School starts in three days, omigosh! I am so damn excited! loL! Yea my T key is still freaked out so if a word is missing a t don't kill me! I'm doing my best to get it fixed! Ugh I have to literally smack it to make a t appear. and I even resorted to edit pasting every time I need a t, but that's annoying isn't it?And now I got the idea of hooking up another keyboard to this computer, it's so funny.I'm like "DAD I"M BORROWING THE KEYBOARD" and he's like "why?.." and I'm like "My t key is broken and my inspiration can't work without the t key!" and he's like "Whatever..." it was so funny. and I am so happy, I just watched Lawn Mower racing at a fair. I was like "LAWN MOWER RACING?"
And for some reason my computer keeps deleting my story document X.X So i'm sorry if I keep delaying these updates and... Cold by Crossfade is on! Wh00t! lol I'll shut up. Or will i?
Warnings; Some Language, Strong Shonen-Ai, Suggestive Themes. Spoilers. (Yes those are more warnings. so if you don't like any of those, I warned you! UGH! Now the song All the things you said' is on. Reminds me of what is happening in this story, creeped)
I get the same old dreams, same time every night
Fall to the ground and I wake up
So I get out of bed, put on my shoes, and in my head
Thoughts fly back to the break-up
These four walls are closing in
Look at the fix you've put me in
Since you been gone, since you been gone
I'm outta my head, can't take it
Could I be wrong, but since you been gone
You cast the spell, so break it
Since you been gone
So in the night I stand beneath the back street light
I read the words that you sent to me
I can take the afternoon, the night-time comes around too soon
You can't know what you mean to me
Your poison letter, your telegram
Just goes to show you don't give a damn
"It's really over..."
Closing my eyes, I leaned my back against the tree behind me for support. After Kratos and Is little ordeal, I had gone off to a small forest, to relax and get my mind off everything. The forest was small, but scenic. A small river was rushing through the middle of the clusters of trees I was taking shelter in. Lush green bushes seemed to create a barrier around the boundaries of the forest and the open plains. So quiet, the only sounds were those of birds and rushing water. There was little color, just endless greens. Everything seemed so perfect, what a contradictory to how things were going right now. It was peaceful, but could I really relax.
I was starting to come to the realization that Kratos wasn't coming back no matter what happened. He lost his last part of his heart when his son died. But this still didn't seem real. For some reason I still felt like I wanted to go back home to Kratos. Home. I shouldn't even call it that anymore. How could he do this to me after so many years? My only conclusion was that he was a selfish bastard who couldn't love anyone.
But what I really regretted now, was that I had spent so much time with him. So many memories that won't get out of my head, bitter, sweet, and deathly ones. They were like sharp needles prickling into my skull every minute. Why did I still think about him. It was over, I had to keep telling myself that.
Yet somewhere in my heart I didn't want it to be over. I just wanted to hold him close, never let him go. But that was just a dream I was chasing, it was useless. After all these years of ignorance towards the seraphim, I wanted time to go back, I wanted to do things differently. I knew he knew that I loved him, but I doubted he ever understood. He was so dense towards other people, ever since Anna had passed away. Now I doubted he'd ever be the same.
"Kratos, what have you done to me!" I hissed bitterly. He had screwed up my head so strongly. Nothing would ever be the same. He had changed my whole life, and now I was left to deal with whatever was left of it. What really bugged me was that part of his diary that wasn't scribbled out, but that was just useless now. He honestly had his own issues, and this time I wouldn't be there to help him.
Crossing my arms, I glanced up into the sky. It was starting to get late, and I had nowhere to go. No shelter, nothing. Just this forest. Of course I had some gald, but it was stored at the house. But, oh that's right, I had my bases. To think I had completely forgotten about both bases after all these years with K-, that seraphim, just saying his name was punishment enough.
"I better get going then," Getting up I glanced around, and sighed. It was so hard to live without him, to live without a... friend.
It took me awhile to arrive at the Teth'alle base. It was sheer cold as usual, I hated the cold, but I didn't really care at the moment. I didn't care about anything anymore, just myself. I wouldn't be betrayed again, so I can't trust anything or anyone except myself.
I yawned and pushed open the doors and the lights were off. Terrific. It was completely abandoned and I guessed the power bills had resulted in the loss of electricity. But I had magic to use as energy, so I wasn't phased to much. I was too deep thought to actually realize I had made it to the hangar where my room sat.
It was warm in the main room, unlike the other parts of the base. Raising my head, I looked around the base and sighed. It was so, what was the word I was looking for? Was it lonely? Being away from him couldn't possibly make me lonely could it? Ugh, why did I ever get so close to that bastard.
"Well, if I plan on living here, I better make the best of it," I barely declared, as I clenched my teeth, trying to hold back my grief. I tried to hold my head high, I tried to pretend he had not effect on me, but he did. He had all the effect on me, and that worried me. Could I possibly even live without him? I was starting to learn so.
