I sat in shock as I listened to the doctor gave me the news that I had known had to be coming. News that would forever change not only my life, but the lives of the people I cared about.

"……Leukemia, Ms. Matthews, I'm very sorry."

Sorry? Why in the world was he sorry? He had no reason to be sorry.

"Is there anyone you'd like me to call? A relative, your husband?"

I shook my head. "No, there's nobody, I'm not married. "

Nodding his head, the doctor again offered his condolences.

I thanked him automatically, as if it weren't really me. Then coat in hand I walked out of the hospital.

Now, almost two months later, I still hadn't told anyone. Not Meghan, none of the gang and certainly not Nick or Sara.

I walked into the break room to see Grissom, Catherine and Warrick sitting at the table, drinking coffee. "Hey guys, how's the coffee?" I asked heading for the pot and pouring myself a cup. As I sat down, I noticed the somber looks each of my colleagues wore.

"What's up guy's, you all look like someone just died." I hadn't meant for it to come oiut exactly like that, but it was said nothing could be done now.

"Tessa, we know.' Grissom looked at me pointedly, and suddenly, I realized what it was that he knew. I took a deep breath, prepared to explain.

But Cath got to the punch before me. "Does Meghan know? Or Does Nick? What bout Greg and Sara?"

I shook my head, silently, keeping my gaze averted.

"You haven't told your daughter, Nick has no idea and your two best friends are out of the loop too? Tessa, you have to tell them. They deserve to know." Catherine's voice was soft. I could hear the hint of sadness in her voice.

"Who deserves to know what?" Nick asked coming into the room, with Sara and Greg right behind him. I took a deep breath, now was the moment of truth. " I think you should sit down, there's something you all should know." I said.

I finished talking and a silence settled upon the room. Sara looked as if someone had just told her that

Her best friend was dying (and how appropriate that was, considering the circumstances). Nick, well it was difficult to know exactly what he was thinking at that moment. As for Greg, well he was obviously upset.

Catherine, Grissom and Warrick were looking as if they had wished that they hadn't found out they way that they had.

As for me I was now wishing that I hadn't had to tell them this news. I hadn't even told my daughter, yet. Meghan would have to be told. She was only twelve but she was very mature for her age, however I wasn't all that sure how she was going to handle this news.

"I cant believe that you didn't tell us." Sara said accusingly. I glared at her.

"do you think that I wanted to tell you this period?" I asked. "this isn't just something that is easily said you know." I was upset, true, but I also knew that I should have told them sooner than two months after the fact.

I suddenly felt trapped, like I had to get away. Setting the coffee cup down, I oushed my chair back and got up. Skirting the side of the table, I walked toward the door.

Once in the hallway, I let the door slam closed behind me and headed for the bathroom.

Catherine found me ten minutes later. "Tessa, Im sorry. But you-"

"I what Catherine? Should have said somethin earlier? Do you think that it would have made this any easier!" I knew that I was becoming Hysterical but honestly didnt care.

"Tessa.."

"Just leave me alone Cath, please. You have no Idea what Im goiong through right now."

I was angry, furious in fact and I wasnt even sure why. I slammed out of the washroom and headed for my Tahoe.

I cranked the radio and rolled the windows down asI drove through the streets of Vegas, not really going anywhere, just going. The warm air on my face felt good and my ears rang with the humm of the of the music blasting from the radio.