Chapter One: Harry's Envy

'Damn that Malfoy!' This is a typical response from the famous Harry Potter right? Wrong. Do you know why jealousy is coursing through his veins right now? Because, funny enough, our Gryffindor secretly desires to be a Slytherin. If you will remember, long ago the Sorting Hat wished to place Harry into this ominous house. At the time, Harry was…let's say reluctant to join this supposedly evil family of wizards. But if you look past the sneering rivalry, you shall see the true longings of the courageous one's heart.

Take this scene as an example. Keep in mind that this is an entirely TRUE incident that just happened to have not been recorded by the esteemed Ms. Rowling.

The sunlight danced upon the rippling waters of the Black Lake. Alongside the shore, many groups of young witches and wizards gathered to enjoy the warmth of the late spring day.

Boys, being consumed by their adolescent hormones, were "naturally" flaunting and showing off their "attributes." But in a nonchalant fashion of course.

By late morning, their robes were discarded haphazardly upon the soft grass. At noon shirtsleeves were rolled up, and buttons came undone. A general air of disheveled attractiveness filled the perfumed air.

The afternoon sun shone brightly upon one youth in particular. His golden hair gleamed in the light, and many girls found it hard to resist his bad boy looks and reputation. He was lying upon the grass in the shade of one of the many trees scattered around the circumference of the lake. His look was one of casual elegance, and though it appeared completely natural, his rogue dishevelment was entirely posed.

Malfoy watched the fourth year girls giggling and splashing about in the cool water and pretended not to notice their eyes frequently trailing to the shade in which he lay. He gave off an air of impatience and nonchalance, but inside he secretly adored the attention that was showered upon him. He fed off of the amorous gazes and blushing confessions laid at his feet, and today was no different.

But, unbeknownst to him, Malfoy's magnetic personality attracted the attention of one other person that warm afternoon. Another set of enigmatic eyes watched Draco as he lay upon the fragrant grass. Emerald orbs devoured his appearance, seething with jealous malcontent.

Harry crouched at the foot of a nearby tree, completely absorbed in watching his arch-enemy, his biggest rival, and also the object of his deepest envy. Yes, it was no secret that Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter were far from friends; in fact, it was widely known that they had only the epitome of hatred for one another. But in the confines of Harry's heart lay a dark secret. When the Sorting Hat had whispered into his ear that night, five years ago, that he could be great if he were in Slytherin, Harry had taken it to heart.

In the shadows and the still of the night he lay awake, dreaming of grandeur, and imagining his life in that house (of ill repute). He realized then that Draco had everything. He was popular, admired and loved by the girls, and he was a Slytherin. Harry resented him from that night onward.

Jolting back to the present, Harry blinked. Malfoy's tie now lay discarded upon the grass, and the first few buttons of his shirt were undone. Harry gasped involuntarily, his eyes sweeping over Draco's chest. 'Damn that Malfoy…' he thought 'he always does this to me.'

With this he stood abruptly, trying to ignore the stirrings of a familiar beast in his chest and abdomen. He envied Malfoy; he didn't find him attractive… Right?

Now do you see the truth behind this glorious façade? Here is our proof! (DOCUMENTED proof that happened when Harry and Draco were Fifth Years) The truth is that Harry Potter not only desires to become a Slytherin (and envies the poster child for Slytherin behavior, looks, and bloodlines), we also find that he has vaguely homoerotic stirrings towards a certain blonde bombshell Slytherin.

Sigh. Don't you just love the romantic parts?

Til' our next exposure…

Dough Babe ONE

and

Dough Babe TWO

signing out.

Ciao Bella…