanted – the sooner the better – so I could let my face continue swelling, when Beast Boy held up a hand. "Hear me out, Raven," he said. "I was coming to tell you that I was wrong to compare you to Terra. I know that the two of you did not always see things the same way, and I know that she hurt you the same as she hurt the rest of us."
Beast Boy looked up from the floor and his eyes captured mine. "Raven, I can't go back and undo or unsay things. But I can try to be more careful about what I say in the future. I give you my word that I will do the very best I can to not compare you to Terra."
Unable to quit looking into the deep pools of Beast Boy's eyes, I said the only thing I could. "Can you go? I need some time alone."
Beast Boy blinked once before he stood up, pushed the chair back against the wall and walked slowly out of the medical suite.
Back in my room, my thoughts and feelings were even more jumbled than they had been earlier in the day. I still wanted to be mad at Beast Boy for comparing me to Terra but for his care for me when I had fallen, and the… Apology? No. He hadn't asked for forgiveness. He had simply owned his part in our argument the night before and told me that he would try not to do it again. This was perhaps the most mature thing I had ever witnessed from Beast Boy.
"I have to get to the bottom of this confusion," I muttered.
Knowing that I needed a more direct answer than I would get through my usual meditation, I dimmed the lights in my room until I could barely see. Carefully I walked to the dresser and picked up my mirror before returning to the relative comfort of my bed.
'I hope this is a good idea.'