CHAPTER SEVEN
"I don't understand. Why won't they release her body?" Larissa sobbed in her husband's arms. Her children, the three year old twins, playing in the living room of Angel's large home, were too young to understand the tragedy unfolding around them but every so often their mother's distress upset them.
"She was the victim," Connor said, feeling very ill-equipped to handle Thalia's sister. Even at the best of times, he had found the histrionic woman a bit annoying, always afraid he was being found wanting for his lack of Greekness. He liked her in spite of it but there were times she was like salt in the wound. "It takes longer...the police need her body I guess."
"But we have to bury her," Larissa wailed and her children paused for a moment at their mother's tone then resumed playing.
"Have they even managed to find a lead to the baby?" her husband, Nicolas, asked, as if it were a personal affront that they hadn't.
Connor choked, unable to respond. Buffy was there in a heartbeat. It was as if she had appointed herself his guardian angel and he was grateful. Standing at her side, Angel looked just as lost as Connor felt.
"Not yet but they're trying," she said, looking back at Dawn who was working on the computer. Connor knew she was trying to hack into the coroner's report to see if that could give them more clues. She was trying to do it while avoiding pictures of the autopsy. No one could handle those.
"How can they not find who did this?" Larissa shrilled, and Connor just wanted her gone. He knew she was in pain, too, but she was making everything so much worse.
"They seem to be working hard to make Connor look guilty," Nicolas said, annoyed.
"Which is insane. They're wasting time," Larissa said, her eyes narrowing with ire.
Connor shook his head. "It's the way it's done. I sort of know these cops. They're good, at least on other arson-murder cases I've been involved with. They always start with the family."
"But surely they'll believe us when we tell them that you're not guilty," Larissa said, calmer now but more angry in tone than hysterical like she had been.
"They are looking at other angles," Buffy said, looking like she wanted Larissa gone, too.
"Not fast enough," Larissa said in a disgusted tone.
Nicolas caught Connor's eye, giving him an apologetic look. He put a hand on his wife's back. "We should maybe go back to the house and work on what funeral preparations we can make. Are you coming with us, Connor?"
"Nicolas," Larissa said sharply and he looked at her, stunned.
Connor knew what it was about. He wasn't Greek Orthodox, a minor sin. "It's okay, Nick. You and Larissa would know better about Greek funerals. All I want is lilacs. They were Thalia's favorites." His breath caught sharply then regained his composure. "I'll stay here in case the police come looking for me. The twins don't need to hear that."
Nicolas shot him a look of relief as if knowing Larissa needed to do all the arranging, and Connor was just as happy to let her. "We'll call if we need you."
Connor nodded and showed them out. He came back in and collapsed on the couch. "Find anything, Dawn?"
"Nothing we didn't already know," she said guardedly. She hunched over the computer as if to shield it from him. "Nothing you looking at this would help."
He buried his face against a couch pillow. "I don't want to see."
Dawn relaxed a bit, relieved to not have to forcibly shield the screen from him. "I wish there was something more I could tell you," Dawn said as Lorne came into the room slowly as if checking to make sure the Mundanes were all gone.
"Anything I can do, Angel-cakes?" Lorne gave Connor a hesitant look as he sidled over to Angel and added softly, "I wish I could do something to help but I've never known what to do...for him."
Connor wished the demon wouldn't talk about him like he wasn't there. He understood that no one knew how to handle his grief but it made him feel even more isolated.
"Maybe I could sing for you," Angel suggested, with all the enthusiasm of going for a sun bath.
"No, I'll do it," Connor said and Lorne and Angel stared at him, shocked. He stood up, looking Lorne in the eye. "It's my wife who's dead, my son who's missing. I should be the one to sing."
"Of course." Lorne took a seat as if prepared to be knocked on his butt from whatever he might get off of Connor's aura. Buffy and Dawn stood behind him, as if physical support might be needed. "Go ahead."
