MegaMan Jr. High: The Movie
It's a dark and stormy night. A shadowy man is standing on a cliff overlooking the city.
Shadowy Man: Soon. Soon the time will come. When this city, nay, this world will bow down to/
Shadowy Man B: Hey! I reserved this villian perch!
Man A: You did not!
Man B: Yes I did! I get to make a movie opening speech here. I'm bringing this up with the Villian Hideout Rental Agency!
The shadowy men leave for a legal battle. The view pans out over the city. Text saying "For just $50 you can advertise during dramatic MegaMan Jr. High moments!" appears. The movie has begun.
Meanwhile, MegaMan wakes up.
MegaMan: Wasn't it completely dark just a second ago? Oh well. It's time to go to school!
MegaMan walks downstairs.
Light: MegaMan, hurry and get to school! Something big is happening!
MegaMan: Is it related to that shadowy guy?
Light: No, you know the rules, all movies made from TV shows must have a mini-plot to eat up time!
And so MegaMan goes to school.
ElecMan: Class, I have a shocking announcement.
Zero: NEVER say that again.
ElecMan: Sorry. Anyway, it's time for the Hero test! You're all growing up, and soon most of you will have to be video game heroes.
Zero: Why would the villians want to train us for that?
ElecMan:... Anyway, it's test time! Of course, there's no immediate need for heroes. It's just another day in a school run by two evil tyrants.
Popcorn break.
ElecMan: Report to the gym for the hero test!
The students file into the gym.
GutsMan: Get ready for the ROUGHEST, TOUGHEST pre-teen robot hero test you've ever taken! I've assmebled several of the most common dangers heroes face for you to go up against! But don't worry, you're completely safe.
Roll: Why?
GutsMan: This is a G rated movie. Now go!
The students start the obstacle course. There's a spike pit with platforms floating above it.
MegaMan: We'll have to jump!
Roll: What a tactical genius!
They jump over the spike pit and reach the next challenge.
Ceil: Oh no! It's a save point! I forgot to bring a memory card!
Ceil is out.
MegaMan: Looks like it's just down to five.
The students arrive at the bottomless pit and flying enemies section.
Zero: This is gonna be hard.
Everyone except Zero jumps on the birds and rides them to the other side. Zero walks around the pit.
MegaMan: We all made it!
Bass: I won't let you continue!
Bass shoves MegaMan off his bird. MegaMan grabs the bird and is hanging on with one hand.
MegaMan: Bass, help me!
Bass: You're doomed Mega/
The bird flies under a mandatory poetic justice rafter. Bass is knocked down and MegaMan makes it to the other side.
MegaMan: Just down to the three of us.
ProtoMan: Four!
ProtoMan is swept away by the next challenge, the spirit of unfair obscurity.
MegaMan: Now it's really down to three.
The remaining students enter the cave of tedious mazes.
Zero: If only there was an auto-map.
MegaMan: Wimp! A true gamer would want to be frustrated!
They wander through the cave, but only Zero and MegaMan find the exit.
Zero: Down to the two of us. What's next?
MegaMan: The filter that only let's the main character pass.
Zero!
MegaMan passes and prepares for the final challenge. The selling out of the character to an unfaithful TV show and movie.
MegaMan: If I could pass this I wouldn't be here in the first place.
Cut to the students assembled after the test.
GutsMan: None of you passed! Everyone gets a week of detention except MegaMan, who gets two weeks because he came closer. I have nothing more to say to any of you!
GutsMan tells MegaMan to follow him in sign language. MegaMan goes into the school's first floor secret meeting room. Someone is waiting for MegaMan.
: So he's the fifth one?
GutsMan: sign language
: It's dark in here, I can't see anything!
GutsMan: writes it down
: Just forget it.
? knocks out MegaMan.
: For the sake of the world, I hope he's the one.
Leaving to get more question marks break.
MegaMan comes to in the second floor secret area.
: MegaMan, you are one of the ones chosen to stop the terrible threat.
MegaMan: Who are you?
: Just call me... Reggie!
MegaMan: Is that your real name?
