Chapter 3: Don
Deciding that being alone with a honest murder with sharp pointy weapons in arms length was not the most brightest of ideas, the two decided to explore that realms of the turtles home. They found that they had passed to the kitchen and found Leonardo at the table reading a book on samurai honour.
Deciding not to disturb at least one normal turtle, they walked passed each and every room. Raph's door, thank god, was closed. Leo's was perfect, tidy and clean and not a speck of dust to been seen. Mike's room was a complete disaster, books, soft-drink cans, and various other unidentifiable things clattered the floor of the orange turtle.
Next came Donatello's room. Currently the door was shut to keep out unwanted people, turtles and rats. This, however, didn't stop Luke from knocking on the door.
"Yo, Donny, it's Luke and Smeg, let us in." Luke yelled as he knocked.
"Oh, you'll let me enter the lions den first, but it's second best when it comes to a lamb?" Smeg asked a little pissed at the idea of being sacrificed to a crazed turtle.
"Naturally," her friend replied as the door opened and a slightly glazed- eyed Donatello answered.
"Can I help you two?" he asked politely but a little rushed. "I'm a little busy at the moment. My . . . ugh . . . computer isn't working properly right now and I . . . um . . . I hate to, you know, leave our security system down for even a few minutes."
Luke pushed passed the turtle who was obviously hiding something. "Hey, no sweat, I'm a computer expert, especially when it comes to breaking things."
Don rushed to stop the boy from even touching his mouse. "Umm . . . no, Luke. I said fix not break." The purple turtle explained as he slapped Luke's hand away. However, in his haste to keep Luke from destroying anything, he knocked the mouse and the screen-saver disappeared in a flash of white light.
"Oh. My. God." Was all Smeg could say. "That is SO wrong. And in SO many ways!"
Donatello quickly covered the screen with his hands, hiding the hard-core images upon the monitor. "It's for research, no harm done."
"You're a PORN addict." Luke said, pushing Don away and clicking the 'Favourites' button. The list held noting but porn, porn and MORE porn.
"DON!!" Smeg yelled at the turtle in shame and anger of his secret shame. "You're meant to be the hero, good, morals and that crap."
"What they don't see can't hurt them." Was his reply.
"That's what Bill Clinton said, before all was revealed." Luke snickered evilly.
"Can you drop that joke already? Please?" Smeg begged.
A silent and uncomfortable silence filled the room. When Smeg was about to exit the room her eyes fell on a half-empty bottle.
"Don, what's in the bottle?" Smeg asked curiously. Don's eyes followed and looked nervously to his bottle, lying next to the occupied computer screen, which currently had a web page with exotic dancers.
"Scotch. I mean, Orange Juice. I mean, Orange Scotch! . . . . . . . Oh FUCK!" Don violently cursed as he got mixed up with what liquid he was currently consuming.
A look of pure disgust was on Smeg's face. "Right next to Mike, you were my favourite turtle." She stood up and pointed at him. "But seeming that you're a drunk and a Porn addict I think I've changed my mind! Did you notice the past tense I used? That's right bucko, PAST tense. I now look down upon you like Luke looks at PEPSI!!!"
Luke, still at the computer, hissed at the name.
"YEAH??!!" Donatello yelled back, grabbing the bottle from Luke and taking a swig from the whisky. "WELL, yeh hero is a BONG SMOKER!! He can't get passed a DAY without taking a whiff from his turtle skull. Herbs my green ARSE!!!"
"Yeah, but that doesn't involve a trip to a AA meeting!" Smeg argued back. "Oh, wait, you're a social outcast . . . um how do we sort this one out?"
"I don't know," Luke replied, not going through Don's list. "At least Raph/Norman has a drinking buddy. Especially when he's lonely and in need of some lovin'."
"You are SO not helping!" Smeg pouted, stamping her foot in frustration. "I'm going no where near that psycho. And Donny, here, is in need of help."
"But that's another story . . ." Luke stated. "It's not like he has low self-esteem! I must admit it though, Leo seems to be the only normal one here!"
"STOP IT ALREADY!!!" Don screamed falling to his knees, the bottle still clutched in his hand. "I can't TAKE it!!"
"What's wrong?" Smeg asked a little daunted by this.
"It's always the others first!" the turtle began to sob, taking another swig. "Leo: the oh-so-perfect leader with Katana blades that show his leadership. Raph: the alcoholic who everyone sympathises because of his pent up bullshit with a three pronged pitchfork to match. And Mike: the funny clown-act pot smoker who gets to wack the CRAP out of people with his nunchuckes!!! Where does that leave me? Brains and a bo staff!!! A fricken STICK!!! Can you see the problem here? I'm not appreciated anymore, humans!!!"
A gut wrenching sob escaped him and Don threw the bottle at Smeg, who, thanks to her size, didn't have to duck when it hit the wall. Luke took this opportunity to make a exit with Smeg in tow. They closed the door and left the currently drunk Don. It seemed he'd only been drinking for a few weeks, and only a few sips were needed to get him completely plastered.
"You know," Luke whispered a little sad to see such Don sink so low in his life, his intelligence now fucked. "I actually feel sorry for the poor bugger."
"Yeah," Smeg sighed, looking at the closed door which held the sobbing drunk. "who *wouldn't* be driven to alcoholism with these idiots."
*****
One person asked if we'd get any gorier (is that even a WORD?) with this fic, yes, but it'll be in bad taste and black humour. But with my generation they worship rappers (50cent,) who swear and wear protective clothing so they don't get shot. Not that I have anything against them.
Next update will be when I finish it (Smeg is the one who is writing and updating, Luke's just giving ideas!). Hey, Leo fans, any ideas to discinergrate Leo's image? If so, let me know.
