Affairs of the Heart
Part One: High Doubts
Chapter Six
The rest of October and beginning of November were going great, a few ghosts here and there, but that was about it. Veronica, finally gave back the money to Georgie's daughter and Sam hardly ever cam around, which was good, because I didn't want him around.
It was nearing mine and Jesse's anniversary. Thanksgiving had gone and passed. We had spent it with my family. Gina had joined us but wouldn't dare look at Jake who was desperately trying to get eye contact with her.
It was getting close November 26th, our anniversary date when things started to go downhill. It was three weeks before final exams. If I though I hadn't seen Jesse a lot this semester, I was wrong. I barely saw Jesse anymore; it was like we lived far, far away from each other. Me, in New York and him in California.
So, on the day of our anniversary I thought, well gee things can get better right?
Wrong.
I was first visited by Sam, who I do so not want to see.
"How is it going Suze?" he asked while leaning against my doorway of my bathroom, I was getting ready for mine and Jesse's date that night. I was curling my hair with the curling iron.
"Fine, Sam, by the way, why are you still here? Shouldn't you move on already?"
"Ha ha, Suze, but from what I hear on the ghost grapevine, you fiancé didn't move on"
"Well, no, but he had a reason."
"So, do I end of subject."
"What, do you need, can't you see I am busy?"
"Well, I just seeing how you are doing and all considering what I have heard." Standing up and walking around the bathroom.
"Oh, why wouldn't I be? It's Jesse and I's anniversary." I said moving on to another curl.
"Well, I would be pissed if I were you. See you later Suze."
"What? Ow, son of a bitch." I burnt my finger on the curling iron.
Foreshadowing's a bitch isn't it?
I finished getting ready, and pondered on what Sam said. Why would I be pissed? Jesse isn't cheating on me, I know that. Katie, hasn't been intruding…much…Why would I be pissed?
Jesse came home about a hour later, looking in a mixture of happiness and worry.
"Hi, Jesse." I said standing up and giving him a kiss.
"Susannah, I got something to tell you. You might want to sit down." I was beginning to worry, what was he going to tell me? Did he have an illness?
"Susannah, you know I love you very much right? More than anything in the world?"
"Yes, Jesse, tell me, what is going on?"
"I was given a scholarship, an awesome one, I would never have to pay for medical school, and I have to get a good score on my final for them to accept me though."
"JESSE! THAT IS AWESOME!" I jumped up and gave him a hug.
He didn't hug me back.
"Susannah, I have to go to San Francisco."
I blinked at him twice, "What?" I asked dumbfounded.
"I would have to go to medical school, in San Francisco, for all of medical school."
I sat down on the couch. Thoughts suddenly raced through my head. Jesse was leaving? Why? Why was Jesse leaving? Why couldn't he go to college here? Huh? We have a home, we are going to get married, start a family?
"Susannah, are you okay?" Jesse bent down to my level and tried to look me in the eye, but I avoided his gaze. Holding back tears I said, "I- I got to go- I got to go study with Gina." I grabbed my bag and car keys and left out of the house.
I did the best I could, in the car to hold back my tears.
I turned on the radio, hoping to calm me down a bit before I got to Gina's apartment. "Where is the love? Where is the love? Where is the love, the love, the love?" I pushed the search button. "Have you ever loved somebody so much, it makes you cry?" I pushed the search button again, "Listen to your heart, when he's calling for you, listen to your heart, there's nothing else you can do, I don't know where you're going, and I don't know why, but listen to your heart, Before you tell him good bye."
"FUCK YOU IRONY!" I screamed and turned off the radio. I finally got to Gina's apartment. Tears were silently flowing by now. I sniffed and rang Gina's doorbell. She answered it and looked at me.
There I was, my anniversary with Jesse, dressed up to the nines, standing at her door with smeared makeup.
"Suze, what is wrong?" She asked me in a worried tone.