Reggie:... yes. Anyway, you are needed to stop a great threat to gaming! As you are no doubt aware a shadowy firgure was standing on a hill top/
MegaMan: Why would I bew aware of that?
Reggie: The legal battle with the other shadowy guy was all over the news. Anyway, five of the most evil people in gaming are planning something, and we need heroes to stop them! MegaMan, meet your team!
Mario, Link, Sonic and Kirby walks into the cramped broom closet.
Reggie: You five have been chosen to save the world/
MegaMan: You said it was a threat to gaming!
Reggie: Same thing. You must stop the five villians using any means neccessary! I only recruited five heroes because having more wouldn't be fair.
MegaMan: Who are we going up against?
Reggie: Allow me to show you their profiles:
Name: Tomonobu Itagaki
Alias: He said he could
think of something better then whatever we came up with.
Crimes:
Incredibly arrogant, mocked those who think graphics don't
matter.
Power: Can redesign game characters to include things like
ninjas and swimsuits.
Life inspiration: LUE
Name: Tommy
Tallarico
Alias: King of Trolls
Crimes: Hates games for
incredibly stupid reasons and thinks up even worse insults.
Power:
Making people cringe to death with his horrible insults
Scary:
Some people actually claim he isn't biased
Name: Lorne
Lanning
Alias: Alpha Kiddyphobe
Crimes: Refused to play Pikmin
because they resembled carrots
Power: I'll think of something
later
Just so you know: I don't neccessarily hate the games the
villians worked on
Name: N-Gage Guy
Alias: We didn't even
look up his name, you expect him to get an alias?
Crimes: Tricked
one or two people into paying for an N-Gage
Power: Can curse those
who bought N-Gages
You bought: An N-Gage, didn't you?
Name:
Unknown
Alias: The Leader
Crimes: How are we supposed to
know?
Powers: Won legal battle over villian perch
Little known
fact: Marking "Super Villian" as your job means you don't
have to reveal your name or face to the census people
Misplaced snack break.
Reggie: As you can see, we must stop that team of super villians!
Mario: What exactly are they planning to do?
Reggie: All we know is that it involves video games, shadows, and oxygen.
Link: Scooby Doo could have figured that out.
Reggie: He did. We blew all our money on heroes. Anyway, you must stop... um... (come on, think of a good name) those guys from ruining gaming!
Sonic: Why should we help you?
Reggie: It's to save the world! What more of a reason do you need?
Kirby: We've all saved the world dozens of times, we need an angle.
Reggie: How about... you do it to progress the plot?
Mario: Inspired!
MegaMan: So where are, um, those guys?
Reggie: Circular logic dictates they built an elbaorate forttess to stop the heroes from getting to them, since the giant fortress makes their location easy to figure out.
Link: I was wondering whose giant fortress that was.
MegaMan: I thought you couldn't talk!
Link: I thought you weren't a jr. high student. I always pictured you in high school.
Reggie: Enough space filling! You must start your mission! But first, we need to pick a leader.
Sonic: Why?
Reggie: To needlessly elevate one of you above the others creating resentment and lowering team unity.
MegaMan: I wish Zero was here.
Zero: I'm right outside the broom closet.
Reggie: Now, to choose a leader... after carefully weighing game quality, historical significance, and power I've been told that MegaMan's name is in the movie title so I guess he's the leader.
MegaMan: Woohoo!
Reggie: Now as you know, with great power comes great responsibility.
MegaMan: We can't say that, Marvel threatened to sue.
Reggie: Who cares, let KI worry about it! Anyway, it's time for all of you to start your mission.
And so the battle for the fate of gaming is about to begin. Who will be victorious? If you don't know I feel sorry for you.
Arcade game break.
Reggie: And now it is time to enter the fortress! It's right next door.
MegaMan: Ah, nostalgia.
The heroes go up to the fortress and ring the doorbell.
N-Gage Guy: Who is it?
MegaMan: We're here to uh... deliver a pizza.
N-Gage Guy: I was wondering when you'd get/
Someone walks up to them.
Fry: I'm here with your pizza.
MegaMan: D'oh!
