zelos
Chapter 23
by myka
Warnings: some language, violence
Beta: naaha
Note: I know it's been more than a year and for that I'm really sorry. A bad combination of other fandoms, other OTPs, and college were not good for this fic. Even so I never thought of dropping this story and I still plan to finish it. Some of you might not like this chapter, but please keep in mind that 24 is already almost finished.

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Brad Crawford sits in the armchair with a hand propped under his chin and a sardonic smile on his lips. "Well, I guess I'll be leaving since I'm just a third wheel." He unfolds himself from the chair, pushes his glasses up, and with one hand in his pocket walks past where Schuldig is pressing me to the wall. I try to speak, to ask what the hell he did. But the moment I try Schuldig's fingers press against my throat and barely a gasp comes out.

Crawford closes the door behind him and I hear the click of the lock. I can't help but stare at the door, my only chance for some answers gone. I want to tell myself that this is a nightmare and that I'll wake up soon. But the pain is too real. The fingers squeezing my throat are too real. I look at Schuldig's eyes and his expression of pure loathing is too real. I need to get out of this in order to figure out what the hell is going on. Why is my lover trying to squeeze the life out of me? I struggle some more, snatch some of his hair and yank it hard. It's a dirty trick, but it works like a charm. He releases me, and I take the chance to put some distance between us.

"What's going on, Schu?" I keep my distance, even when all I want to do is touch him, hold him. Three days since they took him, three freaking days of worrying and suffering and now here he is – and he's trying to kill me.

He laughs and it sickens me to the pit of my stomach. "I can't believe Crawford was right. He told me that I just had to stay still and that you would come to me. Did you like my kiss? Did you believe me?" he taunts.

"Schu… You're not…What did they do to you?"

"Stop calling me that!" he hisses.

"Esset did something to you!"

"Why would Esset do something to one of their top assassins," he says. "Oh, you're just trying a tactic to get out aren't you?"

"No! They did something to you when they kidnapped you three days ago!"

Schuldig saunters around me. "Three days ago? What are you talking about, kitten. I've been living here for almost a year now."

Everything clicks into place. I finally realize what happened. He doesn't know, he doesn't remember. Esset – those fucking bastards. They made him forget. "No, Schu- Schuldig. You've been living with me, with Weiss. Remember, you have to remember!" He looks at me oddly. I stop and take a deep breath. What should I say or do to make him remember? How do you convince someone you're in love with them when they detest you? I look at the door.

"Don't bother. Once it's locked it can only be open from the outside."

"What happens now?" I ask.

He lets out a laugh that sends shivers down my spine and I hold my breath. The smirk never leaves his face. "Now…" He comes closer and whispers in my ear, "I get to have fun."

I bite my lower lip, he is so close. "Schu please," my fist wraps around his jacket, "please…"

I feel when his body moves, there's nothing trusting about it, about him. Nothing of the man that I've come to know. So I just ask him. "Are you going to kill me?"

"Why are you here?" he whispers and moves again, grabbing my shoulders with his hands. "Just to get killed…"

It is not a question. I want to say, "I came to get my lover back." But the truth stays in my thoughts as I feel the pressing of his fingers on my shoulders, pushing me back.

"A little bird told me you came to get me." I know he is playing with me, but I don't care. The words didn't surprise me. It's better if he already knows.

"Yes." I look straight into his face. "We are lovers."

He stops for a second, then makes a face. His fingers press against the skin on my shoulders; I feel his anger through them. I can see it, feel it by the way his body shakes slightly. It's a reaction of someone who has just been told something they don't want to hear. "Rubbish," he says, and pushes me away from him with such force that I almost loose my footing.

"Schuldig please…"

I don't see him move. I just feel the brunt of his fist when he hits me. "Don't call me that!" he hisses again. "You don't know me!" He lands another hard blow on the side of my face that sends me flying. I land awkwardly against a large wooden table and can practically hear one of my ribs cracking. My first instinct is to clutch at my side to ease some of the pain, but that turns out to be a mistake. Schuldig is suddenly on me, grabbing my shoulders and dragging me across the floor. The pain in my side worsens, and by the time he forces me up to a standing position it's just unbearable.

"Fight back!" Schuldig yells into my face. "Or maybe you don't want to fight, maybe you want something else." He grins and his hand goes under my shirt and up and across my chest. I gasp and push his hand away. "Ohh, touchy are we?" he laughs. His fingers grasp my chin painfully and he plants a kiss on my lips. "I thought you said we were lovers."

"You are not my lover!" I hiss the words instantly without prior thought, and when Schuldig touches me again I recoil from it. "Don't!"

I take a deep breath. I don't know what to do. Is there a way to bring him back short of giving him a concussion to see if his brain reboots? But I can't bring myself to hurt him. Not when I know that in reality he would never do this. I feel his warm breath on my face and meet his eyes. "I love you," I blurt out, running out of ideas. I gaze into pools of blue and he flinches for a second, seemingly confused. "So much…I…" I run my hands across his face and he doesn't pull back, so I lean forward and kiss him. I kiss him like I always do and before I know it he's kissing me back. We kiss long and hard, and deep inside I hope this is it, that somewhere in his memory he remembers this. His arms fold around me, raising that hope inside me. He presses me into him and I do the same, taking a sharp breath before the kiss deepens. I feel it; the heat rolls between us in waves and I give myself to it. I know he feels it too by the familiar way his arms hold me, by the way he responds to my touch. But suddenly he bites down on my lower lip hard and breaks the kiss off. He gasps and turns away from me, putting some space between us.

I gasp for air. I feel weak in the knees and need to support myself with the wall behind me. I notice Schuldig's breathing is similar to mine. Whatever just happened, it was more than mere lust. It was more like a memory. I stay by the wall and he keeps his distance. I stare at his back, the tension from his body almost tangible. Something clicked, I just know it did. "Do you believe me now?"

He freezes, then makes a sudden movement and kicks a table nearby with force. "Fuck!" His next move is rushed, a blur before my eyes. Suddenly he's right in front of me, angry, confused, glaring daggers at me. A silver switchblade is in his hand. He is gripping it in his fist so hard that I'm sure it hurts. I open my mouth to speak. "Sch…" He moves in a blur once more and raises the weapon. I feel the cold, sharp touch of its blade at my neck. My back is pressed against the wall, I have nowhere to go.

"Die..." I hear him whisper. "Just go away…"

I look up and meet his gaze. He stares at me. There's an unknown pain on his face. That kiss before confused him, threw him off guard. It's as if he doesn't want to remember.

"Schu…" I say, in a pained voice.

His body trembles at that. "Stop it…I can't take it."

Silence. I close my eyes. My hands reach out and close around his jacket. He pushes the dagger more. "Please…"

Remember me.

I've heard of dying for the one you love; it's all over sappy romance novels. But I can't remember a single instance where the one that wants you dead is your own lover.

"I love you, Schuldig." I barely whisper, and wait.