Introduction
Out of the whole group, Fai is the one who smiles the most. But just because he smiles, that doesn't mean he's happy.
As he travels through the various dimensions, Fai hides behind a false smile, carefully concealing how he really feels under layers of pretence. But when Ashura returns, those layers are torn away, leaving him exposed to the world.
As he tries desperately to cope with the new pain and fear in his life, Fai finds himself thinking back to a time long ago…when smiles were real.
When the mask cracks, what will lie beneath?
Chapter Two; Found Out
"Kuro-muu, I'm tired." Fai whined, walking slightly behind the black ninja, dragging his feet. Syaoran raised an eyebrow at the comment, already anticipating Kurogane's reaction. 6 months of scenes like these, and you tended to be able to guess how each one would turn out.
But this time, he was wrong.
Sighing faintly, Kurogane came to a halt and crouched down slightly, turning to look over his shoulder at the pouting mage.
"Get on then." Fai's already wide smile brightened considerably, until he was positively beaming. Blue eyes shining, he skipped over to Kurogane and climbed onto his back, giggling as the swordsman stood up.
"Kuro-woof is so strong, being able to lift me like this." He tittered, blowing air into Kurogane's ear.
"Don't push it, blondie." The ninja growled, beginning to walk again.
Syaoran blinked in mild surprise at what had happened. Normally Fai's comment would have resulted in an angry comment from Kurogane, which would have then led to Fai wailing about how Kuro-pii didn't love him any more. He never would have expected Kurogane to actually offer to carry the white wizard.
"Mokona thinks Kurogane must be ill!" Mokona chirped from his position in Sakura's arms.
"What was that, manjuu bun?" Kurogane asked, shooting Mokona a suspicious glare.
"Kurogane would never carry Fai like that normally, because Kurogane is always saying how much Fai annoys him!" Mokona explained, bouncing up and down.
Kurogane felt Fai tighten his grip round his shoulders at Mokona's words, although otherwise the mage seemed to be unaffected. Twisting his head to glower at Mokona, Kurogane snarled icily;
"He does annoy me. But I'd rather carry him than you any day."
Fai's grip relaxed again, and Kurogane hid a small smile. Just as he'd hoped, the Seresu Wizard had guessed the hidden meaning of the words. After all, Kurogane wasn't about to admit to the world that he had become…attached… to Fai, was he? It wasn't in his nature.
"Kuro-chan wants to carry me? I'm touched!" Fai announced, beginning to squirm. Kurogane elbowed him.
"Either stop fidgeting, or I drop you."
"Waaa! Kuro-tan is meeean!"
"Well. Another world, another room. Guess we're roomies again, huh Kuro-pii?" Fai commented, looking around their new lodgings. Kurogane smiled slightly, pulling the mage down onto the bed beside him.
"Looks like it. Although funnily enough, I don't really mind this time." Fai's blue eyes twinkled mischievously, and he leaned against Kurogane's shoulder.
"Wheet whoo! Maybe Kurogane will turn out to be a romantic after all!" He giggled.
Kurogane blushed, looking away, flustered.
"Ehem…how's your hand?" He blurted out, unable to think of anything else he could say to steer the subject of conversation away from his softer side.
"Almost back to normal!" Fai chirped, smiling. Kurogane raised a disbelieving eyebrow.
"You only got injured three days ago. And you expect me to believe that it's back to normal?" He snorted. Fai nodded, pulling off his glove to show the ninja his wound. Kurogane blinked in astonishment.
"It's healed!" He exclaimed, staring down at the hand that was pale and flawless once more. Fai grinned.
"Yup, remember in Oto? Even though that demon slammed me into that building, I was practically fine by the next day!" He laughed.
"But still…" Kurogane spluttered.
"I told you before, Kuro-pin! When Kiishimu tried to burn us to death with her acid rain! I don't die very easily, remember?" Fai reminded him.
