On to part 3!
"What could I do for money?" Yazoo looks up at the sky while walking all over the dead people Kadaj ran over. "So many things to do, yet most not my type" he thinks. "I need some money!" he falls to his knees and screams to the sky. "Why're you talking to me?" a cloud moves away. "That was awkward" he gets up. A piece of paper flies into his face. "What the he-hey!" he reads it. 'Need a job or some money? Want to be famous for what you can do? Then come on down to the Midgar Studios!' it reads. "Must be fate" he runs over some dead people to down town.
"So, you want to be in your own commercial and be with some celebrities, huh?" the director asks. "Yes" Yazoo nods. "First, a test. What's your name?" "Yazoo" "Where ya from?" "Northern Crater" "Ever been on T.V. before?" he asks. Yazoo thinks back for a while. -Before Advent Children- "Teletubbies! Say hello!" Cloud is singing along with the T.V. "We inturrupt this program for aAAAAAAHHHHHH!" the news guy is tackled by one of those Barney singing monsters. "Hello, world! We are the SHM!" Kadaj grabs hold of the mic and sits on the desk. "We're coming to Midgar to cause trouble!" Loz holds up a lego set of Midgar and smashes it. "And we're stronger than that pansy Cloud Strife!" Yazoo laughs. "So you better watch out for the death of your lives, or something like that!" Kadaj points. "Oh, and we're cancelling the Teletubbies!" Yazoo rips up a Teletubbie doll. "And now, back to your suffering enjoyment of this!" Kadaj kicks the camera and leaves nothing but static. "No more Teletubbies?" Cloud begins to cry. -Back to the present time- "Um, no" Yazoo lies. "You got the job!" the director shakes his hand. "Your first assignment," the director guy walks down the hall with him "Is to do a scene with miss Yuna" he finishes. "Okay, thank you, um, what's your name again?" Yazoo asks. "Joe Mama" he answers. "What the hell?" Yazoo thinks. "How about I call you Joe?" Yazoo laughs nervously. "That's what everybody else calls me" Joe smiles.
"Lets go people!" the director's assitant directs people. "This Yazoo guy is going to be in a dance scene with Yuna and I want you to teach him the steps" Joe walks up with Yazoo to the assitant. "It's not that hard, just follow Yuna" he smiles. "Who's Yuna?" Yazoo asks. "She is" they both point to Yuna in her summoner outfit talking to some dude. "See ya on the stage!" she waves and then walks off. "Follow her and you'll be fine!" Joe pats him on the back. "So, where do I go now?" Yazoo asks. "Right over here" they lead him to a hot air balloon. "All you have to do is stay there, and when we're ready, we'll drop the bottom and you'll land on the stage" Joe answers. "Is this safe?" Yazoo looks down at the nearly broken bottom. "Of course it is!" Joe lifts him into it. "Don't touch the leather!" Yazoo points. "Ready people!" the assitant yells. The balloon lifts into the air above the stage. People can be heard cheering and killing each other in the seats (When you're that excited, what else can ya do?). "That's alot of people" Yazoo gulps. "Annnnnnddddd, action!" Joe yells. The stage starts to glow brightly as Yuna walks onto the stage. As she changes clothes (Imagine if dress spheres were real? We could change almost everywhere!), the basket begins to break. Once she's fully done changing, the bottom breaks and Yazoo comes down. "Look out!" he yells, but it's too late because he just crushed her and she rolled off the stage. "Oh man, I'm gonna get fired" Yazoo thinks. He sees the microphone on the ground picks it up as he gets up. "Might as well" he shrugs. "Stop rolling!" the Joe whispers to the assitant. "We can't, it's live T.V." the other answers.
