Major writers block. Sorry this is so late!

Here we go with the chapter, Kratos' Plee. I'm excited as you are! Like I said, this is chapter eighteen, so this chapter will run up to about twenty four chapters. I lost the sheet of paper that had all my plot twist and ending on. Darnit! But I'm still not sure I'm going to go by what I wrote, whatever. Let's just start before I start rambling on yet again.

Eternal Souls
Chapter Eighteen; Ruinos Lullabies

Sometimes...
What may be the best thing for you to do
Sometimes it the hardest thing for you to do
And that's real
Cause I know that I love you
I know how I feel about you
But I also know that don't make everything alright
And for that reason
I gotta say goodbye

Tell me have you ever been in a
Situation where the best thing you could do
Was the hardest thing you've ever done
But you try to do what's right
And I know that deep down inside
That I really wanna be there by your side
But I can't stand to see you cry
Not when it's because of me

And it's over, I'll never love another
I'm always thinking of her, I'm doing this becasue of her

Don't wanna say goodbye

Go find Kratos and make sure he's alright

Those words flashed in my mind as I walked down the dirt path back to the campsight. Every step consumed me ever lasting guilt that I had let Kratos down again. Martel was being pushed out of my mind for the moment, and all I could think about was what Kratos was doing. If he was, upset, depressed, or flustered. Either way, this was going to be a long dicussion between us. And the result I wasn't too sure of.

"I'm going to regret doing this, I just know it," I told myself, as I stepped across the dirt path, exiting the forest. The sun was setting, and for some reason that scene relaxed me. The first thought was Martel and I, but then Kratos and I replaced that thought. Holding my head with confusion, I knew I would be faced with a life changing decision. This wasn't happeneing, it just couldn't be. Was I dreaming? But till I awake, I had to figure this out.

"Kratos," I spoke, meekly, as I walked up on the campsite. The first thing I saw was a roaring fire, incresingly brighter by the second. At least he was here. That made my job easier at the least. Lowering myhead, I quickened my pace and walked up to the campsite and stood there.

There he was, sitting against a log, staring at the fire, with the most intense look I had ever seen in his eyes. Gulping down any pride I had up to this point, I walked closer and felt my palms begin to sweat. Just being near him made the feeling of love flood back to me. Too strong for my liking.

"Kratos, there you are," I spoke, almost in a declartion. I stood for a few seconds, but thought better of it, and sat down next to him. It was a long minute, which felt like forever, before I watched his body tense more, and he whirled around to me, with a stunned look on his face. Was he honestly expecting me to never speak to him again? He was mistaken.

"Yuan, what are you doing back here," He stuttered. The looming emotions of heart-break, and desire filled his garnet eyes. Just looking at those eyes made my heart melt. Know to think of a reply to his question.

"I wasn't just going to forget about you," I spoke, with a hint of a smile. Kratos immdeaitely gave one of the biggest smiles back at me, and that made my heart sink. Was I giving him the wrong idea? Looking down, trying to avoid his gaze, I thought to myself a way to explain my current issuse.

"I was dreading you'd never come back," He whispered, and I glanced up, only to find him beaming at me with the strongest look of love I ever saw on someone. And that hurt me worse. I wanted to be with him so damn bad, but Martel. I wanted to be with her just as bad.

"We need to talk," I managed. Usually when someone utterted the words 'we need to talk' always lead to bad news, and this wasn't any different. Gulping a few times, I took Kratos hand in mine and tried to find the words to tell him I loved him, but I had to make a choice. "I... am being faced with a increasingly difficult decision to make. I don't want to make it, and I'm not sure how to answer this choice. It's tearing me up inside, and I'm so confused," I felt tears of frustration form in my eyes as I explainied it to Kratos.

"I know you're heart is aching right now Yuan," Kratos whispered, letting go of my hand, and began to run a it through my hair. My determination melted, and I was endulged in Kratos. Everything about that seraphim, I had to be strong, but he was just so, amusing to watch, and feel.

"Thank you for understanding what I'm going through," I answered softly, making sure Kratos' expression of affection wasn't going to far. But I doubted I'd stop him, or myself if the passion grew to it's fullest. I was that desperate for Kratos, I hadn't had real time with him in months. And that was saying the least..

"Of course. Not understanding you after so many years would be a shame to myself," He spoke, in a sopshicated mannor. I couldn't help but smile, as much as it hurt to. I was lieing to him with that smile. Lieing.

"That's true," I concurred, trying to sound as kind-hearted as ever. I had to give Kratos sympathy. And I had to relieze he couldn't take another heart breake. Anna, his son, and me. I doubted he'd be able to live if it came down to that. I wasn't sure what he was going to do if I rejected him. Then again, would I reject him?

