Introduction
Out of the whole group, Fai is the one who smiles the most. But just because he smiles, that doesn't mean he's happy.
As he travels through the various dimensions, Fai hides behind a false smile, carefully concealing how he really feels under layers of pretence. But when Ashura returns, those layers are torn away, leaving him exposed to the world.
As he tries desperately to cope with the new pain and fear in his life, Fai finds himself thinking back to a time long ago…when smiles were real.
When the mask cracks, what will lie beneath?
Ending 2; A Familiar Price
"That was when I snapped. I sealed you away, and left that place. But the question is this, Ashura-ou…if you showed no mercy to those poor villagers…why should I show you any mercy now?"
Silence fell over the area as Fai's words hung heavy on the air, echoing slightly with the power contained in his slender body. Trembling, Fai refused to break eye contact with his former king, sparks of power dancing around his hands as his face set into a determined expression.
And Ashura laughed.
"Do you really think you can beat me, Fai? Without your tattoo? Against my superior skills? You were never strong enough to overpower me, and you never will be. Today will be your last, and you will die by my hand, along with that pathetic…gah!" Ashura's words were cut off as Fai suddenly glowed a soft blue, emitting a wave of pure power that sent Ashura crashing back into a tree, smashing it to the ground.
"No, Ashura-ou. I was always the stronger of the two of us. You were scared of my power, because it far surpassed your own – you were afraid that one day I'd come to my senses and rise up against you. The days that I believed your poison words are history…no more will I allow you to weaken my resolve. No more will you tell me what to do." Fai stated calmly, a strangely serene expression washing over his determined features.
Ashura snorted and tried to get up, only to yelp as another blast of magic forced him painfully back down, crushing him back against the trunk of the fallen tree. Snarling, he tensed his fingers, summoning flames that flickered around himself, sending wisps of smoke into the air wherever they brushed against the tree. But one wave of Fai's hand, and they were doused in an instant, vanishing as though they'd never existed in the first place.
"The time has come, Ashura-ou. Your past acts against the whole of Seresu will be avenged." Fai announced, the light around him beginning to grow stronger as he slowly raised a hand to stretch towards Ashura.
From his position on the ground, Kurogane's eyes widened as he saw the tears that were beginning to silently trickle down the blonde's cheeks, and he suddenly recognised the tranquil expression Fai was wearing as one of great distress, the full of impact of what he was doing crushing the white wizard.
"No! Stop it! Just send him back to your world! Stop it, Fai!" Kurogane bellowed desperately, seeing the way that Fai rapidly seemed to be stretching himself too far, moving towards a place where there would be no coming back from. >Stop it! You won't be Fai anymore…you'll break, damnit! You'll break…>
Dimly, Fai heard the ninja's yells, but he did not pause in his actions, instead beginning to summon a pulsing ball of energy into his hands, the tears flowing more freely now.
"If I send you back, you'll only come after me again, won't you? And you'll destroy everything that gets in your way…" He murmured, blue eyes locking with Ashura's dark ones.
Ashura glared hatefully up at him, lips curling in anger as his pet broke free of his control, knowing that there was nothing he could do to take back the reins of power now. Pouring his remaining energy into one final attack, he snarled as it was once more thwarted, the last tendrils of his power melting away.
"Congratulations, Fai. You've won. You can kill me and be free of my shadow." He snarled. Watching Fai expectantly for the final blow, he was surprised when Fai held back from releasing his attack, merely shaking his head.
"No, Ashura-ou. Yes, I can kill you – but the one that will be freed is you. You never wanted to turn out like this, did you? You wanted to grow up to be Seresu's greatest king, and bring happiness to the people. You wanted to touch your subjects' hearts so that they would mourn your inevitable passing, and cry at your death. Somewhere along the way, you lost yourself in the power struggles, and you forgot that dream. But I am still a subject of Seresu…and I will still weep for you." Fai whispered brokenly, his eyes fluttering closed in a pained expression as he finally released his attack.
