A Day in the Life of Naraku
By Dranxis
Chapter Three: Thirteen Bottles of Saké On the Wall
Sesshoumaru stood upon the edge of a precipice that rose above the forest-clad hills. He paused for dramatic effect, allowing the wind to catch his hair. Behind him, Jaken stumbled over a rock. Gasping, the vassal stood up and readjusted his hat.
"Are we there… yet, master?"
For a moment, Sesshoumaru remained silent, overseeing the dark valleys before him with the eyes of a conqueror. Then he spoke, in droll, richly amused tones:
"The wind brings the scent of our foe, Jaken. It will not be long before we are at his gates." And before I punish the fool for threatening me with such foolery, he added within his mind. Jaken shielded his eyes against the wane sunlight, looking out before them.
"Well, I don't see this castle of Naraku's, Lord Sesshoumaru. Could that wretch have hidden it? It'd be like the fool, attempting to hide a castle from one such as m'lord…"
"He's erected barriers that render it scentless and invisible to us, Jaken," said Sesshoumaru softly. "But it seems as though they have been weakened today, perhaps to draw us in."
Jaken gave a sharp bark of a laugh, scowling down at the dark greenery.
"So, Naraku's prepared a welcome for us… But, Lord Sesshoumaru, you can't be sure this isn't a trap? Perhaps he left the scent to lead us astray? Maybe we're going in the wrong—"
"I know what I'm doing, Jaken," hissed Sesshoumaru, his fur and hair bristling slightly.
"Oh, n-nononooooo m'lord, I didn't mean to imply.." sputtered the toad. But under his breath, Jaken added, "But m'lord sure seemed to know what he was doing when he misjudged his leap across the chasm, and fell in that muddy river…."
B'TWHAK!
"Jaken, I'd think it'd be best if you didn't talk anymore today," said Sesshoumaru lightly. He glowered down at the still-visible mudstains on his white robes. Jaken, a large throbbing bump on his head, weakly answered:
"Yes, master."
Naraku lifted his hand to the sky, as one of his saimyosho flew off, a pink letter tied to its leg.
"Now, my precious courier, fly as though you Apollo's very steeds backed your fervent wings, and bequeath this love-wrought message to that whom my heart cherishes, the fair damsel with the ebon tresses, the priestess whom all the angels of Heaven envy…."
"Woah, getting kinda eloquent there," muttered Kagura at his side. "You've been reading too many of those stupid books, Naraku. Honestly, sometimes I'm worried you're going to saddle up and call yourself Don Naraku of La Mancha, and go questing off in the name of Kikyo del Toboso…"
"I was joking, you fool," he growled. Kagura's increasingly scornful behavior towards he, her master, had begun to get on the half-demon's nerves. "As though I'd be foolish enough to think myself a knight. And when did you read Don Quixote?"
"High school," Kagura said with a wave of her hand. "But that's not the point. Naraku, how do expect Kikyo to—"
"You went to high school?"
"Yeah, I did. Anyway, Kikyo'll never—"
"When was this?"
"What?"
"High school. When did you go to high school?"
"That's not the point. I'm trying to say—"
"But, you can't have gone to high school, my dear Kagura. That's several centuries in the future, you silly."
"ANYWAY, as I was saying, " Kagura snapped, face contorted with frustration, "hell will freeze over before that freaky bitch will give you cooking less—"
"And really, Kagura, you should tell me when you undertake such a rigorous thing as high school. I could have helped you with your homework!"
With a cry of "Hopeless!" Kagura stomped away. Naraku looked after her, bewilderment on his face, then turned to face the sky.
"Oh well. I can't please every woman in this world, can I? Kikyo, however… I shall see that she does want for anything… In return of course, for her unparalled skills in cookery…"
As Naraku ruminated pleasantly at the thought, his eyes fell upon the setting sun. Its last gilden rays lay upon a shadowed figure far in the highlands, setting it in a frame of fire.
