Disclaimer: Still Saban's sandbox. Still play here because it's fun.
Author's Note: These pieces all take place within the same universe (meaning if I mentioned it happening in one fic, you can assume it holds true throughout). However we're jumping timeline all over the place, so this piece occurs shortly after to possibly simultaneously with the last one. I'll jump timeline again in future parts.
The shovel is for cobalt b/c he seems to have a foundness for them, and I'm probably never going to write his favorite pairing. Rocky's turn.
- + - + - + - + - + -
A picture is worth a thousand words. Someday I'm going to hunt down the guy who started that saying and beat him to death with a shovel. Unless he's already dead . . . then I'll have to think of something else.
Don't get misunderstand me, it's an okay saying, but it's just so wrong. When all you've got is a picture, you'd give anything for a couple words. Hello. How are you? I'm fine. See, six words . . . ten times better than a picture.
Unfortunately, I'm stuck with just a photo, which is of course better than nothing. Better than forgetting how bright her smile was, how soft her skin looked, or the way she threw head back when she laughed. But a photo doesn't fill a horrible day with sunshine; it doesn't hug you and make all your pain go away, it doesn't tell childhood stories it promised never to share.
A photograph is a very poor substitute for Aisha Campbell in person.
Heck, everything is a poor substitute for Aisha, even food . . . even Adam.
I swear, I did not just mean that the way it sounded . . .
Those first few months after she left were awful. For the first time in a long time I felt completely alone. Everything was changing. Our powers, our colors, the line-up. Suddenly I was wearing a color that had been the signature of the smartest person I've ever met, and he's wandering around like he's in mourning. On top of that Aisha wasn't there to be the sunshine. I bet she could have made even Billy smile.
Maybe that's why I tried so hard, like I had to make up for Billy's loss and 'Sha being gone. Like if I just kept trying to constantly lighten the mood, eventually it would actually get lighter. And if I just kept trying to fill other peoples shoes I wouldn't have to find my own. I don't know.
I didn't even realize I was doing it until Adam told me to snap out of it. He didn't deserve the things I said in response. No one deserves what I said, least of all Adam . . . but things were pretty screwed up between us for a while. Not that we ever let it show around the others, or at least we tried not to.
Adam didn't understand at first. Of course I hadn't figured it out enough to explain it to him. Now I can sum it up in one word: Tanya.
Every time I looked at Tanya, I saw a poor substitute for Aisha, and every time Adam looked at her, well . . . lets just say poor was never a word Adam used to describe her.
All I knew was Aisha was gone, it felt like a whole chunk of me had gone with her, and Adam didn't seem to care one way or the other. How was I to know that he kept a whole shoebox full of pictures of the three of us? And how was I to know that he spent his first couple of dates with Tanya telling her all the old stories until she finally asked whether something had happened between him and 'Sha?
Oh right, I was supposed to talk to him . . .
But that was Aisha's thing. She would always wait until the three of us were together, and then turn and ask point blank what was up with you. Blunt compassion, the girl had it down. Leave me and Adam alone together and we'll spend hours practicing martial arts, playing video games, telling dumb jokes . . . and absolutely never talk about what's wrong. We can do it for months, until finally something happens and then well . . . usually something gets broken.
This time it was almost our friendship.
I don't even really know how it started. One minute we're patching each other up after a battle. Who knows which one, they all start to run together. The next minute he's suggesting in his quiet, superior, all-knowing way that maybe I should work at finding my own style rather than trying to copy Tommy's.
Looking back on it, my response of "I'll be sure to get right on that, Yoda" may not have been the most mature. Next thing I know we're yelling some really nasty things at each other.
You've got to understand . . . it takes a lot for Adam to yell. We're talking threaten his family, insult his honor, his friends . . . his girlfriend.
I bet you can guess which one I hit.
He blew up. He's up off the infirmary table, advancing on me with how I never gave her a chance, never even tried to get to know her, always undermined her confidence by talking about how great Aisha was. And that was when he crossed the line.
I wasn't even thinking by this point, just screaming at him how at least I still remember Aisha, at least I don't act like she was never here, and she could be dead for all he cares.
Insulting his loyalty to his friends. I didn't cross a line. I leaped a no man's land.
Do I think he doesn't care? He says good night to her every night in his prayers. He thinks about her in the English class they had together. He writes memories down in his diary because he's afraid that with the dual timeline he'll start to forget.
Could have fooled me.