Change to Kratos' Point Of View (Like omigosh am I actually gonna write in Krato's POV! I must also say Akon is on... grr)
I plan on it, bastard
His last words refreshed in my thoughts over and over again. The look on his face, his words were so savage. Had I been too cruel to him? I suspected he wouldn't ever see eye-to-eye with me after all the things I said and did to him.
The loss of my son was too profound for me, and I didn't know how to handle it in a sufficient manor. All I wanted was him back, my son and my Anna. Losing them was hard enough, but with the deprivation of Yuan was making me sick to my stomach. I never meant to ask him to leave, I just wanted some time to think, and I knew he wouldn't allow that. He was persistent, he cares about me, well cared...
But this house feels different without him. True it might just be a figment of my inner most thoughts but it was different to me. I never meant to use such a harsh tone to him, never meant to get angry, and never meant to lose him.
"Yuan..." Closing my eyes, I sat down at the table starring blankly at the wall. Had it been so long since I was happy? Lowering my head in shame of how much I desired the half-elf I had neglected so austerely. It was true he had a stubborn attitude and times a, prude, nature but I loved him. Even after I told him to leave, and even after I knew we'd never be together I still loved him. And wanted to feel his warmth, feel his body wrapped around mine, feel his hand clasped in mine, feel his silky hair, hear his naive but voice I came to love, hear his quick breaths in the moments, I wanted him, everything about him. All I ever wanted was someone to be with, to love, to laugh with, and to cry with. And I had pushed away that person.
"He'll never come back," I was on the verge of tears for several reasons and things floating around in my thoughts, taunting me. I just wanted to run, run away from everything, but that wouldn't help. The only thing I knew would ever help me was getting Yuan back. Although I never 'needed' someone before, I was starting to slowly, and painfully, learn that I needed Yuan. In the worst way possible.
"Yuan, where are you?" That answer rang out throughout the house. Without Yuan's presence, it just echoed emptily. Nothing to show life. Tightly shutting my eyes, I stood up and pondered for a few moments. He must have not gone far. Unless he really didn't care about us anymore, then he might have fled as far away as he could. I could hardly blame him for wanting to leave our memories after everything I said to him.
There was two ways I could solve this issue, well there was other ways, but those would be of the utmost ridicolous things to do. I could go find Yuan and tell him how I honestly felt, after all these years, or I could live here, without him forever. The choice was obvious, but the fear of rejection loomed around me. I had rejected him so many times before, I wouldn't be stunned if he did the same to me.
But there came the question of where he was. There was no place to go, unless he went somewhere that held no memories of us. Where could that be? It took me many attempts to finally infer where Yuan was. He had gone to the one place that he could, to his base.
"I pray he'll accept me," My voice trailed off into the abyss of nothing, as I walked outside. Soon I could reclaim the person who had been there for me through everything with open arms. After all these years, I finally understood how I truly felt about him. It was something that ran core deep. Not a desire, but a need in me. Without him, I was incomplete.
My navigation skills were rusty, so finding the ice caps of the Flanoir region was a difficulty. But it was all worth it in the long run. Landing roughly into a clump of snow, I jerked off, alittle too soon, which resulted in a mouth full of snow.
"..." I couldn't say anything about this. It was my anxiouty that got the best of me, but still, I needed him. Shaking off some snow, I walked up to the already opened doors. So my assumption was correct. He was here, and my stomach lurched as I walked in. Just knowing Yuan was here made me start shaking. Pausing for a moment, I racked my brain to remeber where Yuan's main room was. Where was it? Something inside of me told me the directions to where he resided.
I stood in front of the main room door. Gulping, I felt like turning back and forgetting that I even came here, but I couldn't even live with myself. I had to go in. Just had to. The door flung open, well slid, and my glance went from the wall to Yuan, who's back was turned to me. Possibly he didn't hear me enter.
I had to stay quiet, so as swiftly as I could I walked to where Yuan was. My first idea was to say something but I just watched him look out the window. Everything about him was so, tempting, and I couldn't understand this burning desire I had for him. My palms became sweaty as I stood behind him. Mustering up all the courage I had, I placed my arms around Yuan, almost in an akward-backwards hug.
I could tell his heart stopped. He remained as stiff as stone, as I held my arms around him. He felt so much more enjoyable to hold. After a few seconds, he whirled around, in shock and starred up at me. I was expecting him to either hit me like he always did, but his gaze softtened as I held him close.
"K-kratos? What do you want..."He stuttered. He was obviously nervous. My anxiouty melted as I starred into his eyes and just held my arms around his numb body. How much I wanted him here and now.
"Yuan..." Was all I could say in reply. I wanted to tell him how sorry I was, and that i never meant to be so cruel, but just looking at him, I couldn't get those words out. He tilted his head, as his bangs pushed in his face. For some reason, just my actions were telling him how sorry I was for everything. I had been through so much, I didn't even know what I was saying.
"You came for me?" I heard him speak, shaking. Why was he shaking. Was he afraid that I would turn back into that heartless and crude side of me? Poor Yuan. I held him tighter as I watched his gaze flicker at me as I watched him intenly.
