Chapter 6: Climbing Mount Crenel

"Woah...NO WAY! You REALLY defeated the Giant Green Chuchu?" gasped the Minish Elder for about the millionth time.

Link let out an exasperated sigh.

"He SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUSTED. I had NOTHING to do with it, ok? Wait...why am I being so modest? So then, er...yes. Yes, I did single-handedly defeat the Giant Green Chuchu. I guess that makes me like, really cool."

There was a moment of silence.

"I...I think I love you..." said the Minish Elder.

Link backed away a little.

"Ok, that was really unwanted. So look, can you just tell me what I need to do next to I can get on with my STRAIGHT life?"

"Um, yes, yes, of course! I fear that we, the people of the Minish Village, are unable to reforge this blade..."

"Well, you had better learn, because I didn't shrink to the size of a peanut just to fuck gerbils, you know!" Link said irritably.

"No, no, wait, I never said that it COULDN'T be done, it just can't be done here... You must journey to Mount Crenel. Climb it, and you should meet a great Minish by the name of Melari. He's a blacksmith, you know, he'll be ablea to fix that sword of yours up right good..."

"And Mount Crenel would be WHERE...?" Link asked expectantly. The Minish Elder wrote the directions down on a piece of paper.

"Well, good luck to you... I'LL NEVER FORGET YOU, LINK!" cried the elder dramatically, but Link and Ezlo had already left.

Passing through the village to its exit, Link could not help but feel wary at all the Minish staring at him and whispering murderous things to eachother. The hero prayed that he would not have to return here anytime soon.

It was then that Link noticed Ezlo had been unusually quiet.

"Hey, Ezlo!" he called.

No answer, but there was snoring.

"EZLO, YO!"

"WHAAAT!" Ezlo screeched.

"Nothing."

Still Minish-sized, Link continued on his way to Mount Crenel. Of course, he had not made much progress, seeing as he was still in the Picori Forest, but hey...it was better than nowhere.

Suddenly, a Minish dude jumped out at them.

"JUMPING IS NOT PROPER, NOW STRAIGHTEN UP!" Ezlo commanded.

"I just came to give you this Bomb Bag," said the Minish, shoving it into Link's hands.

"Um...why?" Link asked.

The Minish carressed Link's face gently.

"As a tribute...to US..." he said huskily before walking away.

"Jeez, Ezlo, do you know if all Minish are, well...gay?"

"Nevermind, my boy, nevermind! Now straighten your tunic, and let's carry on now!"

At last, they managed to find a shrinking/growing tree trunk or whatever. Standing upon it, Ezlo performed the counter-spell to smallness, and Link was once again his regular size. The trip to Mount Crenel now progressed far more quickly.

The pair finally found themselves at the base of the mountain, and thus, the climb began. But it was stopped suddenly, for Link and Ezlo ran into a most unexpected face (Look, people, no offense, I love the Harry Potter books, but I simply HAD to do this, hehe...)...

"HALT!" said Harry Potter, brandishing his wand and pointing it at Link.

"Woah, dude, you could poke someone's eye out with that!"

"If you want to finish climbing this mountain, then you're going to have to go through ME first!" snarled Harry.

Link sighed.

"Look, dude...don't make me whoop your ass," he said.

"YOU CANNOT PASS...UNLESS..."

"Unless what?"

"Unless you fuck me in the ass!"

"What? Dude, I am NOT fucking you in the ass!"

Harry Potter whipped off his clothes and lay on the ground in front of Link.

"Come on, you know you want some!" he said, rubbing his nipples.

"Dude, this is gonna piss off a lot of Harry Potter fans, you know."

Harry rolled over onto his stomach.

"Come on, fuck me in the ass!"

"Don't make me kill you!" Link threatened.

Harry Potter slapped his butt cheeks.

"Come on and get it, Linky-poooooo!"

Ezlo gaped, utterly disgusted.

"IT IS IMPOLITE TO PLAY WITH YOUR BUTT CHEEKS IN FRONT OF OTHERS!" he hollered.

"Fuck me!" Harry said.

"That's it. Screw you, bitch..." Link said, pulling out his machine gun and shooting Harry Potter.

"Link, was that really nessecary?" Ezlo asked.

Link put the gun away again.

"Well, what can I say? He was being a prick, so I shot him."

Link was about to start walking again when Ezlo said, "Wait, Link! Raid his pockets!"

"Right," Link replied with a nod as he searched Harry Potter's discarded pants. He found the climbing ring things that you get in the game.

"Hot piss!" he said. They continued their climb.

"You know, that is the third person not from this story to come and screw it up," Link noted.

"And Harry was also, what, like...the fifth fag in this?" Ezlo added.

"Yup, I think so."

At last, they reached another Minish Portal, and shrank. The duo proceeded to enter a nearby Minish door, which led to the home of Melari and his apprentices.

"Yes, I can indeed reforge this Picori Blade of yours..." said Melari thoughtfully.

"Good!" replied Link.

There was a moment of silence.

"Well...aren't you going to reforge it?" Link asked, a little impatient.

Another moment of silence followed.

"...Yes."

Link handed him the broken sword.

"This will take some time. During the period when I reforge this, I think it would be a wise idea for you to go and collect the Fire Element in the Cave of Flames. It's a little to the north of here, you can't miss it."

"Ok, so...this means another dungeon?" Link asked.

"I guess so..." answered Ezlo wearily.