Lol , my friend always flips out when I talk about K/Y but I can't help my obession! They are so hott together! (has a heart attack) lol, I am scaring myself now! And listening to the radio, radios are my friends. Yea, sorry I can't reply to reviewers in my stories, someone sent a letter saying it was against the rules now T.T I am so sorry guys! I swear I'll find some way to reply! Let's just say I love you all and thank you for reviewing! Love you all x)
You know how much I hate Bob from Bobo's well the new commerical is the furnitue singing and bob in the mirror. I screamed so freaking loud the neighbors came running over xD I am so dead serious. I HATE bob and I flipped out at that commerical!OOOOH the RANCH TOOTH COMMERICAL IS ON! Ranch.. Ranch ranch ranch ranch ranch!
Warnings; Shonen-Ai, Some Strong Language, Drama, and that stuff. Spoilers galore!
Ugh my stupid 'T' key on my computer is broken! noooo it's so hard to type now! Why couldn't it be Z!
Also, if you still want my email, it is at the end of my bio page. the very end, lol. No one can find it. Lol yea! Just thought I'd say that!
Looking back at me I see
That I never really got it right
I never stopped to think of you
I'm always wrapped up in
Things I cannnot win
You are the antidote that gets me by
Something strong
Like a drug that gets me high
What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold to you
And I'm sorry about all the lies
Maybe in a different light
You could see me stand on my own again
Cause now i can see
You were the antidote that got me by
Something strong like a drug that got me high
I never meant to be so cold
I never really wanted you to see
The screwed up side of me that I keep
Locked inside of me so deep
It always seems to get to me
I never really wanted you to go
So many things you should have known
I guess for me theres just no hope
I never meant to be so cold
Eternal Souls
Chapter 11: Blissful Heart
"Y uan. Wake up, lunch is ready!"
I cracked open my eye and just starred at the darkened space I had created with the plentiful amount of blankets. I just laid there in for a few instantness and pulled the blankets around my body tighter. Waking up to my full extent, I realized I was wearing Kratos' robe. It was softer wearing it then it felt. before. With a slight smirk, I rolled over and pulled the blankets off my face and starred at the ceiling. The room was vaguely lit , seeing a storm was passing through, and it made it extremely hard to see. But even without the light, I knew how stupid I looked in a lilac bathrobe. Purple was Kratos' color, it just looked so odd on me.
Sitting up in bed, I crossed my arms and watched the rain gently fall against the window panes. Storms like this had caused us to bunk up with each other. But I knew Kratos didn't mind at all. I still believed he had something to do with the caving in of my roof. Pushing the thoughts aside, I just stretched my arms in the air and blinked a few times. Waking up to a dark room wasn't what I really had wanted. A sleeping Kratos was much more fitting. And more pleasing to see.
"Yuan?" I heard Kratos call again. Slightly turning my head, I noticed that the cause for Kratos' voice to be so rough was that the door was tightly shut. Just the simple things, like Kratos closing the door so his odd routines wouldn't bother me, was worth it's weight in gold. Or love. Yawning, I got up and reached out for the doorknob. It took a few tries before I could actually find it, seeing my eyes weren't used to so much dark.
"Coming ," I replied brisk fully. Turning the knob, I walked down the dark hall, eyes still not adjusted to the dim light. Twitching my ears, I walked into the kitchen.
The kitchen was completely dark, only I could see Kratos' silhouette near the table. Very vague light shone on him and I sighed, almost embarrassed. How stupid I looked in his bathrobe. Perking my ears up, I stood completely immobile, as I noticed Kratos' staring at me. Did Kratos really want to do it again?
"Here," Kratos suddenely rang out beconking for me to come over. I really couldn't tell if he knew I was in his robe, but I concluded he must have. Sitting down next to the seraphim, I watched his gaze fall from his plate of food to me. Uneasily, I looked down at the plate in front of me.
"What is it?..." I asked meekly. There was no smell, and with the shortage of light, I couldn't tell what was on the plate. Rapidly blinking my eyes, I glanced down at the plate and noticed it was empty. But didn't Kratos just say lunch was ready. Giving Kratos a suspicous dagger, he turned away. I sighed and could only conclude that Lloyd was on the seraphims mind. He promised me he'd be alright, but now. Now he was just losing it.
