Introduction
Out of the whole group, Fai is the one who smiles the most. But just because he smiles, that doesn't mean he's happy.
As he travels through the various dimensions, Fai hides behind a false smile, carefully concealing how he really feels under layers of pretence. But when Ashura returns, those layers are torn away, leaving him exposed to the world.
As he tries desperately to cope with the new pain and fear in his life, Fai finds himself thinking back to a time long ago…when smiles were real.
When the mask cracks, what will lie beneath?
Ending 3; With Arms Wide Open
"That was when I snapped. I sealed you away, and left that place. But the question is this, Ashura-ou…if you showed no mercy to those poor villagers…why should I show you any mercy now?"
Silence fell over the area as Fai's words hung heavy on the air, echoing slightly with the power contained in his slender body. Trembling, Fai refused to break eye contact with his former king, sparks of power dancing around his hands as his face set into a determined expression.
And Ashura laughed.
"Do you really think you can beat me, Fai? Without your tattoo? Against my superior skills? You were never strong enough to overpower me, and you never will be. Today will be your last, and you will die by my hand, along with that pathetic…gah!" Ashura's words were cut off as Fai suddenly glowed a soft blue, emitting a wave of pure power that sent Ashura crashing back into a tree, smashing it to the ground.
"No, Ashura-ou. I was always the stronger of the two of us. You were scared of my power, because it far surpassed your own – you were afraid that one day I'd come to my senses and rise up against you. The days that I believed your poison words are history…no more will I allow you to weaken my resolve. No more will you tell me what to do." Fai stated calmly, a strangely serene expression washing over his determined features.
Ashura snorted and tried to get up, only to yelp as another blast of magic forced him painfully back down, crushing him back against the trunk of the fallen tree. Snarling, he tensed his fingers, summoning flames that flickered around himself, sending wisps of smoke into the air wherever they brushed against the tree. But one wave of Fai's hand, and they were doused in an instant, vanishing as though they'd never existed in the first place.
"The time has come, Ashura-ou. Your past acts against the whole of Seresu will be avenged." Fai announced, the light around him beginning to grow stronger as he slowly raised a hand to stretch towards Ashura.
From his position on the ground, Kurogane's eyes widened as he saw the tears that were beginning to silently trickle down the blonde's cheeks, and he suddenly recognised the tranquil expression Fai was wearing as one of great distress, the full of impact of what he was doing crushing the white wizard.
"No! Stop it! Just send him back to your world! Stop it, Fai!" Kurogane bellowed desperately, seeing the way that Fai rapidly seemed to be stretching himself too far, moving towards a place where there would be no coming back from. >Stop it! You won't be Fai anymore…you'll break, damnit! You'll break…>
Dimly, Fai heard the ninja's yells, but he did not pause in his actions, instead beginning to summon a pulsing ball of energy into his hands, the tears flowing more freely now.
"If I send you back, you'll only come after me again, won't you? And you'll destroy everything that gets in your way…" He murmured, blue eyes locking with Ashura's dark ones.
Ashura glared hatefully up at him, lips curling in anger as his pet broke free of his control, knowing that there was nothing he could do to take back the reins of power now. Pouring his remaining energy into one final attack, he snarled as it was once more thwarted, the last tendrils of his power melting away.
"Congratulations, Fai. You've won. You can kill me and be free of my shadow." He snarled. Watching Fai expectantly for the final blow, he was surprised when Fai held back from releasing his attack, merely shaking his head.
"No, Ashura-ou. Yes, I can kill you – but the one that will be freed is you. You never wanted to turn out like this, did you? You wanted to grow up to be Seresu's greatest king, and bring happiness to the people. You wanted to touch your subjects' hearts so that they would mourn your inevitable passing, and cry at your death. Somewhere along the way, you lost yourself in the power struggles, and you forgot that dream. But I am still a subject of Seresu…and I will still weep for you." Fai whispered brokenly, his eyes fluttering closed in a pained expression as he finally released his attack.
Ashura started at Fai's words, the realisation of what he had always had crashing down upon him as the ball of energy sped towards him. >You always loved me, didn't you Fai? And you carried on loving me despite my cruelty to you. Even now, you think only of me. >
Shadowed walls falling to release a heart long forgotten, Ashura smiled as he finally understood, showing the world a grin free of malice for the first time in years. >I was a fool… >
"Forgive me, Fai." He prayed, dark eyes closing in acceptance of what was to come.
