Disclaimer: I do not own Slamdunk (and you know who does).

Hide and Seek

RUKAWA

Basketball. Dunks. Lay-ups, Rebound. Is where my life revolved.

I wanted to be the best in basketball, I once told myself that.

It's what I've always been focused on since junior high. I won't let anything stop me from reaching my goal to be the best player in the district and make it to international level.

On my first day at Shohoku High, as I walked in the corridors of the school building, I heard girls giggled, and eyed me as though they know me, they could see through me. It's evident that they admired me in the way they look. If it's because of my looks, I couldn't care less. If it's because of my basketball skills, I don't give a damn either.

These girls worship the ground I walk on. I may sound arrogant but that's how it looked like. I won't be having those first love and first kiss and first date and first whatever. Basketball is the only thing I'm interested in. Maybe these girls think they know me. But they don't know me like how Ayako and Hinori did.

They were enough and I wouldn't ask for more girls to be around. Having them around gave me a headache sometimes and I often wonder how was I able to put up with them all these years.

AYAKO (at the court)

I love basketball. I love the team. I love to be the manageress. I love everything that has to do with it. Except the headache I sometimes get from training new members and the fury I feel for a certain person.

What about loving 'someone'? I think I don't want anything to do with it.

I don't want to be hurt. I don't want to daydream, to have that sort of contended smile plastered on my face when in fact, there's a rather big probability all of that will be taken away without me knowing it. I don't want to be attached to someone and eventually to feel scared and paranoid that he would leave me.

I don't want someone to know me so well that he could read my mind and see through me just how afraid I am to lose him. I don't believe that there's such a thing as that, a relationship that is for keeps. I don't want it.

Or so I thought.

Until…

Kaede Rukawa. The guy almost every girl at Tomigaoka admired. He's finally here at Shohoku; he seemed to have gotten every girl's attention.

Where am I heading with this? Well…it's because…he got mine.

Okay, here goes my confession…

I think I love Rukawa. There. I said it. I think, which meant I'm not yet sure.

I started seeing him in a way that is not 'friendly' as it should be. Know what I mean? I started seeing things in him that is new to me. Well, this feeling is new to me. I know that what I feel is not that deep; I could still get away from it. Yeah, you heard it right. I'm afraid to fall in love or even admit the possibility that it will lead there.

I don't know how and when it started. I just found myself looking forward to seeing him everyday. I felt happy whenever I'm with him, hanging with him, even if it's just a normal conversation we're having.

I started to realize how thoughtful he is, besides being gorgeous; he's just there all along, within my reach. I'm began to see that there's more to him than the anti-social boy, than the grunting he used to give as a reply to my banters.

He could be caring and sensitive to my needs most of the time. If you're wondering why I could love a guy like him, I can't give you a definite answer.

It started with a friendship a lot of girls at Tomigaoka can't seem to understand or doesn't want to because they were blinded by jealousy and envy. If they only knew how it torments me to be always standing near Kaede but can't show him what I feel, maybe they won't envy me at all.

He didn't know. I have no plans of telling him. That's the least I could do to save my pride.

Now that I'm on my second year at school, I could still remember my last attempt when I was about to leave my junior high; it was summer before first year when I tried to tell him. I was ready to take the risk of being hurt by his possible reply the moment I spilled my feelings while we were in his room one night watching a marathon of NBA games.

Fortunately, or maybe otherwise, Hinori burst through Kaede's door, tears falling from her eyes which looked swollen from crying maybe for hours. She looked so fragile and vulnerable.

The sight of her made me forget what I was about to do. What caught my attention was Kaede's worried face. He gave her comforting words while he put his arms around her shoulders and let her cry. It felt like I wasn't even there with them. They look so cozy together, I didn't dare talk.

After that night, my attempts of telling him were put to a stop, temporarily. There were more serious things to deal with than my uncertain feelings for the guy. For instance, Hinori had a family problem. Her parents were planning to have a divorce. She and her brother were given a choice as to whom between their parents they would want to stay with. Her mother is staying here while her father will be moving to Tokyo.

What caused this, Kaede and I didn't ask. We were waiting for her to tell us more details but she didn't. We respected her privacy so we didn't push her to tell everything.

I sympathized with her because I came from a broken family too. I live with my mom in a not-so-big house. My father left us for his other family. The only consolation, if I could call it that, was he never failed to support me and my mom financially. At least that I should be thankful for because if it weren't for his continuous financial support, I won't be able to go to high school.

