Chapter 4
"Don't you dare."
The emotion behind Jack's words was enough to make Kate hesitate, the phone still to her ear. She hesitantly looked back up, back into his eyes, unable to say anymore.
"Don't you dare," he repeated, the same forcefulness behind his words. "I know how hard this is on you Kate. I get it, but I'm not going to let you do this, I'm not letting you off the hook that easily. You made me a promise."
Kate didn't have to ask what promise he was talking about, one look into his eyes and she knew exactly what he meant. The promise she had made back when she believed it to be possible. "Jack," she began, struggling to prevent the tears from falling, but they were already welling in her eyes. She shook her head, unable to continue.
"This is going to work out, Kate. I know it is. We've been through too much together to lose everything this way. I have absolutely no plans to spend the rest of my life without you." Jack shook his head, his face red, the emotion getting to him. He too had tears beginning to well behind his eyes. "I love you, Kate, okay? I love you. Do not attempt to tell me my life would be better without you in it because we both know that's not true. You saved me on that island, Kate. You showed me what it was like to have a life, what it was like to be a partner, what it was like to feel so strongly for another person. Before I got on that plane I felt numb inside. Now I feel alive, and so much of that is due to you. You are an amazing person, Kate. When I look at you, when I think of us, I see a future. A long, happy future. I want to marry you, Kate."
Kate's resolve broke at this point, the reserve of tears came flowing down her cheeks, but she made no move to wipe them away. She found herself unable to break the contact her eyes held with his.
It was a cool night; most of the camp had crowded around the fire for warmth. They had been on the island for a year and a half now, and had developed into a very strong knit community. The evening had been spent telling stories and even attempting to sing a few campfire songs, but no one could remember all the words. They had had fun substituting what ever they could think of and making up new verses, much to Charlie's horror. He protested the 'desecration' of these infamous songs, as he called them. Claire had laughed and snuggled closer to him, passing Aaron to sit in his father's lap. Although he had been born into such unique circumstance, Aaron was grown to be a very well adapted child. He allowed himself to be passed happily into any waiting arms or lap and laughed and clapped joyfully during evening such as these. He had been walking on his own for months now, keeping Claire and Charlie on their toes and they had hopes of hearing his first words soon.
Walt, now twelve, had coaxed most of the remaining group into a game of football. He had spent weeks trying to make the best football he could with the limited resources available to him. The first model had been made of wood that he had meticulously carved, even including laces on the side. However, the football got wet once, morphed slightly and promptly rotted and fell apart. Walt had accepted his defeat and moved on. The second model had been made of rock, much smaller than regulation size due to its excess weight, but it had seemed like a good idea. It wouldn't fall apart, could stand up to all weather and amazingly, flew quite accurately, until it flew a little to accurately and Hurley took a blow to the head. Michael confiscated it immediately. After many more failed attempts, Walt had managed to stuff a combination of small stones, sand and scrap material into a few larger scraps of tarp that he, with some help, had sewn together. It was far from regulation, but worked perfectly for them.
Jack and Kate had played in the first game, girls against guys, where the girls, of course, beat the guys: Six to one. They had declined playing in the next game and retired back to the fire, collapsing down together, enjoying a rare few moments alone.
"I still maintain that you girls cheat," Jack said, smirking. "There's no way you could beat us every time."
Kate laughed, used to this. "How are we the cheaters? Charlie grabbed Shannon and used her as a shield so he wouldn't get tackled!"
Jack nodded. "And then she grabbed the ball from him, pushed him down and scored a touchdown."
Kate shook her head, still laughing. "You boys just don't like it when your pride gets hurt cause you lose to a bunch of girls."
Jack shrugged. "What you say may be true, but…" He didn't get to finish as Kate's lips suddenly slammed against his. He smiled inwardly; this was the way many of their play arguments were ended. It was a very effective way to get the other to stop talking. She pulled away a few moments later, rolling her eyes as she settled her self into his arms. Jack smiled as he felt her breath contentedly. He never took these moments for granted. It had taken quite some time for her to be so relaxed with him, especially when there were other people around. He stayed silent, tightening his arms around her as he marveled in their closeness. He couldn't think of a better way to spend an evening. It was a beautiful night; the sky was clear, the moon's dim light causing the beach to glow.