Sesshoumaru approaches, he thought, one brow arching. I thought as much: it's been two chapters already, and with such a missive as I have sent, he wouldn't have tarried. He will never be able to refuse my offer, proud as he is.
A small smile flickered across his deathly face. I know his secret, his ultimate weakness. The great lord Sesshoumaru will bend like bamboo in a storm before my will.
Turning on his heel, the demon strode into his castle.
"Kagura, come here," he commanded, staring at the figure in the shadows. With a barely concealed grudge, she walked toward him. Her scowling face clearly said, "And what's it this time!"
"My dear, the time is nigh for Sesshoumaru's arrival. I ask you to, shall we say, prepare the castle for our honored guest: set the table, and fetch some saké, would you? This castle surely has some in the cellars, for human lords are very fond of the drink. Bring some as a sign of courtesy to our guest. I have much to discuss with him."
"Sesshoumaru… is coming here?" she asked incredulously. Somehow, she had doubted that the cold demon would come for either his annoying brat or the cupcakes.
"Of course. With my offer, how could he possibly refuse? Now off with you, off to the cellars…"
Obediently the wind witch turned away, mind too astounded to argue with her master. Inu-Yasha's brother, Sesshoumaru! Why would such a powerful demon be coming here? Perhaps there was more to those cupcakes that Naraku sent… But no matter. This is a golden opportunity. Sesshoumaru is the only one capable of truly destroying my master. The only one capable of granting my freedom, at last…
A rare, hopeful smile lit up Kagura's face. Finally, a chance for the freedom I deserve! Maybe Sesshoumaru has come here to slay my master… And rescue me! Oh, how I'd long for such an event… But at the thought, she shook her head, sending her green beaded earrings rattling. No, I mustn't fool myself with such fantasies… Love is nothing more than a burden, to I, Kagura of the wind…
And it was then that she heard it: a long, drawn out squeal, growing louder with each second…
"Oh DaaaaaAAAAAAaaaaaaaaAAAAAADDDDDDDY! Kiki, your favorite-est little pwincess, wants a huuuuUUUUUUUUUUgggggg!"
"No," Kagura gasped, stepping back. "That voice… It can't be…no.. not AGAIN!"
Kanna flew through the hall. Arms outstretched she tackled Kagura, who staggered back as though hit with a cannonball. Grinning up at her, the little girl laughed.
"Where's Daddy hiding, Kagoowa? Where'd ju put'im?" she demanded, hugging Kagura's knees.
"Umm, Daddy's umm, not here, err, Kiki," Kagura stuttered, her eyes shifting about helplessly. Oh, how she regretted the day when Kanna had hit her head and caught amnesia… And Kagura, as a prank, had filled the girl's head with nonsense…
-flashback-
"Who am I?"
The small, unearthly voice came from the shadows. Kagura, boredly fanning herself by the window, turned to look.
"Oh, gimme a break with the angst, Kanna. If anyone should be questioning their existence it should be me."
"But… I really don't know my name," continued the voice, now reduced to a whimper. From the darkness emerged a tearful Kanna, clutching her head. "I hit my head, and I don't know where I am…"
Kagura's sharp eyes widened. "Oh… my…" She bent down, staring at the sniffling Kanna. "You.. hit your head and can't remember anything?"
"Can't you tell me who I am?" Kanna went on. Kagura scratched her head.
"Well, your name is Kanna… and you serve… umm…" But she couldn't bring herself to tell the distraught little girl about the dismal life they led. Kanna stared at her expectantly with wide, tear-brimmed black eyes. Sitting back, Kagura suddenly smiled.
Well, she'll probably remember soon anyway… Maybe I should have some fun, while I can…
"Okay, scratch that. Your name's Kiki."
"Ooooh, I like that name! It's pwetty."
"Yes. Yes it is. And you see that man over there?" Whispering, she pointed to Naraku, seen across the corridor. "He's your Daddy." Kagura could barely restrain her laughter as Kanna's eyes lit up.