And he was swallowed up by Fai's attack.
Kurogane struggled to his feet as Fai suddenly dropped to his knees, body shuddering with the force of his sobs as he screamed his grief for the whole world to hear, the last remnants of his mask lying shattered on the floor. And Kurogane finally saw the Fai who, although he'd been able to peel back enough layers to understand slightly, he had never been truly able to see.
Limping towards his fallen partner, he fell to the ground beside him, gathering the blonde into his arms and holding tight, rocking Fai back and forth as he murmured reassuring words in his ear.
"It's ok…it's ok, Fai. Come back to me…don't you dare leave me alone…" He pleaded in a hushed voice, sending up a prayer to the gods that his lover hadn't reached the point of no return, that Fai hadn't finally tipped over the edge he'd been walking along for so long, finally succumbing to insanity.
Gradually, Fai's sobs grew less and less violent, until he was just whimpering against Kurogane's chest, gripping the dark armour tightly. Shuddering as he got a grip on himself, Fai wrapped his arms tightly around the ninja, pulling himself as close to Kurogane as he could get.
"K…Kuro-muu…" He whispered, burying his face in Kurogane's chest. The Japanese swordsman breathed a sigh of relief, and pulled back slightly, just enough to be able to see Fai properly without squinting.
"Fai…are you alright?" He asked anxiously, crimson eyes scanning the man before him for signs of injury.
Fai nodded, his distressed expression melting into one of tired relief, eyes shining a bright blue.
"I think…I think he was able to be Ashura-ouji again…if only for a little while." Fai murmured, smiling softly at Kurogane. Slowly, he reached up to cup Kurogane's face, and the warrior leaned into the touch, never taking his eyes off Fai. The last time Fai had done this, he'd been about to return to Ashura's clutches. This time, it was Kurogane's embrace that he had chosen.
Leaning up, Fai gently kissed Kurogane, relishing the feel of those rough lips against his own once again. Pulling back, he bit his lip nervously, gazing at the man he loved.
"Kuro-rin…I made a mistake. I thought that Ashura-ou was the one that I loved. But I was wrong. When it came down to it, I knew that I had to choose you. I can't ask for your forgiveness, but…"
"It's yours." Kurogane suddenly interrupted, gazing seriously at Fai.
"Wha…what?" Fai gasped, blinking in shock.
"I forgive you, if there's actually anything to forgive. As long as you stay with me, then I don't care. Plus, I won't have to defend you all the time anymore, because you can use your magic, so that's a point in your favour." Kurogane joked, cracking a small grin. Then he paused, a frown marring his features.
"Come to think of it, I still don't know why you didn't use your powers before. I mean, nothing happened, so…"
"Ahhh!" Fai cut Kurogane off with a pained cry, doubling over and gripping his stomach tightly, face screwed up in agony.
"Fai? Fai, what's wrong!" Kurogane said urgently, reaching to touch Fai reassuringly. Instead, Fai jerked back as if burned and quickly retreated until he was a few metres away from Kurogane. Hissing as a sharp bolt of pain sliced through him, Fai looked up at Kurogane with a thin smile, sweat beginning to bead on his forehead.
"Th…this is why I don't use magic, Kuro-chan. Without my tattoo, I can't control my magic…it's too strong for me to stop naturally." Fai choked out, gasping as another wave of agony passed through him. "It doesn't stop…it just turns into a destructive force…and that force needs an escape outlet, so it just explodes out of me…."
Fai's voice died away, and he cried out again, sinking to the floor. Kurogane made to run to him, and Fai shook his head frantically, biting his lip hard as tried to suppress the power long enough for Kurogane to get to safety.
"Don't you get it, Kuro-pii! In a few seconds, I won't be able to hold it in any longer! Magic will shoot out of me, and it will drain the life energy of anything it touches – this area will become a wasteland."
"Fai…" Kurogane whispered, his hand helplessly going to the handle of Ginryuu, even though he knew that a sword could do nothing in this situation.
