Here it is, at last. Next chapter will be out...let's see...the day after tomorrow, I believe. Today's date is the 19th of September...2005.

Chapter 5: Deepwood

"Who's there?" Link demanded.

"I am..." said Tacochickenwings, stepping out of the darkness. Link and Ezlo gasped.

"What are YOU doing here? Gawd, why does everyone have to intrude on MY story?" Link growled.

"HEY! This is my story, too! AND STAND UP STRAIGHT, DAMMIT!" Ezlo said.

"I am here to add a plot twist," said Taco, taking out a lighter and setting Link's clothes on fire. Link screamed, hopped around, but it was too late. His clothes had burned away!

"Why does this always happen to everyone involved with you?" Link bellowed, utterly disgusted.

"HEY! Don't you DARE be dissin' my ways, man!" Taco stuck her nose up, crossed her arms, and added, "It's my trademark thang..." She walked away.

Ezlo peered down at Link's naked body.

"You know, Link, it's WRONG to be a nudist! Why, I once went to a nude beach, and nudists are always fat, ugly people! And anyone who becomes a nudist is likely to become FAT and UGLY! Do you want to be FAT and UGLY?"

Link ignored Ezlo. He found that it's true what they say: ignoring is the best remedy for pains in the ass.

Link looked around at the room. He stood facing a door, and with a shrug, went through it.

"Rawr, I am teh giant green Chuchu, man!" said the giant green Chuchu, standing before them.

"This is COMPLETELY fucked up! DAMMIT, CHUCHU, GO BACK TO THE BOSS ROOM! YOU DON'T COME IN YET!" snapped Ezlo.

"Me don't?" inquired the giant green Chuchu stupidly.

"NO!" Ezlo snarled. "AND STOP BLINKING SO MUCH, IT'S IMPROPER!"

"Oh..." said the giant green Chuchu sadly, inching away and out of sight.

The dungeon was full of many a peril, which I shall not describe, because it's just too much effort.

Link entered the boss room at last.

With a sigh, Ezlo said, "Ok, Giant Green Chuchu... You can come out now."

But the Giant Green Chuchu did not come.

"HEY! ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME, OR ARE YOU TOO BUSY BLINKING?" Ezlo demanded.

"Ezlo, stop shouting. You're making yourself look stupid," Link grumbled, annoyed with his companions loud and obnoxious ways. He was just getting harder and harder to ignore...

"WHY, BACK IN MY DAY, YOUNGINS --"

"SSHH! Ezlo...listen..."

Both Link and Ezlo listened. Rap music was coming from somewhere...but where? Link attempted to follow the source of the sound. It lead to a leafy patch on the floor, and upon stepping on it, Link and Ezlo fell down through it, screaming. A secret passageway!

They found themselves in a small, dingy room that was full of marijuana smoke. Rap was blaring loudly. Looking up, they saw the Giant Green Chuchu sitting at a card table, playing cards with a band of Moblins. The baddies looked at the arrivals.

"It time to fight?" questioned the Chuchu dumbly.

"Uhhh...YAH," Link snorted.

"I late?"

"Well, yes," said Ezlo.

"Aw, me so stupid. I DON'T DESERVE TO LIVE!" screamed the Giant Green Chuchu as it spontaneously combusted.

"Woah, dude!" Link said, wide-eyed, taken aback.

"That was...easy," Ezlo noted with a nod.

"Yeah, now to just take care of these," said Link, whipping out a machine gun and shooting the crap out of the Moblins. The Earth Element appeared before them.

"Hot piss!" Link grinned.

"We defeated the temple!" Ezlo exclaimed.

"Well, you didn't do anything, really. I was the ass kicker."

"Yeah, but you're still naked!"

"Shit."

Suddenly, a new tunic appeared before Link.

"Double hot piss," he said, pulling it on.

"Ok," Link asked, "What do we do now?"

"We must return to the Minish Village!"