Connor never sang much. His voice wasn't as bad as Angel's but it was rusty. Even with Angel's spell, music felt foreign to him; a language he didn't understand. He surrounded himself with cds because he liked the way music rolled over him but he didn't sing. The song that surfaced wasn't one he was expecting but there it was in his mind; not something tender like he'd hoped to sing for his child. Instead it came from his repertoire of pain-filled songs about fathers and sons and disappointments. Maybe it made sense that would bubble up now, all the fears and resentments. He sang hesitantly at first.
To my mother, to my father,
It's your son or it's your daughter,
Are my screams loud enough for you to hear me?
Should I turn this up for you?
I sit here locked inside my head
Remembering everything you said
The silence gets us nowhere!
Gets us nowhere way too fast!
He didn't watch Lorne's face. If he saw the demon react, he might falter. However, he did keep an eye on Angel's face, watching it develop cracks that slowly widened with each lyric.
The silence is what kills me
I need someone here to help me
But you don't know how to listen
And let me make my decisions
'Cause I sit here locked
inside my head remembering everything you said
The silence gets us nowhere!
Gets us nowhere way to fast!
All your insults and your curses make
me feel like I'm not a person
And I feel like I am nothing but
you made me so do something
'Cause I'm fucked up because you are
Need attention, attention you couldn't give
By the time he was done, Angel had turned away, and Connor's throat closed over, choking off the final refrain.
Lorne got up, putting a hand on Connor's shoulder. "That's enough."
Connor got a hint that Lorne wasn't going to be greatly helpful. Then again, was he ever?
"There is something big coming for you," Lorne said slowly, as if he were weighing the words for their worth, "as life changing as what's already happened to you, Connor."
Connor wondered briefly why Lorne never called him by any cutesy names like he did everyone else. Was it that Lorne just couldn't think of anything fitting or did the demon still dislike him? He put the stray thought out of mind as he tried to wrap his head around what Lorne had said. "What does that mean? You don't know where my son is, do you?"
Lorne shook his head. "I'm sorry but...I don't see a darkness. I get the impression that you will find him but I can't tell you more than that."
Connor sighed, feeling what little hope he had drain out of him. He should have known that this was too easy. "Thanks, Lorne, for trying." Connor wanted to run out of the house, wanted to just run. It didn't matter where to. Only it would get him nowhere. His gaze traveled over to his father. For the first time he thought maybe he understood how Angel had felt when he had gone missing. It gave him an unsettling insight into his father. Angel's bouts of alternating clingy-ness and disappointment made sense now. If his father felt half as lost as he did, Connor didn't know how Angel had survived.
"Connor, can we talk?" Angel asked softly.
Great, he should have picked a better song. The lyrics probably got the wheels turning in Angel's little brain. Now he'd have to deal with him. "About what?" The harshness snarled out before Connor could stop it.
Angel winced. "There are things we need to talk about."
Connor threw his head back. "The last thing I need to do now is to talk to you. Don't I already have enough trauma?" He whirled, heading for the door.
"Connor, please stop. This is important," Angel said, coming after him.
"We have nothing to talk about." Connor ran out into the sun and to his surprise, Angel followed, jumping back unto the shade only when he started smoking.
"Connor, please." The tone of Angel's voice was gut wrenching.
"Later, Dad. I just need to be alone. It's too much," Connor said brokenly, crossing the road and went over the hill to where Lake Mendota sprawled like a shimmering but cloudy jewel.
Connor sat watching the boats for a while. There were only a few of them at this time of year but there were gulls wheeling about. It was cold even though the sun was out, spreading false cheer. It was too lonely at the water's edge. All he could see was Thalia's face, imagining her final agony, thinking about the son neither of them may ever see. Was his baby alive? He knew the statistics weren't in his favor but someone had to have taken the baby for a reason. That meant his son might still be alive and that was more heartbreaking than comforting in some odd way. There were no leads. The tiny hope he had nurtured at Lorne's reading had been stillborn. Now he had no clues, and his brain was too clouded for rational thought.
He got up and death marched toward State Street. What had Angel done when he was kidnapped? The vampire said he tried everything to find him. Did everything mean flailing around desperately while it felt like he was falling apart? Yes, it probably did.