Jack pulled back slightly, gazing at Kate's face, into her eyes. He loved the way the firelight played off of her face, highlighted her hair and made her eyes sparkle. He smiled as he reached a hand up to brush a strand of her hair out of her face.
"What?" Kate asked, somewhat intimidated by the volumes being said behind his eyes. She was still getting used to the whole 'good man' thing. Trust and love and comfort were still relatively knew concepts for her, and although she knew Jack loved her and was letting her set the pace, she occasionally found her self momentarily overwhelmed. But all it took was one look into his eyes to know his intentions were nothing short of good, and one deep breath on her end to remind herself that the benefits of this greatly outweighed the slight loss of independence.
Jack tilted his head slightly, narrowing his eyes. "I still think you guys cheated," he said lightly. He recognized the look in her eyes and instinctively knew to lighten the mood, at least temporarily.
Kate laughed, completely uninhibited. "What am I going to do with you?" She asked jokingly.
Jack raised an eyebrow. "Well, I could think of a few things." This earned him a smack on the back of the head. "Ow," he muttered as he struggled to grab the arm that hit him before it happened again, but Kate was too quick for him and had pulled herself away enough so that her arm was out of his reach. Jack didn't hesitate as to tickle her in exactly the right spot on her side. Her arms immediately came to stop him, allowing him to gain control of the situation.
Kate suddenly found herself caught, half in Jacks lap, her legs pinned between his, each of her arms in one of his hands. She started laughing as she tried in vain to pull her arms out of his grasp. The knowledge that two years ago this kind of contact with a man would have been terrifying wasn't lost on her. Hell, two years ago the thought of being with a man who had the ability to out play her physically would have horrified her. She was strong and fast and prided herself on it, but her small size played to her disadvantage; in a fair fight, she was no match to Jack in size or weight. But this situation wasn't remotely frightening to her. She knew Jack would never take use his size to his advantage in any way that would hurt her. He really was one of those 'good men' she had thought to be urban legend.
"Okay, truce!" Kate ceased her struggle, her arms becoming still in his hands. "I give up."
Jack nodded and released her. "Good," he said, pulling her close again, drawing warmth from her. He loved these cooler nights, because she would always draw closer to him. They sat in silence for a few minutes, Kate wrapped happily in his arms, her head resting against his shoulder, and Jack holding her close, his head resting gently on hers. He eventually turned his head and placed a gentle kiss on her temple. "I love you," he whispered.
Kate turned her head, a tentative smile on her face. It had been a few short months since those words had been voiced for the first time, and she still felt a jolt of electricity every time she heard them. Jack was the only person she could ever remember saying those words to her. "I love you, too," she returned.
Jack smiled and leaned down, his lips gently covering hers, the kiss filled more with emotion than anything else. When they pulled away, Jack kept contact with her eyes, searching them. He didn't see any sign of fear or hesitation behind them. "I want to spend my life with you," he said gently. Kate gasped and pulled away in his arms. He allowed her some space, but kept his arms locked behind her back. He knew her enough to know exactly how much space to giver her, both physically and emotionally. She seemed momentarily unable to say anything. He offered a small smile. "I love you, Kate," he repeated. "And I love the way I feel around you. I feel alive again, or really for the first time. I can't imagine my future without you."
Kate could feel her heart thudding against her chest. This was both the best moment of her life, and one of the scariest. Looking into the eyes of the man in front of her, feeling his arms securely behind her, she knew she wanted exactly what he wanted, and it terrified her. She swallowed, her throat suddenly feeling very small and very dry. "Kate?" She heard him prompt gently. She nodded slightly, aware of the tears welling in her eyes. He reached a hand from around her and moved to stop them from falling down her cheeks. His gaze never faltered.
She took a deep breath, collecting herself, and slowly squared her shoulders and met his eyes. "I feel the same way," she whispered, her nerves shaking. Jack smiled, closing his arms and pulling her closer.
"You're shaking."
Kate laughed and shrugged.