"Um, hi" Yazoo nervously waves his hand. Some fangirls in the audience start to freak out. "Um, I'm going to sing, uh, Ready, Steady, Go" he blushes. "How cute!" some fangirl falls out of her seat. The music changes from Real Emotion to Ready Steady Go. "Ready steady can't hold me back. Ready steady give me good luck. Ready steady never look back. Lets get ready steady go!" Yazoo sings even better than that one guy who sings it. -In Midgar- "Brother! Brother's on T.V.!" Kadaj points. "Who is?" Cloud walks in with his old clothes with the land mine on his shoulder (It really does look like a mine). "Yazoo and he sings really good!" Kadaj turns up the T.V. "How come he gets to be on T.V.?" Cloud pouts. -At Wutai- How'd that silver haired materia stealer get on the tube?" Yuffie shouts. "Come back here with my T.V.!" an old lady is chasing her with a frying pan. "Kokoro wa (hashiru) ano sora no shita karamawari suru kimonchi ga sakebi dasu no o tomerarenai! Kimi made (todoke) kitto ato sukoshi atsuku hizashi ga terasu kono michi no mukou! Ready steady go! Please. Trust me!" Yazoo finishes. The crowd is going wild (especially the fangirls) over Yazoo's performance. "Thank you" he smiles nervously at the crowd. He goes off the stage and over to the director. "That was fabulous! Even Yuna couldn't do that!" Joe cheers. "My brother taught me how to sing" Yazoo looks down at the microphone. "Unfortunately, we can't have you do that again" Joe sobs. "Why not?" Yazoo tilts his head to the side. "Because, Yuna didn't enjoy it" he answers nervously with Yuna standing angrily right behind him. "But, I've got a better job for you!" the assitant leads him to another studio.
Yazoo is at a store in the men's isle. "Lets see, some new colonge" he looks at the different types there are. He picks a certain cool looking one up. "Sword body spray, huh?" he reads it (I bet you know what happens next). He looks around to see if anybody's watching and takes off the cap and begins to spray it on him. In a nearby isle, some women and fangirls catch the scent. One of them goes into the men's isle and charges at Yazoo. "Is this supposed to happen?" he thinks. He jumps and watches the girl fall to the floor. Another whips him on the ankle and brings him down. He grabs hold of it and whips her to the wall. Some weird fanguy comes along, but he just shoots him. "Warning: New Sword body spray may attract fangirls, mobs, cute animals, and maybe fanguys. This is not to be blamed on us unless you're okay with it, than you can totally blame it on us. We're good like that!" some weird voice says. "Show yourself!" Yazoo points his gun at the ceiling. -At the orphanage- "Hmmm, I wonder if I tried that on me, maybe Zack and Vincent would like me more!" Cloud gets up off the couch. He runs out the door and onto his motorcycle. -Back at the studio- "That was great!" the assitant we'll call Bob cheers. "Thanks, but what I'd like to know is, was that fanboy part of the act?" Yazoo looks back at the dead fanguy. "Actually, that was one of our crew. We tried to hold him back, but oh well" Bob shrugs. "Onto the next commercial!" Bob points to the next studio.
Yazoo is walking on the sidewalk to nowhere in particular. "I could use some gum right about now" he pulls out a packet of Revolving gum. "As you can see, another citizen wants to try new Revolving gum. The gum that keeps your teeth looking clean no matter what" some blonde woman says as Yazoo walks past her. "Has she been stalking me?" Yazoo thinks as he pops one into his mouth. Out of nowhere, these crazy ninjas fall out of the sky. "What does this have to do with gum?" Yazoo drops the packet. They prepare to fight, but Yazoo takes out the Velvet Nightmare and shoots one of them. They start to kung fu fight in the street while trying to dodge all these passing cars and missles. "This commercial's getting weird!" Yazoo dodges some toy airplane. He jumps onto a building and shoots at the last two ninjas below. One is shot, but the other jumps up at him. "Your fly's open!" Yazoo points. The ninja stops in midair and falls unconcious due to shock. Yazoo turns to the camera and smiles, with a humongous glow, and gives them a thumbs up. "Fabulous! And so ends another shining mouth story with Revolving gum, keeping your mouth and teeth looking clean, no matter what!" the blonde woman holds up a packet of gum, but is soon shot by Yazoo. "I knew she was stalking me" he thinks.
"That was the best I've seen since I hired that other woman to do that when Bahamut was here!" Joe cheers. "Do I get paid now?" Yazoo asks. "Yep! Here's 200 Gil for your work!" Joe gives hands it to him. "Thanks. I just scored 200 Gil!" Yazoo holds up the money with the victory music in the background. Cloud busts in and starts to run Yazoo down. "Stop stealing my music!" Cloud yells while swinging his sword wildly. "I'm sorry, brother!" Yazoo runs out of the studio.