A/N: Hey folks! It's review reply time!
Insane Doughnut: Probably the same thing they were smoking when they made the opening movie to RE1? Capcom have already proven that they're a bunch of awesome pot-heads XD
Ninjoc: Yeah, ewww. There was no sink either…yuck!
Shadow Maniac: Sigh. I explained back in chapter 3 that I had only made him gay for funny-ness. Try killing me, I'll just whack you with my keyboard )
Nemisis538: You can try, Dan. I only got £14 for it.
Mizurio: Thankies! I'll try. :)
Gundam Mk Dead: We all love laugh riots!
Cymoril Avalon: Now there's a thought. o.O
Lady-Ithil: Yeah, Leon would make a VERY pretty girl! –giggles-
MichelLover67: Coming to a venue near you – 50 Cent, Eminem and Bittores Mendez in concert!
All I have to say now is…THANKIES FOR TEH REVIEWSIES! D
Chapter 6: The One When Salvador Returns
(Thanks a million to Nemisis538 for his help on this chapter. Writer's block is painful , )
Leon's eyes widened as he saw his old foe. The almighty crisp packet-wearing Salvador was advancing, an evil glare in his eyes. 'Bingo may have saved your life before, but nothing is gonna save you now!' he growled.
'GOD NO!' screamed Leon.
'God yes!' laughed Salvador. 'I have returned…for your head!'
'You can't take my head!'
'Oh yes I can!' said Salvador.
'Oh no you can't!'
'Oh yes I can!'
'Oh no you can't!'
'Oh yes I …aww, screw it!' Salvador was now mere feet away from our hero, raising the chainsaw above his head. Fortunately for Leon, the mental Spaniard tripped over a twig, screamed like a girl, and fell. His chainsaw sliced right through his gut.
Leon jumped in joy, but screamed again when Salvador stood up again, his intestines sticking out in a bloody mess.
'You will never beat me!'
Leon turned pale, wetting himself with fear. Salvador was approaching toward him again, a hungry look on his face.
Leon saw his chance, the little green button was back, and this time it said 'kick'.
Salvador fell again, clutching his manlyhood, tears in his eyes.
'Trust me, I didn't want to do that, ' said Leon.
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'Lookit this!' said a random Ganado, clutching a copy of Famitsu. 'RE4PS2! It looks gorgeous!'
'Oooo! Ahhhh!' said another Ganado, taking a peak. Soon, the whole village was crowded around, looking at the mag.
'They say that there's a whole side game with Ada in it!' said one.
'Wow, Weskie makes like, a 0.01 second appearance in it!' said another.
Leon heard them as he passed. He picked up a pitchfork and poked them all to death. 'TRAITOROUS CAPCOM!' he screamed. 'THIS IS A FLIPPIN' CUBE EXCLUSIVE!' he ripped up the mag and stuffed it down his pants, knowing he'll be pissing himself a lot during this adventure. An article caught his eye. 'Oooh! Pokemon Multicoloured Rainbow Version!'
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'Ok…' thought Leon, standing in the centre of the village. 'What do I do now?' He suddenly thought of the key he found in Mendez's house. It must unlock something!
He looked around, and saw the McDonalds. 'I'm hungry!' said Leon suddenly. So…
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'Welcome to McDonalds. Can I help you?' mumbled a spotty teenage Ganado in a bored voice.
'Do you serve happy meals here? I'm collecting the toys,' said Leon. The teenager raised his eyes. Literally, he took his eyes out of the sockets and put them on top of his head. Because that's another power I wish to grant the Ganados.
'We serve happy meals, what do you want?'
Leon studied the menu. 'Ummm…Chicken McNuggets, chips and a milkshake, please!'
'Ok, and here you get a free Code: Veronica toy,' droned the teen. 'But we're all out of the Wesker, Steve and Alfred toys. All the fangirls got them. And a guy with a chainsaw stole all the Alexia and Claire ones. So all that's left is one Rodrigo and a few thousand Chris toys.'
'I'll have the Rodrigo!' said Leon happily. His set was nearly complete (guess which one he didn't have). He sat down and played with his new toy (which came with a mini, but very real combat knife) whilst he waited for his food.
'Oi, Bella Sisters!' shouted the teen. 'Chicken McNuggets! Now!'
The sound of chainsaws, screaming females and chickens 'buk buk bukking' filled the otherwise silent air. Leon was oblivious to it; he had taken out the rest of his Code: Veronica toys and was re-enacting the entire game. 'I'm looking for my brother, Chris!' he said in a high pitched voice, making the Claire doll jump up and down.
One extremely ugly woman with bandages over her face came in, holding a box of McNuggets.
'Thanks, Stella. You've left all the good bits of the chicken for tea tonight, haven't you?' said the teen Ganado.
'Claire, I'll save you!' said Leon in an even higher pitch.
'Ewrea! Rea! Ewrea rea rea! Agghhhh! Ewrea!' screeched Stella Bella. Roughly translated: 'Yes, these McNuggets are made out of the finest chicken eyeballs and beaks'.
'Mmmmyes! I shall not let you escape, Claire Redfield! Heheheheee!' giggled our American hero.
'Good, good. Now, go make milkshake and chips!' commanded the Ganado. He turned to Leon. 'Your meal will be ready shortly,' he said.
Leon wasn't listening. 'I despise your brother!' he said in a deep, sexy voice.
'Right…' The Ganado watched Leon play with his toys like a young child.
'Ewrea ewrea! Agh! Rea rea!' screeched Ella Bella, handing the Ganado the chips and milkshake. Well, if you dared call it a milkshake. It was a horrible bogey-green colour! And don't get me started on the fries.
'Sir, your Happy Meal is ready,' mumbled the teen.
'Finally!' said Leon, who was now bored of his game, and had started doing Little Britain impressions.
'Would you like ketchup and salt with it, sir?'
'Yeah, but, no, but, yeah, but, no, but…'
'I said, would you like ketchup and salt with it, sir?'
'If ye asked me on a Monday, I'll say, a-yeas! If ye asked me on a Tuesday, I'll say, a-no!'
The Ganado forced the Happy Meal into Leon's hands. 'Thanks for coming, I hope you visit us again!'
And so our hero left the domain of the Evil Yellow Arches, shouting, 'I'm the only gay in the village!' in a Welsh accent.
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Will Salazar conquer his fear of mince pies? Will Mendez receive the PSP he's always wanted? Will Saddler be able to cook Christmas dinner…without burning the turkey? Find out in Chapter 7: The SSDS Christmas Special!