"Uh Kratos?" I asked, trying not to sound cruel. I crossed my arms and watched Kratos for any reaction. All he did was remain still, back-turned to me. No response, no kind gestures. I knew the pain for his son was enmorous but just to stagger from depression then to blissfulness was abusrd! I wasn't going to spend the rest of my life guessing his mood every morning.
"Kratos, answer me," I tried not to hiss through my teeth. No re-action. Sighing miserably, I got up and walked over to the cabinet and sinks. It was only a few minutes before a knock arose. Kratos didn't respond to the knock so with regret I stood up and made my way to the door. I had opened the door before i reliezed I was still in my bathrobe. What a horrible embarrassent. I stared at the angel at the door.
"Yuan, good to see you. Is Kratos here?" My ears rang out and watched as Colette clasped her hands sadly. I knew it must be something about Lloyd's death. I sighed and pushed open the door as far as it could go and let her in.
Without being told to, the blonde walked into the kitchen and just watched Kratos. At least she didn't even notice I was in this odd bathrobe. Tilting my head, I watched her walk over to the statue Kratos slowly.
"Kratos, can I speak to you?" Colette asked. First I thought he would ignore her, but Kratos rose his auburn head and starred gloomily at Colette. I saw all the hatred he was hiding from me earlier, and it burned me inside. He kept lieing about his feelings. He was doing it a lot lately. Even though he didn't want me to worry, when he lied it made me worry even more! Damn that Kratos.
"Yes?" I heard him answer simply. Almost in fear of what was going to happen, I stayed where I was, hidden from Colette's view. Kratos gestured for Colette to sit down. Just as he told her, she pulled up a chair and sat down next to him. A bitter taste filled my mouth. So he would talk to her and not me. Why did my feelings keep changing for Kratos everytime he did something this stupid.
"Lloyd's, funeral will be held later today. We all knew you would want to be there. So I came here, and.. I'm so sorry," Colette explainied breaking down in tears. The two seraphims were the only ones to ever get close to Lloyd. And I knew Colette had spent multiple years with the swordsman so this shock proabbly was coming incredibly strong for her.
"I'll be there," Was all Kratos replied with. Colette looked at him, concerned and got up. Sliding against the wall, trying to remain out of sight, I watched the blonde chosen exit the house, tears rolling down her face.Jerking uneasily, I glanced around the corner at the melancholy Kratos.
"Yuan, come in here," I heard Kratos call out. Twitching my ears, I walked around the corner and sat down next to him. The seat was ice cold, proabbly from the stiffness in the air, but how could a feeling change the temperature? Glancing over I saw Kratos look over at me. He took my hand and gave me an intent scan.
"I want you with me when I attend Lloyd's funeral," He spoke leaning his head against my shoulder, breaking down. I sighed and stroked my hand through his hair. He hid so much from me, and he always had the mask on him. The mask that hid his feelings. I just wanted to burn that fucking mask and leave it behind us.
"Alright," I replied, sharply. I wanted to be there for him, but everytime he hid his feelings and lied about them I felt like I wanted to leave. Leave him and this house. Kratos looked up at me, a few tears rolling down his face. My heart sank, everytime I saw him cry it made me feel like holding him forever. He needed someone. But I wasn't sure I was the one he wanted to comfort him.
"I'm sorry I lied to you. I didn't want to distress you. But thank you for assisting me last night, it worked and took my mind off of the whole thing, for awhile..." He spoke, mind drifting off. I could only feel bad for him. He was apologizing to me? He must have known how dreadful I was feeling lately. Lowering my gaze at the seraphim, I could only flicker a small smile at him.
"Your welcome. Let's get ready to make our leave. Then later I can aid you again," I whispered softly. Kratos paused for a moment, I was expecting a grin or him just to get up and get ready but he did something I never thought he would have in this situation. He literally nuzzeled his head in my shoulder, and clutched me by the arms tightly. Shocked, I glowered down at him and only tilted my head in amusement.
"I need relief now Yuan," He spoke clinging to me. This was so odd of Kratos. So out of character. He usually never pleaded for anything. Or asked for that fact. He always got what he wanted even if I needed to be convinced. But now he was pleading for his release. Slightly I ran my hand over Kratos' outline.
