22
Larxene
It was raining out. It was odd how nature sometimes seemed to play right into our emotions. Life was just funny that way, I guess. I was walking, slowly, and kind of sluggish, to the hospital where my dad was staying. He'd come down with some kind of cancer, the doctors didn't know too much about it. It spread fast too, after only two months he was now on life support. He wasn't going to make another month. My Dad had always been strong, one of those people who was looked up to in the community. He was a fisherman his entire life, he'd stayed in shape up until now. But he was nearing sixty, and time had just caught up with him, even if it was faster than what was natural for something like this. I made my way into the hospital to my Dad's small room. He looked terrible.
He was hooked up to at least 3 different machines. One to circulate waste, as his digestive system was breaking down. One to feed him for the same reason, and he was on a respirator now because he was losing the fight, his lungs had started decreasing in functionality the past couple days. They had called me a few minutes ago to tell me that he was on this thing. The nurse saw me and quietly made her way out of the room to give us some space, and told me that she'd send the doctor to see me.
I walked up to my Dad's bedside and saw him lying there. His head didn't move, but I saw his eyes trace over to me and he managed a weak smile. It was then I realized he was in terrible pain. Not just physical, but his eyes seemed empty, like his spirit had just been shattered. I tried to smile back.
"Larxene..." he said, his voice was barely a whisper, "I'm glad you made it, but I really didn't want you...to see me...like this..." his breathing was becoming heavier, even speaking was sapping his strength. I reached down and held his hand, my childhood wasn't exactly easy, my mom had died a while ago, and Dad was always working. But it wasn't bad by any means, he and I always did stuff together, when he had the chance. I loved him very much because of his effort, it was difficult to see him like this, I admit.
"Have you gotten any sleep?" I asked him, asking 'are you feeling OK?' seemed insulting at this point.
"Enough," he told me. That meant either very little or none in his father-daughter vocabulary.
"Excuse me, Miss Larxene?" Doctor Brown was in the doorway, motioning if he could come in. I nodded and he came about half-way in the room, I guess he wanted a private chat.
"Dad, you get some sleep," I said, tears welling up in my eyes. He tried to shake his head 'yes', but he was already nodding off. I guess he felt more comfortable with me here. I made my way over to Dr. Brown and tried to fight the urge to latch on and pour out my tears.
"Larxene, I have good but bad news. His cancer is dying, the therapy is working, and we can hold it at bay. However, we still can't cure it. We can keep him alive, here, like this, for eternity, but unless a cure is found, he'll be stuck here," he laid out for me rather directly. I sat silent, dumb, for a few moments, and he continued, "We can either do that, or we can pull the plug, it's really up to you, you're an only child, correct?" I nodded. "I know this can't be easy for you, you don't have to decide now, but please soon, so we can make preparations for a more permanent residence for him," he said.
I shook my head 'no', "I already know," I said, my voice low, choking up with emotion, I was speaking in a half-whisper half-voice that must have been a dead give away. "He can't suffer. I...I want to let him die."
"Very well. You may say goodbye to him if you desire," he said, gesturing at the bed. I walked over and looked down at him, and heard his quiet snoring. I couldn't help but smile at how peaceful he looked.
"No, he's asleep, I don't want to distrub him. Just do it."
Dr. Brown nodded solemnly, and went over and turned off my Dad's machines. I took my father's hand one last time, and held it right up to my cheek. "I love you, Daddy."
I saw him drift out, his breathing slowed, stopped, and the little heart-monitor gave a flat line and that infamous long beep that indicated his heart had stopped. It was an eternity, and it only lasted for an instant. I had no concept of time anymore. This was it though, the last time. I began to sing quietly, they say your ears and hearing are the last things to go, so I sang him a lullaby he had always sung to me.
Dr. Brown came up and put his hand on my shoulder, "If I can ask, what made you decide so quickly?"
I kept looking at my father's peaceful features, "To preserve his dignity." I stayed for a little while longer, and left to go to my empty home. I cried myself to sleep for the next two weeks.