Luke and Smeg
Deciding that being alone with a honest murder with sharp pointy weapons in arms length was not the most brightest of ideas, the two decided to explore that realms of the turtles home. They found that they had passed to the kitchen and found Leonardo at the table reading a book on samurai honour.
Deciding not to disturb at least one normal turtle, they walked passed each and every room. Raph's door, thank god, was closed. Leo's was perfect, tidy and clean and not a speck of dust to been seen. Mike's room was a complete disaster, books, soft-drink cans, and various other unidentifiable things clattered the floor of the orange turtle.
Next came Donatello's room. Currently the door was shut to keep out unwanted people, turtles and rats. This, however, didn't stop Luke from knocking on the door.
"Yo, Donny, it's Luke and Smeg, let us in." Luke yelled as he knocked.
"Oh, you'll let me enter the lions den first, but it's second best when it comes to a lamb?" Smeg asked a little pissed at the idea of being sacrificed to a crazed turtle.
"Naturally," her friend replied as the door opened and a slightly glazed- eyed Donatello answered.
"Can I help you two?" he asked politely but a little rushed. "I'm a little busy at the moment. My . . . ugh . . . computer isn't working properly right now and I . . . um . . . I hate to, you know, leave our security system down for even a few minutes."
Luke pushed passed the turtle who was obviously hiding something. "Hey, no sweat, I'm a computer expert, especially when it comes to breaking things."
Don rushed to stop the boy from even touching his mouse. "Umm . . . no, Luke. I said fix not break." The purple turtle explained as he slapped Luke's hand away. However, in his haste to keep Luke from destroying anything, he knocked the mouse and the screen-saver disappeared in a flash of white light.
"Oh. My. God." Was all Smeg could say. "That is SO wrong. And in SO many ways!"
Donatello quickly covered the screen with his hands, hiding the hard-core images upon the monitor. "It's for research, no harm done."
"You're a PORN addict." Luke said, pushing Don away and clicking the 'Favourites' button. The list held noting but porn, porn and MORE porn.
"DON!!" Smeg yelled at the turtle in shame and anger of his secret shame. "You're meant to be the hero, good, morals and that crap."
"What they don't see can't hurt them." Was his reply.
"That's what Bill Clinton said, before all was revealed." Luke snickered evilly.
"Can you drop that joke already? Please?" Smeg begged.
A silent and uncomfortable silence filled the room. When Smeg was about to exit the room her eyes fell on a half-empty bottle.
"Don, what's in the bottle?" Smeg asked curiously. Don's eyes followed and looked nervously to his bottle, lying next to the occupied computer screen, which currently had a web page with exotic dancers.
"Scotch. I mean, Orange Juice. I mean, Orange Scotch! . . . . . . . Oh FUCK!" Don violently cursed as he got mixed up with what liquid he was currently consuming.
A look of pure disgust was on Smeg's face. "Right next to Mike, you were my favourite turtle." She stood up and pointed at him. "But seeming that you're a drunk and a Porn addict I think I've changed my mind! Did you notice the past tense I used? That's right bucko, PAST tense. I now look down upon you like Luke looks at PEPSI!!!"
Luke, still at the computer, hissed at the name.
"YEAH??!!" Donatello yelled back, grabbing the bottle from Luke and taking a swig from the whisky. "WELL, yeh hero is a BONG SMOKER!! He can't get passed a DAY without taking a whiff from his turtle skull. Herbs my green ARSE!!!"
"Yeah, but that doesn't involve a trip to a AA meeting!" Smeg argued back. "Oh, wait, you're a social outcast . . . um how do we sort this one out?"
"I don't know," Luke replied, not going through Don's list. "At least Raph/Norman has a drinking buddy. Especially when he's lonely and in need of some lovin'."
"You are SO not helping!" Smeg pouted, stamping her foot in frustration. "I'm going no where near that psycho. And Donny, here, is in need of help."
"But that's another story . . ." Luke stated. "It's not like he has low self-esteem! I must admit it though, Leo seems to be the only normal one here!"
"STOP IT ALREADY!!!" Don screamed falling to his knees, the bottle still clutched in his hand. "I can't TAKE it!!"
"What's wrong?" Smeg asked a little daunted by this.
"It's always the others first!" the turtle began to sob, taking another swig. "Leo: the oh-so-perfect leader with Katana blades that show his leadership. Raph: the alcoholic who everyone sympathises because of his pent up bullshit with a three pronged pitchfork to match. And Mike: the funny clown-act pot smoker who gets to wack the CRAP out of people with his nunchuckes!!! Where does that leave me? Brains and a bo staff!!! A fricken STICK!!! Can you see the problem here? I'm not appreciated anymore, humans!!!"
A gut wrenching sob escaped him and Don threw the bottle at Smeg, who, thanks to her size, didn't have to duck when it hit the wall. Luke took this opportunity to make a exit with Smeg in tow. They closed the door and left the currently drunk Don. It seemed he'd only been drinking for a few weeks, and only a few sips were needed to get him completely plastered.
"You know," Luke whispered a little sad to see such Don sink so low in his life, his intelligence now fucked. "I actually feel sorry for the poor bugger."
"Yeah," Smeg sighed, looking at the closed door which held the sobbing drunk. "who *wouldn't* be driven to alcoholism with these idiots."
*****
One person asked if we'd get any gorier (is that even a WORD?) with this fic, yes, but it'll be in bad taste and black humour. But with my generation they worship rappers (50cent,) who swear and wear protective clothing so they don't get shot. Not that I have anything against them.
Next update will be when I finish it (Smeg is the one who is writing and updating, Luke's just giving ideas!). Hey, Leo fans, any ideas to discinergrate Leo's image? If so, let me know.
Luke and Smeg