"Well, you're the expert at that aren't you?" Adam and sarcasm takes me a moment to process, so I guess I looked pretty dumbfounded because he continued, "You're the genius at hiding all the important stuff from everyone, and going around like you could take it or leave it. You know, maybe if just once you had let on to Aisha how you really felt . . . she would have had a reason to stay!"
Shit.
I don't know how long we stood there staring at each other, trying to think of something else to say. Adam because he probably never meant to say what he just had. Me because my world had just done a one-eighty.
There really wasn't anything else to say. Finally, Adam murmured something about maybe we should cool off, and he'll call me later. With that he just turned and walked out of the infirmary.
A couple of times in Psychology, we talked about vivid memories and how there are moments that your brain will just take a snap shot of so you can remember every detail because something in you knows that this is *it*. Our teacher kept telling us about how there's no real solid research on it, but all of us didn't really care because we've had it happen.
It happened to me again, standing there, staring at the scattered instruments, and trying to figure out how I fell in love with Aisha Campbell and never noticed. I can remember everything from the smell of the antiseptic that we had knocked over, to the too white fluorescent lighting, to the disgruntled, long-suffering look on Billy's face when he came in and saw the mess we had left.
I must have looked as bad as the infirmary because he spun on his heal in this way that meant he was about to tear into me, but then he just stopped. Billy has a temper. Not a lot of people have ever seen it because he has a really long fuse, but when he finally reaches the flash point the only real option is to duck and cover. Adam thinks that's why he took to making little comments because it keeps him from reaching it as quickly.
Anyways it takes a lot to stop Billy once he's hit that point, like a Ranger emergency and not much else, but that day he did. He stared at me for a long moment, and then he walks over, glances down at my arm for about three seconds, and says, "Your body is going to need a lot of strength to heal that. Go home and get some rest. If you like, I'll tell Adam that you can't train with him tomorrow."
He's had me stay and help repair my Zord with worse.
I think I would rather have stayed and helped him clean up. Once I got home, all I had to do was think. Think about Aisha. Think about Adam. Think about what he said . . . which led to more thinking about Aisha.
Even after I patched up things with Adam enough that we could sort of go on, I kept having all these questions in my mind. How long had I felt this way? Did she feel the same? Was Adam right, and I could have kept her from leaving if I had just said something? That question brought this sick twisted feeling deep in my gut, like I'd missed an opportunity and I'd never get it back.
All my memories started to become missed opportunities. Every time I tickled her and we wound up on the floor was a chance to steal a kiss I didn't take. Every dance was a date I didn't ask her on, and every late night goodbye was an 'I love you' I never said. It just got worse, so I tried harder to keep everyone laughing because I wasn't.
You never realize what you had until its gone.
Great, my life is now sad enough that it can be summed up by clichés. Help!
This is bottom. Lying here, staring up at the ceiling, and knowing that my life is about to change all over again. That I'll never wear the uniform again, that I'm going to lose my friends, because no matter how hard they try to keep in touch it changes, and there's nothing anyone can do about it. Compared to me right now, Billy was a court-jester.
On top of that, my back hurts like crazy.
"Can I come in?" Tanya's standing in the door with her backpack slung over her shoulder. Moving the little bit that I can, I look around for Adam. "He's not with me."
"Oh." What else am I supposed to say?
Not waiting for me to answer her question, she sits down beside me. "Listen . . . I know you don't really like me all that much."
Nope I was wrong, this is bottom. I feel like scum, because the truth is I don't know her enough to like her or not like her. She was Aisha's replacement and that was enough for me . . . walls up.
"Tanya . . . I . . ."
Before I can even start to apologize, she just shakes her head and pulls something out of her bag. It's the photo I keep on my shelf with all my other photos so it doesn't look like it's special . . . but it is. It's the only photo I have of just her and me; Adam nowhere in sight. I'm carrying her piggyback, and she looks so happy. I get to imagine it's because of me.
"I thought you might like it with you in the hospital." I must be giving her a really puzzled look because she goes on. "Adam told me . . . what he said to you a few months ago about Aisha . . ."
Well, if I didn't like her before . . .
"I told him he was a jerk"
I certainly do now.
"He might be right though. I mean he was right about how I feel. Why not about 'Sha?"
"Rocky . . . shut up."
Okay, right then . . . I think she was channeling Aisha.
"Aisha left because the work with the animals was something only she could do. That she had to do. I don't know why, but we both felt it. She was doing something that I couldn't. It tore her up to leave all of you, especially you and Adam, but nothing you said or didn't say would have kept her from going."
