Hello! This is DarkAngel speaking. I haven't been able to get on Fanfiction for a long time. I had to get a new computer and a whole bunch of other crap. I only just got the lost episode posted and now I wrote another wonderfully ubber episode! Please enjoy. I also don't own Final Fantasy 9 which everyone in this entire world already knows.

"Hi! I'm your host Zidane with today's news! In hot news the world's largest cat saved twenty babies from a burning building. I'm here to find the scoop on how the cat saved the babies. (Giant cat walks on stage and sits itself down next to Zidane).

"Meow!"

"So what's your name?"

"Meow!"

"Well, obviously this isn't working. Dangnabit! I new I should've got that cat mind reader! (Zidane pulls out a paintball gun and aims it at the cat).

"Meow!" (Cat grabs the paintball gun and shoots Zidane in the ……)

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP! This is the alarm system…There will be no….

"Go to Hell!" said Zidane as he goes backstage and finds the alarm controls. Hmm…. So many buttons which is the right one… Dang alarm system! You piece of…. (Zidane pulls out a very lacy piece of material from his pocket that appears to be Garnet's underwear. He sees Quina backstage and runs up to her with the undergarment.

"Die! Nobody likes you anyways! said Zidane. Quina falls to the ground dead. Her tongue slaps one of the buttons on the alarm controls (alarm system is still on) and miraculously turns the alarm system off.

Zidane has happily satisfied his anger and goes back onstage. The hero cat… Or whatever… Appears to be gone.

"Today we have a Vivi with the weather.

"Um.. Hi!.. Today will be snowy with a 95 chance of Hell……… Hail! I mean hail! ARG! I'm not cut out for this!

"Well thanks for the weather Vivi. And now a word from our sponsor!

"Do you have pimples? Then you need Clearasil Ultra! It gets rid of pimples in just 365 days. Call 0-666-I-GOT-PIMPLES.

"Now let's take you to upcoming movies. The Harry Potter series is going to have a new movie from the book Harry Potter and the Prisoner in My Bed. Sounds like a very self-explanatory movie doesn't it! WOW! I have just received news that Osama Binladin is an anorexic gay! He and Sadam Insane are supposedly partners. Talk about sick. What else is new! In star news Nicole Richie has called off her wedding! OOOOOOoooh…. Shocker! (Who Cares?) Let's have another word form our sponsor.

"It's almost Christmas. You know what that means! Santa's coming. Buy a Santa catcher for -100 dollars, and show it off to your friends! Call 6969-699-I-WANT- AN-UBBER-SANTA-CATCHER.

"Wow! I want a Santa catcher! Today we have a very special guest cloud! (Cloud walks onstage) (Some random girl walks onstage in just a towel with words on it saying nothing comes between me and cloud!"

"I love you Cloud! The girl screamed as she runs off stage.

"I just can't keep them away." Said Cloud as he sat in a chair next to Zidane.

"So Cloud I saw your movie Advent Children. Did you enjoy making the movie?"

"Naturally, I was the star and I did enjoy making the movie."

"The only thing I didn't like about your movie was when some of the subtitles went off the screen and I couldn't understand everything.

"Yea, well, ask the people who made the subtitles.

"So how's your love life Cloud?"

(DarkAngel" I bet he's like an old hermit! JK… Jk…..)

"Well, mea and Tifa started going out and we're taking things slow.

"Sure, that's what they all say. (Zidane winks and cracks a devious smile) Well Cloud I'm afraid we're out of time. Thanks from coming on my gangster, loser, show! This is Zidane signing off!

DarkAngel: I hope you enjoyed my Utra- Ubber- Episode of Zidane's channel 19 news! Please send me reviews, Even if they're bad. Please help me try to improve my show.