Chapter 8: Memories, Together.(part I)
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Haruka slowly made her way to the hotel, the event earlier with Michiru still playing over her mind.
"What am I suppose to do ?" She asked herself outloud. "If only I had told her before... nothing would have happened." She then whispered, her eyes darken and her heart aching.
x
.:Flashback:.
"Haruka, you see the girl over there, I think she has a crush on you. She is been looking this way for a while now." Whispered Sasuke smiling. They were both taking a break between two classes, so they decided to go to the cafeteria to have a cup of coffee.
"I don't think so, maybe interested on you..." Answered Haruka nonchalantly. She just kept reading her magazine while her friend sitting opposite to her, wondered why every girl only have eyes for his blonde friend, who obviously didn't give them any second thoughts.
So he just sighed. "Ahh... Haruka why are you so blind ? If I were you I would just go check on that girl...she is really cute and-"
"I thought you were interested on Michiru?" Interrupted Haruka who wanted to change the subject. She knew her friend had something for the aqua-haired girl. Waiting for an answer from her friend but having none, she looked up from her magazine. Sasuke face was down and his eyes didn't shone like they usually did everytime Michiru was brought up in their conversation.
"Sasuke ?Are you okay ? Did something happen ?" Asked Haruka with concerned.
Sasuke just looked out the window and watched the passersby. He put his chin on his hand's palm and sighed again.
Haruka glanced at him with curiosity, she never knew Sasuke was that serious about their friend. He was always trying to flirt with every cute girls he saw and in front of them nonetheless. Haruka waited in silence, she wanted her friend to confide in her.
A minute passed, Haruka was going to ask again what happened when Sasuke turned his head towards his friend.
"I confess to her." Sasuke whispered. "And she rejected me..." He then added.
"I'm sorry to hear that...but you know-"
"Because she loves you." Interrupted Sasuke.
He then looked straight into Haruka's eyes and found something he had never thought possible to see.
The blonde's eyes were shadowed and reflected an immense pain.
'Its like...as if he feels sad to know that Michiru loves him'. Sasuke thought while looking into his friend's eyes.
Haruka closed her eyes and sighed. She wanted to believe that it was a mistake, that Sasuke was joking, that the aqua haired girl didn't love her, that it was like before, that nothing happened, but Sasuke voice said differently.
"I know you love her too..." The sentence, spoken once, resounded again and again with force against Haruka's temple.
You love her more than you thought.
You know it
Though
You hide it
Love is what you feel for her.
"NO ! I don't love her." Haruka shouted out, releasing the feeling within her. She had to deny it. It was for the best. "What makes you think that ?" She asked a bit irritated. She didn't like to be obvious.
Sasuke stayed silent, he never thought his friend would be so angered ? about it.
As Haruka kept up with her out of character's behaviour, Sasuke suddenly looked unease and pleaded with his eyes Haruka to stop.
"You think I would go for that type of girl, Sasuke ? No...Michiru hasn't even any generous form..."
"Well ... I'm sorry if my body doesn't pleased your eyes. I see... Sasuke told you." Cut off Michiru. She tried her best to look composed and unhurt but the harm was done and it broke her heart into million pieces. She couldn't hold it anymore, she just let her tears rolled down her cheeks and broke off carried by her emotions.
"You Baka ! If you didn't like me ... you should have say so, but to act nicely in front of me ... and to laugh at me behind my back... it's just cruel ! How can you be so heartless ?" Shouted Michiru between sobs.
Everybody in the cafeteria was looking at them. Michiru wasn't paying attention to the crowd that had formed around them. Haruka, who saw the attention they were getting, tried to repair her mistake.
"Michiru ... It's-" But was again interrupted by a hot tempered aqua haired girl.
"No !...I don't want to listen to you... You've already hurt me ...more than you thought, you made me look like a fool... And yes ! I am a fool, a fool for falling in love with you!...How could I be so blind..." She broke up crying freely and let all the emotions she had restrained to show out.
Haruka stayed flabbergasted, she had never thought that her friend loved her that much. She had thought that it was maybe a crush or a liking because they were roommates for almost one year, however what she saw proved the opposite. As for now she didn't know what to do. She had really mess up.
The blonde after a moment of indecision decided to walk silently to Michiru and tried to comfort her like she used to do before, but was greeted by a truly hurt Michiru.