Connor paid little heed to the shops and restaurants as he wandered around aimlessly. He scared a few slightly too well dressed panhandlers away with mere glares. How long would it take before his feet led him to the Angelic Brewery? Getting plastered sounded good to him but Thalia had loved the Scottish ale there. Could he ever go back without thinking of her?
Patchouli smoke billowing out of the Shakti store lured him in, in spite of what it did to his delicate nose. Thalia had liked the store, being more into the spiritual than the religious though she never dared tell that to her very Greek Orthodox family. Connor shared her belief in a higher being as opposed to any structured religion. Inside the small store with the old wooden floor giving with each step as if it would break, Connor moved to one corner thinking on the heady scent of the patchouli. Thalia liked to wear essential oils, rose, sandalwood, orange and patchouli. The last one was for nights of seduction and even now the scent of it made his testicles tighten.
Connor put a hand over his eyes, trying not to cry. How could he possibly have tears left? He should be as dry as the Dierk Expanse in Quor-Toth for all the tears he had shed. Someone touched his shoulder, and he whirled, nearly taking out a shelf of happily grinning Buddhas and chubby naked Goddesses. He found himself eye to eye with Buffy. "What are you doing here?"
Her smile was as enigmatic as the Mona Lisa's. "Looking for you, of course. Danforth called. She and Zuelsdorff are on their way to Angel's. They found something on the surveillance cameras from across the street. They want us all to have a look."
Connor felt hope sparking in him. He didn't even wait for Buffy. He shoved his way out of the shop and took off for Angel's home on Pinckney. It was almost a mile straight up a hill and he took it at a dead run. Buffy loped along beside him. They passed a couple of joggers who glared at the speed and ease the super-powered beings ate up sidewalk. Connor nearly tripped over a tuxedo cat who was sunning on the sidewalk just south of Angel's home. Connor darted up the porch steps, past the four, greened, wrought bronze columns and through the arched doorway.
Dawn and Giles looked up from the paperwork they were filing away before the cops found out they hacked into the coroner's files. Wiping sweat from his forehead, Connor knew he'd need to see that report whether he wanted to or not. Buffy moved past him to go get a drink from the kitchen.
"Where's Angel?"
"Talking to Lorne." Giles nodded towards the basement which led to a tunnel that went to the gym just behind the place. Connor realized the demon would be there keeping out of sight for when the police came.
"The detectives aren't here yet, Connor. Is there anything I can get for you?" Dawn asked.
He shook his head and sank onto the couch. "I'm fine, thanks," he lied. There was nothing Dawn could do to help him. Connor curled up. The spicy scent of patchouli clung to his skin, and he tried not to think about making love to his wife the morning of her death. At least they had parted ways very much in love and not fighting about him and Angel. Connor stayed in a ball until a weight took up residence on the couch pillow next to him. He opened his eyes, not surprised to see Angel. "I'm not in the mood to talk."
"It can wait...but not for too much longer," Angel said, a look in his eye that said he realized he was pushing his luck. "It's important."
Connor said nothing to that. "What did the detectives say?"
"Just that they wanted us to have a look at something," Angel replied as Buffy came out with a tea tray.
"I know you said you didn't want anything, Connor, but a little tea will take the chill off of you." Buffy grinned. "I've been hanging around him too long. I think tea can fix anything." She nodded at Giles.
Connor smiled. "Thanks." He didn't unball himself until Angel fixed a cup and handed it to him. Connor only got two sips before the doorbell rang.
Dawn went to answer it and she came back with Danforth only.
Connor raised an eyebrow. "You're alone."
Danforth nodded, taking a seat in a chair without waiting for an invite. "My partner is showing the stills to your sister-in-law."
"Where did you get them?" Connor asked, his heart thumping. He had to know if they caught images of Thalia's killer.