"Because you heal…" Kurogane said slowly, beginning to understand. Fai beamed.
"Exactly! Kuro-pun's got it now!" Kurogane nodded, then frowned as he thought of another question.
"So is it just that the people in your world heal faster than others, or another one of your skills as a wizard?" He queried. Fai looked down, his lips quirking slightly.
"It's me. Something to do with my magic. The only other person in my world who heals just as fast is…" His voice died away as he found himself unable to say the name of the other person. But from the look of comprehension in the ninja's crimson eyes, it was obvious that he understood.
"Whatever. Although it's kind of ironic that a guy with vaguely suicidal tendencies has the ability to heal so quickly." Kurogane smirked. Fai looked up, a wry smile on his face.
"Yes…that's what I always thought too."
"Fai-san! Kurogane-san! It's time to get up!" Sakura announced brightly, pulling the door to their shared room open.
"Kurogane-san? Fai-san? Are you awake?" Peeping round the door, Sakura blinked in confusion as she saw that Fai's bed looked like it hadn't been slept in.
"Kurogane-san? Did you tie Fai-san up again? Kurogane-sa…" Her voice died away, and she stared at the sight before her, wondering if she was still asleep herself.
"Um…Syaoran-kun? Could you come here a moment, please?" She called down the stairs. Syaoran came out of the kitchen, wiping his hands on a towel.
"Sakura-hime? What is it?" He asked. Sakura just pointed at Fai and Kurogane's room.
"Syaoran-kun, there's something not quite normal in there." She said. Syaoran frowned, moving to look himself.
"Your highness, I'm not quite sure I…huh!" Syaoran did a double-take, unable to quite take in what he was seeing.
"See, Syaoran-kun?" Sakura chirped.
Although Fai's bed had not been slept in, the opposite was true for Kurogane's. Both the swordsman and the wizard were sharing it, asleep underneath the covers. And even more surprising, Kurogane was holding Fai in his arms, instead of the other way round.
"I'd never have guessed…" Syaoran muttered, beginning to think that he was hallucinating. The feeling disappeared as Mokona bounced into the room.
"Huu! Fai and Kurogane are sleeping together!" Mokona cheered, beginning to jump up and down on the bed.
"Umm, Mokona? Perhaps that's not a good idea…" Sakura began tentatively. The next thing they knew, a huge hand had shot out of nowhere to grab Mokona mid-bounce.
"Stop it, you damn pest!" Kurogane snarled, glaring at his captive. Mokona simply smiled, wiggling in Kurogane's grasp.
"But Mokona just got excited seeing Kurogane holding Fai so tenderly!"
Kurogane stiffened, glancing down to see that a) Fai was still in his bed, and b) that he was in fact holding said wizard close to him. Blushing bright red, Kurogane pushed Fai away from him, frantically trying to think of an excuse.
"Mmm...Kuro-wan?" Fai murmured sleepily, blue eyes cracking open to look up at the ninja. Kurogane gazed back, before roughly shoving the other man out of bed.
"Stupid mage! I've told you before, stay out of my bed!" Kurogane roared, putting as much anger into his voice as he could, hoping that his acting was convincing.
Evidently, it was. Fai's eyes clouded over slightly, and he stood up, brushing himself off.
"Fine…I'll leave Kuro-rin alone in the future." He replied, before pushing past Sakura and Syaoran and leaving the room. A few moments later, they heard the sound of the front door.
Kurogane stared after the wizard, beginning to feel guilty. >Perhaps that acting was a little too convincing…> He acknowledged, regretting the way he had pushed Fai out of the bed so roughly.
"Umm…I'll be in the kitchen. Coming, Mokona?" Syaoran said slightly awkwardly, picking up Mokona and making his escape.
Kurogane groaned and buried his head in his hands, feeling a headache coming on.
"Kurogane-san?" The black swordsman looked up at the sound of Sakura's voice, frowning. He hadn't realised that the princess had stayed behind.