N-Gage Guy: Well one of you is lying. Who are the real delivery people? Those video game heroes or the guy in a Dominoes uniform? Oh well, better safe then sorry. Itagaki was going on about how he could make a better pizza anyway. All of you, go away!
MegaMan: Looks like we'll need to think of another way to get in.
Fry: This happens all the time when I deliver to super villians. I know how to get in.
Fry leads them to a side entrance marked "Heroe's sneaking in door".
Fry: Can I come with you?
MegaMan: I don't see why not/
Kirby breathes ice on Fry, chryogenically freezing him.
MegaMan: Why'd you do that?
Kirby: I've been holding my breath since we met, whenever I breath with this power ice comes out.
MegaMan: Can't you just get rid of the power?
Kirby: Yes. Easily.
Kirby abandons the power.
MegaMan: Well, we know longer have a pizza guy with us. Despite that huge obstacle, we must continue!
The heroes enter a large room.
N-Gage Guy: I have only one thing to say... You bought an N-Gage, didn't you?
And so MegaMan's group prepares for their first battle.
Pizza break.
N-Gage Guy: None of you can stand against my power! And going by standard anime/video game rules, only one of you can fight at a time.
Sonic: I guess I'll go. It will atone for me appearing on N-Gage. What was Sega thinking?
N-Guy: Look, I finally got an alias! Ahem, now face my wrath!
The room is filled with floating N-Gages.
N-Guy: You are now N-GAGE'D! Try running at me now!
Sonic tries to run.
Sonic: Why... isn't this... working?
N-Guy: You have to dissasemble yourself to do move! It's really not that hard. Just take off your legs, switch your brain so it says run, and put them back on.
Somehow Sonic does this and runs into the wall.
N-Guy: Of course, you have to do the same to stop. You'll never master it! No one has!
MegaMan: Oh no! I have to help him!
Sonic: No! This is a deeply personal battle against a guy I met a few minutes ago, you can't interfere!
N-Guy: Now face my attack!
Nothing happens.
Mario: He must be bound by his rules too!
N-Guy: No, I just don't have any attacks worth using. Come to think of it, all this power does is get both of us stuck here.
Link: Great. Now what do we do?
Sonic: I'll think of something! If I could just get the 7 chaos emeralds...
N-Guy: Forget it. They're nowhere near powerful enough to make N-Gage'D things effective.
Sonic: I've got one last resort...
Sonic pulls out some Safeway Select batteries.
N-Guy: NO! Don't use non-Nokia/
Sonic throws them at the floating N-Gages. Everything explodes. Luckily, Sonic had a ring. N-Guy is defeated.
N-Guy: You may have defeated me, but I was pathetic anyway. You'll never defeat the competent villians!
And so the first of the enemies is defeated. But what horrors await our heroes as they journey deeper into the fortress?
Battery break.
MegaMan: Great job Sonic.
Sonic: But I lost my ring. And some villians aren't courteous enugh to line their fortresses with them. I don't think I can fight anymore.
MegaMan: That's okay, you did your part. You've completely fulfilled... OKAY EVERYONE, DITCH HIM!
The other four heroes make a run for it. Apparently they all forgot what Sonic's power was. Sonic catches up to them.
Sonic: Jerks...
The heroes continue through the fortress. They come to a room where Lorne Lanning is waiting.
Link: What was the point of building a complex fortress if the only dangers are the five of you?
Lorne: You may have defeated N-Guy, but you'll never get past me! The Leader will reshape the gaming world, and we'll all be given a seat of power!
MegaMan: Who is this "Leader"?
Lorne: That's none of your business! It's a highly classified secret!
Mario: You don't know, do you?
Lorne:...
MegaMan: So what's your power anyway?
Lorne: I'm a vampire!
Mario: A vampire? What's that based on?
Lorne: Vampire, kiddyphobe, both need blood. KI was trying to be clever, way to ruin it. Now face my powers!
Mario: I'll take him.
MegaMan: Why?
Mario: Is there some law everyone has to have a connection to the one they fight?
And so the battle begins.
Lorne: Face my hypnotism powers! You are under my power.
Mario: I am under your power.
Lorne: Image is more important then gameplay.
