CHAPTER SIX

Angel didn't want to believe it but his son was gone. He and Buffy had dozed off finally, and the house had been quiet when he woke up. The sun was just beginning to fall. He knew Giles was out picking up Dawn from the airport but Connor should have been somewhere. Angel quickly learned he was not. He chased all over the house after him and called Connor's home. Larissa answered. Connor had told Thalia's sister and their family to stay there instead of at a hotel. She said Connor hadn't been by yet, and he didn't enlighten her to the fact Connor was probably roaming Madison with murder on his mind.

Angel thundered into the guest room. "Buffy, wake up!"

She startled upright and for an absurd moment he was reminded how sexy he found her. "Wha?"

"Connor's gone."

Buffy let the sheets drop away from her body. "Are you sure? Did you call his place?"

Angel's eyes flicked towards her, taking in her modest cotton nightgown. He realized how long it had been since he'd been this close to her bed and had to force himself to forget that and concentrate on what was paramount. "And spoke to his sister-in-law. She hasn't seen him and he's not here."

Buffy rubbed sleep from her eye. "How about the gym?"

"Not there. Found Spike but not my son. He's in the wind, Buffy." Angel wanted to grab her out of the bed and just propel her out to the streets nightgown and all. "We can't leave him out there by himself in this state of mind."

"Rounded up Illyria," Spike said, coming up behind Angel. His eyes flicked over to Buffy who grabbed for the sheets again. "Getting dressed, Slayer?"

"Spike," Angel growled in warning.

The smaller vampire glanced at him, dismissing the threat. "Where do you want us to start?"

"With the catering business." Angel wished he had a better answer but that was their only starting point. "You and Illyria go one way and Buffy and I will go the other. Connor would have started there trying to track...who knows what. The fire obliterated any scent."

Spike nodded, relief at being able to help shining in his blue eyes. "I'll take Blue and get started. See you later."

"Spike looks so upset. I didn't realize he liked Thalia that much," Buffy said, swinging out of bed. "I guess he wouldn't have to, to feel bad about this."

"He likes Connor, for what little he gets to see of him," Angel replied, studying the pale peach walls so not to look like he was staring at Buffy. "And he liked Thalia, too."

"I'll leave a note for Giles and Dawn telling them where we are." Buffy started, grabbing clothes out of the closet. "Dawn's already started faking up the paperwork for you in case the detectives check it out. She's gotten as good with the computer as Willow."

Angel turned away, heading out. He called over his shoulder. "I'll call Lorne and let him know. I think he was driving in from Chicago tonight. You dress. I'll meet you downstairs."

Angel didn't wait downstairs. He was already in his car when Buffy showed up. He drove it to the block where Angel's Catering use to be. He tried not to look at the burned out shell of a building. Spike and Illyria were waiting across the street from the scene of the crime.

"Which way you want to go?" Spike wrinkled his nose against the residual stench of the fire. "I can't even catch junior's scent, if he even came here."

"I have no better guesses, Spike," Angel growled, hoping to catch Connor's trail but faint scents died fast in the city effluvium. "Maybe he didn't trust you and I did the best we could last night in tracking his son. He had to start somewhere. I couldn't think of a more logical point."

Spike rolled his shoulders and looked over at Illyria. The demoness looked back blankly. "We'll go that way." He pointed east.

"Fine. If you find him and he doesn't want to come home, Spike, just call me," Angel said, wishing he knew what to expect from his son.

"Yeah, that'll be fun trying to hold him in place until you get there," Spike grumbled and moved off with Illyria in tow.

"Spike has a point," Buffy said, following Angel. "Connor is difficult to control especially when he doesn't want to be told what to do."

"I know but he's barely functioning. I think if we find him, he'll come home...or break down completely and I don't want to think about that." Angel canted off, heading in the vague direction of the college. He didn't know why. It just felt like the right thing to do.

