Chapter 10

Very Interesting

"Hello, love. Come in." Jackie summoned Jack into the hall. "You won't recognize that Doctor of yours... I've been kitting him out..."

Jack followed an excited Jackie along the hall and into the lounge. The Doctor stood in the middle of the room. He was wearing a loud checked sports jacket and matching deer stalker. He looked a little embarrassed.

"I thought we would go for the 'country gentleman' look..." Jackie had suddenly adopted a rather odd accent, which Jack took to be redolent of the British aristocracy. "It suits him, do you not agree, Captain?"

"Wow, Doc!" Jack said, barely able to contain his mirth. "Sherlock Holmes!"

"Well, if that's who I look like, then it's very appropriate," said the Doctor, trying to sound dignified. "I've been using the computer in Rose's room to do some research. Jackie... D'you mind?"

"Alright, love. Anything I can get you boys?"

"No, thanks."

As soon as they got out into the hall, the Doctor leapt towards a black sack near the door with a yellow sticker which said "charity shop" and started desperately scrabbling through it. He triumphantly drew out his battered leather jacket, then, looking shiftily around, the Doctor hurried off toward Rose's bedroom, which he was temporarily occupying, with Jack close at his heels.

-

Once safely in the room with the door shut, the Doctor threw off his deer stalker and sat down next to the desk, fiddling around with the computer keyboard. Jack lounged on Rose's bed and played with a one-eared toy rabbit which had seen better days.

"So, tell me Doc, who's the guy with the Swiss army knife?"

"If that's what I think it is, Jack, it puts the sonic screwdriver to shame. I've always wanted one of them..." For a moment, the Doctor left off what he was doing and looked wistfully out of the window. Then he shook himself. "As far as I know, only two or three exist in the universe. One of them is owned by my old friend, the Master."

"The Master? Didn't you tell me he'd been destroyed?"

"That's right, but he has a nasty habit of bouncing back. Take a look at this."

Jack sprang up and looked over the Doctor's shoulder at the computer screen.

"I found this using 'Pan-Galactic Gargle Search'," said the Doctor.

-

JOSHWALES' INTERGALACTIC GOSSIP COLUMN

'Very interesting gossip you can rely on'

A rival (and, between you and me, inferior) columnist recently claimed that the Master is, contrary to popular belief, alive and well and already embroiled in dark schemes involving mass mind control and total universe domination. I, Joshwales, can conclusively refute these claims. The truth is, perhaps, even more sinister...

I have it on reliable authority that the Master was indeed destroyed by the Daleks. But before that he had installed, on the deserted planet Grinedal, a fiendish invention ominously referred to as 'the Dark Vat', whose function is to produce clones. The reliable source assures me that, before he was destroyed, the Master had already set in motion his own cloning. The device was on automatic pilot, and could thus continue without intervention. A fully-functioning, omni-dimensional travel ship was left next to the Dark Vat. My reliable source has himself recently visited the planet Grinedal and found the spaceship gone. As far as he could tell, the vat was empty, although this was difficult to establish as an electromagnetic force field surrounded it which was impossible to penetrate.

And so, readers, the various pan-galactic reported sightings which are causing so much excitement are not, I can confirm, of the Master himself, but of his clone.

Don't forget, your heard it first here with Joshwales and...watch this space...

-

"Wow," exclaimed Jack. "Think it's for real?"

"I don't know, but I wouldn't put anything past the Master. And it would make a lot of sense - in terms of the crystal."

Jack frowned.

"Think about it, Jack. Why was the crystal stolen?"

Jack thought for a moment. "Not sure I'm following you..."

"I've been thinking about this a lot since we last talked, and I've been researching the 'Swiss army knife', as you call it. It's an amazing thing, Jack. It's known as a Muon and, apart from all its other features, it has a device which can penetrate the hardest material known in the universe and extract anything from within it – even the most delicate material in the universe – without damaging it..."

"Your DNA!" Jack suddenly exclaimed, jumping up. He stared at the Doctor, amazed by the implications of this realisation. Then he started pacing up and down the room.

There was a knock at the door and Jackie put her head round.

"Glass of wine, anyone?"

"Er, no thanks, Jackie, we're a little busy at the moment," said the Doctor, standing in front of the computer screen.

"Oh, come on," said Jackie, sliding through the door. "You know what they say... All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy." She winked at Jack.

"Thanks, Jackie, I could really use a drink right now."

"That's my boy. Don't you take any notice of that po-faced old kill-joy! I'll be right back."

Jack shook his head. "So... that creepy look-alike in the charity shop..." he said as she shut the door.

"My clone," said the Doctor. "It must have been."

"Rose!" Jack suddenly exclaimed. "Rose's DNA was in that crystal, too! D'you think...? She acts really weird in the future..."

"I've been thinking about that as well, and I'm just not sure at the moment. That's why we need you, Jack, to go into the future..."

Jack rolled his eyes. "Give a guy a break..." he sighed, flinging himself down on the bed. "I'm exhausted. I think I'm suffering from TARDIS lag..."

"OK, have a rest for a day or so. But it's important. You know how..."

They were interrupted by a knock at the door. "Coooeeee! Come and get it, Captain!"

"Aw, come and join us, Doc," Jack dragged himself off the bed. "You need a break too."

The Doctor sighed. "All right, all right. I'll just shut down."

-

Jack walked into the lounge and did a double take. Jackie was leaning coquettishly against the table dressed in a black satin basque, black briefs, high heels and fishnets. She teetered towards him and thrust a glass of wine in his hand.

"Guess who?" she simpered. "Think classic movies."

Jack was stumped, not being overly familiar with twenty-first – or indeed twentieth-century - classic films. He should at least take a guess. His eyes swiftly scanned the DVD collection behind her head.

"Er... Hannibal Lecter?" he ventured.

Fortunately for Jack, she didn't seem to hear.

"Sally Bowles," she said, taking a sip of wine.

"Sally...?"

"You know - 'Cabaret'."

Jack still looked blank so, to help him, Jackie burst into song:

"What good is sitting..."

The Doctor walked in."

"This one's for you, Doctor...

...All alone in your room?
COME! hear the music play..."

Jackie's arms shot out wide. Wine from her glass hit Jack in the eye.

"Life is a CABARET, old chum,
Come to the CABARET!"

Jack looked at the Doctor in amazement. He'd had one hell of a day.

"Amateur dramatics," the Doctor reassured him.

"Oh, right." Jack sat down on the sofa and knocked back his wine in one gulp.

"Dress rehearsal tonight... Real thing, tomorrow..." Jackie snuggled up to him on the sofa and filled his glass. "The Doctor says he'll come... How about you, Big Boy?"

The Doctor sat down opposite, folded his arms and grinned. He'd not often seen Jack out-flirted.

Jack took another swig. "Well, I guess it might be fun..."

"D'you like the outfit?" Jackie murmured into his ear. "My friends say I look pretty funky in fishnets, Captain..."

"Oh, me, too," said Jack, "me, too."