"Was she glad to see you?" Kratos asked, all of a sudden. Looking back at him, I nodded shortly. Since when did he care about me and Martel's affairs. Then again, it seemed he was the one that lead me to her. Without me knowing, and I had to be thankful.

"Yes, as I was to her," I replied, trying not to smile. I had to show Kratos I still cared about him. Loved? I was afraid to admit I still loved him. Just thinking about living without him made my stomach ache. No, I wouldn't make the choice. I couldn't.

"That's good to hear. You seem so much more care-free," Kratos noticed. Biting down on my bottom lip, I gave him a steady look. So he had noticed. Sighing, I opened my mouth to speak. But no words came out. I was speechless. It felt like hours before I found my voice to speak once more.

"You do too Kratos, why is that?" I asked. Ha, finally something to ask him. Maybe this would make my mind estray from the apending doom I had. Kratos seemed stuned I had picked up on that, and blushed lightly. Blushed? That wasn't as good as I always thought it was.

"I...just like to see you happy. You're rarely content, so anything that makes you happy, makes me happy in return," He spoke, looking away sharply. Kratos, he was so pure in thoughts. A light smile spread across my face and I felt numb, not from shock, but glee.

"Kratos," I spoke to myself. I didn't really think I had spoken aloud, but Kratos' glance over at me had shown I did. Trying not to blush, I attempted to puff out my cheeks and disguise it as a huge sigh. An idiotic sigh, but still a sigh.

"Yuan, all I ask is one thing," He began. I looked down, dreading what he was going to ask. As quickly as I looked down, Kratos lifted my head back up to look me straight in the eyes. Whatever he had to say was important, and I felt that in his eyes.

"Yes?" I dared. I couldn't promise something I didn't know. And maybe I shouldn't have asked what it was. I didn't want to float back to Kratos, and Martel. I had to make a choice, but for some reason I couldn't do that. Just something, was stopping me from doing that.

"I need you," His words were a whisper. And I barely could make that out. I wasn't entirely sure what 'need' he meant, so I kept silent, praying he would explain what need he was talking about.

"Need?" I spoke, after a few minutes of silence. Kratos nodded, and remained still. Damnit, why couldn't he explain what need he was talking about. Looking at him sternly, I felt myself beginning to shake. Damn nerves.

"Not just for petty pleasures, but physically. I don't think I would have lived through all the hurdles in my life without your guidiance, so I... beg of you Yuan, please don't make me experience the feeling of being alone, the feeling that you aren't with me," At first he was talking in a strong voice, but he suddenely quieted at the word beg, and I could have sworn he was fighting back tears. This made matters worse, my fears about Kratos were true.

"Kr-ratos. I can't promise you that, you know that better then anyone," I mutterted. He didn't seem shocked, he looked as if he knew that was going to be my response. Almost in a depressed nodd, he grabbed my hand tightly and closed his eyes.

"Yuan, don't go," He spoke, now pleeding. I felt light-headed and couldn't help but begin to shake even more. His hand in mine, even that pleased me. Pleased me too much. Trying to break his grasp, I found myself powerless against him.

"Kratos, I..." I began, but a tear streamed down the side of his face, his eyes still shut. I knew for fact that he didn't want to show me his desperation. My stomach sank as low as it could possibly could, I gulped. I didn't know what to do anymore. The choice was so obvious earlier, but now. Now I didn't know what I wanted.

"Don't," He begged. To hear Kratos beg or pleed, that told me something. He didn't open his eyes, but wrapped his arms tightly around me, as tears fell from his closed ruby eyes and landed on my stiffened shoulders. I couldn't breathe, this weakness I had for him.

"I, ha-ve," I began but was haulted by Kratos moaning something unintelligble to me in my ear. Shifting my head, I did the best thing I could at that moment, I ran my hand through his hair and whispered back. "I have too, but I don't want to. I don't know what I want Kratos. I want you, so much it hurts. How bad it hurts, I couldn't even explain how much I want you. But I need Martel, all these years I've been deprieved of her," My voice quieted as Kratos let go of me.

"I won't let you leave me. As vain as that sounds, don't leave me," He rasped and tears flowed from his eyes. I clenched my teeth. I couldn't stand the thought that I was the one that caused Kratos so much grief. I couldn't understand what I was doing to him.

"I," I began, but Kratos cut me off with a chaste kiss and whimpered softly at me.