Ashura started at Fai's words, the realisation of what he had always had crashing down upon him as the ball of energy sped towards him. >You always loved me, didn't you Fai? And you carried on loving me despite my cruelty to you. Even now, you think only of me. >
Shadowed walls falling to release a heart long forgotten, Ashura smiled as he finally understood, showing the world a grin free of malice for the first time in years. >I was a fool…>
"Forgive me, Fai." He prayed, dark eyes closing in acceptance of what was to come.
And he was swallowed up by Fai's attack.
Kurogane struggled to his feet as Fai suddenly dropped to his knees, body shuddering with the force of his sobs as he screamed his grief for the whole world to hear, the last remnants of his mask lying shattered on the floor. And Kurogane finally saw the Fai who, although he'd been able to peel back enough layers to understand slightly, he had never been truly able to see.
Limping towards his fallen partner, he fell to the ground beside him, gathering the blonde into his arms and holding tight, rocking Fai back and forth as he murmured reassuring words in his ear.
"It's ok…it's ok, Fai. Come back to me…don't you dare leave me alone…" He pleaded in a hushed voice, sending up a prayer to the gods that his lover hadn't reached the point of no return, that Fai hadn't finally tipped over the edge he'd been walking along for so long, finally succumbing to insanity.
Gradually, Fai's sobs grew less and less violent, until he was just whimpering against Kurogane's chest, gripping the dark armour tightly. Shuddering as he got a grip on himself, Fai wrapped his arms tightly around the ninja, pulling himself as close to Kurogane as he could get.
"K…Kuro-muu…" He whispered, burying his face in Kurogane's chest. The Japanese swordsman breathed a sigh of relief, and pulled back slightly, just enough to be able to see Fai properly without squinting.
"Fai…are you alright?" He asked anxiously, crimson eyes scanning the man before him for signs of injury.
Fai nodded, his distressed expression melting into one of tired relief, eyes shining a bright blue.
"I think…I think he was able to be Ashura-ouji again…if only for a little while." Fai murmured, smiling softly at Kurogane. Slowly, he reached up to cup Kurogane's face, and the warrior leaned into the touch, never taking his eyes off Fai. The last time Fai had done this, he'd been about to return to Ashura's clutches. This time, it was Kurogane's embrace that he had chosen.
Leaning up, Fai gently kissed Kurogane, relishing the feel of those rough lips against his own once again. Pulling back, he bit his lip nervously, gazing at the man he loved.
"Kuro-rin…I made a mistake. I thought that Ashura-ou was the one that I loved. But I was wrong. When it came down to it, I knew that I had to choose you. I can't ask for your forgiveness, but…"
"It's yours." Kurogane suddenly interrupted, gazing seriously at Fai.
"Wha…what?" Fai gasped, blinking in shock.
"I forgive you, if there's actually anything to forgive. As long as you stay with me, then I don't care. Plus, I won't have to defend you all the time anymore, because you can use your magic, so that's a point in your favour." Kurogane joked, cracking a small grin. Then he paused, a frown marring his features.
"Come to think of it, I still don't know why you didn't use your powers before. I mean, nothing happened, so…"
"Ahhh!" Fai cut Kurogane off with a pained cry, doubling over and gripping his stomach tightly, face screwed up in agony.
"Fai? Fai, what's wrong!" Kurogane said urgently, reaching to touch Fai reassuringly. Instead, Fai jerked back as if burned and quickly retreated until he was a few metres away from Kurogane. Hissing as a sharp bolt of pain sliced through him, Fai looked up at Kurogane with a thin smile, sweat beginning to bead on his forehead.
"Th…this is why I don't use magic, Kuro-chan. Without my tattoo, I can't control my magic…it's too strong for me to stop naturally." Fai choked out, gasping as another wave of agony passed through him. "It doesn't stop…it just turns into a destructive force…and that force needs an escape outlet, so it just explodes out of me…."
Fai's voice died away, and he cried out again, sinking to the floor. Kurogane made to run to him, and Fai shook his head frantically, biting his lip hard as tried to suppress the power long enough for Kurogane to get to safety.
"Don't you get it, Kuro-pii! In a few seconds, I won't be able to hold it in any longer! Magic will shoot out of me, and it will drain the life energy of anything it touches – this area will become a wasteland."
"Fai…" Kurogane whispered, his hand helplessly going to the handle of Ginryuu, even though he knew that a sword could do nothing in this situation.
