Episode 57: The School Play
It was another day at MegaMan Jr. High.
ElecMan: Class, it's time for a school play!
Zero: Do we really have enough students for that?
ElecMan: It doesn't matter. We'll be doing the most common play for video game based middle school, Final Fantasy VII! Auditions are after school. Participation is badly needed since we only have six students.
Cut to after school.
StarMan: My name is to the left of my sentence, I'll be directing this play. Now you'll be receiving no pay and be made to work for hours everyday after school and on weekends. In return for this, I expect undying loyalty. Time for auditions! Everyone, replace your name with an FFVII character's and say something!
Cloud: I will... stop you... line?
Aeris: I think I'll just pick some flowers under that giant sword...
Red XIII: Re've gotta rop Rinra!
Tifa: I just don't have anything funny to say.
Cid!!!!!
Sephiroth: I will destroy you all! You will all perish!
StarMan: Wonderful Bass!
Bass: That's not me.
Sephiroth: This isn't that convention of people who voted for Cloud instead of me.
StarMan: I've decided on the cast! MegaMan, you'll be playing Cloud. Roll, you'll be playing Aeris. Ceil, You'll be playing Tifa. Rush, although you're not a student here, you'll be playing Red XIII. Bass, you'll be playing Sephiroth. Mr. T didn't show up so Zero will play both him and Cid. ProtoMan, you're Vincent. Cait Sith will just have to be worked out.
ProtoMan: I got a part!
StarMan: Barring any unforseen money problem that forces us to cut you.
StarMan drops a nickel and it rolls down a drain.
StarMan: Vincent's cut!
ProtoMan!
StarMan: Too late, Zero's Cid.
Zero: I wouldn't mind only playing one part.
StarMan: Too bad! You're also every minor character in the game.
Zero: This play is going to be the Bible play with all religious references removed all over again.
Act break.
Act 2:
StarMan: It's rehearsal time!
MegaMan: Five more minutes...
StarMan: No, wake up!
MegaMan gets out of bed and goes to school. It's 4:00am Saturday.
StarMan: Okay, the play's tonight, and we have a lot of work to do.
Zero: We don't have any props, we haven't seen the script, and we don't have anywhere near enough time or cast member to do this play correctly!
StarMan: No excuses! Now, I made a few modifications to the script.
Zero: Can we see the script?
StarMan: No, the jokes have to be saved for the third act.
Zero: Then how are we supposed to fill up space/
Tornado Tonion in:
The Onionade Stand
Tonion: What a beautiful day. I think I'll take a walk as soon as this tornado stops.
Some time later:
Tonion: It's a clear and sunny day! I think I'll go see a movie.
Tonion goes to the movie theatre.
Ticket Guy: That will be $7.50
Tonion: I don't even know what movie I want to see!
Ticket Guy: Pay or leave!
Tonion leaves.
Tonion: If only their was some way to earn money. (he sees a stand that says "Onion people! Would you like a suspiciously great job making burgers at McDonalds?") That's it!
Tonion steals the stand. He sets it up on a hill side.
Tonion: By selling lemonade I'll earn enough money to see a movie!
Tonion makes some lemonade.
Tonion: I hope I get a lot of customers.
No one comes by.
Tonion: And I thought an active volcanoe would be swarming with people...
Depressed, Tonion goes back to the movie theatre.
Tonion: I'll never get to see the movie. If only some kind person would buy me a ticket.
Someone walks up to Tonion.
Person: Are you Tornado Tonion?
Tonion: Yes I am!
Person: You're under arrest for stealing that sign.
Tonion: Did I do thaaaaaat?
Hens love rooster. Bugers love ketchup. Everyone else loves Tornado Tonion.
Nothing haapens.
Everyone who counts loves Tornado Tonion!
We now return to MegaMan Jr. High (and I promise not to do that again for awhile).
StarMan: It's time for the play!
The curtain pulls back.
Act break.
Act 3:
AnnouncerMan: It was another day in the world of Final Fantasy 7. Cloud woke up.
Cloud: I think I'll go for a walk.
Tife and Barret run up to him.
Tifa: You must help us! Shinra is going to drain the planet's mako energy!
The group goes into a cardboard box marked Shinra. Several hours later they come out.
Tifa: That sure was an exciting scene.
Aeris walks up to them.
Aeris: Would you like to buy some flowers/
A dark figure drops out of the sky and hits Aeris with a paper sword. Aeris falls over.
Cloud: NOOOO! Aeris got knocked unconscious! I'll never forgive you mysterious strnager who I presume is Sephiroth!
Kuja: Whatever.
Cloud: We must avenge Aeris! But first, let's go to the pet shop.
Cloud goes into the pet shop and gets Red XIII.
Cloud: Now all we need is an airship.
Someone comes by in a box that says airship on it.
Cid: Would you ing like a airship to ing avenge your friend?
Barret: I pity the who wouldn't ing take an offer that ing good.
Cid: Well, then ing climb aboard!
Barret: Yeah!
Cid: You're ing welcome.
Zero passes out from exhaustion and beeps.
Cloud: We must stop Shinra!
Tifa: I thought we were after Sephiroth.
Sephiroth: I thought we were after Lavos!
Cloud: Sephiroth! Take this! FIRA!
Cloud throws a piece of red paper at Sephiroth.
Sephiroth: You can not defeat me! I challenge you to a duel at my fortress that looks just like this city!
The curtain closes and reopens.
Sephiroth: You finally got here. Prepare to die!
Sephiroth summons a comet. It destroys every planet except Earth and causes the sun to explode. It takes 100 hp off Cloud's party.
Cloud: I will defeat you!
Cloud slashes Sephiroth with the Master Sword.
Sephiroth: I'm fading, fading...
Cloud: We saved the Mushroom Kingdom! But Aeris will never come back, she was knocked unconscious.
Tifa: It will be okay. Because we are SONIC HEROES!
The play is over.
Tommy Tallarico: Incredible!
StarMan: My play! The only person who likes it is that guy who couldn't beat the original Kirby!
Tommy: Will that haunt me forever?
StarMan: This play is a failure. But why? It can't be that we only had a day to rehearse, I didn't have enough people, or that there was no way a middle school could accurately recreate FFVII. It must be the kids fault! Detention for everyone!
And so the school play is over. Stay tuned for the next MegaMan Jr. High