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Working Title: Apprentice of Evil v. 2

Part Four: Equilibrium

Max heard her pager going off from in the shower. She didn't have to look. She knew who it was. She didn't want to go over there, and yet she did. She didn't know how they were going to resolve this mess, yet if she wanted to keep her best friend, she had to try. She got out of the shower, dried off, dressed, ignored the twisting sensation that had been coming from her stomach all day, and went to try to salvage the best thing that ever happened to her.

When Max stepped out the elevator she could smell dinner. She couldn't identify exactly what it was, but it smelled good. Her stomach gurgled, reminding her she had skipped out on breakfast and worked through lunch. She stood staring at Logan's front door for some time before she knocked.

Logan answered the door, "Max?"

"You paged?"

"Yeah, come on in." Logan rolled out of her way and motioned for her to come it. "You ran off without… breakfast this morning." Logan cringed at the way that came out.

"Yeah, well… I wasn't hungry; I was late… for work."

"Still, I owe you …" Logan's voice trailed off. He owed her more than he would ever be able to repay, especially as long as he was stuck in the chair.

Max noticed Logan's discomfort and tried to relieve it the only way that she could think of. "Logan, we both know there wasn't anything ... normal about …what happened. You don't owe me anything."

"I do."

"No, you don't."

"Max, I owe you an apology. I was… It wasn't fair…" Logan grimaced, what could he say to make this better? "I am sorry…"

Max almost called him on what the heck he was sorry for; he seemed like he was enjoying it last night. But she couldn't bring herself to add to the pain he was obviously already in, for so many different reasons. Finally she said the only thing she could think of. "I know. You were real emotional."

Logan finally smiled, remembering this conversation from before; he gratefully accepted the forgiveness that she seemed to be offering to him. He would make all this up to her when he got his legs back again.

"It's not …" he said, playing along.

"Me, neither." Max smiled. She was grateful for a way out; a way back to a smile from Logan.

"I mean …" Logan gave her a broad smile. He was surprised this conversation was still so clear in his mind. She obviously recalled it as well. Had it meant anything to her? Or did X5's just have memories that good?

"Exactly."

"So long as that's clear."

"I'm glad we talked about it."

"Me, too….So would you like some roasted salmon, bruschetta, tomato salad, and a pre-pulse Riesling?" Logan smiled at Max, grateful to have been forgiven.

"MMMm, you had me at salmon." Max gave Logan one of her million watt smiles. She was grateful to have been forgiven.

Whether by mutual misunderstanding, or unspoken agreement, they never say the words that would convey their true feelings to the other. They continue, each loving the other, each feeling unworthy of love in return. So it is that once again two souls that are so very much alike, are each thinking nearly exactly the same thing, and yet are both so very wrong, for exactly the same reason.

Logan ignores, or simply doesn't see, the longing in Max's eyes whenever she looks to him. Max ignores the churning in her stomach that subsides when Logan is happy, but never completely goes away.

Part Five: Haven

Max let herself into Logan's apartment. He was at his computer, talking to some informant. Max waited patiently until he was off the phone. In truth, she didn't mind. Saving the world was a big part of who he was, one of the things that made him so admirable. Even after everything he had been through, he was still looking out for others. Well, Max hoped that others were ready to look out for themselves for a few days, because he was going to be spending time with her. He ended the call. The downtrodden were done; he's hers for a few days. Max knew she had a huge grin, but didn't care. "Hey!"

"Hey." Logan looked Max up and down, noting the gas can and luggage. "Where're you going?" Logan asked.

"We, remember?" Max walked over and set the gas can and luggage in a corner. Apparently Logan was so wrapped up in his work that he had forgotten all about their plans. "The dizzying heights…fresh country air…hiking in the Cascades? We talked about it last week!" He had forgotten about her, again.

"You might've noticed there've been some changes since then." How could she have forgotten he was back in the chair? He couldn't do any of those things anymore. She must have noticed; she couldn't really think that it didn't matter? He couldn't face that. Logan turned to wheel away. "Unless you're planning to roll me off of Mount Rainier, you might want to reconsider."

"What?" This wasn't about her. It was about him feeling sorry for himself. Dammit, Bling said he wasn't dangerously depressed any more. Still, she couldn't let him go on thinking that the chair was going to matter, not to her. "You're back in the chair so you can't have a life anymore?" How could she get through to him?

Logan couldn't face her. He couldn't… do a hell of a lot with her and that was his real problem now, wasn't it? He dropped a file of papers onto a desk already stacked high with hundreds of files just like it. "No, but I can't exactly scale mountains, now, can I?"

He was feeling sorry for himself again. How could she let him know that the chair wasn't going to get in the way?

"Forget about the dizzying heights," Max said, thinking, 'Chair or not Logan there is so much in life for you to enjoy.'

"What about the country air?" Max said. 'What about me?' she thought, but didn't dare say.

"Campfires…" Max tried again. She wasn't getting through to him.

"S'mores," Max said. Inside she was becoming angry at herself, at her inability to help the one person who had come to mean more to her than any other.

Logan removed the earpiece and threw it on the table with the rest of the clutter. "I got work to do," he said dismissively, without even turning around to look at her.

Of course that feeling is obviously one sided, Max thought bitterly, but what could I really expect. "And I spent the entire morning waiting in line for gas!" she said angrily. She wasn't helping; she didn't know how to help. She turned and was going to storm out, leaving her luggage there so she would have an excuse to come back later, when she heard Logan call out to her

"You can't get out of the city anyway. Not without…" Logan followed her, and then stopped short.

It was the smallest of gestures on his part, but Max had already resigned herself to taking whatever she could get. She wanted to be with him and he needed a break from work. If there was any way to save this trip, she would take advantage of it. She held the passes out in front of him with a determined look on her face.

"…sector passes." He reached for them, but she pulled them away.

"Class One, VIP, no-questions-asked sector passes. I had to hang upside-down outside the window for an hour to swipe these from police headquarters. I almost horked, I got so nauseous, and I hate horking. You're not bailing on me." If that didn't convince Logan how much he mattered to her, then nothing she could think of would. Which wouldn't surprise her in the least, she thought.

Logan finally smiled. "Who said anything about bailing?"

So naturally the entire trip was a disaster. They fought. Her body betrayed her again, and she let him down. They bickered. She left the noble lefty humanist alone to kill the bad guys. Not that she had been able to protect him even before the seizures got bad. The pain in his eyes when she woke up tore at unfamiliar places inside her.

Again Logan was hurt, and again she didn't know how to help him. She tried kidding and got no answer, just a heartbreaking stare. She tried asking how he was and his voice was shaky and hoarse when he answered. She could feel his pain but not lessen it. She tried to let him know that it was OK, she understood, but her words sound lame, even to her. They rode back to Seattle side by side in the cab of a tow truck. Max knew that close quarters left him no choice but to sit next to her, but she still took comfort in his warmth.

The trip was a complete disaster. The only thing she would have to be thankful for later was that, at the time, it didn't occur to either one of them that something else could be going on inside her body.

TBC