"I'm worried about him, Angel. I mean more so than you would naturally in a situation like this." Buffy's face looked pale and anxious to him in the dark. "He doesn't want justice. He wants vengeance."

"I know." Angel's voice was a tight whisper almost lost in traffic noise. "Connor's life was destroyed by vengeance. I wiped out Holtz's family and he stole mine. I thought that was the end of the circle but maybe..."

"Angel, you are not responsible for this." Buffy's voice was as sharp as cannon fire. "No matter what your son said, no matter what you think. I saw your face when you handed that list to Danforth. Do you really think that someone from your past is doing this?"

"Connor does." Angel sampled the bitter wind. "I do. Justine stole Connor as an infant. That was less than ten years ago Buffy. Maybe she ran off to live her life normally after Wes let her go. Maybe she tried to play Slayer and died. Or maybe she just stole my grandchild. Eve might have survived the destruction of Wolfram and Hart, and I killed the man she gave up her immortality for. She could want revenge. For all I know, it's those damn gypsies finally coming to pay me back for murdering Jenny."

"And maybe it's some sicko who followed a pregnant woman to an isolated place and took a baby for her own. Pete's right. You hear about something like that at least once a year," Buffy countered. "I know I said I was okay with you doing what you had to but if this was done by a human..." She couldn't meet his eyes. "I'm not sure vengeance is the right thing, Angel. This isn't a punishment from God or the Powers or whatever it is you two are thinking."

"I wish I was as sure as you, Buffy," Angel replied, turning onto University Boulevard.

"I'm not saying it doesn't go back to your past, or Connor's, just that you two aren't responsible for this. Someone did this to Thalia, to Connor. You're victims. You didn't bring it on yourselves," Buffy argued.

"Maybe not but you have a unique perspective on this, Buffy," Angel countered, as the wind picked up.

She tucked her chin down against the cold. "How so?"

"You've been in heaven. Connor and I have only tasted of hell," Angel said softly.

Buffy swallowed hard, not knowing what else to say. Angel ignored her distress. He had to find his son and he had no idea where to look. He was content to stalk the city in silence, and not having to think about the horrible stuff he knew was lurking just around the corner of time. There weren't any bright days on the horizon but the shadows suited him just fine.

X X X

Darla sponged Liam off on the changing table then dried his tender skin gently. He squirmed and cooed as she worked. After she got the disposable diaper on - what a marvel. What she wouldn't have done for those with her first children? - Darla played with Liam's tiny toes. As she recited the little piggies, she could have sworn he was smiling at her. She didn't know what was so alluring about baby toes but they just begged to be played with.

Liam was a plump little baby, she thought trying to get the wiggler into his clothes. Darla carried him into the other room, stopping to get a bottle. There was something about the smell of a baby that was sweet and like nothing else in the world. What woman wouldn't want to keep skin as soft and textureless as a newborn? As Liam nursed greedily - and he was a such greedy baby. He could guzzle down a bottle with ease and still be crying for more - Darla thought about what was going on in her newest life. Something didn't make sense, mainly her role in this drama. No one would go through the difficulties and expense of resurrecting her just to play nanny. There had to be something more and Darla dreaded learning what it was.

Liam finished his bottle so she put him over her shoulder, marveling again at the miracles of this age. No wonder women were no longer tethered to their homes. Fake milk in a bottle designed to keep babies from getting gas, plastic nipples, diapers that didn't require scrubbing, mobiles and music boxes. It almost made having a newborn to care for easy. In her day, her only option had been to turn the baby over to a wet nurse, and she had amassed enough fortune with her body and the bodies of others to easily afford such a nurse. Still, she had nursed her own babies and let the maids do to rest. Darla knew what men liked and bigger breasts such as nursing gave her, were on the list.