"Run, Kuro-tan! Before it's too late! I….ahhhh!" Fai's begging suddenly turned into a scream of suffering, and Kurogane was forced to duck as a red beam of light shot out of the blonde, sailing over the ninja to hit a tree behind him. Glancing over his shoulder, Kurogane's eyes widened as he saw the tree visibly wilt, turning black as if burned by invisible fire.
Fai shuddered as his body was wracked by torturous waves of energies, feeling them continuously build up inside of him until they exploded out of him, again and again.
And yet, Kurogane didn't run. Instead, he simply dodged the beams, refusing to leave Fai's side. And for the first time in his life, Fai felt like he was the one who had the right to call Kurogane a fool.
"Don't be stupid, Kuro-woof! Get out of here! Please! For me!" He pleaded, letting out a choked cry as yet another beam of light shot from inside of him.
"No!" Kurogane bellowed, using Ginryuu to reflect one of the beams away from him. "I won't leave you, Fai!"
"Kurogane! Please!" Fai screamed. Kurogane pulled up short, recognising the rare use of his real name and finally nodded, agreeing. He didn't want to leave Fai like this, but if Fai was so serious about this, then…
Turning to run, Kurogane was forced to jump back as dead trees, unable to support their own weights anymore, crashed down, blocking his way. Another tree fell and slammed into another one, and Kurogane cursed as it provoked a domino effect, causing trees to fall all around the clearing until he was blocked in.
Sliding Ginryuu back into its sheath, he leapt up onto one of the fallen trees and began to climb the barrier, only to hear Fai's howl of warning from behind him. Whirling round, Kurogane gasped as he saw numerous beams shooting in his direction, too many for him to avoid from his current position.
>Well, witch. Looks like I won't be getting my wish after all, hmm? This is my last stop…>
Back at the house, Sakura and Syaoran were nervously watching Mokona dance around the pile of now clean dishes, when the little creature suddenly ground to a halt, ears pricking up and eyes growing huge.
"Mokona? I thought there wasn't a feather in this world!" Syaoran said urgently, rising half out of his seat. The white being simply shook its head, expression unusually serious as it turned towards the door.
"Mokona feels a strange power…it's Fai's!" Mokona exclaimed, bouncing up and down agitatedly. Sakura gasped, and stood up, hand n mouth.
"Fai-san! But he never uses his magic…" She whispered.
"And Kurogane-san isn't back yet either." Syaoran muttered to himself, putting two and two together. "Mokona, take us to where Fai-san is!"
As the beams of power sped towards Kurogane, Fai cried out a warning, already knowing that it would be too late. >No! Unless I can stop my magic, Kurogane will die! I always put him in danger like this…I have to stop myself! I have to…I have to…> But even though Fai wanted to control his power, he knew it was impossible. He couldn't control the energy created, and that energy had to go somewhere, or it would simply explode inside of him…wait.
Smiling sadly, Fai shut his eyes and breathed in deeply, drawing on the magic inside of him to pull the beams back inside of him. Shuddering, he staggered to his feet as he felt the energy levels within him rise, lifting his head to grin reassuringly at Kurogane.
"It's ok, Kuro-rin…you don't have to worry about those beams anymore. Just get out of here to safety." Fai choked out, holding his stomach in a death grip. A sudden blaze of agony shot through him and he cried out, stumbling forward under the force of such pain.
Before he knew it, Kurogane had leapt down and run to him, placing strong arms around him and lying him down on the ground, taking care to cushion Fai's blonde head on his knees.
"What have you done, Fai?" Kurogane whispered urgently, gazing seriously down at his lover. "Don't lie to me – I know you've done something, because the beams have stopped…what have you done!"
Fai smiled weakly up at the swordsman, lifting a trembling hand to gently stroke Kurogane's cheek.
"I can never lie to you, Kuro-sama…." He whispered, wincing as another wave passed through him, the pressure of the magic inside of him growing to unbearable heights.
"I pulled my magic back inside of me…instead of exploding out of me to create an escape outlet, it's killing me from the inside…but I couldn't stand to see you hurt, Kuro-pii, I….ahhh!" Fai cried out in pain and Kurogane's grip around him tightened, the dark haired man leaning down to rest his forehead on Fai's chest.