"Don't.." She said silently "I don't want your pity ... I've had enough." She whispered. She was now composed but tears still made their way down her cheeks.
The blonde saw the hurt and the exhaustion in the aqua haired girl's eyes and cursed herself for being the source of this damage.
"I will move out tonight..." Michiru said slowly and with that said, she ran out the cafeteria.
Haruka was left speechless. Some hours before she was sitting on her chair drinking her coffee and reading her magazine, and without minutes her whole life became a total mess. She was lost on her thought when suddenly the situation hit her.
"Michiru !" And she broke off running out from the cafeteria and after her aqua haired friend.
Sasuke sighed and glanced around him to find that every body had witness the whole conversation.
"I knew... even if you said no Haruka...you Baka."
x.x.
After running like hours Haruka desperately searched for a certain aqua haired girl. She went to every places she knew her friend like, but find them empty.
"Where is she ?... Dammit!" Haruka tried her best to think of the place Michiru would be, but she had already checked them all.
"She wouldn't be there ?" It was the last place, even if it seems improbable, she didn't know where to look for so she just ran there.
Michiru walked to a tree, and caressed it gently. Memories came into her mind and brought nostalgia but also bitterness. She didn't know herself why she came here, but her legs just kept walking and without knowing it she was there.
The place where everything began.
She was exhausted both physically and mentally. She decided to sit a little in order to catch back her strength but unconsciously she sat against the tree and let her feeling re-emerged. She then brought her knees to her, encircled her arms around them and bent her head down. She couldn't bear the emotions that flooded within her.
She had to release them.
In an instant she was crying silently, the hurt, the unrequited love, the lies, the hope, the longing, they were all resurfacing at the same time.
Haruka went to each room they have shared, but found no trace of the aqua haired girl. She was almost sure she would have been here.
The place where they first met, Mugen Gakuen High School.
"It's almost dark outside...maybe she directly went to the apartment to get her belongings..." The blonde spoke sadly to herself. With that said she decided to leave the building and to head back home.
As she walked outside the main building of Mugen Gakuen, she remembered the place she used to go when she was depressed or when she wanted to be left alone. The memories made her smile a little.
"I wonder if the spot still the same ?" She asked herself.
She then left the main building and stayed a minute in front of the entrance. She wanted to have a look at her favourite place but she was torn between her nostalgia and her problem at hand, which was to find Michiru. After a moment, she decided to cut through the garden in order to see if her secret place was still the same.
'After all it's like I'm taking a shortcut... well more a longcut, huh?...never mind.' Haruka thought while she walked towards the garden.
As she walked closely to the tree of her memories, she could point out that a lone figure was sitting under it. It took her mere seconds before her mind made the connection between the silhouette and her friend. She stood a moment before heading to the tree, she was nervous and too confused.
'I never knew she liked that place...I was always there and I never saw her near...Could it be?...No way !' She felt a new feeling build inside of her and it made her tense.
Guilt over helmed her as she started running.
She was angered at her for being such heartless, cruel, selfish and insensitive. She never expected her aqua haired friend to love her since High School.
'I'm not worth your love...' She thought to herself sadly.
Michiru was in deep thought and never heard someone coming towards her. She was exhausted, all she wanted to do was to sit there and forget about everything. However as her mind kept drifting back to the scene that took place hours ago she couldn't help herself but to cry softly. She felt like shit and cursed herself for being so stupid, so weak and so dense as to not figured out that she has been fooled by the blonde. Nonetheless she couldn't help but to love. She couldn't think that Haruka was the macho, the cold hearted and the hypocrite bastard he was back then.
'Does love blind you that much ?...' She thought while tightening her grip around her knees.
Haruka silently approach the aqua haired girl and saw her tense, she didn't want to frighten her so she decided to stop some meters before her and to made her presence knowledge.
"Michiru..." she called softly.
The aqua haired girl wasn't sure if it was a trick from her mind or if she was in a dream, but she heard the blonde's voice. The voice was a whisper, soft and caring like the tone the Haruka she knew used.
Seeing that the girl in front of her didn't respond or took notice of her call, she walked slowly and stopped a meter from where Michiru was sitting.
"Michiru...please listen to me." She spoke with a soft pleading voice.
As if to make sure she wasn't fooled by her mind, Michiru slowly removed her head from her knees and looked up.
