zelos
by myka
Arc I - Part 04
beta: naaha

---

I wanted to lite a cigarette, but I couldn't. Not here at least, illegal and all. I glanced up at the clock on the wall, one thirty five in the freaking morning and Schuldig still hadn't woken up. The nurse on staff had asked too many questions when I brought him in. So I just told her I had found him like that and that I didn't know who he was. Just a practical lie that saved me a heap of trouble and even more annoying questions, and even if she didn't seem too convinced she left me alone.

I sat still, quiet and bored the hell out of my mind. The emergency room was empty and very, very sad. Pasty white walls along with aqua chairs didn't do much for the decoration; people could get depressed just by sitting here. Two vending machines hummed in the distance, accompanied by the low rumble of the television set. I had ordered the nurse to warn me when Schuldig woke up. To wait by his side just seemed to reach the limit of weirdness for me for the night.

Sometimes I asked myself what I was doing here. But I could never come up with a satisfactory answer. It was all very confusing. I'm just not supposed to care about what happens to an enemy. Because that's what he is. He would never be anything more, and yet there I was waiting for him to regain consciousness.

The question now was when did I stop seeing him as just my enemy.

"I want to die."

Yeah…I think that was it.

I closed my eyes and the memory flared in my mind. I had gotten caught by his eyes, but that didn't bother me. What bothered me was that when he pulled me in, I didn't resist.

I placed my hands on both sides of my head; I was getting a headache.

I heard the automatic doors open and instantly looked up to see who would be walking in so late. Finally, something different to do other than just sitting here. Then the Oracle walked in.

Oh fuck…

I reflexively buried myself in the chair I was sitting in, resisting the urge to duck under it. I really didn't want him to see me, to the point when I didn't notice when I started to hold my breath, as if doing so would make me disappear. But he never looked my way. He just kept walking straight forward, ignoring even the nurse at her station. It seemed lady luck had not completely abandoned me for the night.

This was my cue to leave. I would have only make trouble for Schuldig and myself if I had stuck around. I stand and walk outside, breathing the cold night air as a small feeling of emptiness started to consume me.

---

I closed the door behind me since I was the last one in. Aya had gone up to sleep without saying a word or even replying to Ken's offer for some tea. Omi and I accepted. Ken headed towards the kitchen. I followed him, sitting on the table and taking off my sunglasses. The mission had been simple and the target had been eliminated with ease, an Esset officer posing as a Kritiker wannabe and leaking all sorts of information. Kritiker had told us to watch out for Schwarz; but there had been no Schwarz. No Schuldig.

"Are you alright, Yohji?" I blinked and looked up to see Omi seated opposite me with concerned eyes.

"I'm fine," I answered him as Ken prepared a pot of coffee "…just tired."

"No," Omi replied, with a little seriousness to his voice. "You don't look tired, you look like you're worried about something."

I glanced at the teenager, trying to keep the surprise out of my face and eyes. Then I smiled proudly . You're good, chibi. Very perceptive.

The truth was I was worried, had been for the entire past week since I left Schuldig at the hospital at the mercy of his leader. At first, I had tried to deny it, but after a while I came to terms with it and just accepted it. I was worried to the point that my teammates had noticed.

"I've noticed too," Ken added. "As a matter of fact, you've looked worried for a few days now."

Apparently I was very obvious.

"I'm fine guys," I said in my most normal voice. "It's nothing you should worry about."

Omi pouted a little, making that face that takes about three years off of his age. "If you say so…"

They trusted me, just like I trusted them.

"Well, at least whatever it is isn't bothering you in the missions," Ken said as he handed me a cup of tea. "You looked pretty eager today."

True. I had hoped to find out what had happened to Schuldig. But I couldn't actually say that to Ken and Omi.

So instead I lied. "I was just glad to get out of the house for a change." I took a sip of the tea hoping the discussion would end there.

"Yeah, things have been slow at the shop lately," Ken muttered, finishing the last of his drink. "I'm going to bed," he announced calmly. "I have the morning shift tomorrow."

"Good night, Ken," Omi said still sitting down at the table, sipping the last of his tea from the mug.

"Night," I added.

Omi stood too, walking towards the sink and placing his empty cup inside. "I think I'm calling it a night too," he said. He stopped at the door and turned around to face me again. "When you're ready to tell us what's worrying you, you will. Won't you, Yohji?" he asked. I blinked and kept my eyes calm, my hands still, then met his eyes and nodded slowly. He nodded back, accepting my unspoken answer and left for his room without another word.

---

A month went by and Schwarz was still a no-show since the rooftop incident. I still believed it was because of the suicidal telepath.

That night we had another mission, but I wasn't as eager about it as I was a few weeks ago. Kritiker had noticed Schwarz's recent disappearance from missions involving Esset. They seemed glad. That night we were searching for one of Esset's small operation centers somewhere around the Tokyo docks. Aya decided it would be best if we separated, covering more ground in less time, always keeping radio contact. I walked down the wooden platform of one of the docks; making he wood creak with every step; waves resonating nearby.

"Found anything yet?" I heard Aya's voice through the small microphone in my ear.

"Nothing. This place is deserted," I answered.

I had been walking for the past half an hour with no sign of life around, I wasn't even checking around corners anymore. The mission was going nowhere. Still… an assassin should never forget to be cautious. I shouldn't have stopped looking around the corners.

Hands wrapped around me, pinning my hands to my body and dragging me into the dark so suddenly that I couldn't help but yelp in surprise. I couldn't see shit, just a few inches in front of me as I was turned around and my back crashed against a wall. I knew my captor was male when his body pressed against mine. One of his hands traveled to my wrist, removing my watch and throwing it aside.

Omi spoke in my ear, "Balinese are you alright?"

I was about to scream when a hand covered my mouth as another yanked the small communication device out of my ear. My attacker came closer, finally revealing himself to me.

"Good evening, gorgeous."

Schuldig…