But that didn't mean I should feel confident about the whole situation because I have to find a job, a part-time job after several months of their separation. After my dad left, finding a job was the most practical way at that time when our expenses were increasing uncontrollably. Mom tried to stop me but I'm too stubborn to listen to her. I was hired as a waitress at a bar and restaurant. It's not what you think of. It's a decent bar. At first, I was hesitant, but for a girl like me, who's in great need of a job, I accepted it. Well, beggars can't be choosers you know.

That's exactly what stopped me from letting myself fall in love. But I guess when it hit you; you just can't stay away, you can't say no, you're trapped. I feel trapped and I don't know how I would be able to free myself from this thing called 'love'. Yup, I finally realized and accepted the truth that I love the guy. This happened that night, when I felt jealousy eating me at the sight of them in warm embrace.

I know it's pathetic because why the hell would I be jealous of her? Was it because she and Kaede spent more time together than Kaede and I ever did? They were of the same year and section all through secondary high school. And you know, I may sound crazy but I almost came close to trying to flunk my subjects so I could be in the same year and class as he. But that never occurred since it's a foolish plan.

My friendship with Kaede developed into something I'm estranged from. I had always thought that 'guys' were like my dad who was never satisfied with just one woman. To think, I almost came close to telling Kaede that I like him more than just a friend.

Another reason why I shouldn't tell him was that Hinori admitted to me without any hesitation at all that she likes Kaede, and maybe even to the point of loving him. She didn't sound so sure but there was something in her eyes that told me she might be serious.

That one reason was a sign that I should stop this madness. I can't believe I let myself fall for Kaede's charms. I was in my first year at Shohoku when I decided to get over my feelings. I tried to focus on anything else but him. And being the manageress of the basketball team sure helped me. I have a year of not seeing him around as often as I did before.

Moreover, there's this one person who got me on my toes most of the time. When I first met him, I find him to be kind and a very energetic kid. We met when we we're kids. He's so protective of Hinori that it made me wish I had a brother. He's a year older than me. He would always tease me whenever I would drop by their house. Hinori and I will play dolls or just hang out in her room.

I am so fond of him to the point of even thinking that maybe I was beginning to like him. But he changed. He became so infuriatingly arrogant and deceitful, so conceited that I want to wring his neck every time I see him or hear him speak bad things about the basketball team. I hate him because he hated what I love.

Up to now, he's the only guy I know who could stir a lot of emotions in me. He looked so damn proud that he could. Just the sight of him gave me the creeps. I want to strangle him and put some sense into his brainless head. That's too violent…but maybe it might help to make him realize what he's trying to do with his life.

Enough with that, I shouldn't be thinking of him. It's only a waste of time.

Where was I, oh, back to Kaede, as much as possible, I stayed away from places were I could possibly see him. I didn't go to his house more often but only when it's important or when there are occasions. I did that for almost a year. I don't know if he noticed it. He's not saying anything about it at all. And I supposed it didn't bother him much because Hinori is always around. I wouldn't be surprised if they're a couple now.

Just imagine how I felt when I heard the news that he and Hinori were enrolled at Shohoku. I was hoping he had forgotten about the promise that I made him do. There were so many scholarship offers for him and it surprised me that he chose Shohoku. No one knew the reason why. And surely, it's not because of me. Why would it be?

Okay, I'll stop being a hypocrite. I admit I was kind of hoping. I know it sucks! I want to bang my head on the wall to forget about it.

I have to convince myself that I just want to be his best friend. I must get myself used to seeing him always. I must control my emotions, be conscious of my actions, and not give a hint at all of what I feel. I'd rather have him as a friend than nothing at all.

That's awful for some maybe, but for me, that's all there is.

If there's a school for learning insensitivity which will also teach me to be tolerant of Kaede's presence, I will gladly enroll. Unfortunately, there's nothing like that. I don't want to scare him away like the other girls probably did if I unconsciously start showing symptoms of the Kaede-infected disease.

I have to do this for Hinori's sake and mine, for our friendship's sake.

Speaking of the 'devil', here's the least person I like in the world…and I was not able to control a scowl.

I was sure I'd bump into him almost every day at that part of school, the hallway outside the third year rooms. Why did I forget about that?

Note to self: Avoid passing that part of school next time.

"Hey Ayako, cut the scowl, you look unattractive," hesaid, only audible enough for me to hear it clearly, while getting past him in a hurry. His 'friends' were with him and they all laughed. What a jerk! I tried to keep my cool and ignore him.

I bet he said that to make me feel bad. I hated myself for letting him do that to me.

RUKAWA

To be the best player in this district.

Now that I'm here at Shohoku High, I will do whatever it takes to bring the team to the top four. Despite the many offers I get from various high schools in the district, I enrolled here.