"How do you know?" Okay, so it sounds a little bitter, but really she knew 'Sha for all of three weeks . . . and they were ten. Who makes life-altering decisions when you're ten?
"I don't know. I think it has something to do with the time stream and the parallel period, but I'm connected to Aisha somehow. There are things about her, and her feelings towards you all that I just know. I think that's why I fell so hard for Adam. I've got all of Aisha's positive feelings on top of my own."
"Adam?!?" She didn't just say Aisha has positive feelings for Adam, not Adam. If this visit was meant to cheer me up, it's failing.
"Hey, slow down. They're just as strong for you . . . I've got my own heart though. I'm not just an Aisha clone."
Was it my imagination or did she just manage to tell me off?
"Look . . . I came to give you this . . ."
I look down at the piece of paper, she's pressed into my hand. "Teleport coordinates?"
"For Aisha."
"But I thought they were lost when the Command Center was destroyed."
"Well, these aren't exact. They're as close as I've been able to get so far. I've been working with Zordon and Alpha, and when there's a little extra energy to spare we've been doing scans using my memories, but I'm fuzzy, the tribes have moved, and she's switched. But she should be in that area. I didn't want to tell you guys until I was at least sort of close . . . I didn't want to get you're hopes up."
Clutching hold of the paper, it's like a whole new world of possibilities has opened up, and all I can do is nod. With no Ranger duties I'm free to go. They'd never be able to spare the energy for visits, but surely just one teleport . . .
"Tanya? Does she have more positive feelings for me than Adam?"
"When she left . . . she definitely did. I don't know about now."
My hand tightens on Tanya's gift. Graduation's not that far away. Turning my head I look over at the picture of pure sunshine and my day is brighter.
Maybe . . . just maybe . . .
- + - + - + - + - + -
All right, I know this was a slightly different angle from the first two but I'm trying to get back into the habit of writing, and overcome the Christmas inertia of extreme not posting. So I working in broad strokes, please forgive me. If anyone cares, yes I'm in the process of the next chapter of Conversations, but I'm rusty, so it's slow going.
Comments, criticism, and suggestions appreciated as always.
Thanks for reading,
Panache
Author's Note: These pieces all take place within the same universe (meaning if I mentioned it happening in one fic, you can assume it holds true throughout). However we're jumping timeline all over the place, so this piece occurs shortly after to possibly simultaneously with the last one. I'll jump timeline again in future parts.
The shovel is for cobalt b/c he seems to have a foundness for them, and I'm probably never going to write his favorite pairing. Rocky's turn.
- + - + - + - + - + -
A picture is worth a thousand words. Someday I'm going to hunt down the guy who started that saying and beat him to death with a shovel. Unless he's already dead . . . then I'll have to think of something else.
Don't get misunderstand me, it's an okay saying, but it's just so wrong. When all you've got is a picture, you'd give anything for a couple words. Hello. How are you? I'm fine. See, six words . . . ten times better than a picture.
Unfortunately, I'm stuck with just a photo, which is of course better than nothing. Better than forgetting how bright her smile was, how soft her skin looked, or the way she threw head back when she laughed. But a photo doesn't fill a horrible day with sunshine; it doesn't hug you and make all your pain go away, it doesn't tell childhood stories it promised never to share.
A photograph is a very poor substitute for Aisha Campbell in person.
Heck, everything is a poor substitute for Aisha, even food . . . even Adam.
I swear, I did not just mean that the way it sounded . . .
Those first few months after she left were awful. For the first time in a long time I felt completely alone. Everything was changing. Our powers, our colors, the line-up. Suddenly I was wearing a color that had been the signature of the smartest person I've ever met, and he's wandering around like he's in mourning. On top of that Aisha wasn't there to be the sunshine. I bet she could have made even Billy smile.
Maybe that's why I tried so hard, like I had to make up for Billy's loss and 'Sha being gone. Like if I just kept trying to constantly lighten the mood, eventually it would actually get lighter. And if I just kept trying to fill other peoples shoes I wouldn't have to find my own. I don't know.
I didn't even realize I was doing it until Adam told me to snap out of it. He didn't deserve the things I said in response. No one deserves what I said, least of all Adam . . . but things were pretty screwed up between us for a while. Not that we ever let it show around the others, or at least we tried not to.