"And my Daddy's pwettytoo!" She cupped her hands with glee. "So… are you my mama?" Kanna asked, turning toward her. As the meaning of her words sank in, Kagura blinked, then blushed uncontrollably, a frustrated scowl on her face.
"No, no-nononoo… I'm your sister, stupid," she snapped, fanning herself. Kanna ignored the stupid comment, throwing herself on Kagura like a monkey on a banana.
"Kiki LOVES her sister!"
-end flashback-
"Kagura, I thought I told you to-- oh… my…." Naraku stopped dead. His eyes wide with horror, the demon receded like a cornered animal, as his sights fell upon the grinning little Kanna.
"Daddy! Gimme a HUG!" laughed Kanna, forsaking Kagura for the purple-clad lord before her. Naraku barely dodged the flying white girl as she crashed into the floor.
"What is the meaning of this, Kagura?" he snarled, jabbing a thin finger at the sprawled girl. "I thought this little joke of yours was over months ago!"
"How was I supposed to know she would revert to this state?" she cried in exasperation. Behind them, Kohaku and Rin stood sheepishly.
"We were, um, playing…" began Rin.
"…and Kanna hit her head…" finished Kohaku.
Naraku slapped a hand to his forehead.
"Kagura… I'll tear your heart in two for this..." he growled through clenched teeth. Kanna bounced to her feet.
"What? You're not happy to see me, Daddy? C'mon… Gimme a piggy-back ride! Just like you always used to!"
"…Just like you always used to?" repeated Kagura, Rin, and Kohaku in unison, staring dumbstruck at Naraku. He raggedly sighed, putting a hand before his face.
"Okay, okay… Once, to shut her up, when she was still amnesiac like this… I gave her one… a damn piggy-back ride…"
"It was REALLY fun!" interjected Kanna.
"Kohaku! Restrain the girl!" he yelled, as Kanna tugged on his robes and chased after him. "To think… just before my meeting with Sesshoumaru!"
Without question, Kohaku leapt forward and wrestled a wiggling Kanna to the ground. He tied her up with the chain of his sickle, as Rin held down the girl's hands and feet. Immediately Kanna shed her saccharine glee for a broiling anger. She kicked and screamed, biting viciously at Rin and Kohaku.
"If you take me away from Daddy… AH'LL KEEEEEEEEL YA!" she screamed. Despite her protests, Kohaku hoisted Kanna away into the shadows. As Rin followed him, Naraku slumped against the wall.
Slowly, the sound of the resisting Kanna faded into the distant passages. Naraku remained near the wall. Frozen, Kagura stared at him in fear, knowing better than to speak a single word. With a frustrated hiss, Naraku spoke to her.
"Kagura… weren't you doing something…?"
Kagura leapt to her feet. "Yes, yes m'lord! I'll get that saké right away!" she replied breathlessly, dashing away before her master could explode on her. Without turning to watch her leave, Naraku gazed apathetically out of the far window.
"There's only one thing that could lift my mood, right now," he murmured to himself. His eyes traced the shadowy edges of the mountains in the night. "And thank Sesshoumaru for bringing it. It's interior decorating time."
As he strode up to the door, the rich fabric of his garb swinging, Sesshoumaru slid Toukijin out from his sash.
"And now, Jaken, I shall destroy this affronting door, and show Naraku the true extent of my power…" He lifted the sword, causing its double-bladed edges to flash in the dying light. Just as the ogre-fang weapon glowed with power, Jaken spoke up.
"Umm, m'lord… Why don't we use the doorbell?"
Sesshoumaru paused in mid-swing, glanced with a twitch of annoyance toward the door. A little doorbell button, framed with flowery porcelain, was mounted on the wall. Sorely disappointed, he set the Toukijin back into his sash.
"Very well, Jaken, if it pleases you, I shall use the doorbell, just this once." He reached one long-fingered hand forward to press it.
"Err, Lord Sesshoumaru, I'm not saying you should use it, I'm just pointing out the option—"
"Do you want me to ring the doorbell or not?"