"You damn idiotic mage! You damn…you damn idiot! You can't die…I won't let you!" He growled desperately, unable to believe how unfair all this was. He and Fai had overcome everything to be together – Flame Spirits, each others' inexperience at having a real relationship, Ashura…they'd even managed to defeat the biggest evil of all – the talking manjuu bun.
And yet, the universe still wasn't going to let them have a happy ending. It wasn't going to accept that two soul mates, even separated by different dimensions, had found a way to cross over and meet in the middle, refusing to let a silly little thing like coming from different worlds stop them.
"It's not fair…it's not fair, damnit!" Kurogane whispered harshly, his hands gripping tightly onto Fai's thick coat.
"Nothing in…this universe…is ever fair…Kuro-wan…" Fai murmured, his eyes beginning to flicker closed as he succumbed to the pain that was raging inside. Kurogane panicked, grabbing Fai's hand and squeezing it to the point where it was probably painful, hoping to wake the blonde up.
"Don't you dare close your eyes on me! Stay awake, Fai! I don't have a clue about what's happening inside of you, but I'm sure that whatever it is will happen faster if you fall unconscious, so just stay awake!"
In the distance, he heard voices calling his name, and he found himself instinctively answering, never taking his eyes off the fading blonde. >Syaoran and the Princess must be coming…so's the manjuu bun…wait! Mokona! I can use Mokona to save Fai's life!>
Kurogane started to call out their names louder, desperately wanting them to hurry up and get here, afraid that every second they wasted would make it harder to save Fai. Finally, after what seemed like years had gone by, the group was scrambling over the fallen trees, racing towards Kurogane and their fallen companion, calling out their names desperately.
"Kurogane-san! What happened to Fai-san!" Syaoran gasped loudly, brown eyes staring seriously down at the distantly whimpering blonde.
"Never mind that! Where's the manjuu bun!" Kurogane snarled, eyes falling on Mokona and seizing it by its ears, ignoring the small noises of pain it was making.
"Get me the Witch! Now!" He demanded, throwing Mokona roughly to the ground in his desperation. For once, Mokona didn't even attempt to tease him, instead turning and activating his beam, sending the partial portal into the air. A moment later, Yuuko appeared inside of it, her expression grave as she gazed at the scene in front of her.
"It appears that the wizard attempted to use magic without his tattoo….you wish for me to save his life, hmm? If it can be done?" She guessed. Kurogane growled, glaring furiously up at the solemn looking witch.
"Yes! Now, can it be done?" He challenged. Yuuko smiled slightly, nodding shortly.
"Nothing's impossible, as long as you wish for it. All Fai needs is for someone with magic to stop his magic overflowing too fast for him to control…but of course there is a price." Yuuko replied, raising an elegant eyebrow to look down at the desperate ninja.
"Anything! I'll give anything! You want Ginryuu back, right? Here! Take it!" Kurogane cried, fumbling with his sheath. But Yuuko merely shook her head, holding up a hand to stop him.
"That won't be necessary. At the moment, the thing most precious to you is no longer your sword – but your relationship with Fai."
Syaoran's eyes widened at the Space Time Witch's words, suddenly remembering a certain bargain made long ago.
Flashback
"The thing you value most…is your relationship with her. So that is your price."
"My price? But how?" Syaoran says in shock, not quite able to grasp how the Witch can accept this as payment.
"Even if the child's memories are completely restored, your relationship with her will never be the same again. So what is she to you?" The Witch asks, her face as serious as he is sure a face can ever be, no trace of a smile there to make it seem like she is joking.
"A childhood friend…and the princess of a country. And…and a girl who is precious to me!"
"…I see. However, if you want to accept Mokona, that relationship will end. Even if you retrieve all of her memories…the one memory she will never retrieve will be her memory of you."
End Flashback
>Is that what she's asking of Kurogane-san? The same price?> Syaoran thought to himself in shock.
It seemed Kurogane was having the same recollection, his expression growing even more alarmed.
"You mean…like the kid's price!" He choked out, glancing down at Fai as if to reassure himself that the mage was still breathing.