Danforth eyed him, judging his words to see if they were nervous and guilty or merely curious and hopeful. Connor knew they would be found to be the latter. This was as much hope as he had felt since his world shattered. "From the jewelry store across the street. They always have best security camera, them and liquor stores." A faint smile ghosted over her lips. Danforth produced the stills from the digital recording. "The fire broke out not long after these two people showed up. The woman goes in first and then the man. They don't come back out again so we're assuming they went out the back."
"There wouldn't be any surveillance there," Angel said as the front door opened.
Everyone was surprised to see Spike and Illyria. The vampire was a little smoky from racing in from next door but Connor figured Danforth would attribute it to the cigarette dangling from his mouth. The one thing about the city street, the houses were packed so tight sunlight had to fight between the buildings. The vampire and Illyria lived just two houses down the road in a more modest home. Spike had obviously slipped lake-ward using the shadows. Danforth gave them a curious look, her eyes lingering on Illyria but Connor knew she wasn't any more peculiar looking than the teens who patronized the Cat's Meow goth shop back in the State Street District.
"We just came to lend...moral support," Spike said, his eyes on Danforth. "Did we pick a bad time?"
"No," Angel said. "This is Detective Danforth. Detective, these are some more friends of the family, Spike and Illyria." Angel nodded for Spike and Illyria to take up residence near the fireplace, out of the way. "The detective was just about to show us some photos of the last people into Thalia's shop."
Connor took the stills from Danforth and his heart broke again. The damnedable tears welled up again as he paged through them. "I don't know either of them..." He took a closer look. "But I think I might have seen them at the Blue Velvet last night. Angel?" He looked to his father for rescue, handing him the pictures. Buffy reached over the back of the couch, stroking Connor's shoulders.
Angel flipped quickly past the ones of the man, no recognition on his face. His eyes widened, his pupils spiraling open as he got to the one of the woman. He got up and showed them to Spike. "Am I crazy or is that...?"
Spike looked. "Looks like that sleazy bint, Eve."
Illyria peered over Spike's shoulder. "There is a resemblance."
"Eve?" Connor asked, confused and angry. "I don't know an Eve."
"That was one of the names on your list, Mr. Reilly," Danforth said, getting up. She approached Angel, eyes hard and eager.
Angel nodded, his eyes on the pictures. "She was the liaison to the Senior Partners for Wolfram and Hart. You never met her, Connor."
"Lucky you," Spike muttered, shooting Connor an inscrutable look.
"Why would she want to do this to your brother?" Danforth asked, taking the pictures.
Angel shook his head, horror so ingrained in his face that Connor would be surprised if it ever faded away. "I don't know. I cost Eve her job but that was several years ago."
"She and her boyfriend played me for a sucker back then," Spike said. "She could be vindictive but even I wouldn't have pegged her for something like this."
"We can't help you with motive," Angel said his voice rough. "We don't even know her last name, if she even has one. I used to sign her paperwork and the only name I had was Eve."
Danforth shrugged. "It's a start. Wolfram and Hart, Los Angeles, right?"
Angel nodded, his eyes on Connor now. Connor couldn't look at him. This is what being Angel's son meant, this horrible pain. He wanted Angel to be dust. "Right."
"Thanks for your help. This is a good break. I'll start working it immediately," Danforth said, taking steps towards the door. "And I may have more questions for you, Angel."
"Of course."
Once Connor heard the front door shut, he looked at Angel. "What the hell did you do to this woman? Why would she do this to me?"
Angel touched Connor's cheek and he jerked away. Angel dropped his hand, looking crushed. "I didn't do anything to her. The Senior Partners came after her, and I even protected her, thinking they were going to kill her. All they did was strip away her immortality because she was a lousy employee, and she was in love with Lindsey. As much as I would have liked to kill her, I didn't, even though at the time she was the only one who knew about the spell and you. At the end when we went to face Black Thorn's hordes, I told her to escape."
"Well, she did," Connor laughed bitterly. "Thanks, Dad."
"I had no idea she would do something like this. I couldn't possibly have known," Angel said, helplessly. He seemed small, utterly diminished.