"Nonono, I'm not telling you to do anything, m'lord. I'm just saying—"
Another kick to the head silenced Jaken for the moment. Sesshoumaru rang the doorbell, listening as a faint ding, dong echoed through the castle inside. He stood back, stared wordlessly at the door. Silence. Behind him, the trees murmured with the wind, while Jaken muttered incoherently under his breath. Sesshoumaru shifted onto his other foot, continued to wait. Several minutes passed, before he heard pattering feet at the door.
With a creak, the door slid open slightly. Kohaku peeped his head around the crevasse, wide eyes staring at the demon lord and his vassal before him.
"Is this the Naraku residence?" snapped Sesshoumaru, not recognizing the boy. Kohaku nodded fearfully.
"You wouldn't be… Sesshoumaru, would you?" he asked timidly, glancing at the dog-demon's two swords. Sesshoumaru gave a slight, aristocratic nod, to which Kohaku opened the door.
"Come in, then. My master is expecting you."
Glancing back occasionally, the demon-slayer in training led Sesshoumaru and Jaken through the entree way. As they walked, Sesshoumaru glared about the bare hallways with disdain, while Jaken's eyes blinked in the dim light. Before long, they came upon a low-ceilinged room, where Naraku sat before a low table. Turning slowly to offer them a maliciously benevolent smile, Naraku tapped a spot next to him.
"Ahh, so you have come, Sesshoumaru. Please, have a seat. There are matters of importance that must be discussed between you and I. Kohaku, please take Sesshoumaru's servant elsewhere. This must be a private conversation, you understand."
"B-but, m'lord…" stuttered Jaken, turning pleading eyes to his master as Kohaku tugged him away.
"Just go, Jaken. We won't be… long," Sesshoumaru said stiffly, staring at Naraku fiercely as he spoke. Reluctantly, Jaken allowed the boy to lead him away. Still smiling, Naraku faced the table.
Argh, where is that wench Kagura with the saké? No matter, I have other weapons of courtesy at my arsenal, he thought, pulling out an object from his robes and placing it on the table.
"I see you are in fine health, Sesshoumaru."
"…And you as well, Naraku," replied Sesshoumaru in a low voice, tiger-yellow eyes watching the other demon's every move. Naraku clasped his hands together, gesturing once more to the spot beside him.
"Please have a seat. I won't have such an honored guest standing in my household."
After a pause, Sesshoumaru strode slowly over to the table, and sat opposite of Naraku. A cautious expression lay on his scathing face. Now, Naraku, what devious traps could you have in store for me?
"I presume that you have come for the girl. No worries: she is perfectly safe in sound, I assure you."
"…What girl?" murmured Sesshoumaru, genuine confusion on his face. Naraku blinked.
"That human girl… Rin is her name, I believe?"
"Oh, do you mean Trin?" returned Sesshoumaru boredly. The expression on his face clearly showed that he had come for other reasons.
"So am I mistaken? Her name is Trin?"
"Or maybe it was Min… But it is of no importance, Naraku. We both know why I have come here. Those cupcakes you sent me… the ingredient contained within them…" Sesshoumaru's eyes pinched at the corners with suspicion. "What did you mean, sending me peach cupcakes?"
Naraku smiled benignly. Ignoring his companion's question, he brought the object he had pulled out before into the light. With a casual air Naraku slid it toward Sesshoumaru. To his mild amusement, the dog demon observed that it was a cup of yogurt.
"Sesshoumaru, would you like some yogurt?" he tempted in an oily voice, proffering a spoon beside it. The yogurt's cheap plastic sides gleamed dully in the darkness. Across the label splayed the phrase "Same great custard taste!" Sesshoumaru glanced darkly from the yogurt to Naraku, from Naraku to the yogurt.
"And what, exactly, is the meaning of this?" asked Sesshoumaru in a slightly insulted tone, glowering distastefully down at the yogurt. Naraku's smile grew crooked. With the same smooth, casual movement, he pulled back the lid. Sesshoumaru's eye's widened… That sweet, fruit scent… it couldn't be…
"Why, Sesshoumaru, it's peach-flavored!"
