A/N: Thanks for the reviews! Here's chapter 2!
Disclaimers: Resident Evil 4 belongs to Capcom, and The Legend of Zelda belongs to Nintendo. Oh, Crazy Frog belongs to someone. MGS belongs to Hideo Kojima.

Chapter 2: The One With The Website

Leon walked towards the old house, and spotted evil-ravens-that-will-most-probably-kill-you-in-one-peck, and took out a handgun from his Amazing Invisible Attaché Case™ (small). He tried (and failed) to shoot the birds.

'Wait, I'm on easy mode!' said Leon to no one in particular. 'I have a kick-ass shotgun!'

So our hero progressed to blast the shit out of the poor, defenceless creatures, which turned out to be only a couple of harmless blackbirds. Amazingly, when they died, they left Spinals and Handgun ammo.

'Muhahahah! I am invincible! And rich,' gloated Leon as he picked up the goodies, which, also amazingly, weren't covered in birdy guts.

Leon finally reached the building, which was run-down and gloomy. He walked through the door, holding his handgun (where had his shotgun gone?). He heard a fire crackling (a fire in autumn, in Spain?) and, surprise surprise, random Spanish.
He stepped into the room, and spotted a weird guy prodding the fire.

'Excuse me, sir? I was wondering if you could help me? Have you seen this girl?' Leon held out a picture of Ashley.

Meanwhile, millions of miles away in Hyrule…

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As Link finished playing his Ocarina, an extremely ugly fairy rose from the fountain, screeching like a witch. She was in a bad mood, and she said to Link, 'You know, I was going to give you the power to understand the Spanish tongue, but I think you have enough useless crap already. So I'm going to give the power to someone who actually needs it…'

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The Spanish guy stared at Leon oddly, and only then did Leon notice the pretty blue sparkles. He felt weird, and he blurted out, 'Hola'.

'Hello. What the &!# are you doing here? Get the hell out, bastard!' said the Spanish guy.

'Wow! I can understand Spanish and…oh, sorry to bother you.' said Leon.

He proceeded to walk off. The Spanish guy stopped poking the fire, and picked up his axe. 'Die, you sunovabitch!'

Leon turned, with a startled look on his face. 'WHATTT?'

'Crap. I forgot you could understand me. Well, um, where was I?'

'Well, you were going to kill me with your blunt axe, which you will almost undoubtedly throw at me, and it will only take 1 bar off my health, when it should kill any normal human,'said Leon. The guy looked at him oddly, tilting his head sideways, like a cute little doggy. 'Eh?'

'Never mind. DIE SCUM!' Leon proceeded to shoot the Spanish dude who actually had short-term memory loss, and would have invited

Leon to a friendly water fight in the back garden instead. He fell to the ground, and a lovely pool of blood flowed through his torso. Odd, since Leon had shot him in the head.

Leon heared a revving noise outside, and ran to the boarded-up window, slipping over the dead guys blood in the process.

'Owww! God no, I bet they're pulling a Brad on me! Nooooo!'

He picked himself up, and looked through the boards in the window. Sure enough, the car had gone, and there were loads of evil-looking villagers heading towards the bridge.

'Well, I'll be damned! There are evil villagers!' said Leon, and then the words, 'Call. Press Select' appeared on the screen, along with the Crazy Frog ring tune.

'Le- I mean, Solid Leon here.'

'Colonel Hunnigan here. Have you infiltrated the infastructor-thingy-magigy-random-words-which-I-don't-understand, Leon?'

'Yes. And…it was not I who messaged you on Pictochat earlier, it was, err, …George Bush!' replied 'Solid' Leon.

'REALLY?' said 'Colonel' Hunnigan.

'Uhh…yeah…' said Leon, breathing a sigh of relief. 'Anyway, this guy, he was really mean to me, he told me to &#! off! And then the meanie attacked me with an axe! So I killed him, and I smudged my lipstick!' he whined.

'Yeah, whatever Leon,' yawned Hunnigan. 'Anyway, how are those guys who drove you there?'

'I think they pulled a Brad on me, and, well, they are so weird! I mean, they kept drooling over what seemed to be a porno mag…'

Cops #1 and #2 up above: IT WAS A MARS BAR!

'…and they hate meh!'

'A shame, I was hoping you'd get on…well, like your kind do…'

'YOU SET ME UP WITH THEM!' screamed Leon.

'Uhhh…gotta go! Good luck!' quickly said Hunnigan, and the line went dead.

'Right, now can I go outside?' said Leon to himself, and nearly cried as he received a text.

'Leon, changed your mind yet? I really like you! Luv C.R.'

'Damn girl!'

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Somewhere in America…

'How come I can never get a man? They're either gay, dead, or…um…blood related…' mumbled Claire, as she returned to her 'We Love Chris Redfield' website.

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We return to our hero as he looks for a way out, because the idiot villagers prevented the door from opening. He ran up a set of stairs in the back, and was stunned to see no more rooms of any kind. Strange, the house was so big on the outside…

Leon turned to window, and saw a big green button on the screen with the words, 'Jump' written.

'I shall doeth whatteth the buttoneth shalleth telleth thee!' announced Leon, and the background was replaced with a giant American flag,
'For I am…LEON SCOTT KENNEDY!'

Has Leon gone mental? George Bush? WTF? Has the cops really gone to heaven? Will Ashley be saved? Is Salazar really 20 years old? (Ooops, wrong chapter ;;) Do you want a biscuit?

Find out in chapter 3: T.O.W. The Village!