Adam didn't understand at first. Of course I hadn't figured it out enough to explain it to him. Now I can sum it up in one word: Tanya.
Every time I looked at Tanya, I saw a poor substitute for Aisha, and every time Adam looked at her, well . . . lets just say poor was never a word Adam used to describe her.
All I knew was Aisha was gone, it felt like a whole chunk of me had gone with her, and Adam didn't seem to care one way or the other. How was I to know that he kept a whole shoebox full of pictures of the three of us? And how was I to know that he spent his first couple of dates with Tanya telling her all the old stories until she finally asked whether something had happened between him and 'Sha?
Oh right, I was supposed to talk to him . . .
But that was Aisha's thing. She would always wait until the three of us were together, and then turn and ask point blank what was up with you. Blunt compassion, the girl had it down. Leave me and Adam alone together and we'll spend hours practicing martial arts, playing video games, telling dumb jokes . . . and absolutely never talk about what's wrong. We can do it for months, until finally something happens and then well . . . usually something gets broken.
This time it was almost our friendship.
I don't even really know how it started. One minute we're patching each other up after a battle. Who knows which one, they all start to run together. The next minute he's suggesting in his quiet, superior, all-knowing way that maybe I should work at finding my own style rather than trying to copy Tommy's.
Looking back on it, my response of "I'll be sure to get right on that, Yoda" may not have been the most mature. Next thing I know we're yelling some really nasty things at each other.
You've got to understand . . . it takes a lot for Adam to yell. We're talking threaten his family, insult his honor, his friends . . . his girlfriend.
I bet you can guess which one I hit.
He blew up. He's up off the infirmary table, advancing on me with how I never gave her a chance, never even tried to get to know her, always undermined her confidence by talking about how great Aisha was. And that was when he crossed the line.
I wasn't even thinking by this point, just screaming at him how at least I still remember Aisha, at least I don't act like she was never here, and she could be dead for all he cares.
Insulting his loyalty to his friends. I didn't cross a line. I leaped a no man's land.
Do I think he doesn't care? He says good night to her every night in his prayers. He thinks about her in the English class they had together. He writes memories down in his diary because he's afraid that with the dual timeline he'll start to forget.
Could have fooled me.
"Well, you're the expert at that aren't you?" Adam and sarcasm takes me a moment to process, so I guess I looked pretty dumbfounded because he continued, "You're the genius at hiding all the important stuff from everyone, and going around like you could take it or leave it. You know, maybe if just once you had let on to Aisha how you really felt . . . she would have had a reason to stay!"
Shit.
I don't know how long we stood there staring at each other, trying to think of something else to say. Adam because he probably never meant to say what he just had. Me because my world had just done a one-eighty.
There really wasn't anything else to say. Finally, Adam murmured something about maybe we should cool off, and he'll call me later. With that he just turned and walked out of the infirmary.
A couple of times in Psychology, we talked about vivid memories and how there are moments that your brain will just take a snap shot of so you can remember every detail because something in you knows that this is *it*. Our teacher kept telling us about how there's no real solid research on it, but all of us didn't really care because we've had it happen.
It happened to me again, standing there, staring at the scattered instruments, and trying to figure out how I fell in love with Aisha Campbell and never noticed. I can remember everything from the smell of the antiseptic that we had knocked over, to the too white fluorescent lighting, to the disgruntled, long-suffering look on Billy's face when he came in and saw the mess we had left.
I must have looked as bad as the infirmary because he spun on his heal in this way that meant he was about to tear into me, but then he just stopped. Billy has a temper. Not a lot of people have ever seen it because he has a really long fuse, but when he finally reaches the flash point the only real option is to duck and cover. Adam thinks that's why he took to making little comments because it keeps him from reaching it as quickly.
Anyways it takes a lot to stop Billy once he's hit that point, like a Ranger emergency and not much else, but that day he did. He stared at me for a long moment, and then he walks over, glances down at my arm for about three seconds, and says, "Your body is going to need a lot of strength to heal that. Go home and get some rest. If you like, I'll tell Adam that you can't train with him tomorrow."
He's had me stay and help repair my Zord with worse.
I think I would rather have stayed and helped him clean up. Once I got home, all I had to do was think. Think about Aisha. Think about Adam. Think about what he said . . . which led to more thinking about Aisha.
Even after I patched up things with Adam enough that we could sort of go on, I kept having all these questions in my mind. How long had I felt this way? Did she feel the same? Was Adam right, and I could have kept her from leaving if I had just said something? That question brought this sick twisted feeling deep in my gut, like I'd missed an opportunity and I'd never get it back.