Instantly everything seemed to melt away before Sesshoumaru's eyes. It was just him, and the yogurt. Before him it seemed to laugh and say, C'mon, Sesshoumaru, one scoop wouldn't hurt!
"No, NO! I mustn't be tempted… I cannot let the peaches take over!" he cried, leaping to his feet. Naraku laughed as Sesshoumaru kicked the table aside, sending the yogurt flying. Panting heavily, Sesshoumaru's eyes boiled a dark red as he snarled down at Naraku.
"So you DO know my secret! Naraku, I swear by my father's fang, that you will not live a single day more with this knowledge!"
"Ahh, but it takes me only a moment to let the whole world know what happens to you when you eat peaches," snickered Naraku slyly. "Make a single move against me, and they'll all know… Jaken, Kagura, Rin, even Inu-Yasha shall mock you for eternity."
As his words rang into the silence, Sesshoumaru's wrath subsided. He stared warily at Naraku, fingers twitching with his last vestige of rage.
"So, I see then. Blackmail. You want me to do something for you, is that it? Or else you'll tell them about…?"
"Yes, Sesshoumaru, that is precisely my design. And speaking of designs, there is something I want you to help me with…"
But at precisely that moment, Kagura barged into the room. She slumped against the sliding door, a strange expression on her face.
"Ah… here ya' arrreee…." she breathed sleepily. She sloppily brought a large jug of something to her mouth and took a swill. Naraku stared at his servant. Her half-asleep, ruddy expression, her slow movements, her slurred voice… No… she couldn't have…
"Wooh, Naraku, ya shoul' try shum o'this -hic- stuff's… here…. -hic-…" she trailed off, leaning into the door. "Human'sh have it good… Why didn' I try shum saké before? Tis' good.. yeah, ish good…"
Le gods! realized Naraku with horror. She's dead drunk!
Sesshoumaru's eyes flicked from Naraku to Kagura. Seeing Naraku's mortified expression, he had to conclude that this little scene was not in the demon's plans. Kagura swung her half-lidded eyes around the room, and at length spotted Sesshoumaru. Her red, boozy face lit up in a smile. Whatever heavily-guarded feelings Kagura had for the dog demon were unleashed in her drunken stupidity.
"Oh, ya came ferrrr meh!" she exclaimed, practically falling off the door. "Shesshoumaru, Ah knew yer lurved meh… -hic- Yer came ter rescue mehh…"
As Sesshoumaru's eyes widened in confusion, Kagura half-stumbled, half-ran toward him, flinging the jug aside and throwing her hands in the air.
"Cassh meh, Sheshoooouuumaru!" she sang, collapsing on him. With a disgusted face, Sesshoumaru quickly shoved the dead weight off of him. He glared at Kagura like something unbelievably foul, as she turned back toward him.
"Awrh, c'mon. -hic- Doncha like meh?" she smiled, draping herself heavily over his shoulder. "Lesh go, yer an' I. Off ter the… hic- woords. Ah know a noish little spot there… We c'n have shum fun…"
"What is the meaning of this, Naraku?" spat Sesshoumaru, slamming Kagura not-too-gently into the nearest wall. "Is this some other scheme of yours?"
Naraku stormed toward Kagura. His eyes blazed as he roughly hauled her up by the hair, his own hair seeming to crackle about his head with anger.
"Damn wench, I asked you specifically to BRING some alcoholic beverages. Not to DRINK them. God, how many did you have?"
Struggling away from his iron grip on her hair, Kagura pulled an ugly face at the master she hated so much.
"What's wron' with a lil' drink er two? I just thought I'd try shum… Neffer had any buhfore…"
"How. many. did you. have?" growled Naraku in a low voice, grounding out each word with force. Kagura gave a big, careless yawn, releasing her fetid alcohol breath.