"If you helped her, why would she do this?" Dawn asked, putting a hand on Angel's shoulder.
"He had her boyfriend killed," Spike offered with an apologetic look.
"He was evil," Illyria added.
"Great, she's pissed because you offed her lover, and now she's taken my son and murdered my wife," Connor snarled. "Damn, when do the benefits of being your son stop coming?"
Angel's eyes misted over as Buffy took his hand. "Connor, I'm sorry. I didn't..." Angel looked away, unable to meet Connor's eye. "I never wanted anything bad to happen to you."
Connor couldn't bear to hear it. He snapped around and headed for the door. "Don't follow me."
He hadn't even gotten off the front porch before a primal scream of rage tore out of him, echoing in the eaves. Connor ran, trying to escape himself. He didn't know how far or how long he had ran, barely aware of how close he had come many times to getting run down by passing cars. He didn't know where he was when he found a park bench to curl up on. He shut out the world and wept.
X X X
Liam's screams bounced around the room as Darla changed his diaper with banged up fingers. How could something so little make a stink so big? As she wiped him clean, Darla wondered how Angel handled changing Connor's diapers with the sharpness of a vampire's nose. She deep-sixed the diaper and wipes, and Liam's cries slowed as she powdered his tiny bottom. Darla leaned over and tickled his chin.
"That feels better doesn't it?"
Liam giggled, his arms and legs waving. He suddenly fountained all over Darla's breasts. She looked down at her urine soaked shirt then at the baby. He seemed inordinately pleased with himself. Darla sighed. "You waited until you were all cleaned up to do that, didn't you?"
Darla re-cleaned him, got him safely diapered and set him in the crib, which wasn't what he wanted. Liam wailed mercilessly while she stripped off her shirt and bra, tossing them in the tub. She wiped off and pulled on a soft cotton shirt, sans bra then went to rescue her grandson from the awful fate of screaming himself blue. He settled as soon as he was picked up.
"You are so spoiled already," she accused, tapping his cherub lips with a finger. He blew a bubble of spit at her nicked up finger. Darla had tried her best to batter the hinges open but she wasn't getting anywhere fast having no real tools. The best thing she had was a now-bent spatula. Liam fastened onto her shirt with drool-slicked fingers then started rooting for a nipple. Darla hiked him up higher out of temptation's way and Liam contented himself with stuffing the ends of her hair into his mouth. She went over to look at the stubborn hinges. "I don't think this is going to work."
Poised at the door, Darla was able to hear the rumble of the elevator. Someone was coming. She knew she had to do something now because she would never get out of the fortress on her own. She stuffed Liam into his snuggler, leaving him on the couch, and he protested loudly. Darla popped a pacifier into his mouth and grabbed up another one, which was on a stretchy string. She draped it over her neck, putting it under her shirt and darted into the kitchen. She grabbed one bottle of cleaning spray and ran back out to Liam. She put the snuggler on and waited at the door.
When Gene opened the door, Darla sprayed him in the eyes with the cleaner. He fell back howling. Darla shoved past him, spraying Eve, too, but she was already jumping back. Eve went to her knees, coughing. Darla didn't get her in the eyes but the bitch had breathed in a good amount of the toxic mist. Darla, cleaner still in hand, raced for the elevator. Liam bounced against her chest, his voice shrill in her eyes as the infant let his fear be known.
"Shh, baby, we're almost out of here!" Darla saw the stairs just beyond the elevator. She didn't risk the elevator being keyed. The stairs were a better bet. Her fingers were a hairbreadth from the knob of the fire door when something cracked like thunder and it felt like lightning had kissed her thigh. Darla felt her leg going out from under her, and she lost her grip on the cleaning bottle. She managed to twist to land on her back instead of on top Liam. She smelled the familiar perfume of blood as it blossomed out of her leg. Darla tried to crawl and push the door open.
"Don't make me shoot you again, you bitch. I don't want to hit the baby." Eve coughed and spat, holding the gun in a shaking hand.