"I won't beg you, it's your decision..."He spoke, almost disappointed. I didn't know what to do in response. My mind told me to get up and leave, but my heart, it got the best of me, and I grabbed Kratos tightly and held him close.

"You're making it even harder for me," I whispered in his ear. I wasn't sure if he heard me from his almost-silent whines. This wasn't like Kratos. I had to be strong. But I wasn't strong.

"Please, let me persuade you at the least," He stopped himself at those words, and look ashmad at what he was saying. Guilt washed over me and I found it harder to tell Kratos 'no'. Tell him all these years together would end up uselesss.

"I, can't let you-"I tried to tell him not to, but he cut me off with a hasty kiss to stop me from uttering the words of rejection. I wanted to break away, but I couldn't. I just couldn't get myself to stop. What really was casuing this so hard to break away was the fact Kratos had never kissed me so passionatley before. I knew he knew that everything rode on these few minutes. And he was making the best of it.

I was hoping he wouldn't go any further, but yet I yearned it. I yearned to feel his body against mine, but that was inpure. I had to go back to Martel, I couldn't leave her alone. But I couldn't leave Kratos either.

"Yuan, I'm only going to ask you this once. Do you wish me to go on? Or do you want me to stop. It's your choice, I understand either way..."He whispered softly. I wanted to scream contiune, I wanted to feel him, but that was just selfish greed.

"I want you to-" I began, but couldn't find the right words. I breathed hard I had to tell him these feelings. "I don't want to loose you," Was all I could muster.

"Yuan, If you let me, I can make it all right for you, just allow me that chance," Kratos pleeded. "I can't help but want you more then I want to." His words traveled in my mind, as he held his face inches for mine. Awaiting an answer. An answer I wasn't quite sure on how to give. Kratos was asking something I wanted for months now, but now I felt so compelled to tell him no.

"I'm afraid. Afraid that if I give you that chance, I might end up regretting it," It didn't come out right. What I had really meant to say was that I was afraid to take that chance, and I loved him too much to allow that to happen. But what I said, sounded so heartless.

"So you're saying..." Kratos whimpered, trying his hardest to remain firm. I had to stay stern, but his eyes, his pleeds, I had to answer them.

"I.. allow you that chance," I whispered in his ear. Did I just say that? It didn't come out, I swear it! But Kratos' eyes lite up unlike I had ever seen them. There was no turning back now, and this pit I had found myself in, it just became deeper and more complex. I was leading Kratos on, and was giving him false hope. And that killed me. I couldn't bear that thought, but I had already agreed.

"Thank you Yuan, I promise you that you'll find it worth you while," He whispered back, pushing the hair out of my face. Just hearing those words made everything alright. So unlike what was happening in my heart.

But those feelings fled as our lips met, and any insecruity I had falted. Of course, I knew it'd come back, but for now, now I was happy. Now everything was perfect. Now, I was with Kratos and he was fufilling my wishes. This moment wouldn't last all of an hour at the most. I had to go back to her, and pushing Kratos away would be the hardest thing in my life. I had to tell him I was leaving, and that I was finding harder to do every second.

Yet now, as we sat there, being caught up in each other's temptations I found it so hard to turn away. I never needed someone like I needed Kratos. I needed him to make me feel alive. And now to let go the one person who could make me feel that way. I had to tell Kratos good-bye. We were over, before it even started...

Author's Note:

THEN STAY WITH KRATOS, YUIE! Ok, I didn't actually put the lemon in here, but you know. Implied lemons, reign powerful. Oh god, what IS Yuan going to do? See, cliffhangers are lovely. They are like, so fin awesome. They make you want more!

Nall: I'm starting to think you're gonna make Yuan end up with Kratos.

Me: Maybe I will, maybe I won't. All depends on the way the dice roll. If you catch my drift. Hehehe.

Nall: No, I don't. Anyways, like Katra, attempted to say, the only way to find out what Yuan's choice is to review. If I was faced with a choice between some guy and you, Katra, I'd choose the guy.

me: what if the guy was like.. I dunno, Drew Carey?

nall: Ok, that's an exception.

Me: Dr. Phil?

Nall: ENOUGH WITH THE EXCEPTIONS! I WAS TRYING TO MAKE A POINT!

Me: Caps... you evil kitty! (chucks a kratos action figure at him) Fear his sexiness!

Nall: O.o I'm not gay.

Me: I can MAKE you gay if I wanted to. I could make a Lunar, Tales crossover and make you gay with Kratos, or Yuan. How does that sound!

Nall: Just shoot me.

Me: Ok! (takes out a huge shotgun)

Nall: NOT LITERALLY!

Me: Review please!