"Ah dunno… Lost count after umm… -hic- thirteen shumtin'…."
"Thirteen shots?" asked Naraku, his eyes boring into her. Kagura shook her head.
"Nah, Ah mean bottlesh. Thirteen bottlesh."
Sesshoumaru, now convinced that Naraku was completely inept at keeping his servants in line, watched with amusement as Naraku smacked her upside the head. To this Kagura exploded with drunken rage, tackling him into the ground. They wrestled rather violently over the floor, tearing eachother's hair.
"THISH IS FER SCHQUEEZIN' MAH POOR -hic!- HEART!" yelled Kagura lustily, banging his head against the floor. Naraku twisted around and brought his knee crashing into her jaw.
"And this… is for making fun of my pastries last week!" he cried, his hands wrapped around her neck. Kagura whipped around and bit him deep in the arm. He cried out, slatting her away with one hand. Instantly Kagura whirled back and pounced on him. For several minutes they vented their pent up hatred of eachother out across the floor.
All this Sesshoumaru saw. Very slowly, like a retreating animal that did not want to attract the attention of two fighting bears, he stood up. He walked, as leisurely as he could make it, toward the door.
I don't have anything to pair from these two fools, he thought scornfully. My secret should remain safe: I see now that Naraku is too stupid to exploit it. It must have been a bluff from the start.
"Heyheyey!" called Kagura. She disentangled herself from Naraku. "Where's you goin'? Whaddabout hic recuin' meh, huh?" Naraku stood up, dusted off himself with dignity.
"And we have unfinished business as well, Sesshoumaru," he said warningly. Sesshoumaru half-turned, glanced from Kagura to Naraku. They stared back. And then, without warning, the chase began.
"Getback here!" screamed Kagura as she ran after Sesshoumaru. "Yer not the man Ah thought -hic- you were!"
"Sesshoumaru, the PEACHES are calling!" said Naraku in a sing-song voice. Sesshoumaru sprinted through the corridors, feet skimming lightly over the floor as he whipped around the corridors. What the hell is wrong with those two? This is insane. I must rid myself of these fools… Even if I have to dirty my hands with them. With that, he rounded a bend and entered a solitary room. He whirled around, faced the door with his Toukijin out.
Naraku was the first to arrive. Just as Kagura stumbled their way, he slammed the sliding door in her face. A shimmering barrier deflected her from the door. Silence, then drunken threats as Kagura prowled away. He and Sesshoumaru stood alone, in the dark, empty room.
"…Well, then, Sesshoumaru. I must apologize for that… interruption. My servant Kagura is not my most, erm, cherished underling. Now… Shall we continue?"
Sesshoumaru kept his Toukijin out, held slightly at a distance from himself. As Naraku turned around, he wiped a smudge of blood from his jaw. Seeing Sesshoumaru's poise, he held up his hands in a defensive gesture.
"Now, now, Sesshoumaru, you know better than that. Sheathe your sword. After all, yogurt isn't the only peach-made product I have with me."
Damn! What else could this bastard have up his sleeve? wondered Sesshoumaru viciously, replacing his sword.
"Ahh, finally, we may speak on equal terms. Sesshoumaru, we come to the bargain: I shall remain quiet about your little problem, if you help me with mine."
"And what problem is that?" returned Sesshoumaru stiffly. Naraku sighed, glancing dismally about the room.
"This. Don't you see? This is the problem."
Sesshoumaru's eyes slowly swept the room.
"I don't see your problem."
"Now now, Sesshoumaru, there's no need to be kind for my sake. I'm asking for a little criticism! Really, tell me what you think." Once more he made a vague gesture of the room. Sesshoumaru arched one eyebrow.
…Just what exactly is this fool getting at?
To be continued.
Authoress's Notes: Waah, sorry for the delay, I've had a hectic week. Anyway, the really fun stuff is going to come next chapter, hehheh. The dreaded decorating scene, and some fun with Kikyo, if I can squeeze her in.