"Yes. I require one simple memory from him – his memory of you. He will remember everything of his past and this quest…except for your presence. To him, you will be no more than a stranger. Any attempt to tell him what he's forgotten will only result in that memory vanishing again as quickly as it surfaces. He will simply think that he has forgotten you for some reason, but that you were no one important to him anyway."
Kurogane hissed in disbelief, gazing tenderly at Fai's beautiful pale face and feeling furious tears well up in his eyes, although he refused to let them fall.
"Well? What is your choice?" Yuuko's voice cut through him, and he shuddered violently, before raising his head to glare defiantly at the Witch, nodding his acceptance.
"Do it."
"Very well, then. Please stand back, or you may get caught in the flow of magic." Yuuko said calmly, waiting until Kurogane had done what she'd asked before suddenly making a sharp gesture, a strange smoky light oozing out of Mokona's mouth to completely cover Fai. Gradually, the light faded away, and the group stared anxiously at their comrade, who lay there unconscious and still.
"It is done. The transaction is complete. Nice doing business with you." Yuuko murmured, before the light from Mokona disappeared, leaving the gang alone in the clearing.
"Fai-san? Is…is he ok?" Sakura whispered, moving forward to kneel next to the unmoving man. As if on cue, Fai's eyes flickered open, and he groaned quietly before sitting up, rubbing the back of his neck. Blinking hard, he glanced around the group's anxious faces, a wide smile appearing on his own face.
"Why, so many worried faces! I'm sorry that I gave you all such a scare!" He chirped, grinning broadly as his eyes travelled round the group. Then the smile suddenly slipped, and he frowned slightly as he pointed at Kurogane, a confused expression on his face.
"You…You I've never seen before though. Have we met?" He asked politely, seemingly not noticing how Kurogane's crimson eyes filled with pain at the innocent query. However, Syaoran saw it, and he took it upon himself to fill the blonde Seresuan in.
"That's Kurogane-san. He's our travelling companion. You don't…don't remember him?" Syaoran said carefully, making sure not to give any more away, in case it went against Yuuko's bargain with them. Fai shook his head slowly, blue eyes focused on Kurogane.
"I'm afraid I don't. Were we close, Kurogane-san?" He questioned, gradually getting to his feet and brushing the dirt off of his clothes.
Kurogane felt like his heart was going to burst right out of his chest from the way that it was hammering against his ribcage violently, screaming out that yes, they were close, and they'd shared far more than the blonde would ever know…but even though on the inside he was dying, on the outside he merely grunted, shaking his head briskly.
"No," He lied, folding his arms and pretending that he couldn't feel the distance that Fai's use of his proper name put between them. "No, we're barely even friends."
Fai nodded brightly, sighing in relief as he took in Kurogane's words.
"That's a relief! I'd feel terrible if we had been close and I'd forgotten all about you, Kurogane-san!" He exclaimed, clapping his hands enthusiastically.
Turning to Sakura and Syaoran, he winked and lifted up Mokona, holding the small creature in front of them.
"And now that everything's been cleared up, I'd say it was time to jump worlds, wouldn't you? We still have to find all of Sakura-chan's feathers!" He paused suddenly, smiling wistfully as another thought came to him.
"It's so strange to be able to skip worlds without being terrified that Ashura will come after me…I'm glad that I was able to finally see on my own the truth about him." He murmured, not having a clue about how his inability to remember the real reason he'd finally seen the truth was silently killing a certain Japanese behind him.
"Mokona Modoki waits for no one!" The shrill voice echoed round the clearing, and a storm of rainbow coloured lights surrounded the group, drawing them into Mokona's mouth…
Then silence.
It had been 3 weeks since the bargain with the Space Time Witch had been made. 3 weeks since Kurogane's world had come crashing down around him, leaving him unsure of where he belonged anymore. Now, more than ever, he found himself wishing that he would return to his Japan soon, if only so that he would no longer be tortured by a Fai that he could not touch and kiss anymore…because Fai would not remember that they were in love.
Every time that they ended up sharing a room, Kurogane had to turn away from the blonde, sleeping with his back to his travelling companion, lest his desire become too strong and he slid out of bed only to pounce on the other man, claiming that slender form as his once more.
