Sorry for the lack of an update in a reasonable amount of time. I'll try to make this one long as my apology to you the readers. I apologize in advance for the grammatical errors. Enjoy.
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Talk with Cy
"Yo BB! Whats up?" Cyborg said.
"Nothing." BB said.
"Come on man! You have been acting strange lately, and if you can't talk to me then who can you talk to?" Cy said closing BB's door behind him.
He's right, you should let some of this out. See if it makes sense when you say it. A second opinion might be just what you need. "Okay, I'll let you know whats been going on with me lately. First, I gotta tell you something that you may not believe." Gar says.
"Shoot man,"replies Cy.
"…I'mmmmmmmmmmmm…. InlovewithRaven…" Gar says with the words spilling out of his mouth at an insane speed.
"…Okay, slow down now. Did you say that you were in love with Raven?" Chuckles, "serious, mono-tone, dislikes your jokes Raven?" Full out laughter now. Crying with tears. "Sorry man, its just a little funny, no, its just plain outrageous."
Balls up on his bed, pulling his knees to his chest turning all red. He slows his breathing down and looks Cy straight in the face to show him how serious he is. "Are you done Cy, I kinda need to vent and I need you to take this seriously."
Cy's laughter subsides as he wipes the tears from his eyes and slows his own breathing down. "I apologize man, I know that no one can choose who they fall in love with. Go ahead, I'm all ears."
"Don't record this man."
"…fine."
You gotta tell Cy sometimes not to record your conversation. He doesn't mean anything malicious; he just thinks that if he can re-listen to the conversation later he might be able to figure something out that he couldn't think of then.
Gar takes a breath and gets ready to tell his best friend his sad and miserable tale of unrequited love. "Okay, I know I love Raven because I spent a week figuring out just how I felt about her. I wanted to make sure that it wasn't just some crush that would fade and go away. Because I know that if I ever acted on it, the friendship would change completely and most likely, I wouldn't be able to go back and fix it." Gar says slowly, still feeling the words out for the first time.
"Wait, I don't understand why you couldn't just be friends again if she said no? Its pretty easy, just accept it and go back to the way things were before." Cy says as he eases into BB's chair.
"Its not that easy Cy. It isn't about whats logical, its about how I feel. In my mind, I see me and Raven together, and it's a perfect love. Nothing is perfect, I know this, but I know that I would give everything to make her happy and if she felt the same, she would do the same for me. It has to be equal. I can't be in hell for her so that she can be in heaven. She has to see that I am in hell and love me enough to settle for being content so that we can be content together, which puts us both in heaven. I want to know everything about her, and be able to read her in any situation and vice versa. I want her to need me."
"Sorry BB, but you sound clingy. Clingy isn't attractive to people." Cy says.
"I know all this Cy, but I don't care. Its what I need. I'm not to the point where I need someone who doesn't need me. I'm the type of person who wants someone who clearly needs me for support. Not to be protected all the time, just a firm foundation. I want be the person who she knows is in her corner, and it makes her stronger. And I don't want to come across as a typical guy who wants to protect her, but I can't lie and say that I'm not. I want to protect her. I want her to be weaker so that I can feel needed. But I also want her to do the same for me."
"Well your saying that you want her to be weak, and she isn't weak man. Raven is definitely not as pathetic as this person you desire." Cy continues with a strange look on his face as he tries to imagine Raven as BB sees her.
"I'm saying, I want her to be comfortable enough around me to know that I will do everything I can for her." Gar says while wrapping his hands around himself.
BB tries to figure out a way to explain to his best friend that what he desired was not for Raven to be weak, just more open.
Frustrated, Garfield just lets everything out without filtering his words to make them sound positive. "Cy, I just want to feel needed. People need to feel needed sometimes. If they don't, then what's the point in being together with other people. And now, I want to feel needed by her, because I need her."
Tears are filling up BB's eyes, but he refuses to let them fall.
Cy sighs. "I understand man. People need to feel necessary, or else they begin to feel like an extra screw that won't be used. The feeling of uselessness, its terrible. Its why people do some of the things they do, they want any sign of recognition, even if its bad recognition."
"So have you told Raven how you feel?" Cy says shifting the direction of the conversation.
"Yeah, I told her a week ago tomorrow." Gar says in better spirits.
"How did she take it?" Cy asks questioningly.
"She didn't take it at all. She gave me this talk about how she doesn't see me that way, and how she can't control her powers when she feels strongly about things."
"Well dude, you do realize that all of that is legit. Her powers are related to her emotions, so that is a good reason not to go with you. And she doesn't see you like that, and you can't force a person to love you. Its either there or it isn't." Cy says observing how BB accepts this information.
"I guess so. I think she might be feeling more for me now though, but I don't want to assume anything. I really hope so because I'd hate to have to move out of the tower." Gar says.
"Whoa! Move out! There's no way that you would have to take such a drastic measure!" Cy says standing up from the chair, pacing in front of BB's bed with his hands waving through the air.
"Cy, it's the most extreme thing I could do and worst case scenario, its my last possible option if nothing else works." Gar says lowly.
"Why in the world would you have to move out man! Just go back to the way things were." Cy says, still obviously shook up at this news.
