MegaMan awoke to discover I had run out of funny ways to say he woke up and went to school.
Wily: School, today we have a special guest!
Rock Monster: Sir, you're talking to the cactus.
Wily: I had it modified to be an intercom!
And so the school reports to whatever Wily uses as the auditorium now for the assembly.
Wily: Please welcome... the planetteers! Representing Fire, HeatMan. Representing wind, AirMan. Representing Water, AquaMan! Representing Earth, WoodMan! And representing Heart, SnakeMan! (hey, their built in element doesn't control their life!)
WoodMan: School, I would like to talk to you about a problem the world is facing. POLLUTION! Now, do you know why there's a pollution problem?
Zero: Because of things we have little to no chance of controlling, and natural occurences?
Wily: That's the fifth time this week you've used logic! YOU'RE SUSPENDED!
WoodMan: Anyway, the reason for pollution is people aren't buying enough of my reasonably priced home use firelogs! For only $19.99/
SnakeMan: Stop turning this into an advertisement! We need Captain Planet! Planetteer powers unite! Heart!
WoodMan: Earth!
HeatMan: Fire!
AquaMan: Water!
AirMan: Pizza! I mean Wind!
AnnouncerMan: The powers combine and bring forth the ultimate hero... Captain Pizza! I mean Planet!
Captain Planet: I am CAPTAIN PLANET!
AnnouncerMan: I just said that!
Captain Planet: The reason for pollution is... ELECTRICITY! It's unnatural and evil, if it was natural it would come out of the sky! I say we destroy every electricity powered robot.
MegaMan: But we all run on electricity! With the possible exception of ElecMan... I need to stop Captain Planet!
Wily: This was a bad assembly idea even by my standards...
Act Break.
Act 2:
Captain Planet: I will destroy all the robots using electricity! They should get a shock out of that! I'll do it as quick as lightni/
KI: Stop your puns! Even in a parody some things are going too far! That's why PunMan is locked in a maximum security prison.
Captain Planet: Fine, but I will destroy the robots! I'll melt them with fire, drown them with water, slam them into the ground with wind, crush them with earth, and get them into doomed relationships with heart! That will get my message of peace and harmony with nature across! Eat fire!
Captain Planet summons lava from a volcanoe. It rushes towards the school, destroying several forests in its path.
MegaMan: I have to get out of the school! It's me he's after, he won't attack anyone else if I can get to an empty area!
Roll: He's not specifically after you...
But MegaMan has already rushed outside. For some reason Captain Planet follows him and aims the lava at him. MegaMan dodges the tidal wave of lava (the good thing about text based is I don't have visuals to show that's impossible).
Captain Planet: I'll destroy you MegaMan! Your electricity is evil! Do you have a last request?
MegaMan: Can you tell me what exactly made you choose heart as an element?
Captain Planet: Liver was taken. Anyway, I'll blow you out of the atmosphere!
Captain Planet summons a huge gust of wind (which destroy 10 acres of rainforest on its way to MegaMan) that hits MegaMan. MegaMan goes flying.
Captain Planet: I, CAPTAIN PLANET, have defeated a random robot! I'll make admeral for this!
But MegaMan rushes back riding Rush.
MegaMan: It will take more than 200 mph gusts to stop me! Rush can fly through up to 201 mph gusts! Right Rush?
Rush: The funny thing is now I kind of miss the R sounds...
Captain Planet: Well I'll defeat you anyway!
MegaMan: With a 202 mph gust?
Captain Planet: No, with a tidal wave!
He summons a tidal wave that destroys even more rainforest then hits MegaMan. MegaMan is carried far away.
Captain Planet: I won! Now, without taking a few minutes to check if he's really dead, I'll destroy all the other robots!
Act break.
Act 3:
Captain Planet: Now to destroy the robots in that school! How should I? Crush them? Burn them? Throw hearts at them? I know! I'll make the earth rise up so that they're on a cliff, have the wind speed up gradually so the school falls onto water and then set one part on fire so it will take hours to engulf the whole school! Oh and I'll throw in a heart at some point.
Wily: If Zero were here he'd tell you how ridiculously long that plan is and how it seems set up just to give MegaMan time to come back.
Captain Planet: Well he isn't, so that somehow invalidates the point.
Captain Planet starts his plan. Meanwhile, MegaMan was blown to an uncharted tropical island on top of a mountain.
MegaMan: I was defeated! Everyone in RockMan City is in danger, I hope Captain Planet made his plan to destroy them unnecessarily long...
A voice came.
Voice: I'm the spirit of robots, you must get your elemental power and defeat Captain Planet!
MegaMan: I recognize that voice! You're KI!
KI: Yes, I ran out of money to cast a robot master. The guest budget was used up for more important cameos.
The entire cast of Super Smash Bros. Melee is seen for two seconds in the background.
KI: Anyway, I'm giving you an elemental power to fight Captain Planet.
MegaMan: Lightning?
KI: That would make way too much sense. I'm giving you vigor!
MegaMan: Vigor?
KI: It's a stat in RPGs, although I'm not sure what, if anything, it does. Anyway, get back on Rush and fight Captain Planet! Nothing's fate is riding on this, I could get rid of him in a second if I wanted to.
So MegaMan flies back to face Captain Planet.
MegaMan: I got here just in time!
Roll: Actually, all he's done is start a very slow moving pillar to lift up the school. We're only half a foot off the ground.
MegaMan: There's no time to waste! Captain Planet, you can not defeat my Vigor Ring!
MegaMan uses it. Text saying "+10 Vigor!" appears for a few seconds. There is no noticeable change.
MegaMan: This useless piece of garbage! I'm doomed!
In a last desperate effort he throws the ring at Captain Planet.
Captain Planet; AARRRGGGGGHHH! The pain! Any garbage mortally wounds me! Oh, why did I say that out loud?
MegaMan: So his weakness is garbage...
KI: That was one of the considered elements to give you, actually.
MegaMan: I know how to defeat him! I figured out his weak spot, I'm so clever!
Wily: He shouted it out!
But MegaMan has left. He returned with a huge ball made of N-Gages, ET cartridges, AOL demo discs, and the Fox satellite.
MegaMan: Take this!
He throws the ball at Captain Planet and destroys him.
Wily: That was brilliant! Three weeks detention for littering!
And so the day is saved and MegaMan learns not to pollute. Stay tuned for the next MegaMan Jr. High!