Reaching out my arm, I pushed aside his bangs and kissed him softly. I just held him in that position, I didn't want to let go. Pausing for a moment, I rested the side of my face against his.
"I'm sorry," I managed. Yuan starred back at me, glance filled with desire. He was still shaking as I held him close. This wasn't like all those other times. The passion and chemistry between the two of us was whelling up, like never before. He buried his head into my chest and suddenely held me tight.
"Kratos, kratos," I heard him rasp. Tilting my head, I looked down at his head which was buried against me. A soft smile rolled across my face and I ran a hand along his hair and kissed the top of his head, reassuirngly.
"I'm not going anywhere," I breathed softly as he clutched me tightly. This obstacle was making us stronger, and I knew it was something we could overcome, together. Lightly raising his head, I looked him straight in the eye, tears were lightly falling from his emerald eyes. My heart hurt for him but I didn't say anyhing.
"Please don't," I heard him reply in a whisper. Lightly smiling, I kissed his forehead and just breathed heaviliy, in attempts to let him talk, go slow.
"Yuan?" I asked softly, he just hushed me by sharply kissing my lips. He was so sweet, and every kiss was a treat. He looked at me for a few minutes before replying.
"Yes?" He asked curiously as he ran a hand through my untidy hair. He had stopped shaking, and he seemed a bit less unerved. I stutttered at the right words, how could I explain this need I had for him. I just pulled him closer and mumbled.
"I need you.," I hummed in his ear. I didn't hear his reply, he was quiet like that.
"This time I won't say no,"He whispered back resting his head against the side of my face. Glowing a bit at him, I ran a hand down his chest, not wanting to say anything in reply. It wasn't the thing between wanting him, I needed him. I couldn't live without him. He wasn't an acessory, but a requirement to live. He was my life support.
"Yuan..." I spoke, still tracing his outline. He was starting to shake a bit, but he bit down his lip, seeming a bit annoyed that I kept talking. Glaring at me, he kissed me aggressively and uttered a few words in my ear, in a peeved voice.
"Enough talk, Kratos,"
Those words played in my head. I was stunned, he had changed so much through these years. He used to be so shy about his feelings and wants, but now he made everything clear, and I had to admire his changes. He changed for the best, and I loved him, no matter how he acted.
"I'm not going to let you slip away ever again," I spoke, oblivious of Yuan's demand to stop talking. He glanced up at me, distracted by my wandering hands.
"I wouldn't let you even if I had to persuade you myself,"He answered, as I contiuned to run my hands across him. I could only grin, thinking of what he meant by persuade. I wanted to be 'persuade' right now.
"What if I said I wanted to be persuaded now?" I dared. I was expecting no response but a mischievous look flickered in his emerald eyes. He extended his arms and fumbled with my clothing.
"Then I would have to persuade you," He murmured, attentive to his goal of attacking my garments. Rolling my eyes I stopped my hands from wandering over him and took his hands in mine.
"I'd like that," I spoke, blinking at him as I released his hands. Snickering, he went back to his goals and then glanced back up at me.
"I'm sure you will," He spoke, in a relaxed tone. He had finally achieved his 'goal' and ran a hand across my chest then glanced up at me, almost to say something. "I love you..." He whispered wrapping himself around me, in a gentle hug.
"I love you too Yuan, I won't ever leave your side again,"I replied embracing sweetly.
Autor's Note:
I best stop there, before I am obligated to change the fanfics rating. Implied Lemons pwn all and take names! wh00t wh00t! I kept squeaking as I re read through the pre-lemon part. Oh well. lol, you'll just haveto use your imaginations people on what happens next. Sorry it was sorta short and it sucked... lol so sorry bout that!
Yea, I like alternating point of views. I might do that in the next chapter, or just go back to writing in Yuan's. Whatever, or I could switch on and off every other chapter. Hmmmmm, lol. Yea, my T key is still broken but I can still type, just takes alittle more effort but I am determined to supply my people with there k/y needs!
Nall: You're... people?
me: Uh yea, MY people.
Nall: Sure... hey guess what. The asaylum called today looking for you.
Me: o.O What did you tell them?...
Nall: I told them you were highly dangerous and should only be aproached with giant needles filled with rattlesnake venom,
Me: Ain't that stuff deadly!
Nall: Yea... but I lied and said you were oblvious to it's effects.
Me: YOU BASTARD (chucks a muffin at him)
Nall: A muffin... I am so fucking scared
Me: You use such vulguar language...
Nall: Because you drive me insane, dumb ass.
Me: Well, since you made fun of me, you shall give me ideas for the next chapter!
Nall: Great...Just make it all lemons for heaven's sake.
Me: Hmm, I am thinking a beach scene. (squeaks) Sun Tan Lotion (winks)
Nall: O.O... you are scaring me, seriously. What are you going to do with the sun tan lotion.
Me: You'll have to wait and see!
Nall: (gags) Ughhh! that's disguisting
Me? Sometimes I think you have a dirtier mind then me.. anyways please review or I shall get the asyalum to chase after you!