Mario: Image is more important then gameplay.
Lorne: Now attack your friends!
Mario: Now attack your friends!
Lorne! I knew I shouldn't have put off reading that vampire book.
He pulls out a guide book.
Lorne: Now how do you get them to perform actions instead of just repeating what you say...
MegaMan: Mario, now's your chance, snap out of it!
Mario: Must... have... blood. Or... atleast... red pixels...
Link: It's no good, he's trapped!
Lorne: Okay, I think I've got it! Mario! When I clap my hands you will turn into Alucard and slaughter your friends!
Lorne claps his hands.
Lorne: It didn't work! Oh, I reversed the chant...
Cut to Dracula's Castle.
Alucard: I will defeat you father, once and for/
Alucard turns into Mario and attacks Richter.
Cut back.
Mario: I'm free of the spell!
Lorne: Well I still have other vampire powers!
Lorne turns into a bat. Mario jumps in the air and stomps on him. Lorne falls to the ground and changes back.
Lorne: OW! You'll pay! I'll bite you and turn you into a kiddyphobe!
Lorne lunges at Mario. Mario jumps over him and grabs his leg. Mario starts spinning him around. There's a mine in the air quite a distance from Mario.
Mario: Gotta time this just right...
Mario lets go, flinging Lanning through the air. He narrowly misses the mine and crashes through the wall.
Mario: Oh well, that worked.
MegaMan: Good job! We've defeated 2/5 of the villians now!
And so our heroes take another step towards victiory. But can they hope to defeat the remaining villians?
Free play break, do whatever you want.
MegaMan and his comrades continue onward.
Link: So who do you think we'll fight next?
Mario: Who cares, I'm through fighting.
Link: You don't have any injuries! Don't be lazy!
Mario: This coming from someone who needs to be reincarnated every other game...
Kirby: So are we going to find any obstacles in this fortress?
They enter a long hall. A parade is going on.
Trolls: (singing)
Boys and fanboys
of every age!
Would you like to be filled with rage?
Come with
us and you will soon be,
it's time for the troll party!
This
is trolling!
This is trolling!
Fanboy accusations all day and
night!
This is trolling!
This is trolling!
One game
being canceled should fill a system with fright!
We have
nothing better to do,
Then try every second to aggravate
you!
That's our job,
But we're not mean!
Just incredibly
annoying!
We're the trolls!
We're the trolls!
Please
make way for a very special guy!
Tommy Tallarico, master of
all of us,
tremble reasonable gamers in fright!
You will
never reach your goal!
Now make way for the King of Trolls!
Tommy Tallarico descends.
MegaMan: Is that the next guy we fight? Who is it, Itagaki?
Tommy: YOU IDIOTS! Ahem, I, the mighty King of Trolls, will stop you from progressing any further!
MegaMan: So who's gonna take him?
Tommy: Is that... YOU! Kirby! I HATE you!
Kirby: What did I ever do to you?
Tommy: Your power is to... suck! OMGLMAO!... Even with an army of trolls, I miss LaughtrackMan.
Everyone lunges at Tommy, enraged by his horrible pun.
Tommy: One at a time! More then one of you attacking me and my army wouldn't be fair!
Troll: Actually, we heard Superman 128 isn't coming to GCN. Gotta go!
The trolls leave.
Tommy: Oh well, I'll still win, you're PINK!
Kirby: Prepare yourself!
Kirby inhales Tommy and spits him out.
Tommy: My trolling power! Give it back! I need it to think up brilliant comedy like Toilet Paper Mario!
MegaMan: Inhaling something made of pure venom, what a great strategy!
Kirby gags and has to spit out the power.
Tommy: Yes! Now to destroy you, star of... Kirby's Fart Adventure!
Kirby cringes.
Tommy: Oh, and the star of Wind... BREAKER is with you!
CRINGE
Tommy: Give up, you'll never/
Kirby lunges at him and starts attacking him.
Kirby: This isn't a message board, I can stop you from saying stupid things, not just off topic ones!
Kirby continues his attack.
Kirby: Why do you really hate me!
Tommy:... The first Kirby game for GameBoy was too hard for me.
