" Watch it, I have Banjo Powers!"
22nd May
Back to TidusTidus was pondering. Where the hell did that ladybird go? Banjo man had failed a mission to save the bug from a suicide attempt. He looked around and saw a locust.
" Banjo Man shall save the locust Prime Minister!" he shouted and skipped off to save the locust from hitting a tree.
An unusually loud rustling behind him distracted Tidus.
" Who's there? I'm warning you! I have Banjo Powers!" he said readjusting Lulu's knickers. " I'm not afraid to use them!"
" I am your ally, not your enemy Banjo Man." Hissed a slimy kind of voice. " Do you like cottage pie?"
" I shall reveal nothing! For great Banjo Man has-" he was cut short by the voice again.
" I do not need to know vhat you just did, I must know if you like cottage pie."
" No, I don't like cottage pie..."
" Damn, vell, do you like spring rolls?" the voice began to get a bit frustrated
" I shall reveal nothing! For great Banjo Man has-"
" Shut up! All I vant to know is vether you like spring rolls or not!"
" Hell no! Spring rolls are for-"
" Hmmm...vell...do you like cocktails?"
" I shall reveal nothing! For great Banjo Man has-"
" DO YOU LIKE COCKTAILS!"
" what the hell are they?"
" never mind, I assume you like them.."
" I like cocktails? Can I have one?"
" no this is part of my evil persuasion plan, get lost." It said quickly " could you serve me up some evil with a dash of death? Slashed not strangled..."
" absolutely! That'll be 15.59 please, anything else?" replied Tidus in a barmaid-ish way
" damn" the voice whispered as it came from behind a tree, into the clearing where Tidus was pretending to make a cocktail " this is not going as I planned, the chosen one should obey me, not play foolish games!"
" there you go handsome, what time are you planning on leaving here tonight...OH MY GOD!" screamed Tidus at the sight of Mikka Becko the Humanoid Gecko. " hello, have we met?"
" stupid boy. Could you not guess from my evil metaphor, that I need you to kill?"
Tidus could not stop staring at the lizard before him, tall, green and wearing a black cape.
" hey...are you a super hero?"
' perfect' thought Mikka Becko " I am, we have a villain on our hands"
" I do! Get off, get off! Out damned evil...out I say...will these hands ever be clean?"
" vhy do I bother? Banjo Man, I have a proposition for you-"
" why, I didn't know you felt that way about me! I'm flattered! I accept!"
" I knew this vas a bad idea, anyway, I need you to exterminate Ermalily Weasel."
" come again?" asked Tidus stupidly ( as he does ) " I don't remember anything...I got to close to Sins Toxin...my heads all foggy like..."
" yes but that was ages ago, I vant you to exterminate Ermalily Weasel!
" you're on! I'll have it done in a day!"
Tidus wished he had kept his mouth shut, who the hell was this Ermalily? And where was she?
Back to the matter at hand" I shall help you on destroying Mikka Becko, but only the chosen one can stop him coming back!" explained Ermalily " Banjo Man, it is no coincidence he became what he became-"
" yeah a total moron" whispered Wakka
" shefoshnitagdernferestiatishaz! I heard that!" Ermalily shouted
" shefiti what?" asked Lulu
" err...yeah, my real name is shefoshnitagdernferestiatishaz."
" who? I didn't catch that?" said Lulu edging further and further away from the man she was going to marry in the future. " say it slowly...please"
" Okay, shefo-shnit-tag-dern-feresti-ati-shaz, just call me Wakka." He smiled
" anyway, I shall be on my way...hagastri!" announced the Weasel Queen.
Suddenly thousands of giant Ninja Weasels dressed in gi's came swiftly flooding through the doors. Katanas in their hand and Shuriken in their belts they looked extremely terrifying. Kimahri squeaked.
"HAGASTRI! Hagastri!" cried Ermaliliy as the Ninja Weasels settled down " we prepare for the extermination of Mikka Becko!"
The Ninja's were silent.
They left, avoiding curious looks from other leprechauns. Through the trees, sights of striped animals could be seen ripping at dead animals.
" we must call upon the Fumbles!" ( inhabitants were forbidden to say the word " Fimbles" as the creatures would come and slash them. " Fimbles" are actually characters from a British children's program that look like elephants. The walk on two feet and have no trunk. ' they lure children in by day, and eat them by night') " Fumbles have incredible destructive power when called upon correctly" explained Ermalily. She shuddered as she looked across at the carnivorous beasts in the woods.