Jack shook his head. "Why?"
"Cause I'm scared," she said simply. He was the only person to whom she had ever admitted being afraid.
"Of what?" His voice was gentle, full of concern as he tried to understand.
Kate shrugged. "Of everything. Of this, of you, of myself, of commitment, of the future."
Jack took a moment, processing her words, trying to ascertain their true meanings. "I would never hurt you, Kate," he whispered, meaning it in every means possible, knowing she understood him.
"I know," Kate said honestly, "but it doesn't mean I'm not going to worry about things. That's what I do, Jack. I'm getting better, and hopefully one day I won't have the fear, but right now I wake up every day and have to convince myself that today's not the day you're going to leave me."
Jack felt his heart lurch at her words. "That's never going to happen," he promised.
Kate nodded. "I'm starting to accept that more and more, it's just going to take time. One day I'll be the woman you deserve," she tried to joke.
Jack shook his head. "You're already far more than I'll ever deserve. Marry me," he said quietly, no forcefulness to his words.
Kate was taken aback. "What?" she whispered.
"Marry me," he repeated. "I know that doesn't mean much here, but if we ever get off this island, will you marry me?"
Kate knew she should be scared, but her rapidly beating heart was a result of happiness and excitement, rather than fear. The moonlight was almost magical. It made her feel like a better person, a braver, more whole person. She nodded her head as she whispered, "yes."
Jack's face broke out into a huge smile and he pulled her close and kissed her happily. She wrapped her arms up, around his neck as she returned the kiss. When they finally pulled away, both gasping for air, Jack rested his forehead against hers. "I'm sorry I don't have a ring. They're kind of hard to come by around here." Kate laughed. "But I promise you one when we get home."
Kate laughed and shook her head gently, her forehead still touching his. "I don't need a ring."
"But you're going to get one." Jack took a moment, eyes closed, taking in the past few minutes. "You sure this is what you want?" he asked.
Kate nodded.
"You really want this? You really want to be stuck with me forever?" he asked, a twinkle in his eyes.
Kate laughed. "I'm going to marry you the first chance I get, Jack Shepard. I promise."
Kate closed her eyes, unable to hold the gaze any longer. She allowed the tears full access, breaking down in front of him, three weeks of doubt and frustration all boiling together.
Jack's heart welled inside his chest as he was forced to watch the woman he loved, unable to comfort her, unable to touch her. Right now he wanted nothing more than to pull her into his arms while she cried. He stayed mostly silent for the next few minutes, whispering the occasional comforting words into his receiver, as she clutched the other end against her ear as if it were a lifeline. She finally looked back up at him, face swollen and wet, eyes red. He knew at that moment that he was looking at Kate at her lowest, completely undefended. All of the walls were down; she wasn't even trying to hide her pain and fears from him. One look into her eyes and he knew he was the only thing standing between her and rock bottom.
The guard standing behind her motioned to him that time was almost up. Jack was aware that the guard must have taken pity on them and already extended their time. "It's going to work out," he repeated. "I love you and I'm going to marry you one day."
Kate seemed to both accept and take comfort in his words. She sat up straighter and wiped her face with her sleeve. "Sorry about that," she said, suddenly embarrassed by her breakdown. The walls were going back up.
Jack shook his head. "Don't be sorry. We've both seen each other in worse."
Kate seemed to accept this, and took a deep, shuddering breath. "Thank-you," she whispered.
Jack smiled, knowing she wasn't just thanking him for sitting through her crying. "Any time." He answered. The guard was now moving forward. "Looks like we're out of time," he said, motioning towards the guard and Kate nodded, understanding. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"
Kate nodded. "I love you," she told him. Jack smiled. It was rare that she said the words first.
"I love you, too."
AN: I hope I stayed close enough to the characters in this chapter. I think I may have gone a little too far with Jack. His character doesn't seem quite right to me, but I can't put my finger on what exactly is bugging me. Thanks to all who are still reading, oh and I finally figured out how to accept anonymous reviews, so if you haven't been able to get through, take no offense in it, I'm just pretty useless when it comes to technology. lol. Cheers!