Her vision was a blur, crying for too long wasn't a good thing. She tried to readjust her vision, it took her some seconds before she could point out the person kneeling before her.
"Haruka..." She whispered softly not knowing if the person if front of her was real or not.
The sight before her gave Haruka a heartache, her beautiful aqua haired friend was in pain and it was her fault. Once she heard the whisper, the blonde didn't think twice and took Michiru in a strong but gentle embrace.
"I'm sorry Michiru, I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you. Please forgive me..." She asked pleadingly.
Michiru didn't answer, she was warm and safe. She didn't held back, she was tired and afraid.
Haruka took notice of her friend's silence and was wondering if she had done something wrong. She gently pulled away and tried to explain.
"Michiru...that wasn't-" Started the blond but was cut off by a delicate yet cold finger put in her lips.
"Sshh..." Whispered Michiru, her eyes met Haruka's. She let her finger lingered a little longer and then tenderly cupped the blonde face in her hands.
Haruka sat flabbergasted.
Unconsciously Michiru caressed Haruka's cheeks and wandered beyond the soft blonde hair, she was letting go of all the emotions, feelings and desire that she had repressed.
"Aishiteru...Haruka, I love you and I have since I first saw you... under this tree. I know your feelings and I respect them, it hurt though... but I understand. I want you to know that." Michiru said tenderly.
She then came closer to the blonde and slowly closed her eyes.
She was crying.
And before Haruka could have done anything, Michiru brought her lips to met Haruka's in a soft yet passionate kiss.
As they parted Michiru look into Haruka's eyes and couldn't hold any longer, more tears escaped her deep blue eyes. "Please... hold me, Ruka...just for this night..." Whispered tiredly Michiru and without waiting for an answer the aqua haired girl just leant on Haruka, cuddled and quickly drifted to a peaceful sleep.
" Michiru...?" The blonde cautiously asked. Having no answer Haruka presumed that the girl in her arms has fallen asleep.
" Love you too..."
Haruka gently caressed the sleeping girl's cheek and couldn't help but to lay a soft kiss on the girl forehead.
The wind breath made Michiru shivered slightly, she cuddled more closer to the blonde who took this as a sign that it was time to go back home.
x.x
She was in her bed, still with her clothes. Michiru stared at the ceiling blankly, trying to figure out what happened. Then the events from yesterday came back to her mind bringing with them feelings that could have been left aside. She was overwhelmed by emotions, the only thought about last night just tore her heart. She wanted to cry.
Michiru wanted to hug her old teddy bear, who has accompanied her during hard time, but was stopped by a hand that was holding hers. She sat up and found a resting Haruka, her blanket was so dense that she haven't seen the blonde sleeping beside her, half sitting on the floor and half laying on her bed.
'He has probably fallen asleep while looking after me.' Thought Michiru.
She couldn't help herself from looking at the blonde peaceful face. She quietly ran her free hand trough the soft blonde hair, she didn't want to wake her friend up. At the third stroke though, Haruka moved and was soon trying to fight the tiredness. While doing so Michiru just watched with a slight grin her friend. " Sorry...I didn't mean to wake you up..."
"Hn..nn..." was Haruka's response. She was still laying on the right side of the bed and as she stirred her arms she suddenly realized that she had been holding the girl's hand. She stared at their link hands and blushed, she then quickly released the soft hand.
"Sorry..." Said Haruka looking away.
Michiru gently took hold of the blonde hand and stared intently at Haruka. She waited Haruka to turn his head and to met his beautiful eyes. She was serious and it was now or never. " Please give me a chance..."
The words echo in Haruka's mind and she couldn't do anything but to stare at the girl in front of her wondering.
"I...I know what you think of me...but I...I can't help it...I want to be with you." The aqua haired girl said as tears slowly made their way down her cheeks.
Haruka who was sitting on the floor, stood up and went to sit by Michiru's side. She gently wiped Michiru's tears away. She didn't know how to react to the pleading, she was sure that it was for the best if they just stay friends, but something inside her wanted to think otherwise.
Seeing the sadden expression on the blonde face, Michiru quickly tighten her grip on Haruka's hand.