"Run, Kuro-tan! Before it's too late! I….ahhhh!" Fai's begging suddenly turned into a scream of suffering, and Kurogane was forced to duck as a red beam of light shot out of the blonde, sailing over the ninja to hit a tree behind him. Glancing over his shoulder, Kurogane's eyes widened as he saw the tree visibly wilt, turning black as if burned by invisible fire.
Fai shuddered as his body was wracked by torturous waves of energies, feeling them continuously build up inside of him until they exploded out of him, again and again.
And yet, Kurogane didn't run. Instead, he simply dodged the beams, refusing to leave Fai's side. And for the first time in his life, Fai felt like he was the one who had the right to call Kurogane a fool.
"Don't be stupid, Kuro-woof! Get out of here! Please! For me!" He pleaded, letting out a choked cry as yet another beam of light shot from inside of him.
"No!" Kurogane bellowed, using Ginryuu to reflect one of the beams away from him. "I won't leave you, Fai!"
"Kurogane! Please!" Fai screamed. Kurogane pulled up short, recognising the rare use of his real name and finally nodded, agreeing. He didn't want to leave Fai like this, but if Fai was so serious about this, then…
Turning to run, Kurogane was forced to jump back as dead trees, unable to support their own weights anymore, crashed down, blocking his way. Another tree fell and slammed into another one, and Kurogane cursed as it provoked a domino effect, causing trees to fall all around the clearing until he was blocked in.
Sliding Ginryuu back into its sheath, he leapt up onto one of the fallen trees and began to climb the barrier, only to hear Fai's howl of warning from behind him. Whirling round, Kurogane gasped as he saw numerous beams shooting in his direction, too many for him to avoid from his current position.
>Well, witch. Looks like I won't be getting my wish after all, hmm? This is my last stop…>
As the beams of power sped towards Kurogane, Fai cried out a warning, already knowing that it would be too late. >No! Unless I can stop my magic, Kurogane will die! I always put him in danger like this…I have to stop myself! I have to…I have to…> But even though Fai wanted to control his power, he knew it was impossible. He couldn't control the energy created, and that energy had to go somewhere, or it would simply explode inside of him…wait.
Smiling sadly, Fai shut his eyes and breathed in deeply, drawing on the magic inside of him to pull the beams back inside of him. Shuddering, he staggered to his feet as he felt the energy levels within him rise, lifting his head to grin reassuringly at Kurogane.
"Don't worry, Kuro-kichi, I've…ah!…Got control now…." Fai hissed, forcing the words out through teeth gritted against the pain. Kurogane stared at him warily before jumping down and moving slowly towards him, an uncertain expression on his face.
"Really? Because it sure doesn't sound like it…" He muttered, drawing closer to the blonde mage. Fai just smiled, lurching towards Kurogane as he forced down the power within him.
"It's fine, Kuro-muu…I promise."
Finally convinced, Kurogane was at his side in an instant, wrapping strong arms round his lover and pulling him close, wincing at the small tremors he could feel running through the lithe body he held so tightly.
"Fai, tell me the truth…you're definitely not alright. Something's hurting you still…damnit! Stop being an idiot and tell me!" Kurogane pleaded angrily.
Fai chuckled lightly, tipping his face up to press his lips gently against Kurogane's, savouring the slight pressure of their mouths against each other. Neither made any move to deepen the kiss, and after a few seconds Fai was moving back, startling Kurogane as the swordsman saw the tears beginning to stream down the blonde's cheeks.
"What…?" He whispered, beginning to lift a hand in order to brush away Fai's tears. But before he could do anything else, Fai suddenly whispered a word that was barely loud enough to be heard, and Kurogane felt his eyelids become heavy as his strength rapidly left his body.
"Fai…" He whispered, eyes finally closing as his arms slipped from around Fai, crashing limply to the ground. Muffling a sob, Fai crouched down beside him and quickly arranged him into a more comfortable position, pulling back to stroke Kurogane's forehead soothingly.
"Goodbye Kuro-wan…love you…" He murmured, easing himself to his feet and wincing as another bolt of agony shot through him.
And then he was gone; running as fast and far as his shaking legs could take him.
Running as far as he could get from Kurogane.
Sometime later, the sleeping figure stirred as an inquisitive bird landed nearby, cocking its head to the side as it stared at the stranger that had invaded its forest. Chirping loudly, it hopped forwards onto the strange black man's face, only to screech in surprise as a large hand came up to bat it away, eyelids flying open to reveal crimson red orbs.