Darla risked the second bullet but Gene was on her, grabbing her good ankle. She couldn't kick him with her shot leg. It didn't want to move. His face was red and blistered from the cleaning chemicals.
"What do you want me to do with her?" Gene snarled, looking up at Eve.
Eve kicked Darla in the gut and stole Liam away while the woman was breathless. "Kill her. To hell with what the Dawl Irrifletta might want to do with her. They can be happy with the freak baby for their experiments."
"No!" Darla cried. "Don't hurt him."
Eve just laughed coldly, heading for the elevator.
Gene grabbed Darla's pants and yanked them down. She hissed in pain as it made her leg bleed faster. "You and I going to have some fun first, bitch."
Darla punched, clawed and bit at him but she wasn't strong enough to fight him off. Her fists no longer had any real power but his did as they battered her face. His strong fingers closed over her throat as he drove into her and as he crushed the life out of her, Darla fought him, thinking about her grandson until the blackness came.
X X X
Angel wasn't too surprised to find Connor just over the hill from the house, staring out over the water. A fat full moon hung over Mendota, bathing everything with silvery light. In the summer, lovers usually curled up where Connor was now. Angel knew his son had come here often with Thalia. He sat next to him, trying to think of what to say. He couldn't express his sorrow adequately. If not for him, Thalia would be alive and his son would be happy. Nothing could fix this.
"I know you're not to blame, Angel," Connor said without turning to look at him. The words were almost a comfort but he wished that Connor would try to call him dad. It hurt that he almost never did.
"I am," he said softly.
Connor shook his head. "The only person to blame is Eve. Did you actually kill her lover?"
"Lindsey...and I tried hard to save him, too, Connor. In the end, he let greed and hatred destroy him. I think if he hadn't loved your mother..." Angel paused as Connor's head swiveled around at that. "Yes, he loved your mother for that brief time she was human again and even afterward, but it got into his soul that I had stolen her from her; that I had stolen Wolfram and Hart and taken everything that was him away from him. It was me or him, and I sent Lorne to kill him. It might have been a mistake. It surely wasn't a shining moment for me. I'm sorry Thalia and your son paid for what I did." Angel tossed a stone out into the water.
"I know you loved Thalia and that you would have loved our child," Connor whispered.
"I did and I will when we get him back," Angel said, not allowing doubt into his voice. Connor had enough doubt without shouldering his as well. Angel knew the time had come for the talk. If he didn't repair things now when Connor was in a somewhat forgiving mood, he'd never have a better chance. "Connor, I know you don't want to talk to me, not really but I have to say this so please listen." Angel didn't let him have a chance to object. "I know what it is about me that has you so angry. Thalia told Buffy...she was going to tell me the night of the fire."
Connor tensed, his eyes darkening. "What are you talking about?"
"Don't be angry. Thalia didn't want to but she also didn't want us hating each other in front of the baby. She died trying to help us, and I'm not going to let that pass," he said strongly.
"Go to hell." Connor jumped to his feet.
"Eventually." Angel grabbed his son's belt loops and yanked him down hard. "Now listen to me. I'm not going to let you walk off, Connor, and you are going to do what Thalia wanted and listen. I never meant to hurt you, Connor. I had no idea that I had...well, that's not true. I knew something was wrong but I didn't know what. I was so hopeful after you regained your memories, after you helped me defeat Hamilton, that you and I would have this bright future together. I watched it crumble away, and I could never piece together why. You never gave me any clues. All I saw was you slipping further and further away. All I wanted was to have my son back, and all I got was your hatred."
"You never wanted me back," Connor hissed, his eyes slits of sapphire. "Once you realized I was never going to be the son of your dreams, you never had time for me."
"You're wrong," Angel shot back. "Yes, it hurt to lose out on your whole life. You're understanding that now. I can see it in your eyes. You understand now what Holtz really did to us, and I'll do whatever I have to, to make sure you don't miss out on any more of your baby's life. Yes, it hurt to get back Holtz's son but I still love you. I've always loved you and wanted to be part of your life."