"After..." I reminded him sternly. He needed to attend his son's funeral pure-hearted. Not influenced from our own pleasures. I was expecting a pout or whine but Kratos looked up at me, still clinging. It was such an awkward position but I didn't mind it that much.
"Please Yuan," He replied as if he was cleaved to me. Sighing I raised his head up and looked him straight in the face. I had to be stern about this. He had to be pure for Lloyd. And plus, I knew his son would dis-approve of our affetion right before his mourning. No, I had to stay strong for both Aurions.
"Kratos, no. After," I spoke, acting as stubborn as I could. Kratos was so hard to convince. He was stuck on his ways and he usually always pursuaded me to think like him. Looking at me softly, he closed his eyes and murmured something under his breath. It was either an okay or he was cussing me out. Either way, I knew I had won this one.
"Then I'm going to go get changed. This bathrobe is freaking killing me," I spoke breaking away from Kratos' grasp. The seraphim just watched as I retreated into our room. I shut the door tightly and pushed the cabinet in front of the door. I knew that Kratos would attempt to create a 'mood' and any way to avoid it was in my best interests. Yawning, I got changed in my normal clothes, Kratos hadn't tried to walk in on me thankfully, and moved the cabinet away. I laid down on the bed, starring up at the ceiling as the rain fell down rapidly.
"Yuan?" I cracked open an eye and saw Kratos walk in. Why did I move that cabinet! Why why why! Twitching angriliy, I tried to pretend I was interested in what he was saying. Kratos just looked at me contently as if just seeing me made him feel better. If only I knew that was true.
"What? Are you ready?" I asked, trying not to sound prude. Kratos gave a stiff nodd and I could tell he was holding back his tears.
---------------------------------
"We have all gathered for one reason; to honnor and grieve for Lloyd Aurion Irving. His death came as a shock to all us. We wish for him an eternal rest. For he was the guiding light in our journies. Rest in peace Lloyd."
"..." Kratos clung to my sleeve in pain. Misery whelmed in his eyes as he closed his eyes tightly. Everyone had showed up for Lloyd's funeral, including myself. Colette and Dirk were the ones to speak in the funeral ceremony, seeing they spent their whole lives with him. My heart hurt for Kratos, he was eternally bruised after loosing Anna.
"May Lloyd's memories always be with us," I could hear Raine speak solemnly from her side of the coffin. I looked over at the destroyed Kratos, stunned.
"It's alright Kratos, he's with Anna now," I spoke, as softly as I could running my hand through Kratos' hair in the back. The ceremony was dieing down, and after awhile of hearing speeches about Lloyd's life and the influences he had on everyone, it had dwidled down to Kratos and I remaining. I looked down at Kratos who had broken away from me and sat down next to his sons' grave.
"I'm sorry I wasn't able to protect you, Lloyd, my son," Kratos spoke, in the most solemn voice I ever heard from him. My heart sank lower as Kratos just sat by the grave for what felt like eternity. I didn't take my eyes of the fellow seraphim at all.
"Kratos, you sure you're going to be fine?" I asked, walking over to him. Head sunken low, Kratos replied in a harsh tone.
"I'll never be fine..."
I closed my eyes at the pain of his words filled me. This blow was even worse then the last time. Was I really expecting Kratos to be alright after his son's death even though he had told me? I clenched my teeth tightly and turned around, in despair.
"Fine then." I replied just as harsh. This was just like a drawn out good-bye. A moment I never wanted to happen, after all these years. Would Kratos really turn his back on me after these four thousand years? It just couldn't be this simple. Had my rejection to Kratos' desires turned him ill towards me. I sighed and looked at the Rhearids we used to fly here. I was starting to think I'd be leaving solo.
"Then leave," I suddenely heard Kratos hiss. My heart sank worse, I was getting rejection from Kratos, no other words for it. No skipping around the subject at all. Nothing but hatred. A hatred I didn't understand. First he loved me and now hated me so soon? I just wanted to die, just die.
"I will," I hissed back, holding back my tears. And it was over after that moment. I thought we had grown so close. So damn close... I let him do anything he damn well pleased and yet he betrayed me in the end. I let him love me, I let myself fall in love, but then was torn apart brutally again.Swinging onto the Rhaeird I hovered in the air, and just starred at Kratos before departing in the skies.