Everyone:... BWAHAHAHAHA!
MegaMan: Too... hard...?
Link: That game was so easy!
Tommy: My secret! My reputation as the worst reviewer in the world is ruined!
Tommy runs off crying.
MegaMan: We did it! Only two left!
MegaMan and his friends have defeated most of the villians. But what tricks do Itagaki and the mysterious Leader have in store?
Five minute playing through original Kirby break
Subsequent Kirby games were much better.
MegaMan: Okay, we're over halfway there! Just two left!
Link: Wait, did we do anything to restrain N-Guy and Lanning?
MegaMan: Who are you, Zero or something?
The group continues onward. They enter a long hall filled with giant gold statues.
Mario: Subtle.
They procede down the hall. A man is sitting at a desk, talking to someone on the phone.
Man: I don't care who you are, I could do your job better! I can make anything better! And the graphics would be better!
He slams the phone.
Man: Oh, you're here, sorry, I was just on the phone with God. Ahem, I am the great Itagaki! The best game designer in the entire universe!
MegaMan: Then how come you're not the leader?
Itagaki: I'm lazy. Anyway, which of you will face me?
Link: I guess I will, MegaMan probably wants the last one.
Itagaki: Then prepare to face my power! I will redesign you to make you better!
Link: That's not very frightening.
Itagaki shoots energy at Link. He turns into a ninja.
Link: What did you do to me?
Itagaki: I made you cool! Now, we need to get rid of that useless toy/
Link: That's the master sword!
The master sword is turned into a gigantic ninja sword.
Link: I can't even lift this!
Itagaki: Now you are ready to fight! Of course, cool people obey ME! Attack your friends!
MegaMan: Lanning already did this.
Itagaki: I DO IT BETTER!
Link: I can't think clearly... I... don't want to save the world, I want to... play volleyball!
Itagaki: That's not right! Attack them!
Link attacks MegaMan. MegaMan narrowly dodges his sword. During the minutes it takes for Link to pick it up again:
Itagaki: See? I did it better! And my hypnotism works better! I'm invinceable! I can do anything better then anyone!
Link: I'll have to outsmart him...
Itagaki: How'd you get free from the spell?
Link: I was just playing along to lower your guard.
Sonic: Well why didn't you attack him before telling him that?
Link: Oops.
Itagaki: I will not lose!
Link: I, uh, bet you can't be defeated better then the other villians!
Itagaki: You honestly think I'd fall for that?
Link: I bet you could fall for it better.
Itagaki: You're right!
Itagaki is defeated in slow motion yelling "NOOOOOOO!" while the camera pans around him.
Itagaki: It... was worth it. I finally realize there are things more important then the Leader's plans like... my ego...
Itagaki passes out.
MegaMan: Only one left...
Our heroes are nearing the end of their quest. But who is this mysterious leader? And can our heroes overcome him?
Ominous music break.
The heroes continue onward.
MegaMan: Finally, we get to meet the leader!
They climb the stairs to the top floor of the fortress. The shadowy figure is waiting.
Leader: So you defeated all my henchmen. But you'll never defeat me!
MegaMan: Who are you?
Leader: Can you face the truth?
The Leader takes off his mask.
Reggie: It's me! This was all a test!
MegaMan: KI wouldn't make the mini-plot this elaborate!
Reggie takes off his mask.
Miyamoto: It's me! I became evil!
MegaMan: KI wouldn't allow that either. Where is he any... oh no!
Miyamoto takes off his mask.
KI: So you finally figured it out!
MegaMan: How could you?
KI takes off his mask.
Sigma: Surprised?
MegaMan/
Sigma takes off his mask.
Bubsy: It was me all along!
Bubsy takes off his mask revealing ProtoMan. ProtoMan doesn't even talk before taking off his mask.
Liquid Snake: It was me!
Liquid takes off his mask.
MegaMan: A walrus? This is just getting stupid! Who are you really?
Walrus: A robot the real leader sent to distract you while he prepared for the battle.
The robot takes off his head and explodes. The real leader steps out.
Leader: Well done heroes, you even defeated my clone, although he was just a pointless distraction.