I sniffed and laughed, "Jesse, got a scholarship, he is going to San Francisco for all of medical school, isn't that great?"
"Oh, Susie bear," Gina gave me a hug and I finally bawled on her shoulder.
"W-why d-does h-he h-have t-to l-leave G-Gina? W-why?" I cried even harder as my world was falling to pieces.
She shushed me and led me over to the couch.
"I think we need a good girl's night." Gina called over Cee Cee who brought over the notebook, Ben and Jerry's, and tissues, Lots and lots of tissues.
Gina, decked out in a hoodie and shorts, Cee cee, who was wearing a tank top and PJ bottoms, and I, still dressed in my best, sat on the couch eating ice cream and quoting the notebook. I had cried out all of my tears and felt nothing but hallow on the inside. All my emotions forming one big hurtful, making me numb with pain.
I felt sad. Jesse and I are meant to be, I don't want him to go, and I don't want to be alone, with out him. I felt angry, I mean come on WHY does he have to go? Can't he just stay here? I also felt jealous, because I bet that Katie is going there, I have this feeling and she is going to try and take Jesse away. Then, Finally, I felt guilty, I was being so selfish, I am not thinking about how Jesse feels; I know he doesn't want to leave me. I need to stop being stupid.
"I think I am going to go home. Thanks." I hugged Gina and Cee Cee goodbye and left for home.
When I got home, it was well pass eleven. I walked into the bedroom and saw Jesse reading on our bed. He looked up when he heard me walk in and dropped his book.
"Querida, are okay." He came up to me.
A tear escaped my eye and he hugged me. I started to cry. "J-Jesse, I-I'm s-sorry. I r-ruined our ann-anniversary." He hugged me even tighter.
"Shh, Querida, todo esta bien…shh…calmate…esta bien."
"I'm so stupid." I cried.
"Querida, it's not your fault."
"No, Jesse, it is." I rested my head deeper onto his chest.
So, it was final. Jesse was going to San Francisco. Adam was coming back. Three weeks, had come and gone just like that, of course Jesse got the scholarship and Katie was just SO alighted to hear. "Jesse! Now I have a friend in San Francisco!" I knew some how, some way Katie was going to San Francisco.
But, now, there was nothing I could do personally, to stop it. Everything was set and everything that I knew was slowly crashing and burning.
What was eve more depressing, was the day Jesse was leaving. My Christmas season: sucked. It truly did, everyone was happy and jolly waiting for Christmas day. I personally, wished it didn't. Jesse was to leave December 23rd. The night before I helped him packed. Slowly but surely, it was done.
I would drive Jesse to the train station, where he would take the train down, his stuff was sent ahead of him, and no doubt Katie would be taking care of it. Jesse held my hand as we walked onto the platform waiting for the train. I didn't even try holding back tears. They fell silently down my face. The sky was grey and cold. Just like my soul at moment, funny eh?
Jesse turned and looked at me "please, don't cry." He brushed tears off with his hand.
I laughed, "Jesse you are leaving me, how could I not cry?"
"Susannah, I'm just going away, I am not leaving."
"But you are going away from me!" I was acting selfish and childish, but I did not care. My emotions were running wild.
"Susannah," he held me by my arms, "I will come back, we are not breaking up."
"How do I not know Katie will just, just come in and take you away?"
"Katie? I love you Susannah, you and you alone, Katie has nothing to do with this."
I hung on to Jesse, as the heaven's opened up and started to poor. The whistle of the train rang in the background. Here it was the end of my life as I knew it.
"Susannah, I will never love another. Remember that."
The train pulled up and people started to pile onto it, but I hung on to Jesse. Eventually, I would have to let go. It hit me and I knew I had to let go.
Jesse gave me one last kiss. One where I didn't want to let go, but he did. He got on the train and just like in those old movies, the bell rang, and the train doors closed, And it pulled out of the station and around the corner.
"Goodbye Jesse."