"What is it?" He asked gruffly. Sakura hesitated, before smiling softly.
"You shouldn't be afraid to admit to someone that you care about them. Love isn't a weakness…it's what makes you strong." She whispered. Before he could reply, she'd already gone.
Crimson eyes blinked as Kurogane took in what she'd said, and he cursed under his breath as he remembered a conversation he'd had once with Princess Tomoyo.
"Kurogane? How do you define strength?"
"By my ability to defeat others, and how easy it is to do so. How else?"
"But are you sure that's the right way?"
"Huh? What are you on about!"
"I always thought that the best way to define strength was to be able to admit that you cared about people."
"That's just nonsense."
"Is it, Kurogane? Then tell me this…what's the point of having strength if you have no one to protect with it?"
"……"
"You don't have an answer do you? I believe that my definition is correct…however, that would make you the weakest of my ninjas, as opposed to the strongest."
"I'm not weak!"
"In matters of the heart, you are. And you will always be that way, unless you find the strength to care about people."
"Why should I want to be strong in matters of the heart! Physical strength is the most important thing!"
"Because one day Kurogane, you will meet someone that you love, and who loves you in return. But you will be unable to hold onto that person, because your own self-image of strength and coldness will blind you to the truly important issues at stake. You will drive them away through your own pettiness."
"The damn bitch was right." Kurogane muttered, sliding out from underneath the covers. Hurriedly pulling on his trousers, he rushed out of the room, yanking his shirt over his head as he went.
"Kurogane's in a hurry!" Mokona giggled as the black whirlwind sped through the front door, leaving it to slam closed behind him.
"Where's he going?" Syaoran wondered, looking up from the rice balls he was making. Sakura smiled tenderly, still gazing after Kurogane.
"He's going to find Fai…and make it alright." She answered.
"Hmm?"
"He understands now…his fear of caring will no longer blind him to the love that's been in front of him all along." Sakura turned to look at Syaoran with a sunny expression on her face, before grabbing a handful of rice.
"Do you need any help, Syaoran-kun?" She offered. Syaoran smiled softly at her, then focused on his rice ball again. >He's not the only one that's blind to love, Sakura…>
Fai walked slowly through the town's marketplace, arms wrapped tightly around himself. Bowing his head, Fai absentmindedly stepped out of the way of a group of merchants, ignoring the excited chattering he could hear about this week's bargains. >I guess I'm still close enough to Mokona to understand the language.>
"Sir? Are you alright?" Fai looked down at the voice, blinking in mild surprise as he saw a young woman and a much smaller girl standing in front of him, staring at him in concern. >I didn't even realise that they were there...>
"I'm fine." He replied, smiling warmly at them. The older girl seemed relieved, but the child kept looking at him.
"Are you sure? You look lonely…are you lonely?" She asked in a high-pitched voice. Fai stiffened, before shaking his head and grinning again.
"I assure you, I'm perfectly fine." He repeated. The woman nodded, and led the little girl away, soon becoming lost in the crowds. Fai let out the breath that he'd been holding and continued on his way.
A pink petal floating to the ground in front of him made him look up, and he smiled tiredly as he realised that he'd arrived at the place he'd been aiming for.
When they'd first arrived yesterday, they'd had to ask around a bit before being able to find lodgings. As they'd explored the town, Fai had noticed an open garden, and had taken a quick glance around it. He had quickly realised that it was a shrine to one of the world's many gods, but hadn't really cared about that.
He'd only had eyes for the sakura tree.
Now, he approached the delicate looking tree, placing his hand on the patterned bark. A small gust of wind blew, and a flurry of petals fell down onto him. Gazing up into the branches, Fai lost himself in the peaceful surroundings that he'd been so drawn to, finally allowing himself to fully feel the pain that Kurogane's words had caused him.
Just like another, who had used his treacherous tongue to control him.