"Please...give me a chance, I will do...anything-"
"Don't say that...you know you mean a lot to me, Michiru." Haruka said as she slowly took hold of both Michiru's hand in hers. "What I said back in the cafeteria were lies. What I truly think is that you are...really beautiful and got a lot of charm. I...I didn't mean to hurt you. Sasuke told me that he has confessed to you but that you rejected him...because you love me. I'm sorry, it kind of surprised me and I didn't know how to react...especially in front of him." Explained Haruka, she tried to avoid as much as possible the main reason for her anger.
"You don't have to apolog-" Michiru started but was cut before she could finish.
"No, I have to...I don't want you to think that I'm an hypocrite and that I think of you that way...I have truly hurt you and it's unforgivable...I want you to know that." Interrupted Haruka.
"Hai...I understand but..." Michiru hesitated to continue, she wanted an answer but couldn't find the courage to face the truth.
"But...?" Encouraged Haruka.
"But...what hurts the most...is to be away from you. Back then I acted strong but I don't want to move out-"
"You don't have to if you don't want." Interrupted rapidly the blonde.
"I know, however I don't think that I will be able to live near you knowing that we will never be together..." Whispered sadly Michiru.
"..." Haruka was silent, she hadn't expected her friend to be so serious. She somehow wanted to hope that everything the aqua haired girl felt for her was just an infatuation, but the words Michiru said implied otherwise.
"Am I not... good enough ?...Please tell me what you don't like in me...I will try to change...if only you will give me a chance to..." Pleaded Michiru.
"I...nothing, don't try to change you are perfect as you are now. It's not something about you...it's more something with me...I don't want to hurt you." Explained Haruka. Michiru meant to much for her.
"You are already hurting me..." Whispered softly Michiru her head down.
"I...I do love you too, Michiru... That's why I want you to be happy and-"
"If you love me too, then why can't we be together ? If you want me to be happy...just be with me." Michiru looked carefully into Haruka's eyes, she was desperate.
"Because...because they will be no future for us." Sadly responded Haruka.
"Why ?" Asked Michiru. She was lost. Haruka loved her but because of the future they couldn't be together ?
"I don't care about the future, I just want to live in the present... Why are you looking so far to ?" Added Michiru as she didn't received any answer from the blonde.
"..." Again Haruka couldn't answer her, she wanted to tell her the truth but it was risky. She didn't know how her friend would react and what the consequences would be.
"I see...you don't really love me...you said that because you feel sympathy towards me. I should have known..." After her last words Michiru broke up crying.
She felt miserable. Who was she to impose her feelings ? She would have never thought that she would be so selfish as to not consider the other feelings and opinions. She brought her hands to cover her face, she was so ashamed.
Her own action made her angry, how could she force Haruka to love her ? He has his own feelings and she wasn't even paying attention to them, to him at all.
It was just her.
She suddenly tossed the blanket away, stood up and ran away from the bedroom. She was disgusted of herself and she couldn't bear to be near the blonde.
However before she could leave the apartment, Haruka gently grabbed her by the wrist. "Michiru...we need to talk..."
The blonde then led her to their leaving room. Michiru tried to free herself from the grip but wasn't strong enough to broke the blonde firm grip.
Haruka made the girl sat in the couch and then sat beside her.
"Look at me Michiru...do you really think I wasn't serious when I said that I love you ?" Asked Haruka. Her expression serious as never.
The aqua haired girl just looked down, too ashamed to even face the blonde. Tears started to trail along her cheeks.
"I...I..." She tried to speak but nothing would come out.
The blonde slowly wiped the tears and lifted Michiru's chin. She saw the hurt in the aqua haired deep blue eyes and finally come to a decision.
"Michiru, look at me..." She slowly opened her eyes and looked at Haruka.
Michiru then felt Haruka's warm hands cupped her face. She was so embarrassed for being a crying baby that she closed her eyes again she couldn't bear to be seen like that.
Seconds later she opened her eyes widely. Haruka was kissing her...gently, passionately, longingly and more importantly he was kissing her lovingly. She then closed her eyes and returned the kiss.
x.x.x
Since that day, Haruka decided to trust her heart. She couldn't bear to see the woman she loved hurt and sad. She wanted to believe that maybe Michiru would understand and accept since she truly loved her, but the fear to lose her was to immense. She would tell her in due time.
TBC
AN: Sorry, I promised to write about the breakup but I have to postpone it till the next chapter. Gomen