The reason? It's because of Ayako. Not only did I remember how she tried so hard to persuade me and Hinori, but because I wanted to know why she's been avoiding me. I'm not that insensitive, to not feel she's pulling herself away.

I started to get this feeling when she rarely goes to my house to watch movies or NBA games. She made a lot of excuses that it's so hard to identify whether it's true or not. And some where even unbelievably strange.

I don't know what's up with her lately. Since she went to Shohoku, I didn't get to see her. She's always busy. Besides the part-time job she had, I heard from Hinori that she's the manageress of the Shohoku team.

I'm not the kind of guy who's too clingy on my friends. If I were sensing something strange is happening, I won't be the first to inquire about it. It's not in my nature to worry.

Maybe she got tired of me. After all, I'm not always there, or if ever I was there for her, I rarely speak.

I haven't seen her around school yet. I wanted to surprise her. Or maybe she knew it already and she's playing the hide and seek game again. So I decided to just take a look around my new school, hoping to see her.

As I was walked the halls of the building, a familiar frame caught my eye. It's Hinori Mitsui. She was fiddling with her hands as she stood outside a room. Her actions show signs of nervousness. It's not hard to miss; the facial expression she had. She's trying to compose herself before going inside. She'd always been like this. She's too shy and it sometimes amused me. But I would never dare show I'm amused because it would upset her.

Unlike Ayako, who's confident, Hinori's timid. I thought she'lleventually grow out of it. But itseemed she hadn't.

HINORI

This is it, my first day at Shohoku. I told myself before I stepped at this school that I will be different. I won't be weak anymore. This is a new beginning. I have to make it through today without showing the old me. The old Hinori is gone.

Uh-oh, here I am again, sounding worried. There's nothing to worry about. I can do this. Why can't I control myself from wondering if people will like me?

I should probably get inside because some students were starting to give me strange looks.

What a good impression on my first day here. I sighed, my hundredth sigh that day, I took a step closer to the door and looked sideways to see if they're still looking at me.

In doing so, I saw Kaede walk towards me. He strode like a man on a mission to save the day or maybe to save me. Please, not again. Let it be not what I think it is.

To my dismay, Kaede accompanied me inside. I know that we are not in the same section. He's acting like a big brother again. I don't want him to treat me that way, like his younger sister and most especially like I'm weak. But being weak was my only excuse for him to always be there and comfort me. If I want him to take care of me, I have to be weak.

Where was Ayako when I need her? I haven't seen her since I arrived at school. I've never told this to anyone. Sometime in my life, I wanted to be like Ayako. I wanted to be like her. She's so tough, so strong, so unlike me. But I guess that won't happen. We're both different persons.

But there's something I have that she doesn't have. It is Kaede's sympathy, his compassion, thoughtfulness but definitely not pity. I hope it's not pity that made him do those things. I hope I could make him love me.

I felt his hand touch my elbow as he guided me inside the room. It's a good thing there were only a few students in there. And being a heartthrob, everybody in the room was looking at us, I mean at him. Girls were gaping. I think I even saw guys look at him with what, envy? Not that I could blame them. I too sometimes found myself gaping at him. I don't care if he noticed. I'm only human.

This school year will be very hard for him. I know he disliked being chased by girls and talked about behind his back.

When I reached a seat near the huge windows, I thanked him. He only nodded and told me 'See you later at lunch at the canteen,' before he walked off.

As I sat at the seat by the large bay windows, I looked outside the beautiful lawn. I caught a glimpse of my brother. He was laughing with his friends. But his laughter was empty.

He'd been doing the same routine every night, going home late from his night out with some friends who seem to be a bad influence. I am more worried about mom. She's taking all of this by herself. She cried to me one night. It's because my brother came home drunk. Mom asked him what's wrong because surely it has nothing to do with our family problem. But he didn't tell. He didn't even look at her. He went straight to his room and shut the door so loud I thought it would fall down.

Mom told me that Hisashi didn't respect her anymore. And I can't take it anymore myself. He's being selfish. Sure, he might have a reason for acting like a jerk. He'd been like that when dad left. It got worst when he got a knee injury from playing basketball. He stopped playing basketball after that. He was devastated but what he's doing was totally wrong.

Why can't he understand that we're all affected and that he's also making it all complicated than it already is? It's been more than a year for goodness' sake. It's making mom insane with worry. We felt like we don't know him anymore. I felt like he's not the brother I used to know and used to admire. He's as tough as Ayako. But now, I could tell he's hiding behind that rebellious façade.

Only time could tell when my brother would come back. I only hope it's sooner before he ruined his life completely.

to be continued...