Tidus and Banjo Man

15th April

This is the next Chapter to Tidus and his Banjo. Pretty mad Title, We know. Please read and review and tell us any ideas you have for the next chapter. Enjoy!

Prologue

Tidus was bored. He sat in front of the TV and daydreamed about his Banjo.

" Man...I'm sooooo bored!" Tidus shouted. No one listened. " I SAID I'M SOOOO BORED!"

" Watch a video then!" called Yuna. " put Bambi on or something."

" Bambi? That's for little kids."

" Exactly" muttered Lulu. Tidus just sat. And sat. And sat. He crossed his arms and pouted pulling an extremely sour face. ' Man...Rin seriously needs to update this place. He has no sense of style. I mean blue walls? What you need is Pink! Pink is great, I mean that doesn't imply I'm a pansy at all, but pink's fantastic!' thought Tidus with a smile.

" Auron, what film do you recommend baby bubblehead to watch?" asked Yuna to Auron who was concentrating getting his baked beans neatly on his chopsticks.

" Eh? Oh, Batman, Batman's a good film!" said Auron looking at Yuna with utmost disgust on his face.

" Sir Auron? Have I said something wrong?"

" Yes you have! Baked bean number 17 won't line up right on the left-hand chopstick about 2.349 cm from the end. That's YOUR fault, you spoke to me!"

" Do you have to be so precise?" asked Wakka.

" Yes! I'm officially an old geezer now. Batman's a good film, put that on."

So Tidus put Batman on. And watched. It gave him ideas...

Chapter 2

It was morning. And Tidus was still on the sofa in front of the TV, he hadn't moved from the night before. Tidus had stayed up all night watching all the Batman films.

" Rikku! Get your skinny little ass out of that bed! It's morning!" called Lulu.

" Rikku had late night. Rikku beat Wakka in 'arm flops'" giggled Kimahri whose fur was matted and his tail was knotted. He'd been in Catty Scraps. " Tidus watched Batman. Tidus ill."

" I'm...not...ill..." Tidus breathed. " Ban...jo...man..." and with that Tidus scampered to his room and wasn't seen for another half-hour.

" Banjo Man, saving lives of citizens!" It was Tidus. He skidded into the kitchen with a towel round his neck as his cape. He was wearing Wakka's spare clothes ( you know the yellow trousers and sandals ? ) with Lulu's knickers on the outside. He had tied his Banjo to his forehead with string and was wearing Auron's glasses with the lenses popped out ( Auron wasn't too happy, he says " Damn you boy! I can't see without those spectacles! HAND THEM OVER!") " I am Banjo Man!" he cried. " I am here to save citizens!"

" Yes, you've told us that." Said Yuna. None of them looked round. " And what exactly does Banjo Man do?"

" BANJO MAN! SAVES THE LIVES OF CITIZENS!" Tidus yelled.

And that was that, Tidus had left the name Tidus in the dust, he was now Banjo Man.

Thunder Plains : North

" Does any one feel as though we shoulda left him in Luca?" whispered Wakka to Lulu. " Blast Sir Auron for insistin' we bring him!"

" He needs emotional support, should we sell him to the mental home?"

" I don't think he needs sellin' to 'em...I think it'll be US paying them to take him of our hands"

Wakka sneaked a glance at Tidus. He was trying to fly.

" BANJO MAN! SAVING THE LIFE OF THAT FIEND!" Tidus could be heard trying to save an Evil Eye from the top of the lightning rod. " damn it, I thought Auron's glasses would let me fly..." Tidus was standing at a slant with his arms out in front of him. Unfortunately, Banjo Man had left the agency in ' Uniform'.

" He needs a slap" hissed Yuna as she glanced a Tidus readjusting Lulu's knickers.

" God how does she wear these? A bit tight round my-"

" Oh, nuts! Those are my knickers! Tidus!" cried Lulu.

Everyone giggled.

By the time the gang had reached the other end of the Thunder Plains, Tidus had tried to fly by tapping Auron's glasses, tried to activate a gravity defying force field by slapping Wakka's sandals on the ground and attempted to unleash an almighty Hyper Mega Ultimate Aurora Beam by stretching the elastic string holding his towel on, to choke himself. Pretty unsuccessful, I know.

Macalania

" Tidus-"

" Banjo Man!"

" BANJO MAN THEN! This has GOT to stop! How many times have you actually saved something?"

"1,2,3,4,5,6...7...8...none... I haven't saved anything yet..." he replied to Yuna's question. " But banjo man will find -"

" SHUT...UP!" yelled Auron. " stop this foolish nonsense NOW!"

" you watch...all of you! I'll save all of you're lives one day...and you'll be grateful...you mark my words. I'm leaving you forever!"

4 days later

The gang did not move that day when Tidus left them. They stayed where they were for half a week. They knew that Tidus would return to them.

