Musings

Disclaimer Applies… I own nothing.

A/N: I know I haven't updated in a long time but I promise I have a good reason! I haven't been able to get to the computer lately because of medical complications. Now enjoy! (finally)

Remus lie in bed that night and stared at the ceiling. He had decided that his attraction to her began when she first came to the Order. Of course, then it was only a mental attraction- she appealed to his intellect. But as she grew- physically as well as other ways- as did his feelings for her. And then, when he saw her at her graduation… he sighed. Damn it! This is wrong! I'm nearly twenty years older than her! Although our physical differences aren't that vast… I haven't changed too much since I graduated from Hogwarts.

You see, werewolves have certain advantages over humans. For one their amazing strength and stamina, and then there's the sort of immortality that comes along with it. Werewolves age much slower than normal humans, and therefore live much, much longer. Remus usually cast a small aging spell on himself to seem more elder, but lately he saw no need. Most of the people close to him knew that aspect of him… and those who asked about it were usually filled in my one Hermione Granger.

His thoughts strayed back to her. What a wonderful creature… what could she ever see in someone like me? he thought. I'll give her a few days to come to her senses and then I'll talk to her about it… He rolled onto his side and closed his eyes, praying for sleep. For once it came and was mercifully black.

The next four days passed uneventfully. Hermione worked ever vigilantly on the potion, avoiding Remus at all costs, and Remus worked non-stop. Finally, on her sixth day, the day before he transformed, Remus got up the nerve to talk to her. Or he thought he had. However, when he approached her door that night, he couldn't bring himself to knock. Instead he turned on his heal and walked to his own room.

That night sleep just wouldn't come. Remus slipped silently out of bed and padded barefoot down to the living room. When he got there, the fire was already roaring and Hermione was sitting on the couch, reading a book. He almost turned and left when he heard something that turned his heart into mush. It was unmistakably a sob. He didn't say anything to announce his presence, but merely walked quietly to the couch and sat down next to her.

Hermione looked up at Remus as he sat down. She tried desperately to stop crying, wiping the tears away, but the more she wiped, the more tears that rolled down her cheeks. Remus looked over at her a smiled sadly.

"H- hello, Remus," she said, "Couldn't sleep?"

"No," he said, "And obviously you couldn't either."

"I… had a lot on my mind and came down here to think," Hermione said.

"What about?" he asked.

Hermione didn't reply, but that was all the answer that he needed. "I see…" he said to himself.

"Remus?" Hermione asked, shakily.

"What is it?" he replied softly.

She sniffed and wiped her eyes again. "Do you… never mind."

"What? Do I what?" he asked, trying to look her in the eye. But the harder he tried the more she avoided him.

"Nothing… it's stupid," she said, smiling half-heartedly.

"The only stupid questions are the ones that remain unasked," he stated in his professor tone.

"Well… do you- find me," she searched for the word, "attractive?"

Remus' face registered complete shock. Hermione began crying anew, taking the look as something akin to disgust. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"For Merlin's sake, Hermione…" he breathed, "You have no idea…" -what you are doing to me. he finished in his head. "Of course I find you attractive! Who wouldn't?"

"Then why won't you let me get close to you?" she asked, pulling her knees to her body and resting her head on them.

"Because… I don't know," he said, defeated, "I just don't think it would be a good idea…"

"Because you don't have feelings for me… I understand," she said, "I can deal with it… I got that a lot at Hogwarts…" she gasped, realizing that she had said the last bit out loud.

"No, it's not that!" he exclaimed, "It's definitely not that… I just- with my condition… it's hard to get close to anyone… people are always afraid… and then the age difference- Molly would have a fit! Arthur would kill me…"

"Remus shut up. You're babbling," she said, "All those things can be overcome… and as for your 'condition'- if I was afraid, would I volunteer to spend the week in the same house as you?"

"Well, no- but still…" he began frantically trying to think of a reason that their relationship wouldn't work out but found that there were no other reasons.

"It's okay… you don't have to think of any more excuses. You don't have to say anything, because it's perfectly clear how you feel," Hermione said.

"No, I don't think it is…" Remus didn't know what he was doing, all he knew was that he didn't want to see her cry anymore.

He pulled her into his lap and tilted her head up to him so he could capture her lips in a kiss. His hands gripped her shoulders as he thrust his tongue into her mouth to ravish her further. Hermione's hands were clutching the front of his night shirt. Their eyes were closed as each savored in that moment when tongues battled and raw emotion reigned.

When he pulled away she wrapped her arms around him to keep him close. Remus smiled and unwrapped her from him. However, he did not push her away, instead lying back on the couch with her on top of him. They drifted into sleep and the last thing Remus remembered was thinking that he had had a breakthrough in life.

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There. I hope that all of you ppl who whined about Remus starting to like her at the age he did are satisfied. He had no sexual desire for her what-so-ever, it was purely intellectual! Next chapter may be a little weird… but will hopefully be coming soon! Review, as always.