MegaMan: JUST TELL US WHO YOU ARE!
Leader: I'm not wearing a mask...
MegaMan: You're...
Decoy break.
Leader: Nolan Bushnell! I stole Pong and founded Atari. I had to sell it, and now it is powerless. But I shall regain my grip on the industry! But first, I will destroy you, MegaMan, my arch enemy/
Mario: I should be your arch enemy!
Leader: It's not your movie. Anyway, with all of you here, I can take over the industry! I'll do things exactly like before, when I almost destroyed it!
MegaMan: Why?
Leader: I'm evil. That's all the reason needed in a simplistic, 2 dimensional story like this.
MegaMan: Well I'll defeat you! I've never had a hard battle! This won't be any different!
Bushnell shoots evil energy at MegaMan.
MegaMan: OW! I have no chance. Okay KI, time to use some stupid joke to save me.
KI appears.
KI: I can't.
MegaMan: Why not?
KI: Even in realities as ridiculous as this one, the movie has to have a real climax! You're on your own!
And so MegaMan preaprares for his first real battle. Does he have any chance of saving the industry?
KI's tired of writing break.
Bushnell: You have no chance! Make your time!
MegaMan: Okay, I just have to fight. I'm not a bad fighter... Where's my gun? I'm supposed to have a gun I hold, it was on the box of MegaMan 1!
Bushnell shoots more evil energy at MegaMan.
Link: Where'd he find the evil energy anyway?
Mario: Your hand is a gun you idiot!
MegaMan: Which one?
Bushnell shoots MegaMan again. MegaMan is badly hurt.
Bushnell: Why don't you just give up? You'll never stop me.
MegaMan: NO! I have 18 more episodes left, I can't be destroyed now!
But MegaMan is badly injured.
Sonic: Shouldn't we help him?
Kirby: Meh.
Bushnell: This shot will finish you!
Bushnell shoots more evil energy.
MegaMan: No... I won't... let you!
MegaMan jumps for what, the 3rd or 4th time in the series?
Bushnell: So what if you avoided one shot/
MegaMan: MEGABUSTER!
MegaMan blasts Bushnell. He goes flying back.
Bushnell: You may not be as easy to defeat as I thought. But I wasn't trying before. Now I'll use my full power! I really hope it works, if I lose when I could have obliterated you earlier it will really haunt me.
Bushnell is surrounded by an aura of evil energy.
Bushnell: DIE!
A huge blast is sent at MegaMan. It hits MegaMan. He is so injured he can't even stand up.
Bushnell: It really was futile of you to try to stop me. I WILL take over gaming! And no parody like you can stop me!
MegaMan: Can't... let him... win...
MegaMan charges up another shot and blasts Bushnell.
Bushnell: Pathetic. I barely felt that, surrounded by my aura. Now to really finish you!
Bushnell fires the largest blast yet at MegaMan. But it is reflected off by a mysterious energy source.
Bushnell: What the...
MegaMan: What's happening to me?
KI: The positive energies are combining. Despite being here for self depreciating and satirical comedy, for this fight only your true form will be there.
MegaMan gets up.
MegaMan: Time to end this!
MegaMan shoots an energy covered shot at Bushnell. It destroys his aura.
Bushnell: You can't do this! I'll get biased media support like I did against Nintendo in the 80s and when Shadowy Guy B sued me!
MegaMan: As long as their are good games out there, you will never win!
MegaMan fires a huge blast. It throws Nolan Bushnell into a void into another dimension, which was there courtesy of the G rating.
MegaMan: I... won.
MegaMan passes out. He wakes up hours later in the hero's hospital (the 3rd floor janitor's closet).
Reggie: That was a close one, but you made it! And all we had to do was remove all the real fighting ability you had in that fight to save you.
MegaMan: Oh well. Maybe it will come back someday. The important thing is, the plot is wrapped up.
Zero: Great, he's back to normal.
Roll: And that's the tooth!
Zero: Not this again...
And so the MegaMan Jr. High movie ends. Stay tuned for the next standard sized MegaMan Jr. High! (and tell me if you liked the extended format)