" Um...Sorry, can I join again?" whispered Tidus from behind.

" Yeah so much for leaving us forever..." hissed Wakka.

" Yeah we knew you wouldn't last a week! Ya know?"

" Shut it Rikku."

" Banjo Man is always successful! I saved a ladybird from certain death" boasted a cold, shivering Tidus.

Everyone gave a sarcastic ' oooooooooo'

" Ah ha! I'm about to save this flea in Kimahri's fur," said Banjo Man with an overexaggerated jump.

" Kimahri not have fleas..." he groaned scratching himself frantically " It is only a...a..."

" Flea? I will save you from Kimahri's bad breath! Have no fear! B Man is here!

" B Man?"

" Er...Banjo Man didn't fit, so I shortened it." Said Tidus as he plucked Kimahri in search of the flea.

Luxembourg Hienen Scriebet

" Banjo Man is a thrrrreat. Ve must destrrroy him!" ordered a giant caped Gecko called Mikka Becko

" Yesss obliterrrate him! He-vill-no-longer-exsssisssst!"

" Wha? Oh yeah, My diet starrts tomorrrrow!"

" No you morrron, Tidus endsss tomorrrow!"

The secret organization of evil mastermind humanoid Gecko's was yet again plotting the end of Tidus. (Long story, won't go there...well maybe in another chapter...perhaps...Muhahahaha!...sorry...) anyway, they wanted the Banjo back.

" In order to commemorate this meeting, Ve do the secret Gecko Noise!" announced Mikka Becko.

The entire clan of Humanoid Gecko's began a dance with their feet crawling up and invisible wall, making an odd sucking noise. " Shlup shlup shlup" with every 3 'shlups' they stuck their tongues out 3 times and repeated it. (Odd I know).

Back at Macalania

" I HAVE COME TO A REALIZATION!" Tidus announced while dancing on a rock, " THAT BANJO MAN IS FOR SAD WANNABE'S! THEREFOR, FROM THIS DAY HENCEFORTH, I SHALL NO LONGER BE KNOWN AS BANJO MAN!" Everyone cheered " HOLD UP! I SHALL BE RECOGNISED UNDER THE NAME OF MEGA BANJO MAN!" Everyone groaned. " MEGA BANJO MAN AND HIS SIDE-KICK, THE INCREDIBLE, ( from the crowd – oooooh!) INDESTUCTABLE ( OOOOOOH!) UNBELIEVABLY HOT (men from the audience – OOOOOOOH! ) SUMMONER BANJO WOMAN!" with that, Yuna walked onto the rock in her FFX-2 outfit. ' How did I get dragged into this?' she thought

After the night's events, Yuna was depressed.

" Hey, wassup?" whispered Tidus in her ear. " Why are you depressed? Banjo Woman is SOOOOOOOO cool! I like her out fit any way, I can see you're knickers hehehehehe! Well, at least they aren't Granny Pants."

" I hate you, with this stupid BANJO business."

" What's to hate?"

" It's pathetic!"

"Wanna kiss and make up?"

"Wanna slap?"

" Hey easy, feisty fox!"

" I-mean-it"

" Well if you're gonna slap me, slap me on the ass please, your hands are warm when you are hungry for love..." said Tidus putting his hands on Yuna's hips.

" GET LOST!" and with that, Yuna put chewing Gum in his hair

" AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! THE ULTIMATE TORTURE! YOU WRECKRD MY BLEACH BLONDE HAIR STYLE!"

" If you were male Tidus, I'd have kicked you in the soft spot. So thank Yevon you are a pansy."

The next day

Tidus was back to normal.

" Who's up for the Banjo Song? Heeeeeeeeeeere we go! BANJO!BANJO! diddle diddlediddlediddle diddle diddlediddlediddle. BANJO!BANJO!"

well...almost...

The Humanoid Gecko's will seek revenge...

To be continued...

MORAL : Now kids what does this tell you...

Don't be, who you want to be, either be you, or be a Humanoid Gecko,( they get all the destructive fun!). You'll either get your hair wrecked, or if you're a boy, you'll get you're nuts kicked in.

Hoped you liked it, Just so ya know, We've made up the whole Gecko thing, so don't worry if you think you've missed something in the game! yeah, sorry about the delays on the stories, the computer wouldn't get it's fat robotic-chip ass out of the " access denyed " system. so basically we couldn't log in. I don't know WHY you lot needed to know this, but for any fans out there, that's the reason we havn't written any stories for a while!

Please review and tell us what you think xxx Nyviay and Cyraxis

Cyraxis, I'm REALLY sorry, I know that YOU wanted to do the second Chapter, I did try to contact you on Friday, but you weren't in, so I thought I'd give you a bit longer to think. SORRY again! Don't get too mad!