As they came to the main entrance, many leprechauns were crowded round a giant cage. As the gang walked closer the saw a small Fimble, it was pink and green. It began to whine.
" not bad, not bad!" it cried " baby Pom not bad Fimble!"
Ermalily explained that even though this was cute, it was even more deadly than the rest. This was what they would call a SCCCF a Special Case Carnivorous Cannibal Fimble. Dangerous.
Baby Pom would be one of the keys to defeating Mikka Becko.
The Extermination plan
" Banjo! BANJO! Diddlediddlediddlediddlediddle Banjo! BANJO! Diddlediddlediddlediddlediddle!" sang Tidus as he skipped merrily through the woods " lalalalalalalala, POP GOES THE WEASEL!"
Mikka Becko had run off, doing what Geckos do best. Sticking and shlurping. As he stuck upside down on the tree trunk he rolled his eyes at Tidus's singing echoing through the woods.
" Mikka Becko, Mikka Becko, he was bad, he was bad, climbing down the tree trunks, climbing down the tree trunks, with sticky pads, with sticky pads." ' God' Tidus thought, ' these knickers are hell to wear! They're coming off!' so Tidus stood in the middle of empty space, sunlight beaming down on him. He took off the knickers and replaced them with a dead squirrel. " Good!" he said and carried on skipping.
A while later, Tidus was in the middle of his favorite song (to the tune of " I'm a little teapot" ..." I'm a little summoner, weak and small, I'm so pathetic cuz I'm 4 foot tall. When I come to face Sin, I know that, he'll throw me up and squash me flat!") He bumped into something humanoid and furry.
He looked up to see a giant rat, surrounded by thousands of giant rats in black rags.
" Hello rat, do you know any weasels?" he asked politely " see I'm looking for one to destroy, but if I can't find Edgar Weasel, a rat will have to do..." he saw the rat looking annoyed.
" Edgar? Edgar weasel? Never heard of him, but I'm Ermalily..." said the rat
" Ermalily...Ermalily...have I heard of that name before?...nope!" he muttered to himself
" Ermalily weasel.. Excuse me, but do you know a man called Tidus? AKA Banjo man?"
" Tidus...Tidus...have I heard of that name before?...nope! Sorry I couldn't help you, mind you only a moron would be called something like Tidus!" Ermalily was not amused.
So Tidus walked on, singing " pop goes the weasel" constantly.
Again Tidus bumped into som thing. It was humanoid and furry. So he looked up, expecting to see the giant rat again. It wasn't, it was Wakka's chest.
" Hello, you look familiar...are you that caterpillar I found underneath my toenail last week? Or are you that hairball I found up my nose? Or even, are you that Leprechaun that I found under my pillow?"
" You could say that...Tidus..." said Wakka uncomfortably " we need Ermalily! Have you seen her?"
" No. I've seen Edgar the giant rat though!"
" We don't need Edgar, we need Ermailiy!" shouted Lulu as she crept up behind Wakka. The rest of the gang followed her.
" hello! You look familiar-"
" Oh shut the hell up!" screamed Yuna " we need to find Ermalily! We lost her when a giant Fumble attacked us!"
" Fumble? Don't you mean Fimble?" said Tidus
About 500 metres away, Baby Pom (the SCCCF) pricked up her ears. She thrashed at her cage, ignoring the cries of the helpless Leprechauns whizzing around her. One final thrash and the cage broke, unleashing the destructive power of the Fimble...
Tidus could hear an earsplitting cry. " Heh, those wild cats are mating again-"
" That's no mating cat... THAT'S A FIMBLE!" cried Wakka, as he ran stupidly in circles.
" Hey I realize where this is going! You really want to cover up the fact that you're the caterpillar I found cowering in my toenail!" said Tidus calmly
" No way! This is an emergency! You get your ass outa here ya!" said Wakka.
" Oh like the type of emergency when you were scared you were going to start accidentally loving women instead of men?" asked Tidus displaying a huge cheeky grim spread from ear to ear.
" Quit...lying...that's not...true" Wakka fibbed.
Suddenly a giant creature emerged from the trees; it grabbed a nearby deer, grazing peacefully and shredded it with its claws.
" Have no fear!" cried Tidus, the dead squirrel hanging limply around his waist. " I have BANJO POWERS!"
HA! We will write another chapter when we can come up with some more crazy ideas. Hoped you liked it. Please review! From Nyviay.