Connor curled his lip at him. "Is that why you gave me to strangers the first chance you got?"
The broken glass tone in his son's voice told Angel Thalia had been right. This was the source of Connor's agony. Angel let the tears fall. Let Connor witness his anguish. "The hardest thing I have ever done was give you away, Connor. You hated me. This life drove you mad. So I gave you what I thought you needed, what I thought you wanted. You said you wanted a family so I gave it to you. You got a family who loved you, who had enough money to give you everything you could possibly want, a sister to adore you. It was what you wanted, and I wanted it for you. I knew I would never see you again but I was willing to bear that torment to give you your heart's content." He cupped Connor's chin. "How was I to know your dream wasn't to have a normal family but rather to be with me? You never gave me a clue about that until after the spell...until after it was too late."
Connor sucked in his bottom lip, biting it to keep it from trembling. "I tried to tell you at the mall."
Angel pulled Connor against his side and his son didn't fight. "You were so broken then, Connor, I didn't know what to trust. I didn't have time to think about all the details. Granted, killing you was my first mistake. I could have knocked you out or something but I wasn't thinking clearly. If I had knocked you out, I wouldn't have needed Wolfram and Hart. But I did kill you and they brought you back. I did everything I could to help you, Connor. I signed on with Wolfram and Hart as part of the deal to help you, which was another mistake...and to make sure you survived the Black Thorn attack, I signed away my shanshu."
Connor cocked his head to the side. "Your what?"
"There was a prophecy that one day, when I was redeemed, I'd become human again...or that's what Wesley thought at any rate. They made me sign it away to keep you safe, among other things," Angel said, wondering if it was a mistake to tell Connor this.
"Does Buffy know this?" Connor gave him a curious look.
"No, I'd be a dead man if she had a clue," Angel replied, thinking that was very true.
"Can you even sign away a prophecy? I mean, it's not like a contract. It's just something that might happen," Connor said.
Angel made a face. "I...don't know. I never thought of it that way. I don't know how much say we have in our own futures." He cupped Connor's shoulder, holding his son tight. "It's beside the point. The point is, I wish I knew this years ago, Connor. I wish you could have found a way to tell me so we wouldn't have wasted years fighting. I'm sorry that the only thing Thalia saw of us was the pain."
Connor made a hiccupping sound of pain, pressing a large hand over his mouth. "All she saw was my hate."
"She saw far more than that, Connor. She saw your pain and betrayal and wanted to make it better...and now hopefully she has. I have nothing more to say other than I'm sorry. I didn't know I made you feel unwanted. All I wanted was to give you a nice normal life. I didn't mean to make such a mess of it," Angel said, feeling wrung out. If Connor didn't accept him now, he would give up.
"I didn't help matters," Connor said in a whisper.
"It doesn't matter anymore. We can't change what we did but we can do things differently from here on out. Do you forgive me?" Angel held the breath he didn't need to take preparing for rejection.
"They took my baby, Dad!" he sobbed and went to pieces before Angel's eyes.
Angel folded him up his strong arms. "I know, son. We're going to get Stephen back."
It took a while for Connor to cry himself out but Angel didn't care. The cold didn't bother him. He wasn't even aware of the wind. His world had narrowed to his child and his agony. Finally Connor pulled away, wiping his sopping face.
"You keep calling him that...Stephen."
Angel brushed Connor's hair back off his forehead. "It was what your wife wanted. That name doesn't haunt me anymore, Connor. If you're okay with the name, it's fine by me."
Connor smiled faintly. "I think Thalia would like that. Thank you."
"I'm glad to do it."
"We should go look for this Eve bitch...and kill her slow," Connor said, and the glint in his eye said he wasn't kidding.
Angel knew Connor needed distance from all the emotional baggage and so did he. And he had no qualms about killing Eve. "I don't know where to look. Let's check back with Dawn and see if she's tracked her down on the computer."
Connor just nodded and both men headed back up the hill. They never saw the SUV pull up off the road close to the water not far from where they had been and never heard the splash of something big going into the lake.