Liam let out a little burp but continued to fuss. When another burp didn't follow, Darla moved him to the crook of her arm, looking down at his cherub face. Liam fussed worse so she turned him to face the TV. No wonder Lindsey used to have cable. There was nothing of worth on in the day on free TV, talk shows, people suing for ridiculous crap, soap operas. She opted for the soaps since it reminded her of Spike and Dru and better, simpler times. Liam settled down in his new position.

"So that's what you want, young man." She stroked his hair. "You don't want a close up view of my chest. You want to see the world." Darla had leafed through the books Eve had brought her about caring for a baby, as if she needed a book. Still, it was interesting what they knew now about how curious babies were and how colors and textures stimulated them. To that end, Darla picked up the stuffed toy that had been provided. It was a cute little octopus, with arms of fabrics of different colors and textures. Some arms made crinkly noises and all had rattles or bells at the end. Its nose would light up and it would wiggle. Darla hit the nose and as the toy jiggled, Liam's eyes lit up. He reached for the toy. She put an arm of the thing in his tiny hand and he held tight.

Darla offered Liam her finger and his little fingers closed over hers. A baby's grip was amazingly strong. She just watched in silent wonder at how perfect he was. Had she loved her children this much? Maybe. It was too long ago to remember. She loved her son, that she didn't doubt and now she was very much in love with the tiny life she held in her hands.

Darla pulled Liam closer, hearing someone at the door. She longed for vampire hearing to give her warning, the sense of smell that would tell her if it was just Eve or that brute she brought with her. She had to wait until the door opened to find out it was just Eve. She glared at the skinny woman. "What now?"

Eve just smirked. "Just checking on my investment. How is the brat?"

"He's fine," Darla said, her eyes not leaving Eve's. She cradled her grandson protectively. "Better without having to look at you."

"I won't stay long. I'm meeting with Gene at the Blue Velvet Lounge." Eve tossed her long hair back. "I just wanted to make sure you two were still healthy and hadn't done anything dumb."

"What could I do, bitch? I can't get out of here, and I wouldn't hurt the baby." Darla looked at Eve suspiciously. "Why tell me where you're going?"

"Like it could hurt to tell you." Eve shrugged. "Oh, that's right, you don't know it's barely a mile from Angel's home. Gene and I can have a few martinis and stroll past his place like tourists and enjoy the tragic show."

Darla curled her lip. How dare this woman belittle Angel's pain, her son's agony? "Is that all this is to you? A silly game? Why did you bring me back, Eve? It can't be just to be a nursemaid to my grandson."

"Oh, the Dawl Irrifletta has plans for you but for now, this will do, so you be a good little mommy. I'll tell Connor you said hi." Eve waved at her and cut the visit mercifully short.

Darla wanted to kill Eve slowly. So there was a plan for her beyond this but she still didn't know what. Cradling Liam, she went to the door and kicked the very solid metal. "Damn it, baby, we're getting out of here before the plan gets worse." Darla's eyes widened, and she pointed to the hinges. "Look, Liam. I can't get the door open but if I can get those hinges apart, we can get out of here." Darla smiled having a goal to work toward but she couldn't get Eve's words out of her mind. Poor Angel, the woman who had turned his world upside down was just down the street at the Blue Velvet lounge, and Darla was sure Eve was smart enough not to get caught.

X X X

Connor didn't know what he was doing in this place. He had wandered the central part of the city for hours, lost. Angel and Spike hadn't found a trail the night before when it was still fresher, and while he knew Angel would have done anything to find his grandson, to avenge Thalia, Connor's heart wouldn't allow him not to try himself.

The only thing he could smell at the scene of the crime - and he needed that term to get distance from his pain or it would kill him - were the typical scents of an arson fire, burnt wood and plastics, chemicals used to smother the flames, accelerants. Even if he had been here last night with his father, even if he knew who in the hell he was tracking, he wouldn't have been able to pick up a scent trail any more than the vampires had.

