Episode 55: MegaPerson
It was another day at MegaMan Jr. High. Sigma, Wily and Mayor PharaohMan were having an offsite meeting.
PharaohMan: I have some bad news. You're going to have to undergo another inspection.
Sigma: But we already got a 10/10 from Tommy Tallarico!
PharaohMan: Yeah, but his reputation is ruined. Everyone found out the original Kirby was to hard for him, and he tried to take over the world. The latter can be overlooked, but not the former.
Wily: WHAT? We're lucky if acts have continuity with eachother, and now you're saying the movie has continuity?
PharaohMan: That's just the way things are. So next Monday, I'll be sending in a new inspector. Her name's Alia.
Wily: Who?
PharaohMan: She was maverick hunter supporter in the distant future. But she retired from her job 100 years from now and is a school inspector now.
Sigma: Well, I guess we have no choice. We'll just have to get the school ready again.
Sigma crosses the word "evolution" out of all the textbooks and waits for Monday.
On Monday:
Sigma, Wily, and a woman walk into the school. The bartender says "What is this, a joke?".
Sigma: Don't listen to our school bartender Alia, we want you to feel welcome here.
Alia: I remember you! You were trying to wipe out humanity! But we can put little things like that behind us.
Alia starts inspecting the school.
Alia: Hmmmm... miserable students, outdated computers, dangerous hallways, teachers with elemental themes, just what you'd expect from a school.
Sigma: So we pass?
Alia: I don't see why you wouldn't. As long as you have a diverse set of teachers.
Wily: Water elementals could be a little better represented, but overall I think/
Alia: Wait a second! Do you have any female teachers?
Wily: Well... um... one of the reploids might be/
Alia: It was determined that reploids don't count at the Plothole Convention last year.
Wily: Well... here we hire teacher's based on destructive merit. And since women are so much weaker, more fragile/
Sigma: You're not helping! What Wily means, dollface, is that teaching is a grown ups job, and women shouldn't be taking time out of their pie baking and pearl shopping to do a manly job like/
Alia: I've heard enough! I will not allow this school to continue its sexist hiring policy!
Wily: We can still try to destroy one of the students, right?
Alia: Your excelling in that is the only reason I'm not just shutting the school down.
Sigma: Well, I guess we have no choice. Rock Monster!
Rock Monster: Yes sir.
Sigma: Get someone to hire some female teachers. And make that person a man, we don't need some woman getting emotional during hiring!
Act break.
Act 2:
Rock Monster is interviewing people to be the interviewer.
Rock Monster: This is stupid.
Rock Monster starts looking for a female robot master.
Rock Monster: There aren't any! All their names end in Man! Even WoMan! What am I supposed to do?...
Rock Monster regretfully reports to Sigma.
Rock Monster: I haven't been able to find a qualified female teacher.
Sigma: Why?
Rock Monster: One of your requirements was that they be male!
Sigma: Now let's not play the blame game. Let's play Hungry Hungry Hippos!
One intense match later:
Sigma: I'll just have to tell Alia that we couldn't find a female teacher. I'm sure if I'm responsible things will turn out okay.
Cut to Sigma talking to Alia:
Sigma: It was all Rock Monster's fault! That raging sexist purposely turned away all the female applicants, just because I told him to!
Alia: Well, this is a problem. But I think I have an idea that will work out...
Cut to the school at an assembly:
Sigma: School, we have a serious lack of female employees. That is why we're going to do our best not to label things by gender.
Ranma: Finally!
Sigma: It is my hope that with maturity and open mindeness we can overcome our sexist hiring policies and usher in a new era at MegaMan Jr. High! All it will take is for us to be sensitive and intelligent!
10 minutes ago:
Sigma: The school is such a mess it transcended time! We're in total chaos!
MegaMan: Hey, are any of the kids going to be in this episode at all?
Sigma: This episode is about being open minded and not judging others by appearances. Kids are stupid and can contribute nothing to this!
Sigma goes to his office to think.
Sigma: Hmmm... we haven't had an oppressive, tyrranical, satirical order imposed on the school in a couple episodes. I think I'll try that!
The next day:
Sigma: Welcome to MegaPerson Jr. High!
Wily: It's dawn, the students aren't here yet.
Act break.
Act 3:
The students arrive at the newly renamed MegaPerson Jr. High.
MegaMan: No name's going to top omg nintendo iz teh suck, look wut they did 2 mario!111 Jr. High.
The school has another assembly called.
Sigma: School, as you are no doubt aware, the staff here is hideously incompetent. So, it is our hope, that going ridiculously overboard with political correctness will make things better. People have done bad things in the past, and it's only logical to make children who weren't born yet share the blame.
Zero: Aren't you the youngest one on the show?
Sigma: SILENCE! Now go about your school day.
The students go to gym.
GutsPerson: Class, it is time for the ROUGHEST, TOUGHEST, most PERSONLY sport ever!
Roll: What is it?
GutsPerson: I don't even know anymore...
Class is dismissed. The students go to their next class, world events with TenguPerson.
TenguPerson: Class, due to our school's new regime, I will be teaching current events in the most politically correct way possible. The... oh it's impossible! Every word I use to camouflage who I'm talking about points towards some group! Class dismissed!
The students leave class again.
Ceil: So are we going to have any actual classes today?
MegaMan: I don't/
Sirens go off.
CrashPerson: Someone with a gender specific name! Throw him/her/it/... I can't think of any...
KI walks on screen.
KI: We interrupt this episode to say that I can't go anywhere with this. The first act was so easy to write, but now it's just not going anywhere. The characters somehow learn not to be sexist or paranoid. So I instead present this short:
Tornado Tonion in:
Onion you glad I didn't say orange?
Tornado Tonion is walking down the street when he happens upon a fruit stand.
Tonion: Are the oranges good today?
Wire Sponge: Why yes, but I only have one left.
Sponge drops the orange and it rolls away.
Tonion: Oh no! I need that orange or I might get scurvy!
Tonion chases the orange. He chases it past the lemon stand, the lime stand, and the vitamin C tablets store.
Tonion: I must catch up to that orange!
Tonion chases the orange for miles. He finally catches it.
Tonion: Finally, I can have my orange/
Omega Orange: Hey! Don't eat me! Just because I'm smaller then you, don't move, and look exactly like my organic basis doesn't mean you can eat a fellow reploid!
Tonion: Oakilly doakilly Doo!
Hens love roosters, burgers love onions, everyone else loves Tornado Tonion!
Zero: Not me!
Everyone who counts loves Tornado Tonion!
That's the episode. Kind of. Stay tuned for the next MegaMan Jr. High, the contest winner! I'll have a scapegoat if I run out of ideas this time!