"Fai!" With a loud gasp, Kurogane shot upright into a sitting position, breathing sounding harsh and loud to his own ears in the still silence of the clearing. Jumping to his feet, Kurogane spun round wildly, cursing as he saw no sign of the blonde mage that he had grown so attached to.
"Damnit!" He swore, hand angrily gripping at Ginryuu's handle. Fai had gone, run away yet again…had even had the nerve to enchant him into sleep! >That idiot! He was already having a hard enough time controlling his magic…what the hell did he think he was doing, using more to make me fall asl…> Kurogane's thoughts froze in their tracks, and he paled as he suddenly realised exactly what Fai had thought he was doing.
Fai had used more magic in his already bad state for the simple reason that he didn't think he was coming back.
"No! Damnit, no…Fai…" Kurogane croaked, arms dropping helplessly to his sides. There was nothing he could do…the forest was huge – too large to search through in time to stop Fai. And he didn't even know how long he'd been out…
Glancing up at the sky, Kurogane's eyes widened as he took in the position of the Sun, realising that hardly any time had passed at all since he'd been knocked out – Fai had only used enough power to put him to sleep momentarily whilst he made his escape.
"But I still won't be able to find him…unless…" Kurogane crouched down to the floor, running his hand lightly over the thick grass and grinning wolfishly as he detected the minute trail left behind by the light-footed Serusuan.
"You may be the most graceful man I've ever know, but you still leave a trail behind you, Fai D. Flowright. Hide and Seek's over – I'm coming, ready or not."
Fai let out a low moan of pain as he slumped against a nearby tree, practically doubled over as he clutched at his stomach in agony, the storm of magic continuing to rage inside of him.
"K…Kuro-tan…" He whimpered helplessly, tears trickling down his cheeks as torturous throbbing began to be too much for him again.
He could feel the magic bubbling up inside of him, raising to another level as the primal powers inside of him rose eagerly to the surface. Letting out a harsh cry, Fai staggered to the centre of the clearing in an attempt to get even further away from Kurogane, only to crash to his knees, wailing in anguish as his insides felt like they were being ripped apart.
And then…nothing.
The pain of his suffering gone, Fai straightened up slowly, gazing down at his hands in confusion. By all rights he should have exploded by now. Or imploded. Something like that anyway. And yet…nothing had happened. If he hadn't just experienced those gut wrenching pulses of pain, he would have thought it all a giant mix-up.
That was, until his hands began to glow blue.
Lifting his hands to get a closer look at them, Fai stared as they pulsed with magic that he himself had not called. A faint breeze suddenly blew past him, ruffling his hair, and his eyelids drooped as a hazy feeling swept through him, making him feel warm and fuzzy inside.
Caught up in his dream-like state, Fai merely smiled distantly as he began to float upwards, blue eyes unfocused and blank. Giggling softly, he watched as a branch from the tree he had previously been leaning on rose to join him in a slowly spinning circle, drawn to him by some unseen force.
One by one, the trees were stripped of their leaves and branches, the flowers growing at their roots rising to swirl around the rising blonde. Clacking together in an uneven rhythm, stones and pebbles lifted up off of the ground to join in the colourful dance, whirling in the vortex that had formed around Fai.
In the eye of the storm, Fai hung limply in the air, eyes clouded over as he lost himself to the magic, nothing more than an empty shell floating on the breeze.
Nothing more than part of the magic that he had once controlled.
Kurogane first realised something was wrong when he noticed the nearby bushes shaking violently in a wind that wasn't there, petals tearing off the buds to fly past the line of tree ahead. Feeling the tug of an invisible force, Kurogane allowed himself to be pulled forward, sure that this would guide him to where Fai was hiding.
But he never expected what he saw as he pushed back the trees blocking his way.
"Fai! Fai!" He yelled, eyes widening in horror as he saw the wizard spinning gently in the wind, rising ever higher into the air as more objects flew up to join him. Seemingly blind to the significance of his presence, Fai turned his head to smile lazily at the dark clothed man who was bellowing at him, managing to summon the energy to wave sluggishly at the stranger.