All my memories started to become missed opportunities. Every time I tickled her and we wound up on the floor was a chance to steal a kiss I didn't take. Every dance was a date I didn't ask her on, and every late night goodbye was an 'I love you' I never said. It just got worse, so I tried harder to keep everyone laughing because I wasn't.
You never realize what you had until its gone.
Great, my life is now sad enough that it can be summed up by clichés. Help!
This is bottom. Lying here, staring up at the ceiling, and knowing that my life is about to change all over again. That I'll never wear the uniform again, that I'm going to lose my friends, because no matter how hard they try to keep in touch it changes, and there's nothing anyone can do about it. Compared to me right now, Billy was a court-jester.
On top of that, my back hurts like crazy.
"Can I come in?" Tanya's standing in the door with her backpack slung over her shoulder. Moving the little bit that I can, I look around for Adam. "He's not with me."
"Oh." What else am I supposed to say?
Not waiting for me to answer her question, she sits down beside me. "Listen . . . I know you don't really like me all that much."
Nope I was wrong, this is bottom. I feel like scum, because the truth is I don't know her enough to like her or not like her. She was Aisha's replacement and that was enough for me . . . walls up.
"Tanya . . . I . . ."
Before I can even start to apologize, she just shakes her head and pulls something out of her bag. It's the photo I keep on my shelf with all my other photos so it doesn't look like it's special . . . but it is. It's the only photo I have of just her and me; Adam nowhere in sight. I'm carrying her piggyback, and she looks so happy. I get to imagine it's because of me.
"I thought you might like it with you in the hospital." I must be giving her a really puzzled look because she goes on. "Adam told me . . . what he said to you a few months ago about Aisha . . ."
Well, if I didn't like her before . . .
"I told him he was a jerk"
I certainly do now.
"He might be right though. I mean he was right about how I feel. Why not about 'Sha?"
"Rocky . . . shut up."
Okay, right then . . . I think she was channeling Aisha.
"Aisha left because the work with the animals was something only she could do. That she had to do. I don't know why, but we both felt it. She was doing something that I couldn't. It tore her up to leave all of you, especially you and Adam, but nothing you said or didn't say would have kept her from going."
"How do you know?" Okay, so it sounds a little bitter, but really she knew 'Sha for all of three weeks . . . and they were ten. Who makes life-altering decisions when you're ten?
"I don't know. I think it has something to do with the time stream and the parallel period, but I'm connected to Aisha somehow. There are things about her, and her feelings towards you all that I just know. I think that's why I fell so hard for Adam. I've got all of Aisha's positive feelings on top of my own."
"Adam?!?" She didn't just say Aisha has positive feelings for Adam, not Adam. If this visit was meant to cheer me up, it's failing.
"Hey, slow down. They're just as strong for you . . . I've got my own heart though. I'm not just an Aisha clone."
Was it my imagination or did she just manage to tell me off?
"Look . . . I came to give you this . . ."
I look down at the piece of paper, she's pressed into my hand. "Teleport coordinates?"
"For Aisha."
"But I thought they were lost when the Command Center was destroyed."
"Well, these aren't exact. They're as close as I've been able to get so far. I've been working with Zordon and Alpha, and when there's a little extra energy to spare we've been doing scans using my memories, but I'm fuzzy, the tribes have moved, and she's switched. But she should be in that area. I didn't want to tell you guys until I was at least sort of close . . . I didn't want to get you're hopes up."
Clutching hold of the paper, it's like a whole new world of possibilities has opened up, and all I can do is nod. With no Ranger duties I'm free to go. They'd never be able to spare the energy for visits, but surely just one teleport . . .
"Tanya? Does she have more positive feelings for me than Adam?"
"When she left . . . she definitely did. I don't know about now."
My hand tightens on Tanya's gift. Graduation's not that far away. Turning my head I look over at the picture of pure sunshine and my day is brighter.
Maybe . . . just maybe . . .
- + - + - + - + - + -
All right, I know this was a slightly different angle from the first two but I'm trying to get back into the habit of writing, and overcome the Christmas inertia of extreme not posting. So I working in broad strokes, please forgive me. If anyone cares, yes I'm in the process of the next chapter of Conversations, but I'm rusty, so it's slow going.
Comments, criticism, and suggestions appreciated as always.
Thanks for reading,
Panache