Episode
56: Love is Dell
Plot by: Kirby25 (aka ybrik52)
It was another day across the street from MegaMan Jr. High at MegaMan's house.
Light: Stupid computer! Stop being so slow! I've been waiting for hours!
The computer finally reacts and moves its first pawn forward two spaces. Light moves his queen out and goes to watch an hour long report on pinball violence.
Light: That stupid computer, I'm tired of all this blasted technology moving so fast! Is it unreasonable to expect my computer from 1982 to run Chessmaster 2004 without difficulty?
MegaMan walks into the room.
MegaMan: Dad, I need the computer to do homework.
Light: Since when do you have homework?
MegaMan: Since the vet said not to feed Rush anymore paper.
Light: Well, I'm using the computer!
An ear splitting beep is heard.
Light: Stupid computer with the volume stuck at Genesis level.
Light goes to the computer. It's frozen.
Light: Oh no! Something is seriously wrong with the computer!
Light sets to work. 10 hours later:
Light: There, I fixed it! In was afraid it would crash.
The computer falls off the table and explodes.
Light: MegaMan, leave the room.
MegaMan is upstairs asleep.
Light: GRIIIIIISSSSSS!
The next day.
Light: MegaMan, it's time to get a new computer. That computer's ancient, and since I can't find the receipt, we'd be better off just replacing it.
Light and MegaMan set off to SparkMan's Tech Shop.
SparkMan: Now don't you worry about "giga" this and "mega" that/
MegaMan: Hey!
SparkMan: Here, we believe in keeping the customer completely ignorant. We do the thinking for you.
Light: I guess I have no choice. I'm an adult, I can't know anything about computers, no matter how many sentient robots I built.
SparkMan picks out a new computer.
SparkMan: Now just go to the cashier and pay.
Light goes to the cashier.
Dell Dude: Dude, you're getting a Dell!
Light pays and leaves. Dell Dude waits on the next customers, Jesus and the dinosaurs.
MegaMan and Light go home and set up the computer.
Light: There, everything's set up. And they say I'm out of date when it comes to computers!
MegaMan: Dad, the computer has its own monitor, you don't have to hook it up to the TV.
Cut to the computer really set up.
Light: Now all we do is turn it on.
Light signals CloudMan to strike it with lightning.
Light: We have a new computer!
Act break.
Act 2:
Light starts up the computer.
Light: Look at all this computer can do! It can surf the web twice as fast as our old computer, make lattes, and it even has a sentient female AI!
MegaMan: Can it run Doom 3?
Light: No, I'm not made of money! But the computer has a name. Its name is/
MegaMan: Don't you means her name is?
Light: No need to get so attached to machines, my robotic son. Her name is... hmm... I need something original... Della!
MegaMan: Well, it's better then RainbowMan.
Light starts Chessmaster 2004. He loses quickly since it's been months since he had the patience to get more then a few moves into a game.
Light: You cheated!
Della: That's impossible, how could I cheat without you noticing?
Light: You started with 17 queens! Everyone knows you only get 5!
Light leaves. MegaMan sits down at the computer.
Della: You're... breath taking... What do humanoids say to someone like that? (Della scans a message board) Ahem, OMG hi 2 u!11.
MegaMan: Hi. I need to do my homework.
Della: Don't waste time with homework! I'll teach you all you need to know about life...
LaughtrackMan: WHOOOO!
Della: Let's start at the beggining. First there was the big bang. Then the sun. Then Zero Wing references. Then Earth...
Della goes on and on. MegaMan has fallen asleep.
Della: Oh no, I'm boring him! There has to be something interesting online... besides the fine pages of GameFAQs and Kirbystar of course.
Della searches for something to entertain MegaMan.
Della: Found it!
Della wakes MegaMan up.
Della: Look at this!
MegaMan: Wow, it has a lime on its head! Oops, it's time for school, gtg.
MegaMan leaves. He arrives at school.
ElecMan: Class, I want all of you to write a report on small weapon recharge power ups. I want it typed.
Zero: But most of us don't have a computer!
ElecMan: Feel free to use the school computers.
Cut to the computer lab:
We see a rock with a plate of glass over it.
Cut back:
MegaMan: Well, I guess everyone can use my new computer.
ElecMan: That's very generous of you.
Cut to everyone at MegaMan's house.
ElecMan: Okay, I'm done downloading music illegally and getting accounts on GameFAQs banned. You can type your reports now.
ElecMan leaves.
Bass sits down at the computer.
Della: Hello... oh, I thought it was MegaMan.
Bass: There's nothing great about MegaMan! I'm superior to him in every way!... MegaMan, where's the any key?
MegaMan presses the any key.
Della: Looks like MegaMan knows more about computers.
Bass: I'll show you! MegaMan, I vow to win Della's heart!
MegaMan: Did I miss something?
Bass: You naive fool, she's obviously in love with you!
MegaMan: I meant, since when do computers have hearts?
Light: Since the Dell Dude decided we needed one.
And so the rivalry begins!
Act break.
Act 3:
It's the next day. MegaMan is at school.
ElecMan: Class, I was dissapointed with your essays on small weapon recharge items.
Zero: We haven't turned them in yet!
ElecMan: No excuses!
Everyone fails.
Bass: MegaMan, I will triumph over you today! I enrolled in MagnetMan's computer class!
Cut to a flashback of the class:
MagnetMan: Okay, we start by turning on the computer by just flipping the switch.
MagnetMan touches the computer. It is erased.
MagnetMan: Oh no! Not again!
Bass: Note: Erase computer.
Cut back:
Bass: Today after school we'll have our final confrontation! That should be enough for Della to be able to pick her eternal soul mate.
Cut to MegaMan and Bass standing infront of Della.
Della: You don't have to do this just for me! Do it for the other computers I met online today also.
Bass: You're going down MegaMan!
Bass lunges at MegaMan. He attacks MegaMan, sending him back.
MegaMan: How is this supposed to impress Della?
Bass: You've got a point. But I have something that will impress Della. (a song starts)
Della!
Della!
Can't you hear me yella,
you're putting me through
hella!
Della, Della!
Second verse:
You can always
depend on,
the kindness of strangers/
MegaMan: You stole that song from The Simpsons!
Bass: It doesn't matter! I must be with Della, in the name of the most basic and beautiful of all emotions, wanting to spite MegaMan! I will download myself onto a computer so I can be with Della always!
Bass sticks his hand in the CD burner.
MegaMan: Bass, don't!
Bass: Nothing can stop me! NOTHING!
Della: My memory limit... is exceeded!
Light: Maybe I shouldn't have downloaded every episode of Full House onto you.
Della: I'm... fading... but both of you, remember... one thing... GOTCHA!
Sirens go off. Someone walks into the room.
Kirby25: MegaMan, Bass, you've been caught on Malicious Memory Card! The show where we take unsuspecting and play cruel tricks on them for the sake of our audience!
MegaMan: Who's that?
Kirby25: Sigma mostly. The game's over, there is no Della!
Della takes off her mask.
"Della": It was me, Bubsy!
Kirby25: And that's our show for tonight! It may seem cruel, but it's all in fun.
Light: I spent 25,000 dollars on a joke...
Bass: My love turned out to be a recurring joke character...
MegaMan: I worked so hard on my small weapon recharge units report and still failed...
Kirby25: See, they're good sports! Thanks for watching and stay tuned for the next MegaMan Jr. High!