"Fai! What the hell's going on? What's happening! Answer me!" Kurogane demanded furiously, eyes darting back and forth as he took in the scene before him. At the significant lack of response from the blonde, he pursed his lips anxiously, seeing a look he knew all too well in the mage's eye.
The one that he usually saw in the eyes of those destined to die on the battlefield.
"Come on Fai! Snap out of it! Are you going to just let yourself die like that? After everything you've gone through!" He bellowed, stomping his foot in fury at how he got no more than a slow, confused blink in answer. >No no no no! How can he just let his magic destroy him like this! It's draining the life out of him – killing him! Damnit!>
"Please, Fai…" He begged, staring imploringly up at the usually impish wizard. Getting no response, he clenched his hand into a tight fist, shaking with barely restrained panic as he yelled out blindly;
"You once told me that there's a certain strength needed to be able to cry when you should – is that what you want, Fai! To make me cry! To show that I'm strong enough to be with you! Is that what you want!"
As he roared his words for the world to hear, a single tear escaped down Kurogane's cheek before being sucked into the swirling vortex that surrounded Fai. Almost immediately, Kurogane felt a strange stirring in the pit of his stomach, and he gasped as Fai's eyes snapped fully open, a small glittering spot of water marking the spot on his face where Kurogane's tear had hit his face.
"K…Kuro-rin?" Fai whispered, before crying out as the breeze became a full blown gale, raging around the couple as if trying to prevent Fai from escaping from its clutches.
"Fai!" Kurogane moved towards Fai, only to be forced to leap back as a flying tree trunk barely missed him, swinging wildly round to crash into the rocks on the other side of the clearing.
"Get away Kuro-chan! It's too dangerous! Just leave me!" Fai screamed, flailing violently against the storm of magic that was keeping him prisoner. But instead of leaving, Kurogane just shook his head, a confident grin forming on his face.
"No, Fai. Not this time. I won't ever leave you again." And with those words he ran up the side of a nearby tree, launching himself through the air towards Fai. Pulling him into his arms, he held on tight as he fell towards the floor, sending Fai crashing down with him.
Landing heavily on top of the blonde, Kurogane stayed still a moment, waiting for the winds to completely disperse before getting off a winded Fai.
"K…Kuro…Kuro-wan?" Fai gasped out, voice breathy and amazed. Kurogane simply chuckled and embraced Fai tightly, burying his face in the pale skin of Fai's neck as he whispered;
"You don't have to worry anymore Fai. Because whenever you lose control of yourself now…I'll be waiting to catch you, with arms wide open."
Fai's eyes welled up with tears and he let out a faint sob, flinging his arms around Kurogane's back and pulling himself close, hiccoughing into the stronger man's shoulder.
"Never let me fall, Kuro-koi. Don't ever let me fall." He pleaded, rocking back and forth slightly.
Drawing back, Kurogane shook his head slowly, never breaking eye contact with Fai as he made an oath that he never intended to break.
"I won't, Fai. I swear I won't." Then, with a final smirk, he was kissing Fai, using his lips and tongue to tell the wizard what should have been obvious from the start of their quest together.
That he was truly and utterly in love with him.
Author's Note
Oh. My. God. It's over. Memories Of When Smiles Were Real is actually over. I'm am seriously going to miss this story - it was one of my favourite, and I loved the positive feedback that I got from this fic - thankyou so much guys.
To be honest, I'm not that impressed with this ending at all. It may have been a happy ending, but it just didn't feel right to me...maybe because this couple has so many problems surrounding it, and so much angst. Personally, I don't think that Kurogane and Fai can ever have a happy ending that's so clean cut - a sad but happy one is much more realistic in my opinion, as both are carrying too many scars and past baggage to ever achieve what some would call a 'normal relationship'. But that's one of the reasons I love this couple so much!
Thankyou to everyone who has reviewed and read this story, and to everyone who will do so in the future. You kept me going on this, and even when I felt like giving up because things got too sticky, your reviews and comments helped give me the support to continue.
Please watch out for my next Tsubasa work, which should be coming soon. If it goes according to plan, it should be a collection of drabbles, short stories and one shots surrounding Kurogane, Fai and the KuroFai pairing! And the first story will be based around an idea I came up with one day when I was looking at Fai's tattoo and researching what it could symbolise - keep those eyes peeled!
Thanks again, everyone...please read and review!