When somehow they'd end up alone, searching together as a pair whilst Sakura, Syaoran and the manjuu bun looked together, Kurogane would have to fight the temptation just to tell Fai what they'd had, and resist the urge to seize the mage in a tight embrace and kiss him deeply, forcing Fai to accept the passion that they'd had before it had been erased from his mind forever.
But he never gave into it. He just stayed silent and nodded, going along with whatever Fai said, acting as though they had always had such a strained relationship. And the blonde with ocean blue eyes never saw behind his mask of pretence, despite how long he'd spent hiding behind a mask of his own.
Kurogane wasn't sure how many more times he could stand to hear 'Kurogane-san' come out of that pouting mouth, or how long he would be able to cope without breaking down completely. Now he knew what the kid felt like when Sakura so casually mentioned the empty spaces she saw in her memories…except that Syaoran had never found the strength to tell Sakura his feelings, so he hadn't lost a shared love that was so soul searchingly powerful and binding, there would never be any escape from it.
Not like Kurogane had.
Now Kurogane looked forward again to the day when he'd land in his Japan, able to return to Tomoyo and tell her he'd learnt his lesson. Because he had no hope for him and Fai left – just a deep, lingering ache that tugged every time Fai was near him.
"Kurogane-san?" Are you coming? Sakura called, placing a hand on Syaoran's shoulder and turning back to face the ninja as the rest of the group waited up for him to catch up.
"Yes, Kuro-chan, are you coming? We can't wait forever you know!" Fai grinned, waving enthusiastically back at the black swordsman. Kurogane's head shot up at the use of the nickname, and despite himself, a small smile made its way onto his face, casting away the shadows that had built themselves up around his heart.
Perhaps there was hope after all.
Author's Note
Ending 2 is now officially up! And for anyone who didn't realise, that was the sad but happy one...and personally, my favourite. I can't help liking the way that it was so sad, but then there was a ray of hope...but then again, I'm a sucker for that sort of ending. And oh my God! My next update will be the last one! Then Memories Of When Smiles Were Real will be over!
Next to come is my happy ending...hope you all enjoy it! Read and review please!
Hayama 4 - I'm glad you liked the ending so much! And I hope this alternate ending didn't disappoint! Hope you look forward to the next one too!
Meowzy-chan - Yeah, Ashura was good...for all of 0.2 seconds! Happy ending is coming up next, so just hold on!
Toshi.is.dead.- Well...there's the slightly happier ending! Up next - the sickeningly sweet happy ending! Heh...I'm glad someone else has the same problem listening to songs though...I'm not alone!
hentai-monkey- I am so happy that you were so struck by the last chapter - hopefully, this one affected you just as much.
ZRedPoppy - There you go! I didn't kill Fai this time! I just meddled with his memory! And in a way, if you found it too sad to finish my chapter, then that somehow makes me happy too.
ramingo - Yeah, Kurogane's my favourite character too! I love him to bits, and always end up playing him on the RPG's I write with other people on my forum. Although I also play Ashura in 1 or 2, so grr! Look out Kuro-wan! Guess it was a sad ending then?
Marron-chan1 - Well, that was the sad but happy ending I spoke of, and it has now been posted! And did they stay together? Well, that's up to you...when you read the fic, what do you see happening in the future? Ha ha!
Twilight Shades - Well it was a happier ending - so hopefully you didn't cry!
Mizu-Tenshi - I'm so glad that you liked that line...and the Ashura redemption. This chapter wasn't exactly a happy one though...that's coming right up!
Ranma Higurashi - Well, I guess I updated fairly soon! Are you still flailing?
pagelupin - Yup, I killed Fai! And yes, poor Kurogane...and poor Kurogane in this too! Will I ever leave them happily together?
moko-pi - Yup, you said nyo! And I had to make that ending because it was hammering on my brain to be let out! Hopefully you found this one happier?
alpha2nd - Take all the tissues you need! Fai definitely needs a break...but he didn't exactly get one in this chapter! (Or did he - he has no idea that he's missing something - it's Kurogane who's carrying all the pain this time. Hmmm...ignorance is bliss? )