"There is no way I could do that! Have you ever fallen in love with a friend? It destroys the feel of a friendship. You can only be friends after you were together. It's a shot in the dark for you to be friends after, but its better than nothing. If you are rejected, then everything changes. You can't be a really good friend anymore, because you will always be thinking of what might have been in your mind. Its not even at the back of your mind, its there every time you see them smile. You keep thinking, why can't they see how great we would be together? Do they know I hang on all of their words? Just because they don't return the love you give them, it doesn't mean your love for them automatically goes away. Its still there, its just lonely now. And its painful. They become the person you base all future love interests on because you keep seeing them periodically. You don't bring up love interests around them because it just feels awkward, and if you do bring them up, you watch this person for any small reaction of jealousy. And if you aren't careful, you might imagine seeing some, and it fills you with hope or dread for your current relationship. It throws doubt into your mind about everything, and you act differently with your new person." Gar says matter-of-factly.
"Not to mention if the person you loved starts going with someone else. In that situation, it's the reverse. You try to make sure that you aren't exhibiting any clear signs of jealousy, which is really tough because your entire body screams it on every level. You have to keep it in check. You never get over a person until you hate them. You can only try to lessen how you feel about them, and lessen how obvious that feeling is."
"You become that pathetic friend that you see in movies. The one who its obvious to everyone that they still love that person, but act like they don't. Who is under some delusion, that one day, one day! Their love will be returned, and the person they loved for so long will apologize for putting them through that hell for so long."
"I'm telling you now Cy, I won't become that person. That fake friend, who is biding his time to act, and believes that he can make her see the light. I'm not going to make her love me, because I don't know how to do that, I'll accept her answer when she is sure how she feels about me and I've told her and shown her what I have to offer her. But after all of that, I won't stick around to become this person with this twisted view of how she will love me one day."
"There are other things you could try BB. If things go that way, then I promise to do everything I can to make things better so that you won't have to move out. You moving out would change things completely. How about if you just separated from each other and only saw each other when we had to work." Cy says as he calms down and sits back down.
"Lets not plan for the negative so early yet Cy." I know he's going to anyways.
"Okay…so let me see if I got everything. You love Raven. You told Raven and she gave you reasons why it wouldn't work out. Anything else? And how did you tell her."
Gar laughs. "Man, I was so nervous that at first I couldn't calm down enough to tell her anything. I had to throw my fist into a brick wall so that the pain and bleeding would take away my nervousness."
"Dude, that's pretty twisted."
"Only thing I could think of. Well, I told her that I liked her, and then she told me why we couldn't be together, and then I told her that I wasn't taking no for an answer so early."
"Anyways, about two days ago, we went for a walk to the pier. This time when we talked, it felt like she was warming up to me, but damn it if she didn't have any faith in anything! It really pisses me off how much she thinks. She thinks too much on the negative side. Well what it all boiled down to is that it is all up to me to determine if we should consider a relationship, and I have no idea what to do. What should I do Cyborg?"
Silence fills the room for a couple of seconds, and then Cy begins to speak.
"Anything you do now will most likely get you nowhere. You have no idea what she is thinking, and its hard to make a move without something like that." He says.
"How am I supposed to know what she's thinking!" BB says as he falls back on his bed.
"Its your job to get to know what she's thinking! If you love her as much as you say you do, then you will find a way to figure out what's on her mind without invading her personal space."
"I have no idea how to do something like that."
"BB, you are going to have to start thinking some more. There are a lot of things you can do right now. You can have more conversations with her, that are actual conversations. Figure out how she answers your questions so that you can understand how her mind works. If you can figure out how she looks at a question, then you will know the right questions to ask. Keep having conversations with her and eventually you will know her moods. Show interest in her besides how physically attracted you are to her."
"This is all really good Cy! I should write this down."
"Do you really need to write this down?"
"Your right, no I don't." Anything about Raven and how to become closer I will remember without actually trying. "Anything else?"
"Hmm, you should probably try to talk to Star about Raven."
"Are you serious! I don't know if I want Star to know."
"Dude, you need a female's perspective on this. I am a genius, but I don't know what goes though women's heads."
Cyborg is tentative before his next statement. "You should also think about talking to Robin."
Gar grows a lot darker. "Why Robin?"
Cy chooses his words lightly, "Well, Raven has been in Bird Boy's head before so they share a bond. Not to mention, after the whole crazy Trigon thing…they seem to be…umm…just a tad, really, not even a tad, but a smidgen of a little bit closer."
Gar practically growls, "Robin."
"You don't hate him do you?"
"No, he's just not my favorite person right now." I know its jealousy on some level, but I know it won't go anywhere. There like siblings, but the only thing I see is that he is where I want to be. I just want to be a lot closer. I'm mad because he is much closer to the person I love than I am. Who wouldn't be annoyed at something like that?
"Thanks Cyborg. I really appreciate you listening to me whine and moan about all of this."
"No problem BB! Next time, don't wait so long to open up to someone."
"Promise. Later man."
Reviewers, you all rock! Thanks its much appreciated. Hopefully I will be adding a couple of chapters today.
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