Flashback
A decorated metal door swung open, and a man with long dark hair strode into the chamber, long robes sweeping behind him. Inside, another man, wearing a blue and white hooded cloak, spun abruptly at the sound of the opening door.
"Ah, you're already here Fai." The man with long hair exclaimed softly, casually brushing a few dark strands of hair away from his face. Fai pushed back the hood of his cloak, finally allowing the other man to see his annoyed expression.
"Yes, Ashura-ou. If you recall, we arranged to meet at 12. It is now 12.30." Fai replied stiffly. Ashura frowned.
"Fai, my memory is flawless and I distinctly remember you saying that we'd meet at 12.30. So it is you that is early. You must have made a mistake."
Fai stared at him for a moment, before narrowing his blue eyes.
"Ashura-ou, I'm sure that we were meant to meet at 12. I even made a note of it in my log." He stated. Ashura crossed his arms across his chest, glaring angrily at his wizard.
"I've had it with you, Fai! No matter what I say, you always take offence, and you'll never admit that you're wrong! It feels like I'm the one doing all the giving in this relationship, and you're the one doing all the taking!" He snapped.
Turning away, he hid his face with a pale hand, and sighed quietly.
"I don't think that I can do this anymore, Fai…it's killing me." He murmured softly, shoulder beginning to shake in silent sobs. Fai's eyes widened, and he ran to his king, throwing long arms around the broad shoulders.
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Don't leave me, Ashura-ou…I never realised that I treated you like that! Give me another chance…I swear that it will be different…" He cried, burying his head in Ashura's shoulder. Ashura turned to face him again, pulling the weeping mage into his embrace.
"It's ok, Fai. I forgive you. And don't worry…it's easy to make a mistake like that…" He soothed. Fai continued to sob, holding tightly to Ashura.
"I'm sorry, Ashura-ou…I'm sorry…I love you so much…"
"Shhh…" Ashura whispered, gently stroking Fai's back with one hand. The blonde never noticed the satisfied smirk that spread over Ashura's face, giving the beautiful features a dark and ugly look.
New Flashback
"Ashura-ou? How come you never kiss me in public?" Fai asked softly, resting his head on Ashura's shoulder. The Seresu king looked down at him, and Fai giggled as the long strands of hair tickled his nose.
"It's not the done thing for a king to kiss someone like you in public." He answered simply. Fai gazed up at him.
"People like me? What do you mean?" He questioned, furrowing his brow slightly. Ashura sighed, and began to absent-mindedly pet Fai's hair.
"Remember, Fai…you're not of noble blood like the rest of us. You're just a commoner who happens to have a lot of magic." He replied. Fai jerked in shock, and he stared at his lover in shock. >He's…he's never cared about that before…he said that he loved me, whatever my background was.>
"A…Ashura-ou?"
"It's not like you can help it, I know that Fai. But think what the lords would say if they knew that their king was having a relationship with someone who was essentially a commoner?" Ashura murmured.
Fai bit his lip.
"Ashura-ou…are you ashamed of me?" He asked in a small voice. Ashura patted his head in reply.
"Don't worry, Fai…I won't leave you." He said vaguely. Fai's eyes filled with tears, and they began to stream down his cheeks as he heard the words between the lines.
"I won't leave you…but yes, I'm ashamed of you."
"Fai? Why are you crying, you silly wizard? Don't cry, Fai, it makes me feel horrible." Ashura muttered, brushing away the tears with his finger. Fai stopped immediately, not wanting to make Ashura feel bad.
"That's better. You look terrible when you cry. I'll be in the library if anyone needs me." Ashura stated, rising gracefully to his feet. As he reached the doorway he stopped suddenly, as though something important had just occurred to him, and twisted to face Fai again.
"Just a thought Fai…you might want to try smiling more. You've been looking so damned depressed lately." He announced, before breezing away, leaving Fai on his own. Fai stared after him, then turned to the mirror, studying his reflection.
And summoned up his first fake smile of many.