He huddled in a corner of the Blue Velvet lounge, wondering why he was here. The ambiance did suit his mood. All the art deco fixtures glowed with soft blue light, though the blue inside of him was far more midnight. Something had drawn him to the bar, like a soft feminine whispering. He could almost imagine it was Thalia's spirit saying 'follow me' and he had. It was better than sitting in Angel's house with nothing to do but brood on his pain and be stared at by the big sorrowful eyes of his friends and family. He couldn't go back to his house and see his sister-in-law and his niece and nephew. Connor wasn't sure he could ever go back to that house, surrounded by Thalia's ghost, seeing her out of the corner of his eye, smelling her sweet scent in their room, tasting her cooking every time he looked at those big refrigerators. He couldn't go back there and see a nursery that might remain forever empty.

Connor wiped tears from his face, wondering if he'd be asked to leave since he wasn't drinking and was acting strange. The Blue Velvet wasn't the kind of bar you came to to get drunk and forget. He and Thalia had been there only one or twice. It was the kind of bar where the young and pretty went to pay ridiculous amounts of money for trendy martinis. The Blue Velvet was a place to be seen and show off. He was one of the few under-dressed people around. He should just leave. He'd find no answers here. He wasn't sure there were answers anywhere.

A thin woman passed him, clinging to the arm of a tall, square man who looked more like hired muscle than a date. Maybe he was one of those fading jocks, Connor didn't care. He wouldn't have noticed them if the woman hadn't done a strange thing. She lifted her electric blue martini at him, grinning over the rim of the glass. It was like she had a secret that he should be in on but wasn't. He watched them leave, puzzled, feeling deep down there was more to this than what was on the surface but it wasn't a mystery he could solve. There were too many missing pieces.

X X X

"Spike said he and Illyria will keep up the search," Buffy said as Angel pulled his car into his driveway. "They haven't seen any signs of him."

Angel wagged his head, getting out. "It's a big enough city to hide in."

Buffy nodded toward the house. "Maybe Giles will have a spell or something that can help." She knew Connor hadn't come home. They had already called her Watcher.

Angel just headed away from the house, stalking down the hill. "We looked everywhere but close to home. State Street isn't far from here." He didn't wait to see if she was following him. Angel knew she would. State Street was one of the few places they hadn't driven to; It was just a few blocks away, after all, and he figured his son would range out further than that. His son was somewhere, and he needed to find him to make sure Connor was all right, well as all right as he could possibly be.

"Why would he go there? It's nothing but bars and restaurants and shops," Buffy said, making a wry face.

What she didn't say but meant was, 'it's full of happy people.' Angel just kept walking. "Call it a hunch."

Buffy didn't argue. Together they popped into every bar and restaurant they could find and scouted around for Connor. It wasn't until they walked into the Blue Velvet that they found him. Angel's heart lurched, seeing the lost, frightened expression on his son's face. If Angel could have seen himself in the mirror back when Holtz had taken Connor, he didn't doubt this was the look he would have seen.

"Connor, what are you doing here?" Angel's nose told him his son hadn't been drinking. It was as he was just drifting through like smoke.

Connor shook his head and walked past Angel as if he didn't even see him. He waited for the vampire on the sidewalk. "I don't know why I came here...like something guided me." He shrugged. "Nonsense since there's nothing here to see." He turned to Angel. "Why did you follow me?"

"I've been looking for you all night long," Angel said, running a hand over Connor's arm. "I was scared to death when you left without a word."

Connor rolled his shoulders, utterly unconcerned or was he just too numb? Angel couldn't guess. "I needed to look for the people who did this to me. You wouldn't take me with you."

"You were in no shape last night," Buffy said gently. "We would have taken you tonight."

Connor's lips thinned. "I'm alone. I'm used to it."

"You are not alone, Connor," Angel said, feeling that familiar twist of his gut, the one that came just before the inevitable tearing out of his heart. "You know that. I'll always be here, and I won't stop until we find little Stephen." Angel had hoped by accepting that name for the baby he could prove to Connor he could and would do anything for him. Seeing his child's eyes harden, he knew it had somehow been a mistake.