------------------------
I closed my eyes as I set down the Rheaird onto the cold hard ground that lay before me. Our house, just a freaking burden about our past, yet again. To think that I would return witout Krtos by my side seemed alitlle odd, or such. But now I doubted I would ever see the seraphim again. He told me to leave. He fucking told me to go away and leave him alone. No excuse for his action and I just had to get over that.
"I guess this is my last visit here," I muttered as I walked in to grab my things. You see I didn't want he memories to flood back to me. But they did. The pancakes, the memories shared, and even the weirdest things we used to do. I missed them all, but damn, I had to be strong. I couldn't keep living a lie and pretend that Kratos still cared about me. Because he didn't.
"Pitty, all I have is my clothes to get," I snapped as I walked into the room. Memories of a few days ago cascaded into my thoughts without warning . I had to forget I just had to. Closing my eyes I rummaged through the cabinets and grabbed my clothes. There wasn't that many, sad. Sighing, I leaned against he bureau, eyes tighly shut. I should have known not to trust that ass again. But I did. And it bothered me.
"Kratos' Diary..." I spoke out loud. It was true he kept his diary in this room. I thought back to the time when I had read it and Kratos depresseion was enermous. So, so possibly get inside Kratos mind thorough his diary. It was a plan. And it was the smartest idea at that moment.
"I believe he keeps it under the bed," I snickered. I could care less about his personal propiorty. And I seriously doubted Kratos knew I had come back to the house. But I didn't care at all.
Sliding my hand under the bed, I scooped up his diary and grinned. This was it, I could understand why the hell Kratos kept changing his mind on whether he loved me or not. Finally.
To my great disappoint, every single page was dark black, covered with ink. His loss of his son must have made him hate everything he had ever written in this diary. Lowrring my gaze, I flipped through a few pages, all black. Nothing but ink. Until I came across one page. It was almost all black, but one line wasn' crossed out. One line.
Squinting my eyes to see it, I crossed my arms and read out loud, trying to understand Kratos' odd writing. It was so odd. After a few seconds, I could understand what he had wrote on that line. And that one line made my heart sink.
If it hadn't have been for Yuan I wouldn't still be alive. Damn, that stuck up half-elf really does get the best of me. Some things never change.
Clenching my teeth wih confusion, I pu the diary away under the bed and just sat down. I didn't know when or why he wrote that but he did. I seriously doubted Kratos still felt that way towards me. And yet I didn't want him to care about me anymore. He told me to leave.Was I really that gullible towards Kratos? It really pissed me off and I sighed. That entry mustt have been months old. But why not cross that out. Just thinking tabout this got my stomach sick, just plain sick.
After awhile, I concluded Kratos wasn't coming back. Now and not ever. It was such a crappy day as it stood, but with the extra weather mixiniing in, it was horrible, just horrible.
"if I hate him why do i still feel like I want him," I spoke bitterly looking down at the rug as lightning flashed outside. This feeling was so strange. I hated Kratos' guts but yet I loved him. Loved him more then I could ever explain, as stupid as it sounds. Crossing my arms, I just starred blankly, I hated being in this house. Every part of it reminded me of Kratos. Every single inch.
"To answer your question, it's because your a stubborn jackass. Might I ask why you are here?" Whirling around I saw Kratos at the door to his room. At first I wanted to smile with relief but then realitiy flooded over me, and his words played in my head. "Then leave.." I closed my eyes before opening them again, snarling.
"Getting my stuff, don't try to stop me," I hissed back at him. He seemed so emotionless, just like he used to be when Mithos had a reign on him. Just thinking back made me relieze how many Kratos betrayed me. But this time was different. This time it burned a whole through me, not just my heart. It felt like the fires of hell, and just looking at the seraphim made me sick. So sick I wanted to kill him.
"Then hurry and take your leave, hal-elf," He hissed. My eyes suddenely widdened. Kratos had never called me a half-elf in an offensive way. He was the only human I had known not to make a mockery of my kind. But now, he changed that all. Biting down on my lip, trying to control my rage, I grabbed my clothes and walked to the door where Kratos stood.
"I plan on it, bastard," I spoke cruely as I pushed him aside and stormed outside. It was really over. The names were exchanged, the hearts were broken. And we were lost. Nothing but hatred remained. No love whatsoever. And that;s what hurt me the most. I had loved him. I had been so naive,g and now I was paying for it. Damn Kratos...