End Flashback
Burying his head in his hands, Fai dropped to his knees and began to cry, body shaking with the force of his sobs. >Ashura-ou was right…I am someone to be ashamed of…it wasn't just Ashura-ou who felt embarrassed by me…Kuro-wan mustdo too. >
Too upset to be paying attention to the dark shadow that suddenly loomed over him, Fai never noticed that someone had followed him into the garden.
Kurogane bit his lip as he took in the pitiful sight before him. Fai was crying. Fai, was crying. Fai, the annoyingly upbeat wizard who spent his time smiling and laughing was crying. Fai, who had never shed a single tear during the whole journey was sobbing his heart out beneath the sakura tree.
And it was all his fault.
"Hey…" Tentatively, Kurogane placed a surprisingly gently hand on the mage's sleeve. Fai jumped in shock, and twisted to face him, his eyes widening as he realised who it was. Looking down at the ground, he managed to hold the tears back long enough to get the painful words out.
"You're ashamed to be seen with me, aren't you? It's alright...I understand. I'm just some ill-bred scum, and you've probably got a long line of respectable ninjas in your family. You don't have to say anything…I realise that I must show you up."
Kurogane's crimson eyes softened, and he placed his hand across Fai's mouth, effectively shutting him up. At the mage's startled look, he smirked and shook his head.
"For your information, my 'long line of respectful ninjas' is non-existent. My family are blacksmiths, and have been for as long as anyone can remember. The only reason I'm a ninja is because I'm damned if I'm going to end up shut inside with a roaring fire all day long. I'd roast!"
His grin faded, and he became serious, never taking his eyes off Fai's.
"I can't believe that you'd call yourself ill-bred…you're a noble wizard from some royal court, for God's sake!" He sighed in exasperation. Fai removed himself from Kurogane's grip, and just shook his head.
"I may be a wizard from the royal court, but I was never a noble." He laughed bitterly.
"I was a penniless orphan from the town who just happened to have the most magical power in the entire kingdom." He explained, lips twisting into a self-derisive smirk.
Kurogane stared at him, taking in the words. Fai had actually shared something about his past…the wizard had actually opened up a little to the ninja. But what he'd said…
Kurogane would never have guessed…the effortless grace Fai had when he moved, the way he found it easy to integrate himself into any kind of society…those were usually taught to nobles from an early age, and took years to perfect.
Kurogane had never realised that those skills were natural. He was about to say so, when he suddenly remembered something else that Fai had said to him.
"You think I'm ashamed of you? Of us being together?" He asked. Fai flushed and ducked his head.
"It's true, isn't it?" He mumbled. Kurogane had never felt more guilty than he did now.
"Maybe at first…I have to admit, when the kid and the princess saw us sharing a bed, I just wanted to pretend that it wasn't happening…but that wasn't because of you – I just have problems admitting that I, how do you put it…have a heart?"
Fai chuckled, and Kurogane beamed.
"That's better, mage. But if you still have any doubts, I'll prove them wrong tomorrow." He announced. Fai blinked in confusion.
"What do you mean, Kuro-rin?"
"Well, since we've found the princess' feather, our job in this world is over. But I'm sure that the kid would let us have one day free to ourselves, now that the princess is more lifelike and has stopped falling asleep all the time."
Fai just looked even more confused now.
"We've found the feather? Did you guys find it after I'd gone?" He asked. Kurogane shook his head.
"Look up…or are you blind as well as stupid?" Fai looked up into the branches for the second time that day…and his face split into one of the widest smiles he'd ever had.
Nestled in the delicate branches of the tree, surrounded by a small flurry of blossoms…was Sakura's feather.
Wheet whoo! That chapter took a bit longer than I had planned! Stupid exams! Anyway, please do the usual thing...read and review! It keeps me going!
Tune in next time for the adventures of Kurogane and Fai as they go on their first 'date'...but will things turn sour?