"I've never needed help from you. It's too late to pretend to be here for me now," Connor growled, spinning on his heel. He started back in the direction of Angel's home. "Don't follow me. I'm just going back to the house."

Angel watched him go, tears streaking down his face. "What did I do wrong?"

Buffy put her arms around him. "Nothing. Angel, it's Connor's problem." She reached up and wiped the tears away. "Let's go back inside. Let Connor have his space for now, and I'll tell you why Thalia called us."

Angel sucked in a deep breath to calm himself. He put his hand in Buffy's and let her take him to a table. All he really wanted was to follow Connor but he knew Buffy was right. That would be a huge mistake. There was no taking a table without a drink so he just let Buffy order a Starry Night Martini for him and a Chocolate Raspberry one for herself, and tried not to think on the twenty dollars just shot on two drinks neither of them really wanted. "What do you know about this, Buffy? Thalia told you something," Angel said once the waitress moved off.

She nodded taking a sip of the silky drink. "Connor thinks you abandoned him, Angel and you following him here from L.A...that doesn't count, except maybe in some kind of creepy stalkerish way."

Angel's eyes widened. How could his son feel abandoned when he had given up everything for him? "I don't understand." He spun the stem of the martini glass in his hands to keep himself from rushing back into the night after Connor to demand answers.

Buffy licked her lips. "You ordered that big spell, rewrote large hunks of history to give Connor a new happy life and you gave him to strangers, Angel. He doesn't understand why you didn't do the spell and make him love you, keep him with you."

Angel nearly knocked his Starry Night onto the floor. Technically vampires couldn't lose their breath but he felt like he had. "What?"

"I told Thalia I knew why. You want everyone to have these normal happy white picketed lives whether or not we want them." Buffy smiled thinly. "Connor doesn't understand that, Angel. To him, giving him to the Reillys meant you just wanted him away from you. He doesn't understand that you loved him enough to give him a normal life. He thinks you tossed him aside."

Angel choked back the tears. "That's not...oh God. All this time...he thinks I don't love him? He thinks I just helped him and moved on to my next project?"

"Yes, basically," Buffy said, sternly. Angel appreciated her honesty. He needed that more than he did soothed feelings. "It took all Connor had to confess that to Thalia. And she was afraid he'd get so mad that he'd leave her if she told. She decided the baby's happiness was worth the risk."

Angel buried his face in his hands. "Buffy, how do I fix this?"

"Tell him the truth. Tell him Thalia broke his confidence. Tell him why you really did it. Tell him you love him until he believes it," Buffy said strongly, touching his arm. "He panicked when you told him you'd leave him if that would make him happy. He wants you to love him, Angel. You might need a sledgehammer to make him believe you but you have those."

Angel lifted his face, summoning up a melancholy smile for her. "I might need your help to pin him down to listen to me."

"I'll break his legs if need be." She grinned then her lips fell. "If we don't find his baby, Angel...I'm not sure he can survive this."

"I know, Buffy. I've been there." Angel looked around the bar. "He's right though, there's something like this, like a lingering memory or scent that I just can't place."

"We can leave staking it out to Giles and Dawn while we do legwork around the city," Buffy suggested.

Angel nodded. "Let's go home. I need to be with him...I won't talk to him tonight. I know that mood he's in. Tomorrow, after he's rested a bit and either he believes me or he doesn't."

"He will, if I have to beat him into submission myself," Buffy said, trying to give Angel hope. "Tomorrow we'll make him sing for Lorne, too. We all can. Maybe he can give us a place to look."

Angel hoped so, too. Lorne hadn't been much help when Connor had disappeared but maybe it wasn't his fault. Angel would hope that something would break tomorrow before his grandson was too long gone. And when he got the baby back, he'd christen the boy Stephen himself if he had to. Thalia's last wish would be carried out.